Heaven's Queen (48 page)

I didn’t even have the energy left to be mad at Caldswell. Instead, I leaned on Rupert’s bed and caught the captain’s eye, waving them over without ceremony as I asked, “What’s going on?”

How is he alive?
was what I really wanted to know, but I couldn’t get that one out just yet, so I settled for something broader.

Caldswell blew out a long breath and jerked his head toward the door. Hyrek took his cue and left at once, locking the room behind him. When the captain and I were alone, he sat down in the chair in the corner with a sigh. “Luck,” he said tiredly. “When that phantom or Maat or whatever grabbed my gun to save you, it bent the barrel. So, when I went to shoot to prevent your escape, my aim was off.”

“So why is he like this?” I said, nodding down at Rupert’s still body.

Caldswell arched a thick eyebrow. “I said my aim was ‘off,’ not ‘gone.’ I still hit him in the head, just not as cleanly as I’d meant. He sustained a massive brain injury, which is why Hyrek’s keeping him in a coma. We’re waiting to see if he’ll regenerate.”

Panic sent my heart racing as a cold sweat broke out all over my body. “Will he regenerate?”

“We’re not sure,” Caldswell said. “Hyrek says he’s never seen a symbiont this badly damaged who wasn’t dead. But he’s doing well so far, and if anyone could pull this off, it’s Charkov. He never was one to give up.”

I let out a shaky breath. He’d make it, I decided. He had to. I wouldn’t let him die again.

Even though I had no actual way of enforcing that decision, just thinking it made me feel much better, and I settled a little more comfortably onto Rupert’s bed, trying not to get too much blood on things as I cradled his warm hand in my lap.

“I’m sure you hate me right now.”

Caldswell’s voice caught me by surprise, and I looked up to see him staring like he expected me to disabuse him of this. When I didn’t, he continued. “It seems I owe you an apology, Morris.”

“You owe me a lot more than that,” I said with a snort, lifting my eyes to the phantoms that were still flowing by. “I was right, wasn’t I? We opened the door and now the phantoms are leaving, just like I said.”

“So they tell me,” Caldswell replied. “For the record, I am not apologizing for what I did on the Dark Star. Just because your gamble paid off doesn’t mean you had any right to make it. You bet the future of all humanity on the word of a space monster who couldn’t even speak, and I was completely in the right for trying to stop you.”

“Except for the part where you were wrong,” I reminded him. “So what are you apologizing for, then?”

Caldswell lowered his gaze, and for a moment, I would have sworn he looked ashamed. “I’m sorry I tried to keep you and Charkov apart,” he said at last. “A great deal of suffering could have been avoided if we’d told you the truth right from the beginning and set out to work with both of your feelings rather than against them. It’s been a long time since I was in love and I’d forgotten what an idiot it makes you.”

That was hardly an apology, but seeing as this was Caldswell, it was probably as good as I was ever going to get. “What about Maat’s daughters?” I asked. “What’s being done for them? Are they still…”

“Alive?” Caldswell finished. “Oh yes, very. When you took Maat into hyperspace, her control over them vanished. Some, mostly the older ones, became unstable, but the majority were able to recover once Maat’s madness was removed from their shared consciousness.” He shot me a curious look. “They’ve been asking about you.”

I couldn’t help a smug grin at that one. “Still think I was greedy and prideful for trying to have it all?”

“Incredibly,” he said. “If I wasn’t so happy about how it all worked out, I would be furious.”

“So what happens to me now?” I asked. “Am I going to prison or what?”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Caldswell confessed. “We haven’t actually drawn up a list of all the laws you broke during your time on the lam or your escape from and subsequent near destruction of one of the most expensive military installations in the Republic, but when we do, it’ll be as long as my arm. That said, you also saved us from the phantoms, ended the abusive daughter system, and gave us a shield against a lelgis retaliation.”

I frowned. “Shield?”

“I don’t actually understand that part myself,” Caldswell said. “But it seems they don’t like the door you opened up, and if I understood Dr. Starchild’s rather oblique report correctly, they have fled to the farthest reaches of the universe to avoid it.”

Served them right, I thought bitterly. The lelgis were cowards; of course they’d run. I just hoped they stayed away.

