Heir of Earth (Forgotten Gods) (25 page)

As I slowed Sterling to a walk, huge hoof prints appeared in the muddy footing leading to Dayne. A single track led up to the edge and disappeared. There was fresh soil on the edge where a big chunk of cliffside had recently given way and fallen into the angry water below.

I jumped off Sterling and ran to his side. He didn’t even look at me as I crumbled in a pile beside him. Peering over the edge to the swirling ocean water beating itself on the rocks below, the blood ran cold in my veins at the realization of LeSheen’s fate. He was gone.

Dayne ripped the radio from my hand as I pulled my knees into my chest and began to rock back and forth on the cold wet ground at his feet.

“We found him.” There was static on the radio and it beeped once as Dayne launched it with all his might into the air in front of us.

There was nothing but water below, no beach for a horse to swim to, only a rocky ledge where waves broke their swells so violently no fish dared to swim. Nothing could have survived a fall like that, not even a horse as mighty and strong as LeSheen.

An arm wrapped around me, and I didn’t realize I was shaking and trembling, my body racked with sobs and tears, until Phin pulled me into him.

“Shhhh, Shhhh.” He didn’t tell me it was ok. I knew it wasn’t. It was my fault, my negligence that had led to this.

How could I have let this happen? Why did I let this happen? All I had to do was take two seconds to walk out of the barn and be sure LeSheen was safely locked in his paddock. But I hadn’t.

Dayne kept his back turned to us all. I stood, but remained cowered against Phin. Lucas bent down at the cliff’s ledge, touching the imprint of the last step LeSheen would have taken before he fell to his death.

Dayne turned to face us. He was expressionless as he stared into the distance. “I guess it goes without saying that you are all fired.” His jaw muscles clenched and released.

“No. This is my fault. Don’t fire them. I’ll take the blame,” I pleaded with him.

Slowly he turned and faced me, like a king looking down on a peasant begging for her life.

“You…” The word was so full of rage I was afraid of what was coming next, “…better get off my land and I better never see you here again.” The icy coldness of his voice crashed into me with a fury more terrifying than the waves swirling below. “If I do, I’ll sue you for the full value of that horse.” I melted out of Phin’s arms and back to the ground below, unable to support my own weight and grief.

He walked stiffly over to where his horse stood and leapt up to the waiting back. He looked over his shoulder at me one last time before he spurred the horse and thundered off into the afternoon.

I knew he was gone for good, out of my life forever. All the feelings I had for him, all the dreams I had about our make believe life together, were pointless. The secrets he kept, I would never know.

Any hopes I had that he might change his mind and whisk me away like some fairytale prince were as useless as I was, crumpled on that cliff, watching him ride away.

I knew leaving Ireland
was the only way I could fix the mess I had made. Silence filled the tiny cab of Phin’s truck as we rattled down the pot-holed road, neither of us knowing what to say as we stared out the windows in opposite directions. I jumped out of the truck when it pulled to a stop in front of Rose’s picket fenced garden and practically ran to the computer where I purchased the bus and plane tickets that would put this awful experience in my past before anyone had a chance to change my mind.

An hour later I set my bags by the staircase, trying to hold back the tears and still my trembling chin as I looked around the little cottage that had become my home. I was really going to miss this life.

Neither Rose nor Phin were surprised to see the suitcase by my feet. Phin was already half way through a bottle of whiskey, peeling the label with his worn hands at the kitchen table. Rose stood at the window, rubbing her hands over the worn wooden seal with her lips pursed as tightly as her eyes. She turned with a start when my suitcase thumped against the floor. We looked at each other with the same empty look over puffy, red eyelids.

“I’m so sorry!” The tears broke free despite my best attempts to quell them. I had really ruined things for them. Phin had lost the best job he had ever had, and jobs were few and far between for barn managers.

“Oh, honey. We’ll get through this,” Rose wiped her own tears as she came over and wrapped me in a hug.

