Her Cowboy's Christmas Wish (Harlequin American Romance) (15 page)

They asked questions Caitlin couldn’t answer. When she pressed them for details on Ethan’s condition, they gave noncommittal responses.

“I’m a nurse.”

“Then you know to let us do our jobs,” one of the men said, not unkindly.

Within minutes, they had Ethan hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV. They’d checked his respiration, taken his pulse and his blood pressure, and assessed his injuries. He came to, but only fleetingly, and wasn’t coherent.

Understanding every move the paramedics made, every medical term they used, just made the situation worse for Caitlin. His vitals weren’t good, and his failure to respond was of concern.

The ambulance arrived with its EMTs. Ethan’s head and neck were immobilized, and he was carefully lifted onto a stretcher, then transported to the vehicle.

“Can I go with him?” Caitlin beseeched, her gaze going from Gavin to the EMTs.

“It would be better if you met us at the hospital.”

The female EMT slammed the ambulance door shut, the sound echoing through the empty corridors of Caitlin’s heart.

A
NOTHER HOSPITAL, ANOTHER
waiting room. Caitlin hadn’t bitten her nails since she was in middle school, but her right thumbnail was now gnawed to the quick. She was starting on her left one when Justin wheeled into the waiting room.

She jumped up from her chair. Although she was glad to see him, his presence evoked memories of the terrible night she and her parents had spent after his fall from the cliffs.

“Any word?” he asked, throwing his arms wide.

She bent and held him for many seconds. “He regained consciousness in the ambulance. Was able to answer questions, like what’s his name and what day it is.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t remember the accident.”

“He may not.”

True. Hadn’t Ethan told her he still didn’t remember the car bomb explosion?

“He’s in surgery now.”

“What for?”

“Six broken ribs, one close to his lungs. They also want to make sure there are no internal injuries.”

The Powells sat huddled together on the couches where they had waited along with Caitlin for the last hour and a half—Gavin, his father, Sage and Isa. Their worried expressions told a silent story. Wayne Powell was a wreck. When he wasn’t pacing he was staring out the window. Was he thinking of his late wife, just as Caitlin was thinking of her brother?

“You okay?” Justin asked.

“Fine.”

“You sure? Your hands are shaking.”

Were they? Caitlin glanced down, startled to see that her brother was right.

“It’s nothing.” She rubbed her palms on her pants.

“Mom and Dad said to call if you need anything.”

Justin took her back to the Powells. They greeted him like one of the family, then everyone fell silent again.

Just when Caitlin was about to crawl out of her skin, the surgeon made an appearance and was instantly mobbed.

“How is he?” Ethan’s father asked before anyone else could.

The doctor’s eyes were somber, and she didn’t mince
words. “He’s in stable condition, but make no mistake, his injuries are serious. Had the horse landed differently, your son might not be here. He’s a very lucky man.”

Ethan had said almost the same thing about the explosion when he’d lost his leg. How often could a person escape death?

“What are his injuries?” Gavin asked.

“He sustained a concussion in the fall, and right and left rib fractures when the horse stepped on him—eight in total. One of the fractured ribs missed puncturing his lung by only a few millimeters. His spleen is bruised. Thankfully, it didn’t rupture. We need to watch that closely over the next few weeks. And two herniated disks.”

The surgeon went on to explain Ethan’s treatment, expected hospital stay and rehabilitation.

“When can we see him?” Wayne Powell asked.

“As soon as he’s been moved to a regular room. About a half hour to an hour. When you do see him, tell him I said to be more careful next time.”

Once the surgeon left, everyone started talking, their relief needing an outlet. Sage broke into racking sobs.

Caitlin wanted to cry, too, but something prevented her. She kept remembering the surgeon’s warning.

Had the horse landed differently, your son might not be here…. Tell him I said to be more careful next time….

Next time.

She should never have told him she would try to cope with his bronc riding and breaking horses. Never given him that photo.

Would he have stopped for her?

Maybe, maybe not. She’d basically given him her blanket approval.

This was her fault.

All right, maybe not all her fault. But partially her fault.

Like Justin’s injury.

“You okay, sis?”

Caitlin blinked, shook her head to clear it. “Yeah. If you want to leave now, go ahead.”

“I’ll stay until after you’ve seen him.”

“Thanks.” She swallowed.

“Ethan’s going to be fine.”

“Until the next time.”

Gavin turned to stare at her.

She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Justin didn’t seem to notice. “He’s tough.”

But was she? Caitlin had her doubts.

“You heading back to Mom and Dad’s or going home?” she asked.

