Hell to Heaven (26 page)

‘You can do that? Why didn’t you say before?’

The stone grinned ruefully. ‘I was using your precedence. As First General, you can do things like that, regardless of your status as a mortal.’

‘I’d like a list,’ I said.

‘A list of what? You’ll have to be more specific there, Emma.’

‘I can’t, I’m falling asleep,’ I said, and did.

I slept until lunchtime, then drove myself down to the Academy. I went straight to the server room. Edwin was there, with a couple of demons I’d never seen before: a female and male both appearing in their late teens.

Edwin saluted me. ‘The Dragon sent these demons. They’re both skilled and should be able to get things back up and running.’

I walked to the console where the demons were busy setting up the restore process. ‘How long to recover our data?’

‘Twenty-four hours, ma’am,’ one of them said. ‘Then another twenty-four hours to restore the Shenzhen data to the state it was in when the stones were destroyed.’

‘No rush. Gold won’t be back for a couple of weeks,’ I said.

‘The Dragon said we must have this work finished in three days, then return and back up his data,’ one of the demons said, and the other one grimaced.

‘Take your time; you’re staying until I can find new IT staff,’ I said. ‘It could take weeks.’

The demon opened his mouth to protest.

‘And the Dragon won’t have anything to say in the matter,’ I added. ‘Edwin.’

‘Ma’am?’

‘These demons are to be given a rest cycle. They are not to work twenty-four hours a day. Stone.’

‘Ma’am?’ the stone said.

‘Contact the Blue Dragon and tell him thank you for
these demon staff and I’ll be keeping them until I can find replacement IT staff. It could take a while.’

I need them back
, the Dragon said into my head.

‘Tell the Dragon: no, he doesn’t. I’ll be keeping them, and thank you.’

The Dragon sighed.
Very well, if you must.

‘I will ensure that you won’t be penalised for staying here,’ I said to the demons. ‘And if you like working for me I’ll probably buy you off him.’

The demons shared a look, then turned back to me. ‘Did you say a rest cycle?’ one of them said.

‘At least five hours in every twenty-four, and no cheating,’ I said.

The demons shared another glance, then looked at Edwin.

‘She means it,’ he said. ‘You will rest. You will be treated fairly and with compassion here.’

I went up to my office and sagged when I saw Lieutenant Cheung waiting for me next to Yi Hao’s desk.

I nodded to him. ‘I’ll be with you in a moment.’

I waved Yi Hao into my office. When she was inside I closed the door. ‘What the
hell
is he doing here?’

‘He came to speak to you, ma’am.’

‘Did he see anything?’

She stood wide-eyed and didn’t reply.

‘He’s an ordinary human policeman. He has no idea what goes on here. If he finds out anything, we’ll be in serious trouble with the Earthly authorities. Get a Celestial up here to act as gatekeeper to stop any weirdness from happening in front of him.’ I dropped my handbag behind the desk. ‘Okay, let’s bring him in and be nice to him.’

Yi Hao opened the office door and nodded to Cheung. ‘Miss Donahoe will see you now.’

Cheung came in and sat on the other side of the desk, then leaned on it and glared at me. ‘What is going on here? This is supposed to be an office building.’

‘It is,’ I said.

‘I saw a group of people wearing martial arts uniforms and carrying
swords
just five minutes ago in the lift.’

‘We provide casting for kung fu movies.’

He leaned back, still impaling me on his glare. ‘Exactly what business is this company involved in?’

‘No, no, no, you can’t go in!’ a couple of voices shouted outside.

The door flew open and the Tiger strode in in True Form, so large he filled up the doorway.

‘What the
fuck
, Emma!
Nobody
tells me where I can and can’t go,’ he said, then saw the policeman. ‘Hi.’

Cheung bounced to his feet and ran backwards to the wall, where he cowered, his mouth open in a silent scream.

I tapped the stone. ‘Damage control.’

‘On it,’ the stone said. ‘Tiger, information coming your way.’

The Tiger changed to human form. ‘I see.’ He strode to the policeman, who quailed with fear; the Tiger was still twenty centimetres taller than him in human form. The Tiger put his hands on Cheung’s face. ‘How much do you want wiped?’

‘Absolute minimum!’ I said. ‘The Jade Emperor’s forbidden me from wiping people’s minds. We were doing it too much when Simone was small.’

