Her Russian Billionaire (A BWWM Russian Oligarch Interracial Romance) (10 page)

I
spent
the night following our return to Miami at my own apartment, needing a little space to clear my head after the whirlwind romance that was our trip to the Keys. The next morning, I took the bus to work early, wanting to stop in Lex’s office before my shift. I still didn’t say “I love you” back, and knew I wanted him to hear me say it. But for some reason, I was afraid of saying it aloud.

The nervous ball in the pit of my stomach relaxed slightly when Lex smiled at me. He was dressed impeccably as always, in a bespoke suit and a pale grey tie that matched his eyes.

I can do this,
I told myself.

“Morning, Michelle,” he said, an all-too-familiar smile spreading across his face.

“You almost sound like you missed me,” I smiled back.

“What if I did?” He walked around his desk and perched on the edge, close to my chair. “You seem nervous about something,” he said, before reaching up to cup my chin.

Leaning forward, he pressed his mouth against mine. I wanted to pull back, arguing that the door to his office was open and this wasn’t appropriate. But the feel of his lips on my own was causing my head to grow foggy, and any reservations I had soon flew out the window.

Pulling back finally, Lex had a self-satisfied grin on his face. My courage left me, and I wasn’t sure anymore that confessing my love this early in the morning was the right move.

“I… I missed you too,” I finally managed. “But I should go, I just wanted to say hi.”

“Better hurry,” he teased. “Don’t want to be late for your shift. Just because you’re dating the big boss doesn’t give you leave to be tardy.”

“I hate you,” I growled playfully as I rose from my chair.

“No you don’t,” he called after me as I made my way to the door.

“No,” I agreed quietly to myself. “I really don’t.”

My morning went smoothly, and I almost ceased feeling anxious over the subject of hospital staff knowing about our relationship. I was just starting to calm down when I turned a corner and came face to face with Kyle’s malicious grin.

“So,” he said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. “Still not dating Lex Makarov, huh?”

“I wasn’t dating him back when you first claimed I did,” I replied succinctly and honestly.

“Sure,” he retorted, shaking his head. “Everything must be so easy for you. You get to help out in surgery, you get handed special jobs—all you had to do was sleep with the boss.”

“You know,” came the sound of Julia’s voice as she strode up from behind me, “Dr. Talbot seems to think that Makarov is the only reason you were hired in the first place.”

“You both know that’s not true,” I stated through gritted teeth. “I didn’t even meet Lex until a few weeks after I started my internship. And we’ve only been dating for a week or so.”

“
Lex
,” Julia sneered at my intimate reference to the hospital’s CEO.

“Keep telling people that,” Kyle replied to me. “But no one who saw you two together is going to believe it.

“Thankfully,” I said. “I don’t care what anyone believes.”

With that, I turned and marched down the hallway. It definitely stung, being accused of garnering favors from the CEO. I had worked hard to achieve a good reputation, and now it was being torn down simply because of who I chose to date.

I gritted my teeth for the next hour and a half, counting down to my break. I had texted Lori—the first time since I’d walked out on our coffee break the week before—and she agreed to meet me for lunch.

“Look who finally decided to get her head out of her ass,” Lori said, sitting next to me in the cafeteria. Lori was smiling, and I knew she was only ribbing me good-naturedly, but I was already in a funk and didn’t take it well.

“It’s good to see you too,” I said, a little more sharply than I meant to.

“I’m not the one who’s been MIA for the last week and a half.”

“Sorry,” I replied. “I was having a rough time and then…”

“Then…?”

“Let’s just say I got distracted,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Lori asked, her eyes lighting up. “Is the gossip true? Are you and Lex Makarov really dating?” My look must have confirmed her suspicion, for she continued. “I knew it. I told you, didn’t I? I
knew
you had a thing for Makarov. Besides, I didn’t even need to hear it from you. Look at this,” she thrust her phone at me, the browser window set on a Miami gossip page, the tagline “The Russian Oligarch is dating a plus size model” splattered across the top in huge letters, with the photo of us leaving his jet when we landed back in Miami.

I knew Lori didn’t mean any harm with what she was saying—it was all meant to be taken in good fun. But, after my run-in with the other interns, I was in no mood for teasing, good-natured or not.

“Seriously?” I snapped. “You’re going to do this too? At least you could’ve found a page that didn’t describe me as a plus-size
model
!”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lori answered defensively. “And I don’t know why you have such an attitude right now. You’re the one who’s dating the handsome super wealthy boss. Things must really suck for you.”