“I hate to leave you guys,” my voice broke with grief. Sobs began to jerk my body so violently even Rose’s hug couldn’t stop them.

“I know, honey.” She stroked my hair as she hugged, rocking me from side to side with her. There was no one in America that would ever hug me like she did. “But you really can’t stay. If Mr. Dayne really is thinking about suing you for the price of that horse?” She paused and shook her head in a worried way. “You could never afford it, and neither could your parents.” Her voice was soft and soothing and I felt even guiltier.

“Easily a million,” Phin interjected without looking up from the bottle that held his attention.

“It’s best if you leave. Give this time to blow over. Come back and see us next summer.” She pulled away and tilted her head toward me with a strained smile that wrinkled her entire face.

I nodded my head, sniffing and wiping at my wet cheeks.

“Come on, I’ll drive you to the bus stop.” She picked up my bag and waited by the door.

Phin gave me a hug before I left, swaying and unsteady on his bad leg as he stood. How was he ever going to find another job?

“I love you, Faye.” I didn’t deserve his kindness and fresh tears of guilt sprung up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe how horribly I had messed things up for everyone.

At exactly 6:30
the hiss of the bus’ air brakes released and the revving engine belched a hot grumble that vibrated under foot. My face was pressed up against the cold glass, fogging it to a hazy white, as I waved goodbye out of the tinted bus window. Rose wiped a tear with one hand and held the other one high in the air as a cloud of dust kicked up by the big wheels enveloped her. April and Norah ran over to Rose, and after a brief exchange, April’s hand flew up in the air too. I waved goodbye to my best friend.

With a pitiful sigh, I settled into the back seat of the bus hating, every turning wheel that took me further away from the life in Clonlea I had come to love. Unable to believe how quickly, and easily, it had slipped through my fingers.

Banshee Pointe rose over the Atlantic in the distance. The brown thatched roof of the town tavern and the little row of buildings that housed Rose’s bakery cast shadows on the streets as the setting sun threw its last rays of light onto the seaside town. In the distance the green field that had been tented for my first town festival was being mowed in preparation for the Summer Solstice Festival. The bus passed April’s house on the edge of town where we had gotten ready for my first dance. I strained my eyes far into the distance, not wanting to let go of the little road that ran out of town to Rose and Phin’s, the same road that ran by Ennishlough. I hung my head down in my hands when the tiny ribbon vanished on the horizon. Things had really gone to pieces.

I tried not to think about what I had done. It was the only way to keep the tears out of my eyes. I put my earphones on and cranked the volume so loud I didn’t have to think. The bus wasn’t full, so I spread out over the back seat that ran the entire width of the cabin. When I tucked my jacket under my head for a pillow, I caught the bus driver looking at me in the mirror. His black eyes studied me and I wondered if he knew what I had done.

Try as I may, the overwhelming emotions of the day eventually caught up with me no matter how badly I wanted to forget.

There were so many reasons to be angry it was hard to focus on one. I hated how irresponsible I had been. It would have taken five seconds to look out and be sure LeSheen’s paddock was locked, but I had been too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself over the loss of Dayne and Lucas to bother. On top of that my inattention had caused an amazing animal to suffer, and I had always taken great pride in the way I cared for all animals.

If the suffocating mix of anger and guilt had been only related to the accident with LeSheen I probably could have found a silver lining in the storm cloud—told myself it was at least a quick and painless death, or that LeSheen could’ve easily jumped the fence even if the gate was closed. I knew the reasons for my pain were way deeper than that, and my breath began to quiver when I was forced to admit what it really was.

I was leaving everything I loved in Clonlea. Rose and Phin, the perfect life I had lived over the past month, the best friend I knew I would never replace.

And, of course, there was Dayne.

