Heaven Is a Long Way Off (25 page)

At last he came to Gray Hawk and Needle. Gray Hawk stood rigid, his face fixed. Needle held her blanket wrapped over her head against the morning chill.

He looked into their eyes, wanting to be sure he didn't miss anything. Gray Hawk's were dark, impenetrable. Needle's…he wasn't sure. Perhaps he saw a hint of warmth there.

He held Esperanza out at arm's length. “I love you,” he said. “What I'm about to do, it hurts, but it's for you.”

He held her now to Needle. “This is your granddaughter,” he said, “Esperanza. I am alone, and a child needs a mother. I give her to her uncle Flat Dog, to her aunt Julia, to you, her grandparents, and to all the people of this village to raise in a good way.”

Needle took the child and clutched her close.

Esperanza turned in her arms. “Papa?” she said and reached toward Sam.

He quelled the pain and turned away.

Sam and Hannibal walked the rest of the way around the circle. Sam looked at the faces. When he got back to his blankets and to Tomás, he said, “Now we can go.”

T
HEY RODE TOWARD
the Yellowstone country. Hannibal had heard about the hot springs and wanted to sit in them. Beckwourth told wild stories about how there were devils just barely under the ground, and they made it tremble, and shot geysers of boiling water into the air. Tomás looked around wild-eyed, uncertain what to believe.

“You'll see the geysers in a few days,” Sam told him. “They're crazy, but fun.”

They reached the first of the hot springs that very afternoon. “Colter's hell,” Beckwourth called it. They sank themselves into the hot water and munched on jerked meat Julia had sent with them. They lounged. They lolled. The water felt very, very good.

“What are you thinking?” Tomás asked Sam. They could see what he meant was,
You won, why aren't you jumping up and down?

“About Esperanza,” Sam told him softly.

Tomás took that in. Then he gave Sam a fine smile. The boy had been beaming all day. “It's all right, Dad,” he said. “One day we'll go back and get her.”

Dennis Copeland, archivist of the Monterey Public Library, provided materials. New Mexico historian Stan Hordes saved me from errors. Three books about Nuevo Mexico were invaluable: Marc Simmons's
Coronado's Land,
L. R. Bailey's
Indian Slave Trade in the Southwest,
and Paul Horgan's
The Centuries of Santa Fe
.

I couldn't write without the help of friends and family. Heidi Schulman helped me along. Eric Stone guided me to an 1820s map of the Los Angeles area. Lana Latham was my point woman for inter-library loan. Jan Blevins helped me with the French language. Dick James was my particular advisor about mountain men. As always, Dale Walker, Richard Wheeler, and Clyde Hall were my companions and consultants on the journey. My wife, Meredith, my agent, Nat Sobel, and Dale Walker read the manuscript and steered me toward the truth. I am grateful to all of them.