Hidden Falls (6 page)

*****

With the windows down and
the music blaring, I could
almost
pretend that I hadn’t just screwed up
royally. 
Almost.
  I tried to keep my eyes on the road.  I really did
try, but I kept catching glimpses of her smooth skin out of the corner of my
eye.  The moon light was shining down on her legs, making them even more
enticing. 

I tried not to think about
them, or how they would feel under the palms of my hands.  I tried to think
about anything other than her body. 
Quadratic equations.  Mrs. Gumphrey, my
wrinkly neighbor.  Santa Claus.
No matter what, I couldn’t stop my eyes
from searching her out in the darkness.  Frustrated, I slapped my hands down on
the wheel.  My grip became so hard that my knuckles turned a shocking shade of
white. 

“Beatin’ up on the wheel
won’t do you any good.” I looked over at her and saw a faint smile on her
lips.  I shook my head and ignored her comment.  I wouldn’t let her get to me
this time.  “Look...I’m sorry-”

“Don’t.  You have nothing
to be sorry for.” Like hell I would let her say she was sorry for what she
said.  She had every right to scream at me.  I was a total jackass back there.

“But I do.  I shouldn’t
have brought up what happened to your dad.  I know that it’s a...sore topic
with you.  Chase used to tell me-”

“Chase? What the hell did
my brother tell you?” I ground my teeth together as the rush of anger coursed
through my body.  “What the hell would he know about anything?  With his
perfect life and perfect friends...he doesn’t know shit.”

I looked over at her as I
pulled off to the side of the road.  I wanted her full attention this time. 
Neither of us could run out here in the middle of nowhere.  We would both have
to shut up and listen for once.

“Don’t say that, Brian. 
His life isn’t perfect.  He’s been through hell too, ya know?” She wouldn’t
look at me, her eyes glued to the front windshield. 

“I don’t have much
sympathy for him, so if that’s what you’re after, forget it.  He sat there on
his high horse, with the town feeling so sorry for him, when our dad died.  He
was such a
tender
soul.” I laughed, but it was full of anger.  I was
bitter as hell and it was time she knew why.  “Do you have any idea what
I
went
through?  The pain that
I
dealt with? No.  ‘Cause everyone was always
focused on
him.

“How sorry they were that
he had to go through all of that.  How bad they felt that
I
dragged him
out to that party that night.”  I ran my hands through my hair, unable to sit
still as I spilled my soul to the only girl I had ever loved.  “I caught the
blame for the whole thing.  And when I didn’t crumble, like he did, I was made
out to be heartless and cold.  No matter what I did, it was never right.”

I had to slow down.  My
heart was doing a polka dance in my ribcage.  I could feel each beat as it
slammed against my bones, the muscles desperate to control the spasms that
racked my body.  “The worst part? I never said a word.  Not to him. Not to my
mother. Not to anyone.  I just let them all think what they wanted.”

The sound of her legs
pulling away from the leather bench seat caught my attention.  I watched as she
inched closer to me, her eyes focused on my face.  Her small hands pulled mine
off of the wheel and dragged them to the small space between us. 

“You can’t blame Chase for
this. He has always worn his heart on his sleeve.  You...you were always better
at hiding it.  I knew that...and I think everyone else did too.” Her thumb ran
circles over the back of my hand, but nothing could soothe me.  Not even her
caress. 

“I need to get you home.”
I pulled my hand away from her touch and instantly felt the loneliness creep back
in.  We sped the rest of the way home, neither of us feeling the urge to fill
the emptiness surrounding us.  There was nothing left to say, anyway.  She
didn’t understand.  I was a fool for thinking that she would.

*****

I pulled the truck to the
end of her driveway and turned the lights off.  I didn’t cut the engine
though.  I wanted it to be known that I wasn’t staying.  There was no reason to
stay.  I didn’t even bother to turn the radio off as the soft sounds of Hunter
Hayes filled the cab of the truck.

“One day you’ll learn that
the world isn’t out to get you.” She whispered those final words before jumping
out of the cab.  With the slamming of the door, I felt my mood shift to black. 
I didn’t think it was possible to feel any shittier than I already did, but
there you have it.  With one simple sentence she had broken me, yet again. 

When I got home I went
straight to my room.  I tried to be as quiet as possible so I didn’t alert
Chase that I was home.  He would want to know what happened with Katy, and at
that point I couldn’t tell him ‘cause I sure as hell didn’t know.  I began undressing,
throwing my clothes in a pile on the floor. 

“You sure you need another
mess to clean up tonight?” His voice startled me.  My heart was racing a mile a
minute as I clutched at my chest.  The grin on his face pissed me off even
more.  “Katy called.  Wanna tell me what happened?”

I sat down on my bed and
leaned forward.  “If you’ve talked to her, then you already know. Or do you get
some sick pleasure out of watching me suffer?”

“I get no pleasure from
it, actually.  In fact, it pisses me off.” He walked over to me and sat down. 
“Shit, Brian.  Katy’s a good person.  She doesn’t deserve this, especially not
from you.”

I ran my hand through my
hair and leaned back on the bed, my body finally releasing some of the tension
that had been building all night.  “I’m not stupid.  She’s better than I
deserve, that’s for sure.”

“We finally agree on
something.” I looked over at him and found him smiling.  Lucky for him, I knew
his sense of humor, or he’d have been flat on his back on the floor by now. 
“Look, do you like her?”

“Yeah, I do.  A lot.”

“Then stop screwing up. 
She’s there.  She’s available.  Time to stop letting what everyone else thinks
of you stop you from getting what you want.  If Katy’s what you want, go for
it.” He stood up and put his hands down by his side, his fists balled into
fists.  “But you gotta stop messing around with Jenn.  She’s nothing but
trouble.”