It just didn’t seem fair that my life had danced to closely with perfection only to be ripped from my grasp. Had I not held on tightly enough? No. Dayne was willing giving me up, insisting on my departure even. Rose and Phin had encouraged me to leave, afraid of the ramifications my mistake could have on us all. April had waved her goodbye without running along behind the bus like they do in the movies. Yep, Ireland was giving me up, even though it was all I wanted anymore.

I fought against the tears pooling on my lower lashes. Georgia wasn’t home anymore...Ireland was.

A tear made its way into my hairline and emptied in my ear. I wiped it against my jacket and folded my arms over my chest, squeezing as hard as I could, trying to stop the sobs welling up in my lungs.

Normally I would comfort myself by slipping into my fantasies. The little trick Rose taught me was my main comfort at times like this, but dreaming about any kind of life with Dayne was a nightmare now. The emotions were just too raw. I knew I would never have a chance with him ever again. He would find a girl worthy of him and get married and raise a family on the idyllic grounds of Ennishlough. He would never think of me again.

I didn’t have a choice. I had to let him go, but I could never forget him. That would have been impossible. I’d have to keep his memory, tucked safely in the far reaches of my brain, along with the other painful secrets I hid away. When the pain passed, I would be able to dream about him again. He would be my happy place, a dream I would pull out when life got too real. That’s all I would be able to keep of my perfect life. He was gone.

Sleep finally washed over me.

It didn’t register at first when I heard the squeal of the brakes and the shout of the driver. My first reaction was to yell at Phin to turn the TV down. When my body lifted off the seat and began its flight through the air, I woke up.

It was all in slow motion, a flickering, fuzzy, old timey movie.

Headlights clicked by in the widows I past, illuminating the horrified faces and bodies hunched against the seatbacks in front of them. Luggage, unsecured like me, hung in the air, slowly making its way to the front of the bus with me. I was halfway down the aisle when I knew I was about to die. The windshield glass glinted menacingly in front of me, hard and shiny as an ax cleaned for execution. The driver’s arms were thrown up, covering his face, braced for impact. The scene was silent around me. Despite the open mouths of horrified passengers and screeching wheels below, nothing but a mellow hum filled my ears.

This was it. My sorry excuse for a life was coming to an end. A calm washed over me at the finality of it all. There was nothing I could do. I pictured my parents one last time and saw the way they used to smile at me. I saw Rose and Phin, and I felt her hug. I said goodbye to the only people who had loved me and closed my eyes, ready to go.

In the darkness my eyes immediately focused on another face. This one was real, not just a fuzzy memory. Dayne was right beside mine. The soft brush of his cheek rubbed against mine, and the warmth of his breath exhaled over my ear. His face contorted with fear and concern and utter horror. I had never seen that face before. He whispered my name, the most beautiful sound in my ears, just like that night in the woods. His arms wrapped around me, hugging me so close to him his muscles quaked with the strain. I had fought against my feelings for too long, and in those last few moments, I was too weak to fight the battle any longer.

I had tried to hate him. I had forbidden myself from even picturing his face. But in those last few seconds, when I knew my life was about to end and it wouldn’t matter anymore, he was all I wanted. I forgave him for everything he had done to me and knew he forgave me, too. I wrapped my arms around him, curled into his chest, and let myself fall in love with him. “I love you,” I whispered. They were the only words I had ever wanted to say to him. One night, I thought he wanted to hear them, too. But, when he rejected me, forgetting them was the only way to live with the pain.

It wasn’t something I could explain. I knew it wasn’t rational, the way I felt about him. But I didn’t care. My short little life had been pretty miserable until he came along and fanned hope’s dangerous flames somewhere in me. I didn’t want to remember the loneliness that had consumed my life, the hurt and guilt I had suffered through, the secrets I kept from everyone I knew. That wasn’t what I wanted to remember about my life in the last few seconds I had on this earth. I wanted to remember him— how alive I felt wrapped in his arms, the dreams I dared to believe when he was with me. Those were the moments I wanted to hold onto. If his memory was with me in those last few breaths, it made up for the pathetic existence I had known in this world.