“Neither. Tamiko’s family is having an open house tonight and they invited me. I thought I might drop by for an hour after I leave here.”

“What about her boyfriend?”

“He’ll be there, too. Unfortunately.”

“Oh, Justin.”

“Quit worrying about me, sis.”

“I can’t. I won’t. You’re my brother.” She’d almost said
baby
brother. He wouldn’t have liked that.

“Tamiko can do better than him. When she finally wises up, I want to be there, waiting in the wings.”

“What if she doesn’t wise up? I hate to see you get hurt.”

“Life comes with risks.”

“We can minimize them.”

“We can also live in a bubble.” He smiled at her. “What fun is that?”

Not long after, a nurse came by to inform the family that Ethan could receive visitors.

“Don’t overwhelm him,” she advised. “He’s still pretty groggy and needs his rest.”

“Isa and I will wait for you,” Sage said.

“But I want to see Uncle Ethan,” Isa pouted.

“We will,
mija
, tomorrow. You can draw him a picture.”

Isa was only slightly mollified.

“I can come back tomorrow, too,” Caitlin said. Now that the moment to see Ethan had arrived, she was having reservations.

“No,” Gavin said. “He’ll be furious with us if we let you leave.”

They took the elevator to the fourth floor. Outside Ethan’s door, Caitlin hesitated. His brother and father went ahead of her. She watched from the doorway, her feet frozen to the floor.

She was a nurse and knew what every beep and readout on the monitors meant. He was stable; she could see that at a glance. His complexion was pasty, he barely moved and his responses were slow. But his injuries weren’t life-threatening, and according to the surgeon, he’d make a full recovery.

Except, at this moment, she wasn’t a nurse who thought logically and dispassionately. She was scared and worried and guilty as hell. Seeing Ethan’s prosthesis leaned up against the chest of drawers intensified her emotions.

He’s a very lucky man.

She gave his brother and father time alone with Ethan. He was considerably more alert than she’d expected. Like Justin had said, Ethan was tough.

He asked about the fall, had Gavin repeat the story twice. He also wanted to know the details of his injuries and what procedure had been performed during the surgery. As they continued talking, he became more and more groggy. Between his injuries and the pain medication, it was to be expected.

“Did the doctor mention how soon until I can ride again?” he asked.

Ride again! How could he even be thinking of that?

“Six weeks at least,” Gavin answered. “Depends on how fast you recover. Knowing you, it won’t be long.”

Gavin was encouraging him. What kind of brother was he? Had he not heard the doctor’s warning?

“Maybe you should give it a while,” Wayne Powell said, the only sane person in the room as far as Caitlin was concerned.

“Come on, Dad.” Ethan smiled crookedly. “Didn’t you teach us when we fall to get right back in the saddle?”

And that was exactly what Ethan had done when he’d lost his leg. Why would she think a concussion, a half-dozen broken ribs and a multitude of minor injuries would stop him?

She didn’t stand a chance.

“Where’s Caitlin?” he asked, slurring her name.

“She’s here.” Gavin turned and motioned her into the room.

One step was all she could manage before walking into an invisible wall.

“Hey,” Ethan said, lifting his head. He peered at her with unfocused eyes, then fell back on the pillow. “Sorry, I’m a little dizzy.”

Caitlin, too. Her own head swam and her stomach roiled.

“I’ll come back later.” She grabbed the doorjamb, desperately needing support. “When you feel better.”

“No, don’t leave,” Ethan croaked.

The invisible wall wouldn’t let her through.

“Come on, Dad.” Gavin patted him on the back. “Let’s give them a minute alone.”

They squeezed past her into the hallway, leaving Caitlin alone with Ethan.

She mustered all her courage. For such a small room, it was a very long walk to the bed. She attempted to draw on her nursing experience, use it as a shield.

It didn’t work. She wasn’t in love with her patients.

“How are you?”

It should have been her asking him the question.

“Me? You’re the one who got bucked off a horse.” And nearly killed. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, a lump rising in her throat.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?”

“Ruining your Christmas.”

“You didn’t,” she said, because that was what he needed to hear. Inside, she was dismayed and distraught. The day had gone from one of the most joyous she’d spent to one of the worst. “I’m just glad you’re going to be okay.”

“What about us? Will we be okay?”

The lump in her throat burned.

She wanted to reassure him. Tell him that nothing had changed. They were as good as they’d always been. But the past two and a half hours had taken a terrible toll on her, and she had yet to assess the damage.

“Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a brush-off.” He was fighting to stay awake.

