Hidden Faults (38 page)

“I was saying that she won her bet with me, Jodi.”

“Huh?”

“That the percentage of students on scholarships at your school would be the same as those who were paranormal.”

“Oh. I guess they needed to be sure we’d go there and nowhere else. But did Kregan do this to protect people like me, or for some other reason?”

Jeyle cleared her throat, not meeting my look. “That’s what you’ll need to find out,” she said, her voice rusty and faint. “Kir wants you to go with him to confront Kregan. I think it’s a bad idea.” She flicked quickly at one reddened eye, but then she sat up and tried to appear calm.

I responded as if she’d succeeded. “I think it’s something we should talk about. Do you think confronting Kregan is a bad idea, or me going with Kir?”

She made an effort to be friendly and reasonable, which I appreciated more than she knew. Talking to me humiliated and hurt her and likely benefited no one but me, but she still did it. I did my best to be fair and objective and avoid anything that might trigger her hostility or fear. Other people drifted in for their lunch, which helped a little.

Dede returned and did a double-take to see us talking. She joined us for khevai and without prompting, began to discuss what Kir had said about the fault in Kregan’s shielding. Without such a shield herself, it was only theoretical. Jeyle had the practical experience, and Dede and I learned a lot from her.

By the time Kir staggered out two hours later, the armed truce had relaxed somewhat. While I prepared lunch for him, he spoke to the others, who drew him into the discussion about shielding, the theory and the application. As I came out with the food, Dede was telling Kir that my own efforts had spurred her to try once again to destroy her self-made opaque shields so she could set up the subtler version, but had failed.

“Do you think it’s hardwiring? Like the difference between long and short term memory?” I asked.

“Very likely, though we have almost no idea how shielding works so far as the brain itself is concerned.”

“Then maybe you could do it with the help of psychogenic drugs. Kir, you said some drugs broke shields.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Yeah, but they’re fucking brutal, Jodi. I’d never want Dede to do that unless it was life or death, and it ain’t. Not yet.”

“And once the shields come down, they’re very difficult to erect again—if they’re forced down, I mean,” Dede said. “You can use some euphorics to lower their strength—a powerful telepath can force their way past them in that case—but if you remove them completely, the experience from the Weadenal is that the person remains unshielded, except in exceptional cases. People who are highly trained cope better.”

I looked at Kir. “Is that true for your shields too?”

“Pretty much. I think I’m trained enough to rebuild them. I hope I’ll never find out.”

I grimaced. “Me too. Dede, I know your objections to the drugs, but it might be worth carrying out some experiments with the safer ones, if you really want to convert to the transparent shields.” I laughed. “Listen to me—I know all the terms now.” Even Jeyle smiled at that.

“Might be worth a try. Yes, I’ll ask Kateju about it.”

“Still don’t want you going out in the field with me, Dede,” Kir said, his mouth stubborn.

“I know you don’t, sweetie, but at least in theory I could back you up.”

“That’s how I feel,” I said. “I don’t know if I can actually help, but I want to be able to, if it’s possible.”

Under the table, Kir patted my leg, and I smiled at him. “It all helps,” he said. “Thanks, guys. Hermi, maybe we should talk about this tonight? I’m feeling okay. So long as it’s not a late meeting.”

“If it looks like it’s running on too long, I’ll postpone the discussion. I think to talk about it now would be useful. But you get some more rest.”

“I was gonna work in my shop, actually. Want to get my hands on some wood.”

Dede giggled, and Kir gave her a disgusted look, which set me off. Jeyle smiled a little more genuinely, and Hermi relaxed. Things had gone better than I could have hoped for. For the first time since I’d been freed from prison, I didn’t feel like an alien.

Jeyle and Hermi went off to do whatever they did in their own time. Kir suggested that he and I finished off the work I had been doing on the shields, and Dede asked if she could ‘watch’. We retreated to the daylight lounge again—Kir said he’d been doing so much night work, he hadn’t seen much of the sun at all. At that remark I set a fireball above their heads, small, bright and yellow, and he grinned.

