Her Mother's Daughter (42 page)

“She was right.”

Bay sat at the table again and crossed her arms. “So upset that you didn't say goodbye to me and stayed away for fifteen years?”

“Yes.”

“And then to rub salt in the wound you decided not to come for Mom's funeral.”

Again Tansy didn't answer her.

“What in the name of God was so bad that your only recourse was to leave us behind forever?”

“I can't explain that right now. I will. I just can't do it this minute.”

“Why not? We've got nothing else to do for the next few days or weeks or months or however long it takes for Ashley to stop hating us.”

“Mom and I argued, okay? I said things to her that I shouldn't have said. I couldn't come back for her funeral because of my never-ending guilt about it.”

“Again, it's all about you. Your guilt. You didn't give a thought to how it felt for Ashley and I to stand at her grave alone and say goodbye to her?”

Now it was Tansy's turn to get up from the table. She paced the floor. “Of course I thought about it! I thought about nothing else. But I worried that I'd make the situation unbearable if I showed up.”

“What?”

“I didn't come to see her when she was alive but I suddenly show up when she's dead, when it didn't matter anymore?”

“Well, Mom was past caring, but we weren't.”

“I was wrong. I see that now. I'm sorry.”

“It's too late, isn't it?”

When Tansy didn't say anything, Bay pressed on. “While we're on the subject of coming and going, why did you come back now? Did someone throw you out or did you suddenly remember you had a sister?”

Tansy laughed. “Wow, you're good. Both answers are correct, actually. I knew Ashley would graduate from high school in June and maybe leave home. I also knew you'd be horribly lonely without her, and since I'm intimately acquainted with how that feels…”

Bay jumped up. “Then why in the name of God did you give her to me? I asked you when you came home that year if you were staying away because I was raising your daughter and you gave me some generic response that didn't answer the question. Why did you lie to me? When you were seventeen, you sat here at this kitchen table and told me that you didn't want the baby. You didn't
want
her. I said you hadn't thought it through, that maybe it would be too hard, and you said it would be better than giving her away to a stranger. I thought I was helping you and instead you hate me for it. You've stayed away all these years because you can't stand the fact I'm her mother and you're not!”

“You're
right.
I can't stand the thought of it! I've never been able to come to terms with it. I wanted her from the moment I knew I was carrying her. That's why I left that night. I was taking Ashley with me. I went into her room and grabbed her while she slept. I had my bags ready and a taxi waiting. I was almost out the door when Mom stopped me. She waited for me in the dark. She told me to put Ashley down, that you were the only mother Ashley knew and if I loved my daughter I wouldn't take her away from you. Well, I love my daughter, so I gave her back, but I told Mom that I would never forgive her and I'd never see her again. So now you know why I couldn't come back here. Are you happy now?”

Tansy rushed out of the kitchen and went upstairs to her room. Last night Gertie had told her to wait until she was there. To be around Bay was dangerous, so Tansy needed to get away from her. If she stayed out of sight and waited in her room until Gertie came over, she'd be safe.

Bay came to her instead.

She opened the door without knocking. “None of this makes any sense. Even twenty years ago an unwed mother wasn't a criminal offense. Sure, Mom would've had to deal with some gossip, and it might have hurt her, but it wouldn't have killed her. So if you knew you wanted this baby so badly why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you raise her. Then we'd have spent our whole lives together instead of living apart. We lost Dad and Bobby. We only had each other left and because of shame or pride or whatever your motivation was, we ended up living separate lives. It didn't have to happen, Tansy. None of this had to happen!”

Tansy looked at her. “Yes, it did.”

“
Why
?”

“Because Ashley is Bobby's daughter and Mom knew that.”

It was done. It was out. It was over.

Bay had to reach out her hand to steady herself against the closet door. Her face was devoid of emotion, as pale and lifeless as a mannequin in a store window. She had trouble staying on her feet. Tansy reached for her but Bay held her off. She kept her hand in front of her to ward her sister away. With the other hand she felt the wall behind her and took unsteady backward steps out of Tansy's room and into the hall, before she lurched forward and managed to make it to her bedroom. She closed the door.

There was no sound from behind it.

Tansy ran downstairs, picked up the phone, and called Gertie.

“She knows,” Tansy whispered.

“I told you not to tell her!”

“It happened. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please come.”

“I'll be right there.”

Tansy threw the phone down and ran to the porch. Poor old Merlin thought he was going for a walk but Tansy didn't even see him. She opened the back door and ran outside with no coat or gloves on. It was a bitterly cold day, but she didn't feel it, nor was she aware of the neighbour's kids in ski jackets and hats waiting for the school bus. They looked at her like she was nuts. She didn't see cars pass by or the milk truck lumber down the road. Some people stopped and watched her and many wondered if she needed help, but she was gone before they could ask her.

She finally arrived at her destination and pounded on the door. She pounded until he opened it.

“I need a car.”

Peter had listened to the whole sad story over the phone the night before. By the end of it he knew Gertie was exhausted so he insisted she put down the phone and try and get some sleep, but she worried about who she should deal with first thing in the morning. She wanted to check on Ashley but knew that Tansy and Bay were in a powder-keg situation over at their house. One thing she did know was that she had to take time off work.

