Hickville Confessions: A Hickville High Novel (20 page)

“What happened back there? Was it Austin? We’ll work it out.” Her voice was desperate and tears fell down her cheeks.

He’d done this to her. What a shithead. “We shouldn’t have to work it out. You deserve better than my kind of crazy. I love you and I won’t put you through this.” He slammed the truck into reverse and backed away.

He looked in the rearview as he turned the truck to head down the driveway. She stood in the same spot wiping her eyes.

Yeah, he was a shithead deluxe.

Ryan stared down the dirt drive long after he’d pulled onto the highway and sped away. What had happened? How could he say he loved her and then drive away? She eased herself onto the top step of the porch.

No doubt her family was already dissecting what’d happened. She couldn’t blame them. One minute he was fine, the next he was frozen. Should he even be driving?

The screen door screeched open and her dad came through carrying a plate. “Mind if I sit?”

“No.” She scooted over a few inches, although there was enough room.

He sat and held out the plate. “I thought you might want this.”

“Thanks.” She took it and forked up a bite of salmon.

“He seems like a good kid.”

She nodded. “He is.”

“Do you understand what happened back there?” He leaned back on his elbows.

“Not really—other than he kind of freaked out.”

“Freaked out, anxiety attack, maybe more.”

She looked at her dad. “Did I do something? Say something?”

He shook his head. “Probably not. He’s been through some major stuff. There’s no telling what caused his freakout.” He made air quotes around
freakout.

“What do I do? I feel so helpless.”

“There’s not a lot you
can
do. Listen when he needs you.”

She set the plate on the step. “I don’t think he wants to see me again.”

Her dad sat up and put his arm around her, pulling her to his side. “What makes you say that?”

“He said I didn’t need to be around his kind of crazy. I think he really hates himself.”

“Do you think he’d hurt himself?”

She shook her head. “No. After what his mom did, I’m sure he wouldn’t go there.”

Her dad lowered his arm from her shoulder and sat forward with his elbows on his knees. “Ryan, you’ve been through hell the past couple of years. I’m really proud of how you’ve come through it.”

“I haven’t exactly come through it. I still have surgery on my lip and then there’s what’s left of my face.”

He smiled. “That’s cosmetic. It’s the inside I’m talking about. You’ll always be pretty on the outside.”

“Thanks. Dad? Can I ask a personal question? I want an honest answer, not just one to make me feel better. I need to know.”

“Okay, I’ll do my best. Shoot.”

“Did you lose your job because I got caught with Mr. Blankenship’s son?”

He rubbed his hands across his face. “First, let’s make something clear. I wasn’t fired. I disagreed with the direction of the company and we came to a mutual agreement.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

He looked at her and she saw the pain in his eyes. Was he remembering that awful day when he’d walked in on them? She was so messed up she’d laughed when he opened the door.

“We’d been having disagreements. When—that happened, Blankenship blamed you. It was as if his son hadn’t even been in the room. We had words.” He shrugged. “It was just a matter of time before I was pushed out anyway.”

“I don’t understand how they could do that when you and Mr. Blankenship founded it together.”

“He had more control. It’s okay. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us. I’m happy to be back.”

“Mom’s not.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I hear her crying at night.”

He dropped his gaze to the ground. “It’s been an adjustment, but we’re okay.”

She wrapped her hand around his bicep and leaned on his shoulder. “I wish I could have a do-over. Then none of this would ever have happened.”

“We don’t get many of those in life. The important thing is what we do with the lessons we’ve learned. You are the person you are because of your experiences. You’re strong, smart, caring. I couldn’t be prouder.”

“Thanks,” she whispered.

He stood and gave her a hand up. “Should we join the others?”

“I want some alone time.” She turned toward the door just in time to see Mackenzie back away from the other side of the screen.
That’s weird. Even for Kenzie.

She grabbed her plate from the step and her dad held out his hand. “I’ll take it.”

“Thanks.” They retreated to the house, but while her dad headed to the kitchen she went upstairs. She sat on her bed and grabbed her phone.
Should I text him? Should I give him some time? He says he loves me.
Her heart warmed and broke at the same time.
For some stupid reason he thinks he’s protecting me by backing off.

She set the phone down and hugged her pillow as a million other questions filtered through her thoughts.
Why was Mackenzie eavesdropping? We didn’t say anything that she didn’t already know. What did the others say after Justin left? What will I do now?

What was the universe doing to her? It refused to let her be happy. She’d been accepted to the art-magnet school and—reset: date rape.

She’d changed, was ready to embrace a new life and—reset: attack by crazy girls.

She and Justin were happy for about a heartbeat and—reset: Justin runs.

She was tired of starting over. This was stupid. It was time to take control of the reset button for herself.

She jogged downstairs to the kitchen, where her mom was wiping down the counter. “Can I run to town?”

“It’s getting late.”

“I know. I’ll be back by ten.”

Her mom hesitated before nodding. “Okay.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She’d made it almost out of the kitchen before her mom stopped her. “Ryan.”

“Yeah?”

“Tell him he’s welcome here anytime.”

“I will.”

“Call if you’re going to be late.”

She was determined to convince him that she could handle whatever was going on with him. Her plan was to march up to his door and pound on it until he answered. But by the time she parked behind his truck, her bravado had begun to waver. She texted instead.

Ryan: You okay?

Justin: I’m sorry.

Ryan: Don’t be. Don’t run from us.

She stared at the screen. Nothing.
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have gone there. So now what? Do I pound on the door or drive off?

Ryan: ???

Seconds ticked by and with every one, her heart seemed to beat a little faster.
Screw it. I didn’t come all this way for nothing.
She opened the door of the old blue truck and took a deep breath before getting out.
Here goes nothing.

She walked up the driveway to his door. With each step, her feet seemed to want to turn the other way and retreat to the truck. When she made it to the front door, she hesitated before raising her hand to the doorbell. What if he didn’t answer? What if his dad answered? Her hand shook as she pushed the little white button.

It seemed like an eternity before the door opened.
Shit.

Mr. Hayes stood on the other side of the door. At least he smiled when he saw her.

“Hi Ryan. Come in. I’ll get Justin.” He stepped back and she stepped into the entry.

Mr. Hayes walked down a short hall and knocked on a door before opening it. She couldn’t hear what he said, but he closed the door and returned to her. He had a fake smile on his face and she was sure he was going to tell her that Justin didn’t want to see her. She held her breath and waited for him to speak.

“He’ll be out in a minute. Come in and have a seat.”

“Thanks.” She followed him to the den and sat on the leather couch he indicated.

“Can I get you a coke or water or something?”

“No, thanks.” This was crazy awkward. Why hadn’t her plan included running interference with Mr. Hayes?

He sat in a chair across from her and muted the TV. “Your face looks good.”

“Thanks.” She almost giggled. Out of context, that statement would have been hilarious. “I’m having my lip fixed on Tuesday.” Wow, she hadn’t expected to tell him that. She hadn’t even told Justin.

“Here?”

She nodded. “Dr. Cooper said he could do it here or in Dallas. It didn’t make sense to drive all the way to Dallas.”

“He’s a good surgeon. You’re in good hands.”

“Good to know.”

And then the uncomfortable silence settled in. They smiled at each other and waited. Mr. Hayes stood and walked back into the kitchen. “He should be right out.”

“Yeah.” She gave a jerky nod.
That didn’t look weird.
She was about to ask for a glass of water just for something to do when Justin entered the room.

“Hi.” He looked at her beneath the bangs that almost covered his eyes and her breath caught.

She stood. “Hi.”

“Do you want something to drink?”

“No. I’m good.”

He took a step back. “Let’s go to my room.” He reached for her hand and led her down the hall. She loved the strength and warmth of his skin next to hers. He pulled her into his room and closed the door most of the way. “Open door rule.”

“We have the same one.”

He dropped her hand and for a few seconds they stood a foot apart and stared at each other. When she looked into his eyes, it was as though she could see a war going on in there.

He opened his arms and she stepped into them, wrapping her arms around him. He let out a sigh and pulled her against him. He kissed her head and tightened his embrace. Neither spoke, they just held on.

When he released her, he pulled her over to sit on the bed. “I’m sorry I left like I did. I just had to get out of there.”