“Been practicing?”

“Every day. It feels good.” I made the little ball of light disappear.

“Yeah,” he agreed rather wistfully. “Telepathy’s nothing like it. I wish I’d been born a TK. I’d have squished some people instead of letting them drag me off to prison.”

“They’d have threatened your family,” Dede said. “How do you think they rounded everyone up?”

“Yeah, I know, I was kidding. But I’d squish a few of ‘em now, if I could.” He gave her a bright grin, but I doubted he felt as cheerful as he seemed. “Right, Jodi. Let’s take a look at your head.”

I supposed the idea should have disturbed me, but Kir had had months to learn all my dirty little secrets so I doubted he learned anything new. At last he pronounced himself happy, and handed me over to Dede to test. She was also content. I felt quite smug, really, considering how much Jeyle thought I would fail.

“Okay. Couple of things,” Kir said when she announced her assessment.

Suddenly I stood up, and balanced on one leg, my hand on my head. “What the...Kir!”

But he didn’t let me go. “That? Is to prove my point. The shield ain’t a shield, it’s a cloak. It ain’t no protection at
all
.” I found myself able to stand normally. “Jodi, punch Dede.”

“No!” But to my horror, my fist drew back and however much I fought it, I could feel my muscles bunching. Only at the very last mycsec, when I was sure my hand was about to connect despite my desperate struggle, did he release me. I leapt away from both of them. “Damn you, Kir!”

Dede scowled ferociously, though which of us had displeased her, I didn’t know. Kir showed no reaction to my anger at all.

“Sorry, but I had to show you, because you’d never believe me and then you’d get all cocky. A telepath—minor, major—can still manipulate you, Jodi. All the shield does is keep you off their radar. But they can mindfuck you, and an empath can still read you. You’re defenceless.”

“Like hell,” I growled, and he reared back as a ball of flame appeared in front of his nose, just as quickly vanishing. Now I’d properly horrified Dede. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He turned cold eyes on me, utterly unafraid. “I won’t have to, I hope. ‘Less you throw one of them things at me again and I’ll knock you out.”

“You’re welcome to try.”

“
Gentlemen, could you put them back in your pants, please?” Dede glared at us both. “Neither of you is going to hurt the other or I’ll knock you
both
out. Jodi, sit down, please. Kir’s not finished.”

I obeyed though I kept a wary eye on him. “Now what—shit!” I clutched at my head, bending over my knees with the sudden, knifelike pain. “Stop!” I gasped.

Just as suddenly, the pain ceased, though my head continued to throb. I dragged myself upright and snarled at Kir. “What the fuck did you do that for?”

“When you were six, you stole a packet of sweets from the store in your settlement. You never told anyone, not even Timo. But when you were twelve, you left the price of the packet on the counter because you’d lived with the guilt all those years and wanted to fix it.”

I gaped at him. He gazed back unblinkingly. “I punched through your shields. That’s why it hurt. They’re not strong enough yet. So you need to keep working on it until I can’t get through them, doing that.”

“Did you have to do it so painfully?”

“
Yes, he did,” Dede said, giving Kir’s arm a quick sympathetic rub. “It’s the only way to test the strength of shields. Most people here haven’t allowed it.”

“In your case, I gotta do it. Sorry I didn’t warn you.”

“You—”

He held up his hand to silence me.
“You’re already wary of telepaths, Jodi. I want you to be scared to death of them, what they can do, but in the right way. There’s tricks I can teach you, give you more protection. I ain’t the enemy. The enemy’s a lot worse. You get caught by the Nats, and they
will
be nasty. If they pump you full of naksen again, you can’t even fight back.”

His face was solemn, his eyes still cold. Was he using me again? Nothing in his expression told me if he’d read that thought. “Warning me would have been fairer.”

