Hidden Heart (29 page)

He couldn’t comprehend what
Tessa just told him. Her words kept pounding in his ears, each one
of them sending arrows to his heart. After all this time he had
lived in her shadow, being at her side throughout this dark,
uncertain period of her existence, breathed the air around her day
and night, the woman he dreamed he’d spend the rest of his life
with, told him she needed space.

“
No, no, no, it can’t be
true,” he kept whispering to himself, shaking his head in
denial.

How am I supposed to live
without her? I’ve moved to a different country, changed my job,
started fresh just to be with her, near her and now? What am I
supposed to do?

Someone’s hand shook his
shoulder. It was Octavia with Chiara right next to her, wringing
her hands. He jerked at the touch and struggled to understand what
Octavia said, yet he couldn’t make out the sound of her
voice.

“
What?” he finally
articulated.

“
Are you okay?” Octavia
said, raising her voice and saying each word clearer.

He rubbed his palms against
his thighs, then stood. “No, I am not.” He walked to the fireplace,
bent and threw two more logs into the fire, then stabbed at it with
the poker. He then put it down, rubbed his palms and finally looked
at the two sisters.

“
She wants me gone,” he
said, his voice sounding as empty as a crystal ball.

“
What?” Octavia and Chiara
said at the same time.

“
I guess she doesn’t need
me, doesn’t want me to waste my time around her.” He shook his head
and shrugged his shoulders, then walked to the coffee table and
began packing his laptop. His hands trembled as he wrapped the
mouse and inserted the laptop in its case. Then he picked up
several papers, and placed them on top of the laptop
case.

“
And you believed her?”
Chiara said, frowning. “You’re packing already?”

Alessandro walked about the
room and picked up his belongings; books, CD’s, several movies, a
sweater and piled everything on the coffee table in the middle of
the room.

“
What do you want me to do,
Chiara?” He raised both arms then dropped them. “I am not going to
force her to be with me. She said it very clear; she needs space.
I’d never force a woman to be with me, so what else can I
do?”

Chiara stepped in front of
him and placed both palms on her waist, a dismayed look on her
face. He recognized that body position—arguing time.

“
Aren’t you going to fight
for her? Giving up so easily?”

Octavia came to his rescue.
“Leave him alone. It’s not about fighting or giving up on her. She
is making sense to some extent. She’s struggled for too many
months. Think about it. At least she is not a walking ghost just
waiting for the next day to come.

“
When I found her this
morning…she was digging a grave. Her own, she told me. A photo of
herself is now at the bottom of that pit,” Octavia said, then
sighed and picked up one of Alessandro’s books from the shelf above
the fireplace and handed it to him. “Thank you for all your help. I
hope she’ll find who she really is, one day soon. And I hope you’ll
find in your heart the strength to forgive her.” Octavia hugged
Alessandro and patted him on the back. When she pulled out of his
hug, tears ran down her cheeks, yet she tried to smile.

Chapter 16

“
What
do you want to do next?” Octavia asked. All three of them
bunked on Tessa’s bed, sipping tea, ready for bed. It began snowing
in the morning, but by late afternoon it stopped. Everything looked
frozen, covered under a white mantel, an angry wind crackling tree
branches, which made the area look that much more
sinister.

A week had passed since
Alessandro had left the cabin and the place seemed strange without
him. Tessa had cried and cried for days and her sisters feared
she’d fall back into depression. When they asked her to call him
back, she was adamant about not doing that, saying she wasn’t what
he needed nor did she have anything to offer him. Losing him for
good now seemed unbearable, but still, she didn’t want to contact
him.

“
Have you thought about
coming with one of us? Maybe you’d like to start fresh. You speak
English and German; you could find work and stay with us for a
while,” Chiara said. “With no one to keep you tied to this country,
you don’t have to remain here. You could do so much better and we’d
be closer.”

“
I want to go back to
Bucharest,” Tessa replied, running her finger along the mug’s rim.
“But I don’t want to live in my own apartment anymore; I doubt I’ll
ever be able to enter that place,” she continued,
shrugging.

“
Well, if you don’t want to
leave the country, you could stay at Mama’s house. It’s an option,”
Chiara offered, exchanging quick looks with Octavia. “It’s not the
most modern place or in the best shape, but you could arrange it
the way you want.”

Tessa took a sip of her
tea, then said, “I thought about it and I wanted to ask both of you
if…what would you think if I buy your share of it and make it my
own? My apartment should sell for a pretty good price because of
its location. With the money that I get for it I could pay you for
your part of the house. I’ll figure out how to pay you the
difference. It will take me some time because I’d like to renovate
it.”

The idea came to her when
she realized earlier that it would be impossible to return to her
apartment—ever. She couldn’t remain hiding in the mountains either.
But she needed a place to live. She really liked her parents’
house, although it would require a lot of work. She had so much
time on her hands now until she figured what to do with her life,
time she could use to remodel the house. It was bigger than her
apartment, but that suited her future plans anyway. And she hoped
that time and space would help her heal and find her true
identity.

“
We all grew up there and I
used to feel safe and happy in our parents’ house. I’d hate to let
it go if we sold it to some strangers,” Tessa added.