Peter solved her dilemma. He told her that since he was recuperating, it was just as easy for him to sit in a chair at the hospital as sit in a chair at home, and he'd go over in the morning by taxi and stay with Ashley. He also knew Michael would be at the hospital so he'd get him to check in on her too. Would that make her feel better?

Gertie had enough energy to tell him she loved him before she began to snore. He had to shout her name and tell her to put down the phone. She did, badly. It sounded like three or four tries before she actually hung up the receiver.

Peter's leg was healing well and life was much easier now that he had a walking cast on, but it was still a major ordeal to get himself ready in the morning. Thank goodness he lived with his mother. Dorothy was a tremendous help while he was in this blasted cast.

Not that he'd always lived with her. Peter had a very nice apartment at one time, one that wasn't too far away from the university where he worked, but when his father had died, Dorothy found it a bit overwhelming to manage the large home they'd lived in on Whitney Avenue in Sydney. It made sense for Peter to move in for a while. Neither one thought it would be a permanent arrangement, maybe a year or so, but they found they enjoyed each other's company and never got in each other's hair. Dorothy wasn't a woman who stayed at home picking up Peter's underwear. She had a large circle of friends and did lots of charity work, and she was the one out gallivanting with her cronies in the evening while Peter stayed at home with his computer and his books.

And much to Peter's delight, his mother thought Gertie was quite a gal. They liked each other instantly. So when Peter mentioned that he was going to the hospital for the day to help Gertie with her little friend Ashley, she immediately packed up a nutritious lunch for them both.

Dorothy also passed him a pile of magazines. “Pixie brought these over to donate to the hospital anyway, so Ashley might as well read them. Pixie says they're her granddaughter's so I imagine this is the stuff teenagers like to read.” She picked up a
Seventeen
magazine. “Look here, articles on how to be sexy, look sexy, and have sexy boys look at you. It'll be right up her alley if she's a normal teenager.”

“Ashley's having a baby, so I think she's got that covered.”

“Oh dear, poor little mite. Is her family behind her? So many aren't and it's such a shame.”

Peter did up his jacket. “She's got a lovely family, but they're in crisis mode right now, so Gertie's taking over for the moment.”

“Well, if Gertie's there, then I don't have to worry. That girl is the salt of the earth.”

Peter grinned. “She is, isn't she?”

Dorothy kissed his cheek. “And you're the pepper.”

His mother wanted to drive him to the hospital, but he said he'd be fine. He knew she had a meeting down at the Every Woman's Centre and he didn't want her to be late. The taxi arrived and he had a bit of a job getting in and out of it, but he managed. He put the lunch, the magazines, some books, and a pack of cards in a backpack so his hands were free.

When he got to Ashley's room he knocked softly before going in. It was a double room, but there was no patient in the bed closest to the door. He limped over to the far bed behind the curtain. Ashley had her eyes closed and he thought she was asleep at first, but when he moved closer, she opened her eyes. A big smile came to her face.

“Hi, Peter. What are you doing here?”

“I'm here to babysit for the day. Gertie had some business to attend to, but she'll be in later. She didn't want you to be alone this morning.”

“She's so sweet. I'm glad you're here, though. Matt can't come in until this afternoon, but he's called about five times this morning. His uncle might get fed up if he sees him using a cellphone on the job.”

“I'm sure his uncle understands that Matt wants to check up on you.”

“I guess. What's in the bag?”

Peter stood next to the bed and emptied out the backpack. “I've got a healthy lunch for both of us, courtesy of my mother, and some books and magazines and a pack of cards. How does that sound?”

“Really nice.”

He put it all on the table tray at the end of the bed and sat in the chair beside her. It was a tight squeeze.

“Are you sure you're going to be comfortable there?”

“Don't worry about me. I want to know how you're feeling.”

Ashley made a face. “I slept on and off all night. I worry that if I move Fred will get fed up and come anyway.”

“Fred?”

Ashley put her hands on her belly. “The baby. We call him Fred. We call her Fred too.”

“What have the doctors said?”

“That I need bedrest. I think I might be in here for longer than I thought. They're concerned about my weight and my blood pressure.”

“Then you're exactly where you should be, and I want you to relax and forget about everything. We have nothing to do and nowhere to go. My idea of heaven.”

They chatted quietly for the rest of the morning. Ashley didn't know he was a professor of computer science, or an egghead, as she called him. He said egghead was a perfect description. Nurses came in every so often to check on her, to take her temperature or blood pressure. Her doctor came in once too and confirmed what Ashley had suspected, that she may be in for longer than they first thought but not to worry. It was more of a precaution than anything else.

After that they opened the lunch Dorothy made for them and Ashley was delighted to see she'd put in little chocolate pudding cups, carrot sticks, and yogurt, along with ham and cheese sandwiches and homemade cookies.

“This looks like the lunches my nana used to make for me.”

That was the only tricky moment. She got upset after she said that, but Peter soon distracted her with a chocolate bar and a game of Go Fish.