“I’m suddenly not hungry anymore,” I said, standing up and walking from the room. This marked the second time I’d walked out on Lori in the last week and a half, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay and make things better between us. Not today.

I spent the rest of my break in the employee restroom, fighting back tears. Lori was the only friend I’d made since moving to Florida, and I didn’t want to lose her. But I also couldn’t believe she’d made that comment about me dating my
super wealthy
boss. As if money or career opportunities were the reason I was dating Lex. Why would people think that? I knew the answer, of course, but I still felt enraged that people would lump me together with all the previous girls Lex had dated.

I had been worried about people finding out about our relationship, and now those worries were validated. While Lex was upstairs, working away without a care in the world, I was the one down here making all the sacrifices for our relationship—listening as people questioned both my ethics and my credibility.

You knew that was always the way it would turn out,
I reminded myself angrily. I was the one expected to sacrifice my job, or my goals, or myself, while whomever I was dating wouldn’t have to sacrifice anything at all.

“That isn’t going to happen,” I said aloud, moving towards the elevator. “Not this time!”

Without really considering where I was heading, I found myself on the twelfth floor. Lex’s secretary clearly knew about us already, because I was allowed into his office without a second guess. She probably eavesdropped on our conversations, I figured.

“Michelle,” Lex said, looking up from his paperwork in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I can’t do it,” I replied.

The smile slid from Lex’s face, quickly replaced by confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“The entire hospital is gossiping about me,” I snapped. “Everyone thinks I slept my way into this internship.”

“Michelle, that’s ridiculous. No one thinks that,” Lex said dismissively. “You’re overreacting.”

“I am not. People have seriously said that—to my face. And today wasn’t the first time. Plus, the gossip pages have somehow snapped a photo of us getting off your plane, and now I’m labeled a plus-size model.” Lex’s face morphed into an angry glare at that information. “And this… ” I motioned between the two of us. “This isn’t worth sacrificing my career over. I’m done sacrificing for other people. Done!”

“Michelle,” Lex replied, “you’re being ridiculous; this isn’t my fault.”

“Maybe not,” I answered. “But I don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.”

Without letting Lex answer, I turned on my heels and walked out of his office. He called after me, but I didn’t turn around. Instead, I walked towards the elevators with my eyes in front of me, tears running down my face.

T
he rest
of my day passed in a blur. I could barely focus on what was in front of me, which was not a great state to be in for an Emergency Room intern. Luckily, I got through the rest of my shift without an incident, later followed by a sleepless night tossing and turning alone in my bed. Did I really just do this? After admitting to myself that I was in love with Lex, did I really just break up with him?

I was changing into my scrubs in the locker room the following morning when I was cornered by Dr. Grimes.

“So,” she said with a huge smile. “You and Lex. I’m not surprised.”

“Not anymore,” I told her, refusing to meet her eyes. “It’s over.”

“What?” she asked. “Already?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

Dr. Grimes led me over to the table, then sat down next to me.

“Tell me what happened,” she said, gently placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Nothing happened,” I replied. “Not really. I just didn’t want to have to deal with the gossip. Lex is great, but not worth risking my career for.”

“You seriously ended the relationship before it had even began, over a little gossip?” Dr. Grimes asked.

“It was more than a little gossip. People had already been implying that I’d slept my way into this internship, there were photos of us on the gossip blogs… I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I didn’t need more questions about my professional reputation. Not when I’ve been at this hospital for less than two months.”

“Michelle,” Dr. Grimes reasoned, “no one that really matters to your career thinks any less about you. There is a couple of jealous interns spreading rumors. I’m going to make sure that their harassment is nipped in the bud. The committee that hired you—of which I was a part—we all know exactly why you were offered this internship. Anyone else who has worked closely with you understands as well. You’re brilliant.”

Her words sent a warm feeling across my chest, but I needed to reconfirm why I’d ended things with Lex.

“Lex and I had only been dating a few days,” I told her. “I just didn’t think it was worth the risk.”

“Perhaps it wasn’t,” Dr. Grimes replied. “But you’ll never know unless you give it a shot.”

I only nodded. I wasn’t really sure what to think at this point.

“I know it’s none of my business,” Dr. Grimes continued when I didn’t speak. “But I’m going to give you a piece of advice. I’ve had a long and successful career. I’ve sacrificed a lot for it. One of the things I sacrificed was a family. I’ve never been married, never had kids. I haven’t even had that many long-term relationships. I could never find the time in my busy schedule. I always thought I did the right thing, but I often ask myself if it was worth it—if I’d really needed to sacrifice so much, whether or not I could’ve actually had both. I just want you to know this, and to be sure you’re making the right decision for yourself.”