“What happened?”

“One thing triggered a memory and the next thing I knew my mind was out of control.” His voice sounded strained. He lifted his gaze to hers and she saw fear in his eyes. “I don’t know how to stop it.”

Crap.
This was way bigger than she imagined, and she had no clue how to make him feel better. “What does your dad say?”
Really, Ryan? That’s the best you can do?

“I’m going to meet with Dr. O’Malley.” He focused on his hands. “The thing is, until I can get this thing under control, there will always be drama.” He looked at her again. “I’m scared.” His voice was so hoarse she barely made out the last words.

She looked at his beautiful sad eyes and her heart pounded in her chest. She had to show him that he didn’t have to do this alone. She cupped his cheek and guided his lips to hers. He opened his mouth under hers, allowing her deepen the kiss. It was awkward sitting beside him, especially when what she really wanted to do was crawl into his lap.

He broke the kiss and slid up the bed to lean against the headboard. “Come here.”

She snuggled into his arms. He trailed the back of his hand down her arm, leaving chills in its wake. He pressed a kiss against her forehead and trailed his fingers back up her arm. Her heart pounded heat through her.

Silence stretched between them. She’d come here to talk, but now all she wanted to do was feel his mouth on hers.

He wrapped his arms tight around her. “I want to be with you more than anything. But I have to get my shit together first.”

“No. You don’t.” She pushed away from his chest and faced him. “Look, I know I said that I was tired of the drama. Drama brought us together and maybe that’s part of what
us
will always be about. We’re both a little screwed up.” She hovered over him and waited for him to say something. He brushed his fingers across her cheek. She was a heartbeat from pressing her mouth to his when he let his arm fall to his side.

“What if I’m crazy?”

She scooted higher and rested her back on the headboard next to him.

A tear slipped down his cheek. “What if it happens at school? What if it gets worse?”

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him against her. He rested his head on her chest, curled his body next to her. She brushed his hair away from his face and the tears from his cheeks. She wanted to tell him it was going to be okay. But she couldn’t, because she wasn’t sure it was. What if he was crazy? Could she handle it?

He rolled onto his back and pressed his fingertips against his eyelids. “I’m sorry.” He gave her a sideways look and smiled. “I finally get to feel your boob and I cried all over it.”

She threw a pillow at him. “Ah, so that was the plan all along.”

He caught it and tossed it back. “No, this is my plan.” He crawled to her and tickled her.

She laughed and grabbed his hands. She used them for leverage and pushed up to her knees. They both knelt facing each other. She let go of his hands and launched a counter attack, managing to get a few tickles in before he grabbed her wrists and held them together. She tried to wriggle free, but he was too strong. “What now, big guy?”

He kept hold of her hands and closed the gap between them. “This.” He pressed his mouth to hers. He pulled her arms down, causing her to fall forward against him. They both laughed, but never broke the kiss. He let go of her wrists and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his hands up and down her back and stopping every few inches to squeeze. And with each squeeze, she wanted to press her body harder against him.

A knock sounded on his door. “Justin?”

They jumped apart like they’d been shocked.

*

“Yeah, Dad?” He moved to the edge of the bed as he answered. Ryan just sat cross-legged in the middle of the mattress.

His dad pushed the door open and half-stepped in. He looked at Justin with slightly raised brows—a look that said he knew what they were up to. “I have to run in to the hospital. I’m sorry. I know I promised…”

“It’s okay, Dad.”
Just leave already.

“I shouldn’t be long—maybe a couple of hours—just long enough to transfer a patient.”

Justin nodded. “It’s cool. Really.”

He nodded. “Ryan, it’s good to see you again.”

“Thanks.”

He looked at Justin. “I’m leaving as soon as I change. Don’t forget it’s a school night.”

Ryan looked at her watch. “I have to leave in a few minutes anyway.”

He nodded and stepped from the room… leaving the door open a little wider as he left.

Ryan sat on the edge of the bed next to Justin. “Are we good?”

Justin grabbed her hand. “
We’re
great.” He stood, pulling her up with him. “The question is, do you really want to ride this crazy train? Ryan, I’m serious. It could happen again.”