Her Last Love (Small Town Hearts Trilogy #1) (3 page)

"Things change." She shrugged as she turned her focus to scan the room. "Some circumstances are out of your control, so you adjust the plan. I don't want to go into the details if you don't mind." She shook her head at Carter's narrowed, questioning gaze.

"Okay. So, what are your plans now that your military time is done?" 

"Well, I really wanted to take over the JROTC program at the high school, but didn't meet the requirements. So, I've been sending out resumes and applying to places for the last couple of months. I have a few leads that look promising, and I hope to hear something soon." She studied the creamy white foam that floated over her dark coffee before looking out the window again. She and Carter both sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. 

"All right, let's quit beating around the bush here." Carter’s voice was quiet. "I know this is weird and awkward. I'm not feeling real comfortable myself. But there's a lot of things that happened that can't be pushed aside. So, here it goes. When we ended things, it about killed me.” 

“We? 
We 
didn’t end things, Carter. You did.” 

“Fair enough. Yes, I ended things, and I was crushed. That's odd coming from a guy, but it's true. My mother will tell you I spent days, weeks actually, moping around the house. Then it went from moping to anger. I mean, how could it be over? When you refused to set a date so you could come home for Christmas, it was like you were saying you had decided that you didn't want to marry me anymore."

The old, familiar ache built around Lynn's heart, her stomach began to grind and clench as the memories and feelings of that time flooded back. Unbidden, unwelcome, and in all their vivid glory. 

* * *
 

She remembered like it was yesterday. Lynn had recently celebrated the three month mark in her new duty station, and felt she was fitting in well in her office. While the work required an intense amount of focus and attention, it steadied her, especially since things were rocky with Carter. Their calls and emails grew increasingly tense, the distance putting more and more strain on their relationship. They argued over the slightest things, their frustrations building, and their calls often left Lynn in despair. Knowing they were far apart and there was nothing she could do about it was taking its toll. She was losing weight she could ill afford to lose and the emotional battering left her bruised and raw. 

Which is why, when Lynn found herself turning the key in the lock to her room in the single officer’s barracks on a Wednesday evening in June, she was exhausted. She had been pushing herself hard in the last several weeks. Between the long hours in the office and restless nights spent tossing and turning over Carter, a decent night's sleep was a rarity. She let herself in, dropping her bag to the floor as she pushed the door closed. All she wanted was to take her hair down, peel off the boots and uniform, and indulge in a long hot shower. One of the perks of having a suitemate working on the opposite schedule meant she could indulge herself in their shared bathroom, without having to worry about someone banging on the door. 

Lynn shrugged out of her uniform jacket, tossed it over the back of the couch, and had just pulled the band from her hair when the phone by her bed rang. The only people who called her on that line were from back home, the friends and family she’d given the number to. She glanced at the clock, calculated the time change. Germany was eight hours ahead of anyone who would be calling from home, making it around nine in the morning there. Her parents and friends were at work by now, and her sister was in class. There was only one other person who would call at this time of day. She sat on the edge of the bed and tugged at her bootlaces as she picked up the phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Lynn. It’s me.” 

“Hey Carter.” The weariness of her day seeped into her voice and carried across the line. 

“What’s wrong? Am I catching you at a bad time?” 

“No, I just walked in the door a minute ago, and I’m sitting here taking off my boots.” She gave a hard pull on her left boot, left it to land on the floor with a thud as she started on the right one. “Long day in the office today, so I’m a little tired. What’s up?” 

“Nothing much. Just thought I’d give you a call before I got going for the day.” 

“Yeah? What’s on the agenda?” The right boot joined the left in a jumble on the floor. 

“Some errands for Mom before I head into work.” 

“You’re working today?” Lynn stretched out on the bed, stared up at the ceiling and sighed in content as her muscles, tight from a busy day, began to relax. “I didn’t think you worked on Wednesdays.” 

“I’m covering for Gordon. Extra hours.” Carter’s voice held an edge of bitterness. “Not much else to do around here.” 

Lynn bit back a sigh of frustration. Carter grew more passive aggressive with every phone call, no matter what she did or did not say. She could sense an argument coming on, and felt powerless to stop it. 

“So, why was it such a long day at the office?” Carter asked, changing the subject before she could reply. “Problems?” 

“No, not really. I found out today that the office NCOIC is leaving, so there is a lot to do to get ready to shift her responsibilities over to me.” 

“You’re getting promoted?” Carter’s tone sounded impressed. 

“No. Well, at least not yet. She has to go off to A-school, which leaves me running the shop. I just hope I can handle it.” Lynn closed her eyes, trying to relax even as thoughts of the coming pressures weighed on her. 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Carter hesitated a moment before continuing. “What does this mean for us setting a date?” 

“Well.” Lynn took a deep breath, knew the next words she spoke were not going to be well received. “She’ll be gone for a couple of months, which means the idea of leave during that time is off the table. I know we talked about September, but with everything that will be going on, I’d like to set a date for December.” 

“December?” The word came out flat, edgy. 

“Yes. Around Christmas, actually.” Lynn’s heart rate picked up at the tone in his voice, one that said he wasn’t pleased about pushing things back a few months. She rushed on, hoping he would see the merit of her ideas, consider them. “I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes perfect sense. We both love Christmas, so we could have a Christmas wedding. Maybe outside, in the snow. Wouldn’t that be romantic? And I’d still get to see my family for the holidays, not to mention it works around the office issue.” 

“You want to push back our wedding. To December.” 

“I don’t want to but--” 

“You decided this, without any thought to my feelings, my input?” 

“No, Carter. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about. I haven’t decided anything.” 