Finally lifting my eyes, I studied her grave face. She’d always seemed so self-assured and confident; it was hard to imagine that she had regrets.

“I had best get back to work and I know your shift is about to begin. Just think about what I said.” Dr. Grimes offered me a friendly pat on the back before turning and walking out of the locker room.

Her words ran through my mind all morning. I really needed someone to talk to about all of this. Sucking up my courage, I sent Lori a text, apologizing for my actions over the last few days and asking to meet for lunch again. I swore I wouldn’t walk out this time, no matter how tense things may become.

“Hey,” I said hesitantly as Lori sat down beside me at a table in the cafeteria.

“I feel like I’m the one who needs to apologize,” she blurted out. “I was just awful to you the other day. I think I was still pissed that you’d walked out before and then ignored me for over a week. Plus, I was just stressed about other stuff—money has been tight, and I haven’t been spending enough time at home with Gabby—and I took it out on you. So I’m sorry. I know you don’t care how rich he is; I was out of line.”

“I’m sorry too,” I said, giving Lori a tight hug. “I know I said it over the text, but I needed to say it in person as well. You had every right to be upset with me. I’ve been acting crazy lately.”

“What’s going on?” Lori asked, still concerned after all I’d put her through.

“I don’t deserve you as a friend,” I said with a smile. I then divulged everything that had happened over the last few weeks. I confessed to having sex with Lex for the first time without a condom and the subsequent pregnancy scare that still loomed over our heads. I admitted to my initial struggle over my feelings for Lex and my reservations about making our relationship public knowledge. I then told her about my fear of always having to be the one to sacrifice and how the relationship had opened myself up to even more gossip, so I’d been forced to end it before it had even really begun.

“What do you mean by that?” Lori asked. “You keep talking about sacrifice, like you’ve had to do it before.”

And so I told Lori about Scott.

“I chose a school in Chicago just to be with him,” I said. “I never had time to develop any real friendships. I wasn’t able to get involved at all on campus. Any time I wasn’t in class or studying, I was with Scott. I cooked him meals. I cleaned our apartment. I tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. And it was all for nothing. Do you know what the worst part was?” I asked, blinking back tears.

“What?” Lori said.

“When he broke up with me, he actually called me fat. Said I wasn’t willing to work to keep him interested. All I’d
done
was work to keep him interested. I’m not going to do that again.”

“You
shouldn’t
do that again,” Lori agreed. “The guy sounds like an abusive prick! But… ”

“But what?” I asked between sobs.

“Has Lex given you any indication that he’s like that?” I shook my head, and she continued. “Does he seem to have a problem with your body?”

“No,” I said with a smile. “He actually seems rather fond of my body.”

“Michelle,” Lori put her hand on mine, “I think you’re comparing Lex to Scott, when they are two very different people. Has Lex ever expected you to sacrifice your work or your personal time for him?”

I thought about what she was asked for a few moments.

“He did suggest that I take some time off, if I was pregnant,” I answered.

“Don’t you think that’s a little understandable?” she asked. “He’s from Russia, I heard they take three year maternity leaves there. Plus,
his
mother probably never even worked and just took care of the kids.”

“I guess,” I replied. “But he also doesn’t seem concerned at all about the rumors that our relationship has caused.”

“And you shouldn’t be either. Just think about it, Michelle,” Lori continued. “I don’t like Makarov, I’ll be the first to admit that. But from what you’re telling me, he’s never been anything but a good boyfriend so far.”

Lori was right, and I thought about what she’d said long after our lunch ended. Lex
wasn’t
like Scott. Not really. They were both cocky and always seemed to have smug grins on their faces. But underneath that smug grin, Lex was sweet and caring and so protective. And he loved me just as I am, he didn’t want to change me in any way.

I thought back to our time in Key West. Yes, that was a vacation fantasy, not real life. But Scott had never behaved in such a way—so gentle and kind. I thought back to the moment I’d walked out of Lex’s office for the last time—the painful look on his face. He’d seemed utterly crushed, and I kicked myself now for making him feel that way when he’d always gone out on a limb to make me feel good—at least since we’d come to a better understanding about each other.

No, I didn’t want to sacrifice my job for a relationship, but was I really willing to sacrifice love as well?

When I was with Scott, at that time I’d thought I’d been in love with him. But it had never felt like this.

And that was my answer. What I gained through my relationship with Lex was so much more than the things I was being forced to sacrifice. I didn’t know what to do next; all I knew was that I needed to make things right with Lex.

I went to my follow up doctor appointment with a heavy heart, and the thought of potential pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind.