Hell to Heaven (11 page)

‘Did you fucking hear me!’ the Tiger rasped.

‘I hear you, I’m just…’ My voice trailed off. ‘I can’t believe I just did that.’

‘Start eating on the Celestial Plane,’ the Tiger repeated with force.

‘Can you help me?’ I said, my voice small.

‘The people in the Northern Heavens are the ones to ask,’ the Tiger said. ‘Go talk to them. They’ve had experience with Ah Wu’s Serpent. My staff just bring me big, bleeding chunks of African wildlife.’

He released my head and I raised it, then turned to him. ‘I am so sorry, Lord Bai Hu, please accept this small serpent’s apology.’

‘Apology accepted,’ he said gruffly. ‘Go home to the Earthly and have something to eat. Then, when you have time, come back and talk to your Retainers here about food in the Heavens. If this happens again I’ll make your life complete hell.’

Simone transported Leo and me back to our Hong Kong apartment later that evening. She was flushed and excited from spending time with the family.

‘I’d better head to bed,’ she said. ‘I have a test first thing tomorrow.’ She hesitated. ‘Are you okay to take human form, Emma?’

I changed and shook myself out. ‘No problem at all.’

‘You could at least conjure some clothes with no holes in them,’ she said, and slipped out of the living room before I could think of a suitable retort.

I went into the kitchen. Monica opened the door between the kitchen and her room; she was already in her pyjamas. ‘Can I get you anything, ma’am?’

‘It’s okay, go back to bed,’ I said. ‘I’ll make some noodles for myself.’

She came into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. ‘I’ll do that for you, ma’am.’

I went to her, opened the door and pushed her back into her room. ‘No, you won’t. It’s late, and I can look after myself. I know where everything is. Go back to bed.’

She grimaced. ‘At least leave the dishes for me to clean up, ma’am.’

‘Whatever you say,’ I said, not meaning it.

She went back into her room and closed the door, and I proceeded to raid the fridge for some ho fan, baby bok choy and vegetable stock to make myself some soup noodles. I checked the use-by date on the cans of cat food in the bottom of the cupboard; they were still good. Maybe this time they would get eaten before they needed to be replaced.

Leo wheeled himself into the kitchen and I waved the cooking chopsticks at him. ‘Want some?’

‘Nah, I ate in the West while you were at the party,’ he said.

He went over to the drip coffee machine set up on a low benchtop on the other side of the kitchen and poured himself some strong black coffee. He inhaled deeply as he brought the mug to his mouth. ‘Need to get one of these sent up to the Northern Heavens—they don’t have a single decent coffee machine there. The only coffee I could get was some sort of awful coffee-coconut mix that they make on Hainan Island.’

‘Oh, I tried that, it was foul,’ I said. ‘When do you think you’ll be able to carry yourself up there?’

He took another sip of coffee and made the wheelchair spin around by itself so he was facing me. He grinned with pride. ‘Getting there, won’t be long.’

‘You moved the chair too fast—you’ve spilt coffee in your lap,’ I said, and turned back to the noodles.

‘Dammit!’ Leo said, and whizzed out the door towards his bedroom.

T
he next morning Yi Hao followed me into the office and placed my large desk diary on my desk. She was wearing a smart navy business suit with a white shirt and matching navy pumps. ‘Not many appointments today, ma’am. Things have settled down here very well recently.’

I dropped my tote bag into my desk drawer, sat down and grimaced when I saw my overflowing in-tray. Then I grinned up at her. ‘Looking professional, Yi Hao. You’d pass for a local businesswoman.’

She fidgeted with pride. ‘Some of the younger students have been helping me.’

I leaned on the desk. ‘Do you want to go further than just being my secretary? You can go study if you like.’

She appeared horrified. ‘Ma’am, please do not wish such a thing on me! It is a dream come true for me to be acting in this capacity for you. Now…’ She looked down at the diary, professional again. ‘You should tell me when you give humans my phone number, ma’am. A man called Chang called me and I had no idea what he was talking about. He is being held on the first floor until you decide what to do with him.’

‘Chang?’ I said, confused. ‘I have no idea. What does he look like?’

‘Big!’ Yi Hao exclaimed. She spread her arms. ‘He looks like a…a…
big man
!’

I searched my memory. ‘No idea. Okay, I’ll go down after we’ve been through the diary. When’s my first appointment?’

‘In half an hour you have a meeting with General Ma.’

‘Good. Did you give us at least an hour?’

