Her Galahad (34 page)

He removed the chain from around his neck. Yeah, one of his damn stupid symbolic gestures—but he couldn't stand their wedding rings, symbols of love and eternal union, becoming a barrier between them as they made love.

He lowered himself onto her and, with a hot, hungry kiss, entered her, touched her, caressed her, loved her. Felt her shudders of need, heard her nameless cries of release. He made love to her all night, over and over again, without a word.

As did she. No words. No promises. Only this. He'd gambled with his soul for her love, and lost. So he'd take all he could have of her. Just this night. One last time.

Until the dawn.

He fell into the sleep of total exhaustion near daybreak.

And then, only then, did Tessa let her guard down. She lay beside him, caressing his face, brushing his hair from his brow. When he mumbled her name, she lifted his head to her breast and held him close. "Goodbye,
ngaya jirrah."
Her tears wet his cheek as she whispered goodbye.

Chapter 19

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T
essa unbuckled her seat belt, drew a shaking breath and said, "Well, we should go in."

He nodded, unbuckling his own belt.

She gulped. He'd barely spoken a word since last night. He wasn't rude or angry; he treated her with unfailing kindness and courtesy, putting her needs first.

He'd simply withdrawn from her—and it hurt.

She understood why. Last night had almost killed her. His incredible, giving love tested her resolve to the limit, wringing her heart's blood with its anguish. But she'd passed the test—thanks to a stark memory from her time with Cameron.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

She couldn't ask him to give up his dream. And one day Jirrah would understand what she'd done and why—when he was happy again, in his house with a new wife and his six or seven kids.

She walked down the dirt path to the old green house where the Jones family lived, feeling him right behind her, watching out for signs of Cameron's presence.

Even now, her sweet Galahad watched over her, cared for her, wore her ring around his neck. Eternal love and fidelity.

She had to pray it would be otherwise, for his sake.

She knocked on the door, her heart pounding a tattoo so strong it hurt her ribs. She waited, knowing that if Tani was out playing it would take Vincent or Esther a while to answer the door; neither of them were very mobile.

Then the door opened. "Tessa!" Esther Jones's round, honest brown face beamed as she opened the door. "Come on in! Tani will be so glad you came."

Tessa moistened her lips. "Esther, this is—a good friend of mine, Jirrah McLaren."

Esther held out her hand. "I knew a man by that name once—he was one of the Awabakal people, from near Newcastle. He was a first-class boxer and rodeo rider."

"And don't forget the quickest sheep shearer this side of the black stump." Jirrah grinned. "He was my grandfather."

"You look a lot like he did at your age." Esther's smile filled with the genuine pleasure of finding the Koori way of bonding with another Koori: family connection. "He was a good man. It's nice to meet you, Jirrah. Come on in."

After she and Jirrah shook hands, they all walked in to the simple, plain-furnished living room, and sat down.

They sat side by side on the sofa, but not touching; Jirrah made sure of it, sitting a good six inches from her. Aching for the unconditional support, the tender touches he'd given her just yesterday, she started. "Esther—"

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"I would," Jirrah replied, smiling at the elderly, sick woman. "Thank you."

Tessa shook her head dumbly.

When Esther returned with tea and a plate filled with cakes, Vincent was with her, huffing and puffing. "Sorry to not be here when you came," he said after shaking Jirrah's hand and speaking with affection and respect of the first Jirrah. "It's holidays, as you know, and our little girl's got me on the run, as usual."

"You sound out of breath," Tessa replied, smiling. "What's Tani up to today?"

"Making adjustments to her latest tree house." The chubby old man grinned, showing a gap in his teeth. "She's working out how thick the wood needs to be to take me on it as well as her."

Jirrah laughed. "She sounds kike a clever kid."

"A handful is what she is." Vincent beamed, the proud grandpa. "So, is this just a social visit, Tessa, or do you have plans for our little wildcat today?"

Tessa pressed her lips together for a moment. "Actually, I have something to tell you. Something I had no idea of until yesterday. You probably won't believe that once I tell you why I'm here, but—"

"You haven't been transferred?" Esther almost choked on her tea. "Tani will be heartbroken."

"No, no," she reassured them. "I'm here as long as they'll have me, I hope. If all goes well."

Vincent frowned. "Then what's wrong?"

She drew another calming breath, but her wits had deserted her. She couldn't recall a word of her rehearsed speech. All she could remember was plain, bald truth. "I discovered yesterday that I'm Tani's natural mother—and Jirrah is her father."

Esther dropped her cup and saucer with a gasp. The remains of the hot tea splashed on her legs. Jirrah ran to the kitchen, coming back in seconds with a cool cloth, which he pressed against the reddening patches.

Esther didn't even notice. She pointed at Tessa with a shaking finger. "Is—is this some kind of sick joke?"

"That's what I thought, when my father gave me the paper yesterday with Tani's name on it." Her hands clenched and unclenched on her lap. "I didn't believe it either at first." She handed them Tani's birth certificate and adoption papers. "But here's the proof. We're Tani's birth parents." She handed them her driver's license, proving she was Theresa Rachel Beller, mother of the child adopted by their son and his wife.

