Here for You (29 page)

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“I don’t have to do shit. I can’t even manage myself. I sure as hell don’t deserve to be some leader for an entire fucking team.”

God, why can’t he leave me alone? I’m so afraid I’m going to lose control of my temper and swing out at him. It’s literally hanging by a thread, and I keep wishing I would see Anderson so I could get it out of my system on that piece of shit.

Johnny goes quiet, and I can see him considering his next statement. I’m not sure anyone will ever be able to bring me back from this, and I know Johnny understands that better than anyone else.

“Cam.” The use of my middle name tells me he’s as nervous as I am about my future. “I’ve known you for eight years. There’s no one in this world that I am more proud to play with. You’ve earned every ounce of respect that team shows you. I know you’re hurting right now, but you have to be there for them. No one can replace you, and you sure as hell can’t let them down. Not after they’ve done everything you’ve asked of them this season. They’ve been there for you in the only way they know how. They’re playing and winning for you and your brother. That is what’s pushing them. They don’t want to let you down.”

I feel the damn tears behind my eyes, but the last thing I want is to break down right now. “I wasn’t there for her, Johnny. I wasn’t there when she was in that doctor’s office finding out she was losing our baby. I need to be there for her now. I just need to get her back to a better place so I can move on without the guilt. She’s not my future, but I feel responsible to help her heal.”

He looks at me before he says anything. “Believe it or not, I understand. I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong. It’s your choice. But I was there with you when you found out, and I watched the guilt eat you alive.”

“I never told Ash. I couldn’t bear to put any more of my pain on her. I honestly don’t know if I can do it, Johnny. Without Ash, I have no reason to care. About anything.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I never deserved her in the first place, and I took advantage of her. She was there for me. She gave everything without expecting anything in return. How can I possibly go on, knowing what I’ve done to her? I’ve hurt too many people. I’m responsible for someone’s death and for hurting the one woman who accepted me, demons and all.”

Johnny shakes his head. “We’re not having this conversation again. You’re not to blame for Jacob. We’ll figure the rest out. Come on.”

Johnny gives me a shove in the direction of the hotel and because I’m too tired to resist and don’t care anymore, I follow him back. True to his word, no one is in Fonz’s room when I get there. I lie down on the couch and my lids drift shut. They feel like sandpaper against my eyes, but I know I need to try and get some sleep.

I do everything I can to force the image of Ashley’s pained expression out of my head. I will never be able to eliminate it from my memory, but I have to push it out at this moment or I’m not going to make it.

Quinn, Monica and Cameron are still flying on the team plane. Even though I don’t want her to be on the team plane, Crystal will fly since Ash is not here and I don’t trust her to make it home on her own. Apparently she spent the day “curing” her hangover by consuming large amounts of alcohol. Every time I wonder why I chose to help her, I think of Jacob and our baby and remember why I’m doing this.

Once we finally board the plane I head to the back. All I want is as much space between Quinn and Crystal as possible. I know Quinn will not start anything but the state of my—I don’t even know what to call her—Crystal has me concerned. As I start to slide into the last row, I hear Cameron’s sleepy voice.

“Uncle Cam, can I sleep with you?”

My eyes flick to Monica’s and hers are telling me I don’t have to do it but honestly, that’s the only thing that might help me right now.

“Sure, buddy.”

I hear Crystal let out a loud sigh. I turn to her as I reach out to take Cameron from Monica’s shoulder. “You don’t have to sit by us.”

“Where the hell should I sit then?”

“I don’t care. Just find a spot back here and pass out.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m fine,
J-C
. No need to act all high and mighty.”

Right. That’s what I’m doing. Every word ended with a slur so I know she’ll take my suggestion to pass out in about five minutes. Rather than engage her further, I sit down by the window and click on my seatbelt before I arrange Cameron on my lap. He’s practically sleeping again and I want to make sure we’re both comfortable because it’s a long flight. Crystal sits across the aisle in the window seat, and Monica sits down next to me.

“Cam, we need to talk.” I look at her. “About what you’re doing.” I see the pity in her eyes but there is something else there.

“What do you mean?”

“You need to stop blaming yourself.”

I can’t take this tonight. There is no way I can handle more thoughts of Jacob or Ashley.

“Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“Of course.” She gives me a small smile and leans her head back against the headrest.

I doubt sleep will actually come to me on the flight, but I lean my head back and close my eyes. The team is still loading on the plane and I hear bins close, seat belts click and guys high-fiving each other every few seconds. I’m glad they’re happy. I just wish I could share in their excitement.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Crystal hisses.

I look around Monica at Crystal. “Just get some rest. Don’t worry about Quinn.”

“Seriously, she’s known the guy what, like five minutes? Now she’s riding on the team plane?”

Why does she insist on making everything so difficult? “Crystal,” I say through clenched teeth, “please just let it go. I cleared it with Coach.”

“Oh, I get it. My little fill-in was supposed to be on here tonight. Not me.”

I can’t get off this plane because Coach will have my balls. Literally. Otherwise I would get off this plane and force Crystal’s drunk ass off with me. All I need is for her to pass out so we can get back to California with no more drama tonight.

“Mon, can you get Fonz?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

“Where’s she going?”

“To get Fonz for me.”

“Why?”

“Because, Crystal. Then you can sleep on his shoulder so you feel loved right now.”

“Fuck you, JC.”

Seriously
? I turn to her quickly but before I speak, I look back down to make sure Cameron is still sleeping. With venom in my tone, I lash out at her.