“Needless to say,” Caldswell went on, “these mitigating factors confuse the issue of your future. Technically, since you were signed over to the Eyes, I get to decide, at least until they appoint someone to replace Martin, but I’ve excused myself on the grounds of personal bias and referred your case up the chain of command.”

I shot him a level glare. “Bias for or against?”

Caldswell just smiled. “A little of both. But since no one expected you to come back so soon, or at all, we don’t have a decision for you yet. I’ll get on the horn about that, but in the meantime, why don’t you get some rest and let Hyrek look at your leg? Because you look like hell.”

He had a lot of nerve saying as much to me considering most of that hell was his fault, but I didn’t disagree. “I’ll see him in here,” I said. “And if you try to move me, I’ll just come right back, so you might as well agree.”

“I was planning to,” Caldswell said, standing up. He turned to leave, then paused, running his hands through his hair. “I’m really glad you’re back, Morris,” he said at last, turning back to look at me. “And I’m really glad you didn’t let me stop you.”

“Me too,” I said, smiling at him through the glowing haze of the little drifting phantoms. “Me too.”

A
s usual, Hyrek had me patched up and good to go in less than thirty minutes. The lecture part of the treatment took substantially longer, but seeing as how it had been Mabel who put the shard in my leg, I didn’t see how he had any cause to gripe. Unfortunately, since I refused to leave Rupert’s room, I couldn’t exactly get away, but putting up with Hyrek’s typing was a small price to pay for not having to leave the place where Rupert was.

I spent the next two days filling out forms and watching Rupert sleep. I was a little nervous about that last one given his symbiont’s dislike of me, but once Hyrek showed me the titanium restraints under his medical gown, I was able to relax and enjoy a life where my lover wasn’t dead and I wasn’t constantly getting shot at or chased by monsters.

My only true sadness was the loss of my suit. The emperor phantoms had ended up ripping the dock to pieces after we jumped, so even though the majority of the station had been salvaged, my armor and weapons were lost to the void of space. I held a funeral for my Lady and my guns the night Caldswell broke the news, and I’m not ashamed to say I cried again. It was only fitting. She’d been the first suit I’d bought for myself, earned in blood and tested by fire. She was my most cherished possession, more like a friend than an object, and even if I got a new Verdemont suit every year for the rest of my life, I knew none of them would ever hold a candle to my beautiful, beloved Lady Gray.

The combination of the loss of my equipment, the lack of concrete information about my future, and the fact that I was stuck on a Terran battleship with nothing to do should have been enough to sink me into a real depression. The only reason it didn’t was that Rupert was improving enormously, his body healing so fast that I had to wonder what the hell he’d looked like in the six days before I’d gotten back. He still hadn’t woken up, but Hyrek seemed pleased by his progress, and since Hyrek was hard to please, I took that as a very good sign.

I’d made a sort of nest in the chair by his bed, leaving it only when the guards or Hyrek made me. I was sitting there procrastinating filling out yet another incident report when the door guard informed me I had visitors. That struck me as odd since this was Rupert’s room, not mine, but it all made sense when Nova burst through the door, swallowing me in a hug before I could even say hello.

“Oh, Deviana,” she gasped, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe. “I’m so so so happy we’re able to share space again!”

“Me too,” I choked out, hugging her back. “Guess you didn’t need that jailbreak after all, huh?”

Nova shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. “Captain Caldswell and Mabel came to rescue us after the hull breach sealed. The captain broke open my door himself.” She smiled at me. “I knew he’d never allow harm to befall us, though I did think you’d beat him to it.”

I bit my lip guiltily. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about Nova or Basil during our frantic escape, and even though I knew there were mitigating circumstances, that didn’t stop me from feeling like the worst friend ever. Thankfully, Nova didn’t seem mad I hadn’t come back, not that I could actually imagine Nova angry. “I’m really happy you’re okay,” I said, hugging her hard. “Basil, too,” I added belatedly. “Where is the birdie?”

“On vacation,” Nova said. “He says he’ll retire if Caldswell doesn’t get another ship. He’ll only fly for the captain.”

“Because Caldswell’s the only one who’ll put up with him,” I grumbled, glancing over her shoulder at the other person, who was still hovering in the hall. “Who’s your friend?”