‘He may have stopped you but he never stopped me,’ the Tiger said. ‘Wow, this guy has it in for you.

He’s convinced you killed Ah Wu and Michelle. Nasty piece of work.’ He dropped his head slightly, staring into Cheung’s eyes. ‘Do you want me to remove his drive to pursue you as well?’

‘No. Just remove his memory of your True Form. I’ll do the rest; I need to deal with this cleanly. If anyone involved in the case starts showing with amnesia, they’re going to suspect we drug them and then we’ll
really
have the authorities down on us.’

‘Okay,’ the Tiger said, concentrating. ‘Damn, haven’t done anything this fiddly in a while. Human heads are so ugly, so full of shit. Okay, he only saw me as human. He never saw the students with the weapons; as far as he’s concerned, this is an ordinary office building.’ He glanced up at me, his hands still on the mesmerised Cheung’s face. ‘Need anything else taken out?’

‘I can take it from there,’ I said.

‘You got it.’

The Tiger released Cheung, who fell to sit in the visitors’ chair, his face blank. He shook his head and looked from the Tiger to me. ‘Where was I?’

‘You were telling Miss Donahoe that you don’t have any evidence of foul play on the boat and that it’ll be a verdict of death by misadventure,’ the Tiger growled. ‘And you were about to leave so she can get on with her job of managing her stepdaughter’s inheritance, which she happens to be doing extremely well.’

‘No,’ Cheung said. ‘There is more to this case. I wanted the documents relating to the ownership of the boat, please, Miss Donahoe, and all the records of maintenance.’

‘They’ve raised the boat, haven’t they?’ the Tiger said. ‘The gas oven had exploded?’

Tell the Tiger to butt out
, I said to the stone, and the Tiger glared at me.

‘The boat has been raised. We wish to investigate further,’ Cheung said.

Good, that means they haven’t found anything and he’s just fishing
, the Tiger said.
Need some legal assistance? I have a few wives who would tear him to shreds in the courtroom.

I shook my head without looking away from Cheung.

‘Suit yourself,’ the Tiger said. ‘I’ll wait for you out there.’

‘I’ll provide you with all the documentation as soon as my staff find it,’ I said. ‘Would you like to wait for it here or have us send it down to you?’

He took a business-card holder out of his jacket pocket, slipped out a card and stood to hold it out to me over the desk with one hand. ‘Here’s the location of my office; have them send it there by courier, if you could.’

I didn’t miss the insult of the single-handed business card. ‘I will. Is there anything else?’

He put the card holder away. ‘I think we’re done here.’

I went around the desk and held the already open door. ‘I’ll have those documents to you as soon as I can.’

He nodded sharply to me and went out.

The Tiger came back in. ‘You need to get this demon stuff out of you so you can move your operations to the Celestial and not have to worry about this bullshit any more.’

‘I need a spacesuit so I can go ask Nu Wa to clear it from me. A tiger I know is supposed to be making me one.’

‘That’s why I’m here,’ he said. ‘Come and check it out.’

I poked my head out the office door. ‘How much really urgent stuff do I have in my in-tray?’ I asked Yi Hao.

‘Only two or three are of Earth-shattering importance, and they can wait a few hours,’ Yi Hao said. ‘You were supposed to be gone a week so everybody’s holding back until then. You’ll have a torrent of life-or-death urgent emails in four days.’

I turned to the Tiger. ‘Let’s go take a look.’

T
he Tiger drove us himself in an open-top jeep. In snake form I took up most of the back seat. The road ended and we bumped across the desert, a thick plume of red dust following us.

‘This looks like Six’s bunker,’ I said as we approached a rectangular red building half-buried in the desert gravel. ‘Except bigger.’

‘Cheapest configuration to build if you’re going for a bunker,’ the Tiger said loudly over the roar of the engine. ‘Easy to secure as well: only one entrance, keep it heavily guarded, you’re damn near impregnable.’

‘So why did Six have two entrances, with the back one unsecured?’ I said.

‘What was behind the bunker?’

I remembered the configuration. ‘Nothing. Just a blank wall.’

‘So you had to go around the front to get to the back?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Then no need to guard the back—unless people are flying in, in which case you’re a fucking idiot.’

‘That’s how we got in. But he didn’t strike me as that stupid,’ I said.