She would not have this conversation in the hospital with him lying there in pain and doped up on medication.

“You need to rest,” she said.

“That’s Nurse Carmichael talking.”

“Yes, and she knows best right now.” Rest for him, space for her.

“It was an accident.”

She hated that word. People used it when they didn’t want to claim any responsibility for a bad decision they’d made.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’re running away.” The medications he was on didn’t disguise the reproving tone of his voice.

Why was it okay for him to leave and not her?

His eyes drifted closed and the frown he’d been wearing vanished. Seconds later, he was sound asleep.

She had no trouble crying now. Tears streamed from her eyes as she staggered past the nurse’s station to the elevator.

She was in the parking lot before it dawned on her she had no vehicle, having ridden over with the Powells. Were they still in the hospital? She didn’t remember seeing them in her hasty exit. Or Justin. Maybe he could drop her off at the ranch to fetch her van, on the way to…where was it he was going? Tamiko’s parents’ open house.

Thinking was hard, more than Caitlin could deal with at the moment.

Tears continued to fall. Someone asked her if she was all right. Fortunately, sobbing people weren’t uncommon at hospitals.

Caitlin found her way to a bench outside the entrance, sat and waited for her composure to return. It did, though her hold on it was fragile and, she feared, temporary.

With quaking hands, she located her cell phone and dialed Justin’s number.

“What’s wrong?” he asked upon hearing her voice.

He knew what she’d been through after his fall, and would understand her better than anyone else.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she blurted. “I just can’t.”

Ethan hobbled to the pasture behind the barn and the specially designed paddock. Prince greeted him with a friendly whinny and a head toss.

“Don’t try and get on my good side. It’s too late for that.”

He stroked the horse’s head and sleek neck. They’d come a long way since his capture, he and this once wild mustang. Had forged a lasting bond against all odds.

Ethan wished he could say the same for him and Caitlin.

While he and Prince still had considerable work ahead of them, they were well on their way. He understood the horse, accepted him for what he was, flaws and all. Tempered his high hopes with reasonable expectations. Prince, Ethan was convinced, felt the same about him.

He wished he had some idea—
any
idea—of how Caitlin felt about him.

She hadn’t returned even one of his phone calls in the six days since she’d fled his hospital room. He still wasn’t quite sure what had happened. Damn concussion and pain pills had messed with his memory.

What he did remember was that she’d left in tears. Based on what his brother had witnessed in the waiting room, and the previous disagreements Ethan had had with Caitlin, he guessed his cowboy ways were the cause.

How were they supposed to resolve their differences if she didn’t take his phone calls?

Justin was no help. He was busy job hunting now that he’d finished college. Ethan had talked to him once, and his advice was to be patient. Caitlin would come around.

Ethan had contemplated jumping in his truck and driving to her condo, surprising her with an unannounced visit, but he’d barely made it to the paddock without stopping four times to rest and let an excruciating spasm recede. Coughing hurt. Yawning, too. Sneezing nearly knocked him to his knees.

Dammit!

Ethan removed his hat and drove his fingers through his hair. He despised this helplessness. He was a doer, a fixer, a problem solver. And he was convinced he could fix whatever had gone wrong with him and Caitlin if he could just talk to her.

“Happy New Year, buddy.” Clay came up beside him, his arm raised.

Ethan glared at his best friend. “You clap me on the back, and I swear, I’ll deck you.”

Clay chuckled. “And I’d deserve it.” He gave Prince a lengthy appraisal. “You two make up yet?”

“I was never mad at him to begin with. He’s a wild animal. Former one, anyway. I let my guard down when I shouldn’t have.” Ethan noticed Clay’s clothes for the first time. “You going somewhere special?”

“Conner’s party. Want to come along?”

Ethan had forgotten all about it. He and Caitlin had planned on going, before he got hurt. Even if he was up to it, which he wasn’t, he wouldn’t attend without her.

“Maybe next year.”

“I noticed the clinic was open tonight. Guess they’re having extended hours on account of the holiday.”

“And your point?”

“Caitlin’s van was in the parking lot.” Clay leaned against the stall. “She’s on duty and can’t leave the clinic. If you were to, say, show up, she’d have no choice but to listen to you.”

Ethan grinned. He’d always liked the way Clay thought. “I’d need a ride. I can’t drive yet.”

“Let’s go.”

Ethan spent a few minutes cleaning up before leaving with Clay. Caitlin’s van was indeed parked in the clinic lot, just as his friend had said, and a handwritten sign on the door advertised extended hours.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be,” he told Clay.