Nova’s face lit up. “This is Marielle,” she said, reaching back to pull the girl in. “She says she already knows you.”

I’d never met anyone named Marielle, but as soon as she came through the door, I understood. The girl holding Nova’s hand looked just like Maat. Her hair was shorter and stylishly cut and she wore the same loud colors as Nova did, but clearly this was, or had been, a daughter. But the little, shy smile she gave me had never crossed one of Maat’s brainwashed faces. I took her hand gingerly when she held it out, bracing for something—a pull, a touch, her voice in my mind—but all I got was another shy smile as she dropped my hand and moved a little closer to Nova.

“Marielle is coming to help Father at the Church,” Nova told me, her pale eyes sparkling. “Can you imagine what their meditations will be like?”

“Awesome, I’m sure,” I agreed, and I was actually pretty certain they would be. “Do you want to see Rupert? He’s doing a lot better.”

Of course Nova did, and while she took my seat at Rupert’s bedside, I walked to the corner of the room where Marielle was waiting, looking at me expectantly.

“Hello, Deviana,” she said.

I nodded in return, lowering my voice to a whisper. “Are you really Marielle? Like, can you actually remember who you were before?”

The girl shrugged. “We were all mixed in Maat’s mind. None of us is really sure who is who, so we divided the pasts up between ourselves. I liked Marielle’s, so I became her. Sometimes, though, I switch with the others.”

I couldn’t stop my horrified look. “You mean, switch minds?”

“Bodies really,” she said, nodding like it was nothing. “They’re all the same, and we still share most of our minds anyway, so it’s not a big thing to switch consciousnesses.”

That sounded absolutely awful to me. I felt like I should say something, apologize, even though her situation wasn’t my fault. But Marielle didn’t look angry. She looked nervous, actually, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers. “The others wanted me to thank you,” she said. “We, um, have all your memories.”

I blinked. “
My
memories?”

Marielle nodded. “Up to the moment you took Maat into hyperspace. Maat searched your mind constantly, trying to determine if you were lying to her, but you weren’t.” She looked up at me, her dark eyes clear and free of Maat’s madness, making her look like a totally different person in truth. “We know how hard you fought for us, and we are very grateful,” she said earnestly. “Even Maat didn’t care what happened to us, but you did, and we will never forget that.”

Now it was my turn to look down at my hands. For being such a glory hog, I was surprisingly bad at knowing what to do when people thanked me. Cheering crowds I could handle no problem. Sincere personal gratitude? Clammed right up.

“You’re welcome,” I said at last. “I’m, um, sorry it took so long.”

“There’s another thing as well.”

I glanced up in alarm. “What other thing?”

Marielle smiled and reached out, brushing a phantom off my shoulder. I’d gotten so used to the things crawling on me, I hadn’t even noticed it was there. But when she shooed it away, I understood. “You see them, too.”

“We all do,” she admitted. “Us and you, but no one else. We’re not sure why, but we wanted to tell you in case you ever needed help.”

“Thanks,” I said, unaccountably touched. “But it won’t matter after too long since they’re leaving.”

“They are,” Marielle agreed. “But you aren’t.” She gave me a secretive smile. “Just because there’s nothing to see doesn’t mean you’re blind, Deviana Morris. What happened changed you, made you like us. That makes you our sister as well as our savior, and we’ve agreed that we will always stand with you. Remember that the next time Brian tries to bully you. You are not alone.”

My eyes widened.
That’s
what she was getting at. The most powerful human plasmex users in the entire universe considered me family. I smothered a smug grin. That was going to be some fun leverage if I ever got to use it.

Nova came back at that point, and we talked for a few more minutes about her plans to go home and help her father do outreach. “Unless, of course, the captain needs me for his new ship,” she put in. “Then I would have to go back and work for him since he looked after us so well.”

“Of course,” I said, though I secretly hoped it would never happen. Nova was far too kind to waste on someone like Caldswell.

After giving me half a million ways to stay in touch, Nova and Marielle left. I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking up uses for my newfound power and listening to Rupert breathe. I realize that sounds as dull as watching grass grow, but after everything that had happened, a little dullness was fine with me. I was contemplating getting up to go find some food when Hyrek came in and casually turned my new boring world on its ear by announcing that he was about to wake Rupert up.