Heroine: California Dreamin' (5 page)

The night before Monday left me completely restless. I got up already at five in the morning and made myself some coffee. Daniel came a bit later and I still smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Well, this time it really got you, didn’t it. It was never that bad.” He took me into his arms tenderly and squeezed me. It took me a while until I understood that he referred to my period.

“Yes, this time it is quite intolerable”, I responded but thought of something different.

‘Keep your fingers crossed for me that Robert won’t succeed even after his death that I’m facing murder charges”,
went through my head. The euphoria from last Thursday had completely re-transformed into naked fear.

Daniel drove to his office at seven o’clock. I too joined the commuter traffic shortly thereafter. Different from last Saturday I made only slow headway and I was happy that I had left so early. I waited in my car in some distance to the storage hall. Sometime later Judy got out of a small Japanese off-road vehicle that was at least ten years old and then she walked slowly down the ramp. It appeared that her kind of job didn’t earn her too much money.

I drove my car even further back and parked it behind trucks of a moving company that had left them there. Nobody should be able to read my license plate. Then I walked to the location where I had killed my tormentor. For a while I stood calmly up on the ramp and recalled the events as if they would be happening again.

“Julie, come on down I am here already”, Judy’s voice called me from below and with my high heels I stalked carefully down the ramp. The little court yard was wet and on the backside you could see some scrapes in the concrete. That was it. Police had obviously cleaned the site of the accident. Down there Judy greeted me and in tears she gave me a big hug.

“It was there where he was stretched out on his car”, she pointed to the ground. “It was just awful.” I padded her back and tried to show some tears in my eyes.

“Robert was such a good guy. If I were not together with Hippo I might have married him one day. He often had asked me if I didn’t want to move in with him.” She looked at me briefly.

“Sorry, I’m talking nonsense. That was before he got to know you. The last week before his death he talked about you when we prepared for the shoot. He spoke very highly of you. Julie, Robert loved you.” I pressed my lips together and nodded. In fact my eyes did become moist but not from sadness but rather from rage.

“I loved him too.” Hookers may also lie. For a while we kept embracing one another then we went into the hall.

In Paolo’s office Judy showed me a small flat tool cabinet that stood there on the ground.

“The cops sifted through everything here but they didn’t find anything. They left that cabinet untouched when they realized that only office material was in it and no pornos. They sat together there upfront and watched the movies all day long. Paolo was at the end of his wits when they arrested him then.” I took a deep breath. When the cabinet didn’t contain what I hoped for then I’ve reached the end of my line. Because only police could have taken it.

The front door fell closed with a bang and I startled.

“That must be Pete.” Judy left and greeted Pete in her rough ways in the corridor. I heard how she went to the shower stalls with him where he was supposed to fix something. I had already started to open the drawers. The upper compartments did in fact only contain office material. The lower drawer could not be opened. Underneath the drawer was a thick metal base. Well, I had watched plenty of thrillers on TV so I knew that something was hidden in there. With great efforts I moved the heavy cabinet and actually succeeded in turning it around. There were more drawers on the backside. One could use the cabinet from both sides. A padlock on a metal bar prevented access.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Obviously she didn’t even notice that you could now see a padlock.

“I can’t get to it. Robert was such a careful person he secured it with a padlock. What should we do now?” I asked a bit desperate. My heart was racing.

“Pete, come in here and bring the pipe wrench. Julie is here and wants to pick up her things”, she called through the opened door down the corridor.

“You are his heiress, therefore we are allowed to open that”, she said in dead earnest.

Pete shot around the corner holding a huge pipe wrench in his hand. He wore a blue overall and heavy boots. When he saw me he stumbled towards me with a broad smile, lifted me up and performed a dance of joy.

“Yippee, Julie is here again. I knew you wouldn’t forget about us.” He gave me a kiss.

“Pete, pull yourself together. Her boyfriend has been dead for just a few days. That wasn’t easy for her. Open that cabinet here, it holds some papers.” Again I mired her commanding tone. But what was even more remarkable was that Pete obeyed immediately. Should I try that once with Daniel? The lock cracked and the metal bar fell down. I approached and pulled out the drawers. They contained printed papers.

