Hidden Faults (27 page)

I went over the sofa where we’d been earlier and sat huddled in the corner, almost afraid to breathe, wondering if fire would shoot out of my mouth. I had no idea how this power worked. I’d never been close to a major pyrokinetic before—let alone dreamed I was one.

“Here.”

I looked up and Kir handed me a glass of something vaguely red. I sniffed—not temlido, but not unpleasant. “It’s something from the Weadenal,” he said. “I don’t drink spirits, but it’s supposed to be good stuff.”

I sipped it. It tasted herby and a little harsh, but it rolled nicely on my tongue, and after I’d swallowed a little more, I could feel my toes warming up. “It’s good, thank you. Come and sit.”

He curled up beside me, arm protectively around me, and as I sipped more of the drink, he tried to explain my talent to me. “The fire thing ain’t hard to work out. You just gotta be careful for a bit when you think about lights and flames and things. Don’t wish too hard for it, if you know what I mean. Ronwe’ll help you, but you should start to feel it when you want to produce fire. It’s about imagining what you want, but you gotta close it in, kinda.” He frowned. “It’s not like the telepathy cos that’s kinda automatic. This, you gotta control. Try it. Hold your hand out, and imagine a tiny flame. It’s okay—you won’t get burned. Think of a flame just above your skin.”

I did as he suggested, and gasped as, almost immediately, bright yellow light burst into life above my palm.

“Okay, now make it grow a little. Feel in your head how it works, what’s happening when you do it. It works with your whole body, but concentrate on the mental part. Here...let me help focus you....”

And then I made the connection. How the want had to be a particular kind of want, and how changing my desire had an effect on the flame. I didn’t even have to see it in my mind. I just had to want it a certain way. I could make it hot or cold, large or small, glow white and tight, or yellow and loose. Strange I could feel the heat, but that I had some kind of immunity to it. I doubted I could actually touch the flame and escape injury, but it could dance very close without doing the harm I predicted. Something I’d never known about major pyrokinetic powers.

“
Now, imagine it gone,” Kir said quietly. I did, and it worked. I grinned at him in triumph. “See? You need to practise some more. Usually kids learn this stuff playing. It’s easier when you’re little. I don’t know how your parents didn’t notice.”

“If they had, they’d have screamed bloody murder. My Mam would have at least. She hates paras.”

I swallowed more of my drink and thought gloomy thoughts about my parents. I could imagine Mam’s reaction when she got the news about me—a deev and a para. Oh, the everlasting shame of it all.

“I didn’t like her. I scanned both of them—your Da was worried sick, but she’s...all twisted up. Reminded me a bit of my mother.”

I finished the drink and set it on the little table in front of us. “Does she know you’re out of prison?”

“Nope. That’s cos Mam’s dead. Killed herself.”

He drew a knee up under his chin and stared into space.

“I was only little so I didn’t know what it was I was reading from her, but her thoughts were all jumbled, dark. I think she hated us. ‘Specially after the twins. One kid was okay, but three of us.... Da was always working—he was great when he was around but he wasn’t around much. Mam had to work too. Told me I had to help look after my sisters when they were born. I was only four, but I was so proud, cos I was the one who had to make sure they was okay. Didn’t know it wasn’t the usual thing for a baby to look after other babies. I did the best I could, but it was hard. Wasn’t playing, it was real. Mam cooked, kinda, but I done the bathing and dressing them, and looking after them when she was off in bed, refusing to come out or speak to us. Don’t know what was wrong with her. I loved my sisters like some kids love their pets. They was everything to me.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “When they found out I was a TP, Mam slapped my face. Next day the men came, dragged me away. She didn’t look at me. Da wasn’t there, don’t know why.”

I leaned on him, resting my chin on his shoulder. “She might have had depression. She sounds as if she couldn’t cope with life.”

“Yeah, I figured that out later. But at first, I was hysterical, missing them, missing my sisters most of all. I didn’t know what to do, see. I needed...I needed someone to look after. To love. Ended up looking after the other kids in the prison, best I could. Hermi says I was using it to replace my mother. I felt...real empty and lost a lot of the time, and then I got angry. Got into fights, sometimes protecting me, sometimes protecting other kids. Got flogged three times, but it didn’t stop me. I’d see some little kid being hurt, I had to wade in. I couldn’t help myself.”

Flogging. A child. I shuddered. These things weren’t supposed to go on. “And you found out about your mother when?”

“Not till we all escaped. Da and Mam never visited in prison. I found out a lot later Da turned care of me officially over to the Children’s Department. No one told me about Mam, you see. Dunno why. Officially, I could have been adopted, but no one wanted a telepathic kid who was stuck in ‘detention’ for fuck knows how long. Had to wait until I was a grown man before anyone wanted me. Jeyle and Hermi kinda claimed me as their own. ‘Course they got their own problems about families.”

“You were in prison, I was in school. Top of every class, popular, good at whatever I tried. And I had the gall to bitch about my family,” I said, shaking my head at how little I’d had to complain about.

“Your Mam’s real religious, ain’t she? She always been like that?”

“A little. She was always a bit odd compared to other mothers I knew. I was smarter than her—a lot smarter—and too arrogant to hide it, and I didn’t make any secret of what I thought of her religious manias. It was a relief to both of us when I left home at fifteen to go to boarding school. I never lived at home again after that, not permanently. But they weren’t cruel parents, and I had everything I needed. Nothing compared to your childhood.”

He shrugged, but said nothing. It was perhaps somewhat tactless of me to talk about my family at all, in the circumstances. “Where are your father and sisters now? And would you want to contact them?”