“I don’t want to wait that long.” This statement was firm, decisive, and delivered in a low tone of voice that said he would entertain no other ideas on the matter. 

“I don’t want to wait that long either, but maybe it would be best

if --” 

“Best for who, Lynn?” Carter’s voice blasted across the line. “Best for you? So you can gallivant around Europe without someone tying you down? Party with the single friends you’ve made there? Do you have any idea of what it’s like for me here? Alone?” 

“Yeah, I think I do.” Lynn sat up, anger and indignation driving her now. “I’m here 
completely 
alone. No longtime friends, no family, no fiancé. I think I have a pretty good idea of how you feel being separated.” 

“You don’t act like it.” The accusation in Carter’s voice had her heart kicking up a notch. “There are times when we talk, and you act like it doesn’t bother you at all that we’re thousands of miles apart. You talk about your new friends and all the places you’re seeing and how great a time you’re having. How do you think that makes me feel? And then you hit me with the idea of pushing the wedding back by 
months
? I’m starting to get the idea that you don’t want to marry me anymore.” 

“That’s not it. Not it at all. Why are you acting like this?” 

“Because I’m tired of waiting Lynn. I knew when I asked you to marry me that we’d have to deal with working around the military issues. But it’s getting ridiculous. You need to make a decision. Find a way to take leave so we can set a date in September like we talked about before you left, or forget the whole thing.” He threw ultimatum down like a gauntlet, leaving her to sit for a moment in stunned silence.

“You can’t mean that, Carter.” Her throat was clogged with tears, her voice thick with them. She studied the ring on her left hand, the diamonds that sparkled up at her, taunted her with the promises and life it represented. 

“As a matter of fact, I do. I need to know where my life is going, whether it’s with or without you.” 

“It’s not that easy. I can’t just tell my commanders --” 

“Sounds like you’ve made your decision. Keep the ring. I’ll send your things.” With those words there was a loud click in Lynn’s ear, shortly followed by a busy tone. A low agonizing moan, like that of a wounded animal, filled the room as Lynn curled up on her bed, hugged the phone and sobbed until she finally fell into an exhausted sleep. 

 
* * *
 

“Lynn?” Carter’s voice saying her name dragged her back to the present. Surprised at the tears pricking the back of her eyes, she took a healthy swallow of her coffee, cleared her throat. 

"That's not the way it was for me, at all. I tried explaining this to you then, but we were both so hurt that we didn't hear or listen like we should have. When I said I didn't think we should set a date in September for our wedding, I never meant that I didn't want to marry you at all." She pushed her coffee, barely touched, off to the side and held her hands together.

"That's how it seemed, Lynn. That you were picking your family at Christmas over us getting married. All I wanted to do was start our lives together, but you didn't seem to want that anymore." Carter gripped his mug in both hands, but didn't drink.

"I know. Maybe, with a little hindsight for both of us, I can help you understand. I never said I didn't want to marry you, Carter. You gave me the ultimatum to come home and get married in September, or not at all. And we both know how well I deal with ultimatums. But September was too soon after my NCOIC returned for me to ask for leave, and I wanted to see my family for Christmas. I really thought suggesting coming back around Christmas, getting married then, was the best way around the issues we faced."

"You're telling me you weren't trying to call off the wedding?"

"No, I wanted to marry you more than anything. I had just needed to postpone it by a few months. Christmas had just seemed like a good compromise."

"So why didn't you tell me? Make me listen?" Carter leaned against the back of the booth, ran both hands through his hair. He laced his fingers together against the back of his neck and looked at the ceiling a moment before dropping his hands back to the table and looking at Lynn once more. 

"Right." She snorted at the thought of trying to get past his bull headed nature. "Like I would break through that stubborn barrier you put around you? You were so angry with me. And all those things you said. About how I must not love you, or later, hinting that I had met someone else. That hit me on a level I didn't think existed." She paused for a moment to gather her emotions, her thoughts. "I tried reaching out to you. You wouldn't take my calls, you wouldn't answer my letters. Your mother and I talked for hours about it all, about how she tried talking to you but you had shut her out, too. I tried everything but sending a singing telegram to get you to talk to me. Then one day the box with all the letters and mementos I had given or sent to you showed up in the mail. That shattered my heart, and I knew I couldn't take any more heartache or grief, so I gave up trying." She brushed away the tears that had slid from the corners of her eyes as Carter sat in silence. 

“That’s when you sent the ring back.” Carter’s voice had dropped to a near whisper. 

"You weren't the only one whose heart felt ripped out when we were over, Carter. Seeing that ring reminded me of everything I had lost. I couldn’t stand to have it around anymore. If it hadn't been for my work and the new friends who insisted I join them in seeing the sights and traveling, I would have spent those months after our break-up in a deep, dark depression. They saved me in a very real way."

Carter sat in silence for a few moments longer, looking down at the hands that still clenched around his coffee mug. 

"Lynn... I'm sorry." He spoke hoarsely, "For all of it. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was hurt, and I guess I wanted you to feel the hurt as much as I did. You know I trusted you. I did. But I felt like things were slipping away, everything we talked about and planned."

"So you made sure they were truly gone by pushing me away? By blocking me out so we couldn't fix things?" 

"I know. I should have talked to you, tried to work things out. But I guess I felt I needed to protect myself from being hurt any more than I already was. My God, Lynn! What if I had come overseas to join you like we had discussed? What would have happened then if it all fell apart? I would not only have felt like I'd had my heart ripped out, but everyone else I knew and loved was here, I would have had no one else to talk to, nowhere to go. I don't think I could have handled it."