I laughed.  A loud guffaw
escaped my lips before I knew what happened.  I sat up and faced him. 
“Seriously? Do you even know her?” He just stared at me, his face hard and
unmoving.  “Jenn is a lot of things, but trouble...I don’t think so.  She’s got
issues, sure.  And yeah, she tried to screw shit up with you and Roxie. 
But...you don’t know her like I do.  She’s...lost.”

“So...you’re gonna keep
seeing Jenn?” He squared his shoulders, his stance becoming rigid. 

“Not like that, no.  But
as friends...yeah, I am.  We’re friends.  Sometimes with benefits.” A look of
disgust floated across his face, making me laugh again.  “Don’t be such a
prude.  We grew up together. It’s not like we’re both out there humping
anything we can find. Shit...”

“You’re gonna have to
explain that to Katy.  And Jenn.  They both deserve to know what’s going on.”
He turned and walked to my bedroom door.  He opened it and then turned to face
me once again.  “If you don’t have the balls to say something to both of them,
then you don’t deserve either of them.”

He walked out, leaving me
even more confused than I was before he arrived.  Was he actually encouraging
me to go after Katy?  The girl who had followed him around like a little puppy
since we were kids?  The girl who could have been the leader of the Chase Fan
Club?  I’m not stupid, not by a long shot.  I know that she probably still had feelings
for Chase.  You don’t get over someone that quickly and that easily.  But how
the hell would I figure out if she could ever feel that way about me?  I
couldn’t just ask her.  No, that wasn’t my style.

Then there was the issue
of Jenn.  We had an understanding.  As long as both of us were single, we could
mess around and not worry about what the other was doing behind our backs.  But
now?  Would she understand when I told her that I was no longer on the market?
It was less than a week ago that I told her I had sworn off relationships.  And
now I was willing to jump right in with Katy ‘cause she was finally
“available?”

I shook my head and tried
to clear my addled brain.  I had to talk to both of them.  I had no choice but
to face each of them, on their own turf.  I knew what I would have to do...but
doing it was something else altogether.

Chapter Eleven

Katy

I spent last night staring
at the ceiling.  After Brian dropped me off, my heart and mind were a complete
mess.  My head was telling me to run as fast as I could.  That he was no good
for me.  But my heart was screaming at me, begging me to open my eyes and see
him for who he truly was.  The war raging inside of me was too much.  I
couldn’t help but wonder if maybe that was the sign that I needed.  If my body
couldn’t agree on the answer, then it was probably a bad idea.  Right?

I knew what I had to do
this morning.  I needed to talk to him.  I needed to figure out what was going
on, if anything at all.  I spent the first half of my morning talking myself up,
determined that I could walk right up to him and demand an answer.  Then the
other half was spent questioning whether or not it was a mistake.  What if I
made a total ass out of myself? What if he didn’t feel anything for me?  Could
I live with the knowledge that I had just ruined a friendship?

A call from Roxie that
afternoon gave me the answer that I needed. 

“Should I go over there? I
mean, what if he...I don’t know...is just messing with me?” I asked.

“If I could smack you
right now, I would.  You’ve known him forever.  Sure, he doesn’t have a great
track record with girls.  But do you really think he would do something like
that to you?” She had a point.  The smug tone in her voice told me that she
knew she did as well.  “Come on Katy.  Don’t make me come over there and give
you a swift kick in the rear.”

I stared at the mirror
hanging above my dresser.  There, taped to the glass, was a picture of Brian
and Chase from years ago.  I remembered when it had been taken.  It was before
my family began to crumble.  “Fine.  I’ll go over there.  But if this goes bad,
I’m blaming you.”  She laughed and I couldn’t help joining her. 

“Do what you have to do. 
But I know this is the right thing to do.  You won’t get anywhere until you put
yourself out there.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I took a
final glance at the mirror before moving to the window.  “I’ve been meaning to
ask, how are things going with your parents?”  With everything that had been
going on, I had completely forgotten about
why
I had been at the farm.

I heard her quiet release
of breath and I braced myself for what was coming.  “They’re...well, they’re my
parents.  They have been trying to convince me to go back to New York with
them.  And before you get your panties in a bunch, my answer was no then, and
it will be no tomorrow.”

I needed to be selfless at
that point, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  “I’m really glad to hear
that.  You have no idea how glad.”

“Did you actually think I
would leave?  Damn Katy...”

“I didn’t think you would,
but you can’t blame me for being worried.  I mean, Betty is gone.  You’re out
of high school.  What happens next?”

“Next?  That’s a good
question.  I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” She let out a frustrated
laugh, the sound barely audible.  “I’ve still got some time, ya know?”

“Yeah, you do.  But...if
you’re planning on going to school...well, they won’t be taking applications
forever.”

She was quiet again.  I
knew that I had hit a sore spot.  That was probably one of the biggest reasons
that her parents wanted her to go home.  How could she take care of the farm
and go to school at the same time?  That was a huge responsibility, and one of
those life changing decisions that couldn’t be made without time. 

“I know.  Damn...do I
know.” I could hear her bed squeak as she spoke.  “I’ll figure it out.  Soon,
hopefully.”

“Looks like we both have
some sh-stuff to figure out.”

“You’ve been hanging out
with Brian too much already.” She laughed out loud, causing me to smile.  It
had been too long since she had really laughed.  “Okay, it’s time to put up or
shut up.  Are you going over there?”

I stared out the window,
taking note of the once-green grass in the yard.  It was turning a muted shade
of yellow and brown since it had been a dry summer so far.  I knew that I
wanted to find out what was going on between Brian and myself, but did I have
the courage to just show up at his house?  I hoped so. 

“I don’t have much of a
choice, do I?” I walked away from the window and grabbed my purse off my bed. 
“I’ll call you later and let you know how it goes.”