“I don’t care, I’m not sticking around.”

“You’re not?”

“You’ll have to find your own way home. I’m counting on Caitlin.”

Ethan was, too.

Thanks to his busted ribs, the door to the clinic weighed about three times as much as it had before. Clenching his teeth, he pushed it open and stumbled inside, setting off the buzzer.

“Hi, can I help you?” a pleasant young woman at the counter asked. There was no one else in the waiting room.

“I’m here to see Caitlin Carmichael.”

“She’s on duty. Is this an emergency?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“Can I have your name?”

This time, he did hesitate. “Ethan Powell.”

The woman picked up the phone and pressed a button. After a moment, she said, “There’s an Ethan Powell here to see you. He says it’s an emergency.”

Seconds ticked by. So many he started having serious doubts.

Finally, the woman hung up the phone. “She’ll be out in a minute. Have a seat.”

Ethan didn’t. Getting up again would be too strenuous. He waited by the window, which gave him an unobstructed view of the door to the exam rooms. The minute the receptionist had promised stretched into five, then eight, then—son of a bitch, what was taking her so long?

A young couple came into the clinic, the man looking like death warmed over and complaining of flu symptoms. While they filled out the paperwork, Ethan debated asking the receptionist to page Caitlin again.

Before he could make his way to the counter, she came through the door.

“Sorry I’m late. I was with a patient.” Lines of tension etched her face, and dark circles surrounded her eyes. She hadn’t been sleeping well.

“I thought you might be avoiding me.”

She didn’t acknowledge his joke. “Is everything okay? Are your injuries bothering you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You said it was an emergency.” She eyed him suspiciously.

“It is. We need to talk.”

“I’m at work,” she replied in a low, terse voice.

“Take a break.”

Her lips thinned.

“Ten minutes. That’s all I ask. I wouldn’t be here if you’d answered any of my fifteen or twenty phone calls.”

“Fine. Let me get my coat and tell Dr. Lovitt.”

She returned a few minutes later, slipping her arms into her coat sleeves as she walked to the door.

He beat her there and opened it for her, paying the price as a spear of agonizing pain sliced through him.

“Honestly, Ethan,” she snapped. “You don’t always have to do things for me, especially when you’re hurt.”

“My father raised me to be a gentleman.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”

“You didn’t.”

He gestured toward the tables and chairs in front of the coffee shop next door. Caitlin pulled her own chair out when he would have done it for her. She sat gracefully, Ethan with considerable effort.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

“I’ll live.”

His answer had been intended as another joke, but it was obvious by her sudden stiffening that he’d struck a chord. He hadn’t had long to mentally compose what he wanted to say to her tonight, but talking to her had consumed his thoughts for days. He should’ve done a better job of breaking the ice.

“It was an accident. Not your fault, not my fault. Not even Prince’s fault. The best-trained horses spook sometimes at nothing.”

“I know that. I don’t blame myself or Prince.”

“But you blame me?”

She remained stubbornly silent. When she spoke at last, her words were measured.

“You are who you’ve always been. You like taking risks. Tempting fate. Pushing your limits. It’s what made you a good soldier, good at training horses and a competitive athlete.”

“And you don’t like taking risks.”

“No.” Her eyes were full of misery and regret. “And I don’t think I can be with someone who does.”

A suffocating pressure closed around his chest, worse than when he’d broken his ribs. On some level he’d been expecting this.

“I’ll quit riding broncs. Breaking horses, too.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you. You were right when you said it isn’t fair for one person to force another to give up something that’s important to them.”

“No, I was wrong.” God, he was losing her. He could feel her ebbing away like the ocean at low tide. “People have to make compromises for a relationship to work.”

“Giving up your dream isn’t a compromise, and I refuse to be the cause of your unhappiness.”

A sense of déjà vu came over Ethan, crushing him. He remembered a similar conversation from nine years ago that had gone much like this one. Except he’d been the one saying, “I refuse to be the cause of your unhappiness.”

“The day you were hurt was a nightmare for me,” she continued, a tremor in her voice. “The sight of you in that hospital bed—I couldn’t deal with it. I nearly broke down. I did later, outside the hospital.”

“Why? You’re a nurse.”

“Not that night I wasn’t.” She sniffed. “I should have come over to see you after you were released. But telling you when you were laid up…”

“Telling me what?” Ethan braced himself, instinctively knowing that whatever came next was going to change his life irrevocably. Again.

She sat up, determination in her expression. “I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore.”

“You’re part of me. The missing piece.”