‘Well, he’s dead now, so you’ll never know why he left his back door wide open with a “come on in and visit” sign over it. Maybe he just liked it up the ass.’

‘You never change, do you?’

‘Nope.’

He slid the jeep sideways in the gravel at the front of the bunker, making me lose my grip on the back seat and crash my head painfully into the car door. ‘You’ve never been here before, have you?’ He took his hands off the steering wheel and rubbed them together. ‘This is going to be fun.’

He opened the door for me and I slithered out, my snout sore. I really wanted to rub it to make it feel better; not having hands was a royal pain sometimes. He led me to the entrance, which was guarded by two of his sons in full desert camouflage commando uniform, carrying automatic weapons and wearing sword belts.

‘Guns?’ I said.

‘Just in case,’ the Tiger said, nodding to the guards. ‘Guns may not work on demons, but you can never be too careful.’

The bunker was set into the ground so only about a metre of it protruded from the red gravel. The Tiger held out one hand and the wall disappeared, revealing a metre-wide stairway leading down inside the building.

‘Have you ever been visited here by anything other than demons?’ I said.

‘I’ve been ordered by the Celestial not to share that information.’

‘Good God, a Celestial tried to break in,’ I said with disbelief.

‘I’m sorry, ma’am, not allowed to say.’

‘Is what you have in here so damn good that a Celestial would try to break in?’ I said.

He smiled and held his hand out towards the stainless-steel door at the end of the narrow corridor. ‘Oh, yes.’

The door unlocked with a hiss of escaping air; the building had a positive pressure seal, with filtered air being constantly blown inside it. The pressure build-up meant that air would always travel out rather than in, and dust and gas wouldn’t enter the building. The door swung open; in cross-section it was fifteen centimetres thick with three twenty-centimetre-wide bars that slid into the wall.

The Tiger gestured for me to enter. ‘Ma’am.’

We walked into a corridor that ran the width of the building and turned a corner at each end. The walls and floor were plain grey concrete with neon lighting above. I stopped and looked left and right. The resemblance was uncanny.

‘What?’ the Tiger said.

I looked up and down the hallway again. ‘Do you have the same architect as Demon Prince Six?’

He raised one hand and gestured along the corridor. ‘Large central work areas surrounded by access corridors that are also buffers between the work areas and the outside as an extra precaution. It’s just common sense that if you’re going to make a building where you’re doing the occasional dangerous experiment, you build it like this.’

I thought about it, then nodded. ‘I see your point. So what sort of dangerous experiments are you doing?’

He walked left down the corridor and I followed him. ‘How about laser weaponry?’

‘No such thing,’ I said.

‘We’ve done it. Ineffective against demons so we’re not pursuing it.’

‘Don’t you
dare
sell that technology on the Earthly!’

‘Of course not.’ He grinned over his shoulder at me. ‘Wouldn’t even sell it to the Dragon—pissed him off most mightily.’

‘Good,’ I said.

We turned right, walked about ten metres and arrived at double doors with another pair of guards posted on either side. The guards presented their weapons when the Tiger nodded to them, then pushed the doors open for us. The room held benches, stools and large whiteboards. The benches were clear of any apparatus, but the whiteboards were covered in Chinese characters, English words and scribbled diagrams. A group of people sitting on stools in a circle in one corner of the room were having a discussion and making notes on clipboards.

‘Emperor present!’ one of the guards said loudly behind us.

The workers quickly scrambled off their stools and fell to one knee with their heads bowed.

‘You may rise,’ the Tiger said, and we approached them. ‘This is Lady Emma. Anyone got a snake phobia?’

The staff stared at me wide-eyed, but nobody moved. One woman actually smiled at me.

‘Good,’ the Tiger said. He pulled himself onto one of the stools. ‘This was a brainstorming session?’ he said.

The group nodded.

‘Result?’

They all shared a look, then shrugged.

An older woman raised her clipboard. ‘Can’t get the laser to destroy demons. They seem to be completely immune, just as they are to guns. We’ve tried making
the beam hotter, but that just melts the equipment and it’s still not hot enough to hurt the demons. It’s a dead end, my Lord.’

The Tiger crossed his legs on the stool, relaxed. ‘How about we make a laser cannon about three hundred metres long and point it at the Dragon’s floating palace? Would it bring it down?’