“Could you leave me alone for a moment? I would like to be by myself for a bit with Robert’s and my memories”, I said with trembling voice. The files were genuine. I had spotted the police’s code of arms.

Judy and Pete nodded understandingly and moved out of the room. When they were outside I packed everything into my purse without thinking twice. The purse was as big as a shopping bag. Binders, papers, envelopes, photos. A passport, credit cards. I took everything. In the lowest drawer there was a flat heavy box made from dark-green painted metal. It was locked. With an effort I lifted it out and put it in front of me. Now the cabinet was empty. Just in case I checked both sides once more. Carelessness should never again endanger my life.

I once more reached behind the fold of every drawer. In the lowest one I heard a click. I pulled the drawer out all the way, turned it around and shook it until a key with some strange looking key-bit fell out of it. I had never seen such a key before. Once again I searched everything thoroughly. Then I also looked through Paolo’s desk. The drawers were empty. Looks like the cops made it just up to here. Only when I had the feeling that I had searched everything I left the room.

Judy and Pete were in the shower room and when I poked my head in there they came out.

“Well, that went fast”, Judy wondered. “I would grieve for a longer time.”

“Please Judy, I found the photographs from our first vacation together. I can’t bear looking at them. So I go back to our apartment and look at them then. There I can really give in to my sadness.” I was glad that Judy understood so quickly. I went to the door when Pete jumped after me.

“The thing is much too heavy for you. I’ll carry it to your car.” He took the box from me.

“No buts! You’ll get it back up there.” He laughed and ran up the ramp while I said good bye to Judy.

“Will you stop in again once and film with us? It was great with you and the boys were totally beside themselves”, she said.

“Perhaps when I’ve recovered from the shock. Right now I need time to cope with it.” She nodded understandingly and I followed Pete who waited up the ramp.

“Where is your car?” he asked with a grin on his face. I pointed down the road.

“There in the back, the Chevy. It was a couple of hundred meters. Pete looked astonished but then grinned.

“Great, then I can talk with you a bit longer. It was so great to make the movie with you. The women before you were much more complicated. There was this wrong and that didn’t fit. We could never do anything right. With you it was like being with your best girlfriend in bed.” I looked at him.

“Does she also take part in it?”

“Who? My girlfriend? No, she ran away from me about half a year ago.” For a moment he didn’t say anything else. Then he turned to me briefly.

“Would you like to be together with me? I’ve really fallen in love with you, believe me. When you got over that thing with Robert will you give me a chance then?” I thought about it.

“Give me your cell phone number. I’ll call you when I feel better. I was impressed with you too.” I winked. There was something about Pete that made me feel confident. Perhaps a good friend could come in handy once.

Pete put the box on the road and with trembling hands he wrote his phone number onto a greasy piece of paper that he had found in his overall together with a pen. When we walked on, I hung back a bit. I opened my black blouse, pulled it from my pants and tied it into a knot before my belly button, just like “Jodie Foster Lill’ Red Riding Hood Juliane”. Now I showed enough flesh.

Pete stopped at my car, panting. The heavy box had driven beads of sweat even on his naked muscular upper torso whose light skin shined in the morning sun. A handsome man.

In order to take my car keys he turned towards me. His eyes became all shiny and he swallowed.

“For me?” He looked exactly there where he was supposed to look. Namely not at my license plate. When I nodded he put down the box and stepped towards me. I waved my index finger.

“First the box into the trunk then you may be rewarded for carrying the box.” He did as told and I put my purse onto the passenger seat.

“Now you may.” I just wanted to give him a long kiss and perhaps allow him to caress my breasts. But when I let go of him and wanted to turn around he looked at me aghast.

“Julie, you can’t let me stand here in this condition. Look, I’m going to explode any moment!” I sighed - because I wanted to leave and then because I was turned on. He was simply too handsome. And if I left Pete in that condition I possible might turn him into a nemesis. But I needed allies. However, I probably had overstated my point of distraction.