“One you can live without.” She stood, her chair squeaking as it scraped across the concrete. “You have before.”

She left him there, alone in the cold.

Sometime later, a few minutes or an hour, Ethan couldn’t be sure, Clay appeared. Had he waited all this time?

“Come on, buddy. I’ll take you home.”

Ethan went with him, needing help finding the truck.

He thought he might be lost for the rest of his life.

C
AITLIN SAT ON THE CLOSED
toilet lid and stared at the double pink lines on the testing wand she held. Reality, which she’d successfully kept at bay since yesterday morning, hit her full force. The wand dropped to the floor as she caught her falling head in her hands. Home pregnancy tests weren’t one hundred percent accurate. Which was why she’d taken a second one this morning. The chance that both tests showed a false positive was astronomical.

She was pregnant.

How had that happened?

Of course she knew how it happened, but…
how?
They’d used protection. Condoms weren’t infallible, as she’d heard doctors tell patients many times. And there was that first night she and Ethan had spent together after the Holly Days Festival, when they’d had only one.

She mentally counted backward. Three, no, four weeks along.

What was she going to do? She pressed her fingertips to her throbbing temples and rubbed.

If she told Ethan, he’d go all Ethan on her. Want to get married. Raise the baby together. On top of all the other problems they had, they’d be adding having an instant family to the mix. Not the best way to start out.

She could leave Mustang Valley, maybe even Arizona. Go stay with her college friend in Columbus and have the baby there.

Then what? She couldn’t come home, not if she didn’t want Ethan to find out. And he would, eventually. Someone would see her and the baby and mention it.

No, she either told him outright and dealt with the consequences, or left Mustang Valley for good.

Not the kind of decisions a new mother should have to make. This was supposed to be a joyous moment she would treasure the rest of her life.

And, suddenly, it was.

She was pregnant! Going to have a baby! Elation bubbled up inside her, then spilled out in a giddy laugh. Tomorrow or next week was soon enough to decide what and if to tell Ethan. She was barely a month along, after all. For now, she would keep her condition a secret, bask in her happiness alone until the right moment to share it.

She no sooner emerged from the bathroom than her cell phone rang. A glance at the caller ID informed her it was Justin. Guilt needled her. She hadn’t spoken to her brother much these past two and half weeks. Or her parents. She’d taken the breakup with Ethan hard. Loss of appetite. Insomnia. Churlishness. Depression. You name it, she had it.

After one look her parents would instantly know something was wrong. Caitlin wasn’t up to fielding their questions. Justin would be worse. He’d pester her until she spilled her guts.

Briefly, she considered not answering his call, but another prick of guilt compelled her to press the receive button.

“Hey.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Ethan called it quits?”

“We weren’t actually going together.” A few weeks didn’t constitute a relationship.

They were, however, long enough to create a life.

“I knew you were upset with him, but I figured you’d resolved it.”

“How did you find out?” Caitlin asked.

“Ethan told me. He’s really bummed.”

“You saw him?”

“I’m here now. At the ranch.”

“You are?” She wanted to ask how Ethan was doing. Instead, she voiced the second question on her mind. “What are you doing there?”

“Tamiko and I signed up for riding lessons.”

“Riding lessons!” This conversation couldn’t get any weirder. “Since when?”

“I thought you’d be here, considering it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’d surprise you.”

Wait a minute. Rewind. “Riding lessons? I thought you agreed that wasn’t a good idea.”

“I never said any such thing. You lectured and I listened.”

“Look what happened to Ethan.” Fear gripped her and shook her like a rag doll.

“I’m not riding bucking horses.”

“I don’t care if you’re riding a pony. It’s too dangerous.”

“No more dangerous than white-water rafting on the Colorado River.”

She’d been a wreck when he’d taken that harebrained trip last summer. “At least you were wearing a life jacket.”

“And this time I’ll be wearing a helmet.”

She had to stop him. “I’ll be right there.”

“Don’t come if you’re planning on making a scene.”

“When have I ever made a scene?” She grimaced. “Okay, I take that back. I have made a scene or two, but only because I care.”

“See you when you get here,” he said, and disconnected.

Caitlin didn’t waste any time. She grabbed her purse and keys and hit the door at a run.

Turning into the Powells’ driveway, she reduced her speed to the legal limit and was immediately ashamed of herself. She didn’t usually drive like a maniac.

Upon reaching the open area in front of the stables, she started searching for Justin.

And, yes, Ethan.

She’d missed him. And this place. His family, too. How had they become so important to her after only a few weeks?