Heaven's Fire (44 page)

Rainulf never moved, except to pat his sister’s hand when she clutched at him. She tried to control her trembling and the pounding of her heart, but in truth she dreaded that the boat would split open and sink. Of all the ways to die, drowning—struggling for air, waiting for your lungs to fill with water—was surely the most horrible. Death by water was her special nightmare, the one that would not go away. She felt a cold sweat trickle down her sides, and she squeezed Loki harder, causing him to spring from her with a growl of indignation.

The sailors shouted constantly to one another, and the puppies whined pitifully, but these sounds were nearly swallowed up by the din of thunder, waves, and rain. From time to time she heard sounds that made her stomach tighten and her throat constrict—the sickening snap of wood shearing, the crash of something falling, the rumble of a loose barrel rolling and bouncing across the deck.

Finally, toward late afternoon, the rain lessened, the boat settled into a gentle roll, and a hazy half-light filled the cabin. Rainulf stretched, rose, and, bowing deeply so as not to hit his head, gazed through the porthole. Martine studied his aristocratic profile as he calmly examined the sea that had come close to swallowing them up.

At four and thirty years of age, he was uncommonly handsome, with his short flaxen hair and gentle hazel eyes, and Martine knew that women were drawn to him despite, or even because of, his vocation. She knew that he had enjoyed the company of many women before taking up the cross for God and Louis a dozen years before. Upon returning from Crusade, he took his vows, and, to her knowledge, he had been celibate ever since, although he must have been tempted. He was chaste, he was wise, and he was compassionate. Everyone thought him the perfect man of God. Only Martine knew how heavy the burden of his priesthood had become.

Still staring through the porthole, he said, “‘Twas most unwise to threaten to silence Gyrth’s tongue. I’ve seen a simpleminded old woman whipped unmercifully for cursing her neighbor’s crops.”

“So you’ve told me many times. If I take a solemn oath never to curse anyone’s crops, will you stop lecturing me?”

He turned his serious eyes on her and straightened until his head touched the low ceiling. “There are many ways to make people hate you, Martine, not all of them self-evident. There are punishments more horrible than you can imagine for ‘crimes’ you would never think of as crimes. Take Master Abelard, for example. The greatest man I’ve ever known. For the ‘crime’ of loving Héloïse, he was punished with castration. Then, years later, when he returned to teaching, there was the ‘crime’ of applying logic to the study of theology—a crime which, incidentally, I practice myself, but with discretion. For that crime, he was not only excommunicated, but sentenced to perpetual silence at Cluny. The most brilliant man in the known world not permitted to speak! Indiscretion is dangerous, Martine. You must learn to watch what you say.”

“Yet, if I keep silent, I’m seen as aloof and haughty.”

 “It’s... the
way
you keep silent, Martine. You’re so... so...”

“Would you have me meekly hold my tongue, with downcast eyes and a blush upon my cheek? ‘Twas my mother’s way. ‘Twill never be mine.”

He began to say something, then merely shook his head and abandoned the attempt at reprimand. With a glance at her drab tunic, he said, “Sir Edmond will probably be there to greet us when we dock tomorrow. Mayhaps you would want to wear something more...” He shrugged.

Her stomach burned with apprehension at the thought of meeting her betrothed. Nerves frayed, she snapped, “Why should I care about pleasing a man I’ve never met? I didn’t choose Sir Edmond. You did, you and Thorne Falconer. And I didn’t choose to get married. You chose it for me. Make no mistake, the only reason I agreed to this marriage was because you want to be free of me.”

He crouched next to her, compelling her with his eyes to look at him. “It’s not what I want, little sister, it’s what I need. I need to regain my faith, and I can’t do it in Paris, surrounded by students who hang on my every word as if it were Holy Scripture. I need this pilgrimage. My soul needs it.”

She took a calming breath and rested a hand on his shoulder. “They say you’re the best-loved teacher Paris has seen since Abelard. They’re begging for you at Oxford. Do you think God wants you to waste your gifts by leaving your students and prostrating yourself at every shrine between Compostela and Jerusalem?”