“OK, I’ll give you a blow job. Alright?” He shook his head with eyes wide open and pointed to the part between my legs.

“I must feel that again under all circumstances. One doesn’t get a chance for that twice in a lifetime.”

I looked around doubtfully. The street was empty. All around us was only dry steppe with small bushes growing.

“Here?” He nodded again. I shrugged my shoulders and stepped towards him. Then I stripped down the suspenders of his overall. We stood there for a few seconds with dropped down pants facing one another. Quite awkward and though very much excited. Like beginners. And so we behaved further on.

After we had dressed again we still remained clinging to one another for a while. Then I slowly let go of Pete and got into my car. Quietly I said to him through the open side window:

“Pete, I like you, but I must now observe a period of mourning. In Europe that lasts for a whole year as you know.” I stepped on the gas and when I saw his sad face in the review mirror I hoped that he wouldn’t memorize my license plate number and on the other hand I hoped that I would see him again. Perhaps I could hook up with him via my new cell phone without putting myself at risk?

Shortly after San Jose I stopped at an almost empty parking lot in front of a hardware store. This place is probably much busier on Saturdays. I took the documents from my purse that had become all baggy from the amount of papers. I quickly browsed through the documents that showed the police’ letter head in part but had nothing to do with my case.

In a flat binder I finally found what I was looking for. The binder was red and there was a stamp on it. It read: “Closed case. To be filed.”

The file contained the autopsy report that I had seen before and some other forms. Two of files had my name on it. They were reports written by Robert himself. The first two reports explained the first two visits before he attacked me. The last report took my breath away. Panic arose as much as it did on the day when Robert raped me. It was as if everything would repeat itself over again.

The report stated that I had confessed in his presence. He recorded everything that he had threatened me with as if it were my narration. In the end he recommended a charge due to premeditated and insidiously planned robbery homicide. If I had not worked for him or if I had betrayed him he would have taken severe revenge. I would never have left prison alive.

I trembled for many minutes remembering this panic which had paralyzed me upon his threats. Then I told myself to act reasonably. I started reading the autopsy report. The paper shook in my hands when I learned what he had already told me when they found the little holes from the taser's arrows. Obviously the pathologist had learned about it only at the end of the autopsy because it read as if it was dictated in hindsight. Robert removed this part from the report. However I did not understand how he wanted to make it undone without costing him the job.

None of the other documents had anything to do with me. Outside of the parking lot a cruiser of the local police passed by slowly. All that stuff had to disappear! Now! Imagine I had an accident on my way back and police would find all that! They would take me from the hospital straight to prison. With no chance of early release! And they could probably also charge me with the murder of Robert. No, let’s get rid of the papers. I got out of the car, packed up most of the other papers and took them to the green box in the trunk. Then I ran into the hardware store holding the documents marked with the official police emblem.

The restrooms were on the opposite side of the store so when I reached them I was out of breath. Panic took me to my physical limits. Slowly I calmed down and tore everything in my hands into small pieces of paper. Then I flushed them down. Some of the paper chips resurfaced with the refill water. I flushed them down again. With another gallon of water. The toilet tank said 1 gallon was 3.8 liters of water per minute per flush. Well, in this way I learned the conversion rate from liters to gallons. Men only knew about the rate because they stand up when the pee and they do not sit down. One more flush then I sat down again. And one more, for the heck of it.

When I came out from the stall a female police officer stood before me, legs apart, at least a head taller than me, and double as wide. For a moment I was convinced that her boobs were as heavy as my whole body weight.

“Ma’am, is the car with this license plate parked in the lot yours?” She told me the number of the plate. I nodded in agreement. The only thing I wanted was my peace and quiet. And to give up.

“Are you OK?” she asked alarmed because I swayed considerably. I shook my head. She grabbed me by the arm and continued to ask.

“Dear Lord, you are all pale, do you want me to call a doctor?” I declined but then I collapsed. Nobody could endure that much.

“Joe, call an ambulance”, she yelled through the gigantic hardware store. “Make sure that the car is here in a couple of minutes or I kick your ass”. The directness but also the motherly concern of American women could be impressive. When the ambulance arrived the female cop picked me up without any effort and put me gently onto the mobile stretcher.