‘Yes, ma’am. After that, no more appointments.’ She gestured with her head towards the in-tray. ‘You’ll need some time to deal with this.’

I sagged over the desk. ‘You all hate me.’

She touched my arm. ‘You know we don’t, ma’am. Now go check on this human that you seem to have collected.’

I went down to the first floor, the armoury, the most secure area inside the Academy building. Master Liu, dressed in jeans and a scruffy Batman T-shirt, was waiting there for me with a massive Chinese man, nearly as tall as Leo and heavily muscled. He was sitting morosely in the holding room but jumped to his feet when he saw me. ‘Lady, help me!’

‘This was Demon Prince Six’s driver and general assassin-about-town,’ I said to Liu.

Chang grimaced. ‘Tell your janitor here that I am not a criminal. I was under an oath, but now I am free.’

Liu’s mouth flopped open with delight. ‘
Janitor
?’

Chang glared at him with derision. ‘I want to speak to you alone, ma’am, without this lackey around.’

‘What word did that come out as in English?’ Liu said.

‘Lackey,’ I said.

‘It was far more obscene and derogatory in Chinese,’ Liu said.

I turned to Chang. ‘Remember when I told you that Liu Cheng Rong hadn’t died six hundred years ago; he’d attained Immortality?’

Chang made the most lightning-fast double-take I had ever seen. He glanced from myself to Liu, then swiftly fell to his knees in front of Liu and touched his head to the floor. ‘This humble, worthless piece of dung profoundly apologises for this insult and prays that you will allow him to assist you with his skills as a Shaolin master.’

Liu’s face went thoughtful as he looked down at Chang. ‘Hmm.’

‘I was a disciple of Shaolin before I lost my way, Master. Please, help me to retake the oaths and return to the Path,’ Chang said, still with his forehead on the floor.

Liu rubbed his bearded chin. ‘Interesting. How long have you been outside the temple?’

‘Six years,’ Chang said with misery. ‘I made some terrible mistakes and I want to atone for them.’ He glanced up at Liu. ‘Master, please help me.’

Liu gestured to him. ‘Get up. Tell me what you have done.’

Chang rose, a swift and elegant movement. ‘I have killed,’ he said, almost a moan of despair. ‘I have broken my vows. I wish to retake them and follow the Path once again.’

Liu rubbed his chin again, studying Chang. ‘What was your reason for straying?’

‘Wealth,’ Chang said. ‘I saw the wealth of the West and wanted it for my own. I have since learned that
wealth is an illusion and cannot bring true joy. For the last three years I have lived in misery, serving one who was truly monstrous and evil.’

‘If you believe in the concept of evil then you still have a long way to go,’ Liu said.

Chang’s face crumpled and he dropped his head. ‘The temple gave me only empty words and hollow rules. I have yet to see the full truth inside them.’ He looked back up to Liu, full of hope. ‘Help me to see the True Way.’

‘Very well,’ Liu said. ‘But it will not be easy.’

‘Tell me what I need to do, Master.’

Liu concentrated for a moment, and Lok appeared out of the armoury. ‘What?’ he said. ‘I don’t have all day. I have three junior weapons classes this afternoon and half those dipshits don’t return their weapons when they’re done with them.’

Liu gestured towards Chang. ‘I got you a new assistant-cum-janitor. Give him all the worst jobs.’

‘About time,’ Lok said, and raised his snout towards Chang. ‘You look like a nice strong one, you can do the heavy lifting for me. Not having opposable thumbs is a pain in my doggy ass.’

‘I am fully trained in the arts of Shaolin!’ Chang protested. ‘I was in the temple for twenty-three years! I’m better than any human I’ve fought, I was teaching juniors at Shaolin, and you want me to work as a
cleaner
? Assisting a dirty demon
dog
?’

‘Forget it,’ Liu said, and turned away. ‘Never mind, Lok.’

‘What an asswipe,’ Lok said, heading back to the armoury. ‘Dirty demon dog indeed. I had a bath last week. Nearly killed me.’

‘I’d be wasted as a janitor,’ Chang said. ‘I can help
out with the martial arts training here. Use me! Help me to find the Way!’

‘You are so far from the Way that you do not even see the Path when it is placed before you,’ Liu said.

Chang turned to me. ‘Lady, don’t waste my talents.’

‘Come with me, I’ll see you out,’ I said.

I went to the lifts and pressed the button to go down to the lobby. What a waste—so intelligent and talented, and so damn proud he couldn’t see the redemption being offered him.