“Yes.” The intensity of his gaze took her aback. “I think God wants me to humble myself. I think that’s exactly what He wants.”

She sighed. How pointless to try to talk him out of it at this late date. “And you’ll only be gone a year?”

He covered her hand with his. “Perhaps two.”

“Two years?”

“And when I come back, I’ll be teaching at Oxford, not Paris, so we’ll see each other quite—”

“Rainulf, I need you! You can’t leave me for two years!”

“You’ll have a husband to care for you. You won’t be alone.” He patted her hand and said carefully, “You know, it’s not impossible that you might even grow to love—”

She clapped her hands over her ears and turned from him.

“Martine, for God’s sake.” He reached for her, but she pulled away and wrapped her arms around her up-drawn legs.

He shook his head. “You act as if love were some dreadful curse.”

With her back still turned, she said, “Isn’t it? Look what it did to my mother. It made her weak, it destroyed her. She worshiped Jourdain.
Worshiped
him! She thought he’d marry her when your mother died, and he let her believe it. But barons don’t marry their mistresses, do they?”

Quietly he said, “No. They don’t.”

“She didn’t know that. She trusted in love. She was a fool.” Martine turned to face her brother. “I’m not. Marriage might be inevitable, but love is a trap I’ll never fall into.”

“It doesn’t have to be a trap, Sister. Love can free the soul, it can liberate—”

She laughed harshly. “Free the soul? Jourdain
owned
my mother’s soul. When he married his thirteen-year-old heiress and abandoned Mama, he took her soul with him. Mama had nothing left after Jourdain was through with her. He’d used her up. She was empty.”

Her throat tightened, and she trembled. She closed her eyes and rubbed them, and an image came unbidden, as it often did, both awake and in her dreams: a luxurious gown of apple green silk, shot through with gold threads and adorned with thousands of tiny beads, floating on the breeze-riffled surface of a lake. The gown her mama had sewn for the wedding that never came, the gown in which she had finally surrendered, in despair, to a watery death. The pain this vision brought had gained strength with the passage of time, until it felt worse than desolation, worse than grief; it had become a live thing, a dark and heavy thing that rose from her belly to her throat, squeezing her from within.

When she opened her eyes, she found her brother staring at her, his expression sad and a little helpless. She took a deep, shaky breath and swept the image from her thoughts. Struggling to smile, she said, “I’ve heard tell there’s no summer in England, and it must be true, because the closer I get, the colder—” Her voice caught, and she bit her lip, willing herself not to cry.

Rainulf moved closer, put his arm around her, and patted her gently. Did he really know her? Did he have any idea how much she feared this marriage, how much courage it took to go through with it for his sake? He whispered something, and she turned toward him so she could hear.

“I know. I know, Martine. I do.”

*   *   *

A fanfare of trumpets from the quarterdeck announced that they were docking. Martine rose to peer out of the porthole and Rainulf followed her. The rain, which had fallen steadily since the storm, had almost let up. She could make out a multitude of other vessels jostling one another in the dreary mist enveloping Bulverhythe Harbor, the harbor for Hastings.

“Remember, Martine,” Rainulf cautioned. “If anyone at Harford Castle questions you about your family or your parents or your relation to the queen—”

“I’m to keep my counsel,” she impatiently recited. It was to hide her illegitimacy that Rainulf had sought her a husband so far from the place of her birth. Godfrey of Harford had been so excited at the prospect of uniting his second son with a relation of the queen that he hadn’t bothered to ask questions. No one at Harford knew that she was but a bastard cousin to Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was formerly queen of France, and now, having divorced Louis and married Henry Plantagenet, was queen of England. Even Sir Thorne, who had arranged the betrothal contract, knew only that Martine was the half-sister of his old friend and fellow Crusade veteran; Rainulf had never volunteered the circumstances of her birth.

“Mind that you do keep your counsel,” Rainulf said. “So far I haven’t had to lie outright, because it’s simply assumed you’re legitimate. We’ve been lucky. So far. But if Lord Godfrey were to find out the truth, there would be no question of a marriage. Your reputation would be ruined, as would mine, and quite possibly Thorne’s.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I know what’s at stake.”