“Listen, Crystal. I want to try and make this work, but you’re not making things easy on me. I need to take care of Cameron and Monica, and you need to respect that. Jacob is dead because of me, and I would appreciate a little compassion from you. If you really love me the way you say you do, act like it. Support me like any girlfriend, fiancée or wife would! Quit drinking every minute of every day. If you can’t be here for me, then just get the hell out of my life. Let me suffer on my own.”

I’m not sure how many of the words I just spewed at her will actually stick because her eyes are half-closed and her body is bobbing back and forth like she can’t even manage to stay in an upright position.

I unbuckle my seatbelt when Fonz walks up. I manage to get out of my seat without disturbing Cameron. I hand him to Fonz. “I know you’re pissed at me, and I appreciate you doing this for me right now.”

“You got it, Cap.”

“I can take him, Cam,” Monica says softly.

I shake my head. “You get in and try to get some sleep. As soon as the other one is asleep, I’ll take him back from Fonz. You just relax for a few hours.”

I know she wants to argue but she won’t do it in front of any of the guys, so she reluctantly slides in to the window seat. Fonz takes the aisle and gets adjusted in his seat without disturbing Cameron.

I reluctantly take the seat next to Crystal. Her face has softened a little bit, and I think we might actually have a peaceful ride back. “I’m sorry, Wills.”

“I know you are.”

Even though it’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to do, I lift my arm and put it around her shoulders so she can situate herself in the crook of my arm. I just want her to close her eyes so she passes out, and I will do anything to get her into that state even if it means pretending to comfort her.

I look at Fonz, and he shakes his head at me. But what surprises me is that it’s sympathy in his eyes, not fury. On some level he understands what I’m doing, and it makes me feel marginally better that he may not actually hate me for what I’ve done. Not that it really makes me feel any less resentful of myself, but at least I know I can still count on him, just like Johnny.

“Um. Fonz is coming to take me to lunch and he asked if he could say hi to you when he picks me up?”

“No.”

“Ash, he just wants to see you and make sure you’re okay.”

“No. There’s nothing here to see. Listen, I need to go, Lizzy. I have a call with Larry in a few minutes.”

There’s silence on her side, but I know she’s not going to push me. She wants to, of that I’m sure, but I’ve never seen her so scared of me. I’m actually surprised she had the courage to call and ask me. She was intimidated when she first started, but within her first month we were in a routine. But now I’ve morphed into someone that never even existed at my most intense times. Even I hate this version of me, but it’s the only way I could return to the office.

“Okay. Do you want me to bring anything back for you?”

I can’t recall if I’ve actually eaten a meal since I landed in California two days ago. I know every time I think about trying to eat, I feel sick. “Sure. Whatever you think.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in about an hour. Are you sure, Ash?”

“Yes.”

I hang up and drop my head into my hands. I just have to get through the rest of this afternoon and then I can head to the beach house. I would be there right now, but I had to make an appearance in the office. A few people, namely Charlie and Amber, are already suspicious about my actions, and I don’t need to give them reason to go searching out my plan to sell the company. Not that I believe either one of them is smart enough to figure it out, but at the end of the day, I never know for sure who I can trust. I’ve had to involve not only my Chief Legal Officer but also my CFO. I have no concerns with my legal team sharing any information, but my CFO is another matter.

The phone rings and when I see Larry’s number I pick it up. “Hello, Larry.”

“Ms. Hughes.”

“Did you consider my counter?”

“Of course, Ashley.” He pauses, and I’m dreading him coming back with another counter. Not because of the money, but I just want to get the process started. “We’re good on our side”

I take the first breath of relief in the last forty-eight hours. “Great. I will schedule a meeting with the board next week. I know I technically do not need their approval per se, but if I make them feel like they have a say it will make it a smoother transaction for both of us.”

“You’re agreeing to remain on board for some time?”

“Of course. You know I’m always available for you. I will maintain a small percentage of ownership to make for an easier discussion with some of our larger clients.”

“Excellent. Are you going to tell your sister?”

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. “Yeah. I have a meeting scheduled with her and Charlie this afternoon. I was hoping you and I would come to an agreement by then.”

“Do you trust them?”

“Not really, but my legal counsel will be with me and they will sign a NDA specific to this transaction before I share the information.”

“About Charlie. You want him to stay?”

I sigh into the phone. “Yeah. He’s a good employee. I just would appreciate you relocating him to an office outside this city if at all possible.”

“Consider it done. Anything else?”

“Not outside of the details we discussed. You will give my management the opportunity to keep their ownership, correct?”

“Yes. You’ve developed an excellent team over there, and I want any of the individuals currently invested in the company to stay that way. It will ensure they continue to be vested in their work.”

“Why do you want to do this, Larry? Isn’t it time for retirement?”

“Not yet. I’ve got a good five years in me. My son will take over from there. Are you going to tell me about your next venture yet?”

Although small, I smile for the first time since being back. “Haven’t you figured it out, Larry? The new clothing line is my baby.”

He chuckles. “Of course I did. I just wanted to hear it from you. That’s the first time I’ve heard happiness in your voice since you called me Wednesday morning. Are you sure you’re okay?”

For reasons beyond my control I blurt it out. “Cam and I broke up.”

“Hmm.”

“That’s all you have?”

“Sorry. It’s just very surprising. I’ve never seen you light up the way you do when you’re around him, and his eyes never leave you. That boy is head over heels in love. Reminds me of myself when I was younger trying to catch Patty.”

“Well, he has a funny way of showing it.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. Whatever happened, he’ll come around. Trust me.”

I hear a knock on my door. “Sorry, Larry. I have to go. Business calls.”

“Talk to you next week.”

When I hang up, I hesitate. If Lizzy has the nerve to bring Fonz in here after I told her no, I’m going to have a serious issue with her.