“Everything will be fine, baby, we don’t do anything to you”, she hummed with a soft voice. Once in the ambulance one of the paramedics strapped an oxygen mask on me and then asked me whether I had health insurance. I shook my head, pointed to my purse and stammered: “Cash”. I wouldn’t see that money again anyhow once I was in prison. He looked into my wallet, closed it again and lowered his head satisfied. With sirens blasting loud we raced for several minutes and behind us I heard the howling from a police car’s siren.

Then they pushed me into the emergency room of some hospital. The female officer stood beside me and looked at me encouragingly. A physician noted down my data and then they examined me thoroughly. Some time in the early afternoon I found myself sitting in a wheelchair in the waiting room. They couldn’t determine anything, I was healthy. Without any further attempts to explain anything else to me I let them push me onto the backseat of the police cruiser. The female officer who had accompanied me the whole time grinned at me with a friendly face over her shoulder, probably so I wouldn’t dare to escape.

“Everything will be OK. It’s not that bad. Within half an hour we’ll have the whole procedure behind us.” Did they shoot delinquents now right after the arrest or do they string you up right away?

I still asked myself why I wasn’t handcuffed but then we drove into a courtyard and went up the stairs into the police precinct. It was quiet and a few officers sat or stood around and talked to one another in a relaxed way. Perhaps I should have chosen that profession instead of studying psychology. After all, my mother had warned me.

In a small room I had to sit down on a chair. Another uniformed woman sat down opposite of me with a sincere expression on her face.

“Ma’am, you are accused to have violated the laws of the State of California. You are accused of having had sexual activities with a man in public. In addition we have to check whether you have received money for it in this context. Since it had happened in a public place we must file charges against you. You have the right to make a phone call now. Of course you have also the right …” and so on. Like in the movies. I interrupted her.

“Can you please repeat that once more? I didn’t understand you.” I sat there with my mouth open.

“Oh sure, you are a foreigner. I explain it to you once more and slowly”, she responded calmly.

“Now, sex. You understand that?” I nodded. “On the street. With a man. Do you understand?” I confirmed. “Forbidden.” “Sex for money. Also forbidden.” Again I agreed.

“Is that you in the photographs?” She pushed a few photocopies towards me where Pete and I were depicted in an unambiguous position. For a short moment I was happy to see him once more, although he was only somewhat visible. Then I confessed by lowering my head that it was me who violated the laws in those pictures. The noisy images had probably been taken with a telephoto lens from great distance. A ‘remote peeping tom’, so to speak.

I looked up at the ceiling and searched for something that would give me a clue why I had been dancing on a razor blade above an abyss and why I still haven’t fallen. Maximum punishment for my violation was deportation, not capital punishment.

“Are you feeling sick?” I heard the concerned voice of the woman before me.

“I am fine. I just feel a bit weak, you know.” Now she confirmed.

“May I make my phone call now?” She nodded. When she didn’t react any further I picked up my pink new cell phone from the purse and the piece of paper which I had received from Pete and then dialed his number. The phone had now lost its virginity. From now on Pete belonged to the immediate family. Pete answered the phone after a few rings and he was totally beside himself when he heard my voice.

“Great, is the year over already? That was pure madness with you just before. When do I see you again? Right now?” The female officer got up and left the room. They were not only friendly here but also polite. Again I was impressed.

“Pete, please listen to me. I’ve been arrested. Somebody has watched you and me this morning and given my license plate to the cops. We have violated some laws. I probably must go to jail. Can you stop by and explain to them that I am not a hooker and that we did this on a voluntary basis?” The line remained silent for a moment. Then he laughed out loud.

“I do not believe that. A peeping tom watched us?”

“Yes, with a telephoto lens.”

“Yippee, when I find that dude I’ll buy him a beer.”

“Come on, are you really happy that they lock me up?” I asked him back in horror.