She returned her attention to the harbor. They were gliding toward an empty dock with one small figure on the pier, a boy. She heard him call out “Sir! The
Lady’s Slipper
! She’s here! Sir!” and watched as he ran away from them up the pier, disappearing into the fog.

Presently a larger figure emerged—a man wearing a black cloak, its hood raised against the rain—and walked toward the end of the pier.

She could feel her heart drum in her chest. All she knew about Edmond was what Sir Thorne had chosen to communicate—that he was the younger of two sons and had been knighted by his father several months before, that he would be coming into his manor upon his marriage, that he was comely, and that he hunted. Sir Thorne had gone on for some length about the hunting, but had mentioned no sports or other pastimes of Edmond’s.

“People don’t just
hunt
,” she said.

Rainulf stared intently at the hooded man. “Hmm?”

“He’s got to do something else. Doesn’t he?”

“I suppose so,” he replied distractedly.

The cloaked man stopped a few yards from the end of the pier and stood waiting in the somber drizzle while men scrambled down from the boat to tie her up. He was tall, nearly a head taller than the sailors bustling around him. She couldn’t make out his features because of the hood, but she could see that he was clean-shaven. The black cloak fell straight from his square shoulders, and his chausses and shoes were also black.

“Is that him?” Martine asked, feeling foolish even as she uttered the words, since Rainulf had no more idea than she what Edmond looked like.

“That’s him,” Rainulf said. Martine took a deep breath.

From behind them, someone cleared his throat. They turned to see Gyrth, scratching his boils and looking at the floor. “Begging your pardon, Father, but... I was wondering, if you’ve got the payment handy...?”

“Of course. Eighteen shillings, wasn’t it?” Rainulf withdrew his purse, and Gyrth stared at it greedily, actually running his tongue over his lips in anticipation of the coins within.

Martine pinned her mantle over her head, picked up her brass lockbox and Loki’s basket, then followed the men out of the cabin. The rain had stopped at last, but a cold, gray mist still enveloped the harbor. While Rainulf paid Gyrth, Martine stood half-hidden behind a strut to steal a glimpse of Sir Edmond.

He was looking up, at the clouds. As she watched him, a strange thing happened. His face became gradually suffused with golden light, until it shone like a beacon in the mist. Transfixed, she followed his gaze upward to find that the clouds had parted, framing the sun in a circle of dazzling blue. It was the sun’s warm rays that had transformed him so magically. There was always a logical explanation, she reminded herself. And yet the temptation to believe in good omens was strong upon her in that moment.

He pushed back his hood as he lowered his head. His hair fell to his shoulders, and looked to be the color of brandy—brown with some gold in it, as if he spent a great deal of time outdoors. To her alarm, he looked directly at her, and she saw that his eyes had stolen the radiant blue of the widening patch of sky above him.

His face had been carved of such noble planes that it might have been that of some young emperor on an ancient coin. It seemed clear from his expression of recognition and pleasure that he knew who she was. Rainulf had undoubtedly written an accurate description.

He seemed to look not just at her, but into her, his bright, penetrating eyes locking with hers and peering deep inside, to where her most secret hopes and fears lay curled up, waiting. It was as if she were transparent, her very soul lying naked for his inspection. She felt she should look away, that it was impudent to hold the gaze of a stranger in this manner. But then, this man was not a stranger in the true sense. He was her betrothed. In less than two months, he would be holding her in his arms. What harm could there be in merely looking at the man she would spend the rest of her life with? For the first time ever, she felt not fear at the prospect of marriage, but anticipation.

It is this man who will speak vows with me, this man who will bring me to his bed, this man who will sire my babes.

Now he smiled at her, a welcoming smile that lit his eyes and etched deeply creased dimples. Without willing it so, she returned the smile, then dropped her gaze and looked away. The flirtatiousness of the gesture embarrassed her, yet her actions seemed beyond her power to dictate.