“They live in Derwedis. That’s south, near the coast. Other side of Tsikeni.” I nodded—never been there, but I knew where it was. “I got Jeyle to take me there once. Wasn’t gonna talk to them, I just wanted to see my sisters, know if they were happy and stuff. That’s when I found out from reading my Da that Mam died after I got taken to prison—and he blamed me for that. He hates me. To him, I was a curse on his house, and he’s glad I got taken away.”

He paused to rub his eyes a little. “He remarried a while ago. My sisters are married too, got a kid each. They’re okay. They don’t remember me at all.”

“Oh, Kir. You’re no curse. You’re a blessing. Your mother was ill and your father would rather blame you than face that.”

“I know. Don’t change nothing, though. I saw my sisters’ kids and I was so glad neither of them was a para. I didn’t want them to break their Mam’s heart like I done broke mine.”

I cupped his face and made him turn so I could kiss him, and try to swallow some of the hurt like Hermi had done for me earlier. “You didn’t break anyone’s heart. The only one at fault here is the government.”

“I know that in my head. Just...in my heart, I don’t believe it.”

“Believe it.”

I pulled him close to me, and then leaned back on the sofa. Someone had folded up the red blanket we’d used earlier. I drew it around us again so we were warm and snug. I couldn’t make what happened to him right, but I could show him that he was cared for and very much wanted now.

“I was like you, you know. Wondering if Mam was hanging around. She wasn’t. I’ve seen the spirits though, through Hermi’s eyes. They don’t talk or nothing. It’s creepy. Even Hermi thinks it’s creepy. He always tries to get them to move on. I wonder sometimes if Mam hung around for a while and got sick of it. But I figured she probably was in a hurry to get to a better life. This one sucked for her.” He forced a painful smile onto his face. “She’s probably around somewhere. Some twenty-five-year-old woman, maybe with kids again, and this time she done it right. What do you think?”

I kissed his forehead. “I think wherever she is, she’d be glad how you turned out.” He shrugged, not believing me. “One day,” I murmured. “I want to find Neim’s boy and tell him the truth. That his Da loved him to the day he died. I think, hearing your story, that he needs to know that.”

“Yeah. One day, we’ll make that happen, okay?”

“
Okay.” He wriggled down and laid his head on my chest. I rested my chin on his dark hair, and held his hand.
You deserved better.

I’m making up for all that now. You sure you don’t want to go back to bed?

Can’t. Feel trapped. You good?

Better than good. Go to sleep.

Yeah, in a....

I woke in my own bed with Kir tightly wrapped around me. I fumbled for the light, only just remembering to be careful about my wishes in this matter, and glanced at Kir’s timekeeper, sitting on the side table. It was only seven, but we’d gone to bed early, even with all my disgusting theatrics.

Dede?

Good morning, Jodi.

Please don’t tell me you and Jeyle undressed us and put us to bed last night.

Okay.

Dede
....

We didn’t! I woke you up, and you and Kir stumbled off under your own steam. I put you back to sleep properly. I’d have left you where you were because you two were cute as buttons, but Jeyle said you’d have a hell of a cricked neck and she was right. How are you feeling?

Physically or emotionally?

Either.

Um...perhaps not back to full health, but I can see it from here.

Excellent. Now Wesejne and Kateju will be here in an hour or so, so Kir will want to be awake for that. Don’t keep him too busy.

Your interest in my sex life is a little unprofessional, Arwe Dedeke.

Nonsense. A healthy libido is a sign of a healthy man. I’m merely recording the information for future reference.

I rolled my eyes at her and told her we’d be up as soon as Kir woke. I needed a pee and didn’t want to wake him, but my slight shifting about did that. To look into his sleepy brown eyes, full of affection, and know it was for me, had already become my favourite morning treat. I hadn’t had that since Timo had made his choice. Kir’s kisses were also a welcome treat.

“Dede got us to bed.”

“Thought she might. She walks around a lot in the night time.”

“She seems to have been amused by finding us on the sofa.”

He grinned. “She’s an old perv.”

Kirvo hon Tanwen, you take that back.

No. Pervy old doctor.

I grinned as the mental battle launched, laughed at seeing Kir so silly and teasing. Two weeks ago, I never thought I’d smile at anything again, and here I was, listening to two idiots arguing about who was the most perverted.

Finally I nudged him. “Hungry. Food. Please.”

“Okay. You gotta learn where everything is. I can’t wait on you hand and foot.”

“Certainly not.”

We had time for more kissing and groping, and it might have led to more except Kir remembered his friends, and said he didn’t want to be late. So we had a shower—still not together but I had hopes—and then walked out to the living area. The place was full of people again—lit more brightly too, the diurnal cycle clearly regulated with daylight imitation. One could almost forget the lack of windows. Almost.

As we came up to the table, I cleared my throat. “Uh...everyone. Sorry about last night. I uh...found it all a bit...uh, overwhelming. I made a fool of myself.”

“You’re not the first and you won’t be the last,” Jeyle said cheerfully. “Come and sit, Jodi. Hermi, make yourself useful and bring some more toast, will you?”

There was plenty to eat—no porridge, for which I was grateful, since the mere sight of it would certainly make me vomit—but there was toast, and savoury pastries, fresh, delicious fruit, and both khevai and jilaj. No one was in a particular rush to leave. I told Ronwe about my talent re-emerging, and we arranged for a private training session later that day.

“We might even be able to persuade someone to take us up top so you can really let rip. Haven’t done that in too long.”

His lover—Lonin? Lonem?—poked him. “I will if you don’t get too close to Mount Kizwha this time.”

“But I like volcanoes. They call to me.”

“They’ll boil you in lava regardless. Be good, or you’re not getting lucky for a week.”

Ronwe pulled a face. This seemed to be a regular routine between them because several of the others sitting near them joined in the teasing. Kir listened to them with a grin on his face and several winks at me. I was happy to sit back and let people be normal and happy around me for a change.