‘I need an assistant,’ Lok said, pausing. ‘You should make him stay.’ Then he gave a full-on dog bark of surprise.

I saw the glow reflected off the lift doors and turned to see what was causing it. It was Kwan Yin in Celestial Form, seated on a lotus blossom, a radiant field of shen energy pulsing around her. Chang fell to his knees and prostrated himself, while Liu and I quickly dropped to one knee. Lok bowed his shaggy head.

‘You do not need to bow to me, Emma, we are family,’ Kwan Yin said, her voice sounding the same as it always did. She changed from Celestial Form to her normal human form of a middle-aged Chinese lady, slim and elegant in a white silk pantsuit. She held her hand out to me and raised me, then pulled me into a gentle hug. ‘You are like the promised to my own child.’

‘And you are like another mother to me,’ I whispered into her ear. The fragrance of lotus and jasmine floated around her. I pulled back. ‘Has something happened?’

Ms Kwan gestured towards Chang. ‘This has happened.’

Chang didn’t look up from the floor; he lay there as if frozen.

‘One of the most intelligent prospects we’ve seen here in a long while,’ I said. ‘Gifted with language, very perceptive, and one of Shaolin’s finest practitioners. Shame he never managed to perceive the gist of the Teachings.’

‘He is full of pride,’ Ms Kwan said.

‘That he is,’ Liu said.

‘But he has potential,’ Ms Kwan said.

‘Not while he’s so damn up himself,’ Liu said with amusement. ‘Are you going to fix him, Lady? I don’t think he deserves it.’

‘All deserve what they receive, Liu; you of all people should know that,’ Ms Kwan said. She gestured towards Chang, who still hadn’t moved. ‘Rise, Chang, let me see you.’

Chang pulled himself together and rose.

‘You have been given an opportunity here, little one,’ Kwan Yin said to Chang. ‘You need to learn humility. If you will be guided by these Immortals, you have a chance to become much more than you are. You say that you wish to retake your vows and return your feet to the Path. Are you sincere?’

Chang bowed his head. ‘I am sincere, Lady. I am weak.’

‘You are not weak,’ she said, ‘you are too strong. You are rigid and unyielding. You will break before you bend. You need to learn to become weak. If you let them teach you, you will learn.’ She raised one hand towards him, palm up. ‘Will you retake your vows and serve with humility?’

He opened his mouth to reply but she turned her hand around so the palm faced him. ‘Before you
answer, Chang, be aware that if you say yes, you will not be living with dignity or esteem. You will be performing menial, dirty tasks in the service of a dog, living without luxury for many years. Are you willing to debase yourself to learn?’

Chang hesitated, his expression full of conflict.

‘You like your comfort,’ she said with amusement.

‘That I do, my Lady,’ he said, looking miserable. ‘I have experienced poverty and hardship and I do not wish to relive them.’

‘Very well. Yes or no?’

‘What will happen to me if I say no?’ he said.

‘Nothing,’ Liu said. ‘We will take you downstairs and let you go.’

‘What will become of me then?’

‘You will live a life of ease and comfort. You will be employed as a bodyguard by wealthy humans, and return to the life you knew while you were serving Six. You will have wealth and women and luxury, as you did then,’ Kwan Yin said.

Chang’s expression cleared. ‘That life was meaningless! Yes, my Lady, I will retake the vows and serve the dog.’

‘Serve well,’ Kwan Yin said, and disappeared.

‘General Ma is here, Emma,’ the stone said.

‘I have to get going,’ I said.

‘We can handle the rest,’ Liu said. ‘I know you just agreed to work for the dog, Chang, but
are you sure
?’

Chang didn’t hesitate. He strode to Lok and fell to one knee before him. ‘Master.’

Lok made a small barking sound deep in his throat. ‘Good.’ He turned to head back to the armoury. ‘Come with me; you can help me find out who didn’t return their weapons.’

‘Send him up to me later. We’ll have a small ceremony for him to retake the vows,’ Liu said. ‘Remember the precepts as well, Lok: he won’t be eating after noon, no alcohol, no girls…’

‘You don’t need to remind me, I know the whole deal,’ Lok said.

I pushed the up button on the lift. ‘I’ll see you guys later.’

‘Oh, and if you happen to be in the markets anytime soon,’ Lok began, but the lift doors closed on me.
Cow’s heart!
he finished inside my head.

General Ma and I went down to the coffee shop on the ground floor of the Academy building for our meeting; he’d developed a taste for hazelnut lattes and couldn’t get enough of them.