“Yeah. But not as effective. We’re in a war. It ain’t no kids’ playground.”

“But I’m not an idiot. I would have listened.”

Kir shrugged, then got up. “You need to keep working on your shields. I’m going to my workshop.”

And then he walked out. I went to follow, but Dede put her hand on my arm.

“You’re angry.”

“Yes, I am. You know why.”

“
Yes. Kir’s terrified for you, Jodi. No one of us, except for Jeyle, really understands the risks he takes. He wanted you to have a taste of what he faces every time he goes out.”

My head still throbbed unmercifully, my stomach churning queasily from the after-effects of adrenaline. Kir had taken a risk—not that he would harm me, but that I would hate him forever for doing that. That was how important it was to him.

“Can we work on my shields some more, or are you busy?”

Her smile told me I’d made the right response. “Not too busy. Now. Concentrate.”

An hour later, and having had a painkiller for the headache and khevai to fortify myself, I walked down to Kir’s workroom. He said nothing as I slipped into the room and took up a seat on the old stool by the wall.

He was making a chair out of the same pale wood I’d seen in many pieces around the place, and I realised from the style that much of the furniture I’d seen here—all the stuff in my room, certainly—had been made by him. Watching him was like watching my father in
his
workshop, though Da used to play with electronics and machines. Both had the same easy confidence in their tools, big hands manipulating things with skill. The total concentration, the sureness of touch, and the way they made order out of chaos. Kir thought his talent was the most amazing thing about him. To me, this ability was far more magical.

“You patched up the shield pretty good,” he said suddenly, after many minutes of complete silence, apparently ignoring me.

“
Thanks. Please don’t hit it again today. My head hurts enough.”

He grunted, but didn’t apologise. Didn’t even seem interested in my presence, except he hadn’t told me to leave. I took that as a workman’s privilege, and was content to watch. I found it restful here. I could see why Kir ran to this place when he felt stressed or under threat. The clean, intense smell of the wood, the oil on the tools, the soft snick-hiss of the plane and the squeaking of dowels, felt comforting, homey, even though they’d not been part of my home at all.

“Who’s the chair for?”

He looked up. “You. It’s the other half of the pair for your room. If you don’t like them, I can make a different design. You wasn’t around to ask, but I got lots of ideas for them.”

“No, they’re lovely. I, um...shouldn’t have threatened you.”

“No. But I pushed you, pushed you hard, and you knew how far to go. The control, it’s important. PKs can be real scary if you lose that.”

“I still find it hard to remember you’re talking about me when you talk about ‘PKs’. I have to remind myself I’m a paranormal too.”

“
That’s the difference between you and the rest of us.” He shrugged. “It’s in our bones. We can’t forget. You might never accept it. Makes life hard for you.”

“Kir, if Timo...if you removed the block on his talent for some reason, to let him decide if he wanted to use it—say it was safe—could you put the block back?”

He frowned. “Dunno, really. If I was the guy that done it, maybe. It’s kinda...pathways, methods, and stuff. We’re all different. Like, I could put the blocks back on your memories, but Dede would find it hard to make it fit the same way. The edges would show.” He pointed to the chair under construction. “Like, I cut a piece to fit this way round, and it kinda looks the same as the piece for the other side, but because it ain’t exact, you’d always see a gap, something sticking out.”

“So the answer is, probably not.”

“Yeah. But the Weadenisis know more about it than me, cos they do it a lot. I never learned cos it’s not something I need to do. Your man, Kregan, learned it, I think.”

“Did you investigate his brother? Could he be the paranormal?”

“He’s shielded, I’m pretty sure. But see, why would Kregan be there at all if he’s not the spook? The chances of both of them being paras is like this.” He held up two fingers with absolutely no space between them. “Only way to know is to split him open. I just got through explaining what’s involved in that. If we do that, we expose ourselves. I can cover our tracks but then we still have to decide about all the secret paras.”