“No, of course not. I am only happy that you return to me so fast. It’s just a joke. Post a hundred dollars bail and they’ll let you go at once. I come by and pay for it. A few friends of mine had similar experiences. If they catch you repeatedly then you might have to serve a weekend doing social work.”

“You misunderstood”, I stopped his flow of words. It wasn’t a good idea to have called him. But Daniel? Oh my Lord, I might just as well have packed my things and sat on an evening flight to Europe where Igor would pick me up in Frankfurt. I had hoped that Pete would come by and take responsibility for all of that. The panic attack from this morning was still blocking my brain. It probably was all nonsense.

“Pete, I am a foreigner and my visa has expired and when I leave jail they put me in detention ready to be deported. You’ll never see me again because then I can’t come back.”

“Shit, oh shit. Look I have an idea. Ron’s dad is a big shot in the justice system. Let me call Ron right away at his bloody college. He is as much in love with you as I am. He can get you out. I call you back in a jiffy. Your number is on the display.” Click. Pete was gone.

This was the end. I had totally lost control over the situation. Panic crept up my spine again.

Pete informed Ron, Ron informed his father – in addition Irene would learn about me and her son … Dear Lord, I had told Irene that Robert had raped me … She would tell her husband that I worked for Robert … with Ron and Pete and Alonso and fat Hippo … Irene would want to take revenge on me and they had a link between me and Robert. Then they would reopen the case.

When I came back to my senses I saw the smiling face of the paramedic who had accompanied me this morning. He winked at me. I noticed that my blouse was open and that they transferred my heart rate to a device via several cables.

Again the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me.

“Well”, said the gynecologist who was consulted last, “some women react stronger to heavy blood loss.”

Pete called me back later in my hospital room.

“Are you still at the police precinct? Listen, Ron has activated his old man who will look into the allegations and then talk to the judge. Are you listening to me?” That was the end. I hung up.

One hour later I woke up and looked at the alarmed faces of the boys. Only Alonso was missing. And Hippo. But he wouldn’t fit into that round at this particular moment anyway.

“They told us at the police that you’ve collapsed. You are free again. We deposited the hundred dollars bail and I took responsibility for seducing you”, said Pete. He had moist eyes. I took him into my arms and squeezed him.

I looked at both of them. It warmed my heart. They were so concerned about me! The short sleep had refreshed me enough so I was able to think clearly again, at least halfway.

“Listen boys. I need to talk with you. But before that - get me out of here. The doctors here stand in line to examine me. Always something new.” They looked at one another and understood immediately. Ten minutes later we’ve left the hospital. In my thoughts I apologized to the doctors for my allegations. We got into Ron’s old Corolla. They were diplomatic enough to let me sit on the backseat by myself.

“As I started to say I must confess something to you. I only hope that you don’t kick me out of the car afterwards.” They looked at each other in astonishment and at the same time they shook their heads. They almost looked a bit like twins. The same blond hair, the carefree laughing, the size of …
“Stop it there and pull yourself together”
, I argued with myself. Both waited patiently.

“Robert was only my lover, I did not live together with him.” Silence. Shrugging of shoulders.

“In reality I’ve been married with a manager in Palo Alto.”

“At this computer joint?” Ron asked back, totally unruffled.

“Yes. A time ago Robert crossed my ways and I had started an affair with him. My husband who I really love is often gone on business trips. I was then terribly bored at home and therefore it simply happened. Then Robert told me that he owned a small company. I convinced him to show me what he was selling there. I liked it so much that I asked him one day whether I could participate in a shoot. First he didn’t want to allow that. But then he gave in. Our shoot was the result of it.”

“Then you are not a professional from Europe?”

“From Europe: yes. A professional: no. More of a beginner than you can ever be.” There was silence on the front seats for a moment but then both screamed at the same time “Yippee” and gave one another high five.  Or similar to it; I had heard it once from Daniel.

“However, the worst part comes now. I live in Roquetas, Ron. And I know your mother quite well. As you know my visa has expired. She also knows about it. If and when your mom should learn about that we filmed a porno together she will lose her mind. And if your father learns about that … Ron, do you know what I’m talking about?” He nodded slowly.