After Vincent read the papers, he turned, staring hard at Jirrah. "I thought you reminded me of someone at first … I got sidetracked by Esther's talk of your grandfather." His voice quivered. "Tani's the living image of you."

Esther's eyes were full of fear. "If you try and take her away from us, we'll fight you."

Tessa's worst nightmare was now hideous truth.

Jirrah spoke quietly. "I think for Tani's sake we should try not to fight about this. After you hear our story, you'll see we'd have a strong case for regaining custody of Tani. But neither Tess nor I want it to come to that."

Tessa's voice shook. "I wouldn't take her away from you. I wouldn't hurt you, or her, that way. You're the only family she knows. She loves you both too much to lose you."

"She loves you, too." Esther's finger didn't drop. "You. You did this deliberately. You wanted us to take you into the family, to make us trust you—you made her love you before you told us!"

"No!" she cried passionately. "I swear to you I didn't! I didn't even know Tani was alive until last Friday!"

Jirrah leaned forward, handing them more papers. "Here's the affidavit of the attending midwife and doctor for Tani's birth." He added, as their eyes widened on reading it, "I know it's hard to believe, but all this can be verified with the City of Sydney Police. They've arrested Tessa's brother and there's an APB on Cameron Beller, the man she married after me." He told them as much of the story as they could absorb in one sitting.

Within minutes, though still confused, they knew Tessa was innocent in Tani's adoption, and her motives in coming to Lynch Hill. "What do you want from us?" Vincent asked in quiet dread. "What do you want with Tani?"

"We want to tell Tani who we are. We want her to know us. We want to be a part of her life."

Before either of them could answer, a door slammed. "Gwampa, aren'tcha gonna come and…" came from the direction of the kitchen; then, a quick, joyful scream. "Miss Honey!" A flying blur launched into Tessa's lap. Little arms hugged her so tight she couldn't breathe; wet, sloppy kisses landed all over her face. "Miss Honey, oh, Miss Honey, I been waitin' and waitin' for you to come an' visit me!"

Tessa laughed, ruffling Tani's mop of tangled dark curls with wrenching tenderness. No longer just her loving pupil, but her very own child. Her daughter… "I'm here now, Tani. Sorry I took so long. I had to go to Sydney for a few days." She inspected the vivid little face, and made a discovery. "You lost a tooth!"

And I missed it.
Like I missed her first smile, her first tooth, her first word, her first step…

Tani nodded, full of self-importance. "Gwamma said I was gettin' big now." Then she tugged on Tessa's shirt, her pretty face lively with curiosity. "Who's that?"

She was staring at Jirrah, who was watching her in turn.

"That's a friend of mine. His name's Jirrah. Be nice to him, all right?"

Tani tilted her head; after a short inspection, she apparently approved of him, for she grinned. "Hullo."

Jirrah smiled back. "Hullo, Tani."

"Are you Miss Honey's boyfriend?"

Jirrah's smile faded a little at the eager question. "I used to be. Now we're just friends."

Her lower lip pouted. "Oh, nuts," she sighed, her favorite expression of disappointment. "I could of telled everybody at school next week."

Tessa, knowing the time had come, looked at Vincent and Esther. After a short hesitation, they nodded, both sets of eyes identical in their wariness and cool assessment. She turned to Tani. "I've got some news for you, Tani—but I don't know if you'll think it's cool news or nuts."

Tani, in her usual pose for learning, tilted her little head and waited.

Her stomach churning, Tessa said, "Do you remember telling me about the reason why you were special to your mummy and daddy?"

Tani nodded, her big dark eyes serious. "'Cause I was 'dopted. They picked me special."

"Do you know how they got to pick you, Tani? Why were you at that place, waiting to be adopted?"

"Gwamma said it's 'cause my other mummy and daddy couldn't look after me, so they gived me to that mummy and daddy." Tani smiled. "Gwamma said they made my mummy and daddy very happy. I was a special present—better than Christmas!"

"That's true, sweetie. I'm sure you did make them very happy." Her heart breaking, Tessa kept speaking in a tender tone. "But sometimes wrong things are done by people who think they're doing the right thing."

Tani frowned. "Huh?"

Tessa looked into her daughter's eyes. "Your other mummy and daddy wanted you, Tani, but some other people thought they couldn't look after you properly, so they gave you away." She drew a shuddering breath. "I'm your other mummy, Tani—and this man, Jirrah, is your other daddy."

Tani blinked. "You're my mummy? The mummy who gived me away to my mummy and daddy that went away?"

Her heart in her throat, she nodded. "Yes, Tani. I'm the mummy who carried you in my tummy."

Tani frowned again and pointed at Jirrah, sitting tense and silent beside them. "And he's my other daddy."

"Yes." A rasping whisper. Where was the squealing joy, the strangling hugs she'd secretly hoped for at the news? "He's your other daddy."