“
I think this is a great
idea, Tessa,” Octavia said. “I thought of buying it myself and
keeping it as a vacation house for all of us. If Chiara or I decide
to come and spend more time in Bucharest, why stay at a hotel when
we can keep the house?”

“
I thought about it too,
but I couldn’t afford to buy it,” Chiara said, then stood and
poured more tea in her cup.

“
Well, then we all agree to
keep the house; Tessa will remodel and transform it as she pleases.
I don’t need you to pay me more than what you can from the sale of
your place. Just promise me that I can stay with you whenever we
plan on vacationing in Romania. It will not happen very often, but
probably once a year we’ll come and invade your house,” Octavia
said, cheerfully.

Her little sister seemed
able to make some sound decisions about her new life and she was
comforted to see her trying to move on and figure out her future.
Chiara too consented to the keeping of the house. All they needed
was to go to a notary and sign documents attesting to their
agreement.

They talked until well
after midnight, making plans about what the house needed replaced,
where it needed improvements and what they would like to keep from
the old furniture. The old wood floors—as old as the house—were in
dire need of replacement; the tile in both bathrooms and kitchen
called for a change. A new AC system for the entire house would
cost a small fortune, but it was necessary. The whole project would
take months, but Tessa said she had all the time in the world until
she figured out which way to go. She had no job, though Victor had
told her to come back whenever she wanted. Maybe she’d start her
own little company, but couldn’t decide for sure in what field. She
shared that with her sisters too and they both liked the idea and
encouraged her.

Before they said goodnight
Tessa said, “I know the last couple of months must’ve been very
hard on both of you. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate
everything and how much I love both of you. Thank you for being
here for me, supporting me and believing in me. Thank you for being
my sisters.”

***

Since her return to
Bucharest two weeks ago Tessa had moved into her parents’ house.
She had not once stepped into her apartment, nor did she want
anything from that place. She hired a good friend of hers, a
realtor, to put her apartment up for sale. Before her sisters left
Romania, they went and boxed all her clothes, jewelry, shoes, and
books. Then she hired a moving company to move the furniture and
all other belongings to a storage unit until she decided what to do
next. She kept documents and bank papers and began slowly to get
involved with her finances. The rentals still brought her a great
deal of money and her account looked more than decent.

Tessa struggled with the
insurance for her totally wrecked car, damage caused by Daniel, but
for which the insurance company refused to pay, their reasoning
being that she wasn’t the driver at the time the accident happened.
She threatened to bring in the media and expose the company for
dirty business until the insurance finally agreed to pay on her
policy. Triumphant, she left their office and went from one car
dealer to another, looking at various models, prices and
specifications; in the end she chose a red Toyota Camry she fell in
love with the minute she saw it. She had to reach deep in her
account for the payment, but she had no regrets. This was the first
thing she felt in control of in months and it sure felt
good.

Victor had visited her,
renewing his offer for her to come and work with him, but she
refused it. The contract with R.O.C.A. had been signed and the
repairs to the DN1 Road began sometime in October. Nothing happened
with the notary’s accounts and the farmers still didn’t get their
money back. As sad as it was, corruption and blackmail still
governed their society and judicial system.

She met Eva for lunch once,
although she felt apprehensive about seeing her old friend. It
wasn’t because she hadn’t seen her in so long, but because she knew
Eva worked with Alessandro and, obviously, she’d talk about
him.

Tessa made numerous
attempts during their lunch to change the subject, but Eva always
brought Alessandro back into their discussion. Forty minutes later,
she still had to listen to Eva’s singing his praises.

“
He’s always punctual and
so handsome, he could be a model,” Eva said, tipping her head
theatrically. “He works long hours, sometimes I get there at
seven-thirty and he is already in his office. I once forgot my cell
and I returned to work and it was after eight in the evening and he
was still there. He’s so polite and charming. I just love working
with him.”

“
Okay, okay, Eva, I get it.
You like working with him, I’m happy for you. But, how about you
tell me how your daughter likes going to kindergarten? Does little
Iulia still cry every morning when you drop her off?"

“
Oh, it’s such a nightmare
every morning. I decided she is a drama queen. She asks for kisses
and hugs every single morning, over and over again, and ten minutes
later I still hold her and I still give her kisses, then I get up
to leave and she calls me and I feel bad leaving her and I go back
and the ritual starts all over again. Then of course, I arrive late
at work, but Alessandro is such a nice guy; he never makes any
comments. I apologize and he says, “It’s okay.” I have to do what I
have to do to take care of my daughter and then he asks me how she
is doing and we end up talking and talking.

“
Oh, and when he goes to
Italy he sometimes brings little presents for her. I told him she
loves plush toys and last time, he brought this little plush teddy
bear,
I
would’ve
played with it. He leaves once a month to go visit his family. He’s
very close with his sisters and he told me he has an army of nieces
and nephews. Did you know he’s babysat
all
of them? I bet he’d make a great
father one day, not like my ex-husband who could never spend more
than just five minutes around his own daughter. And by the way,
Alessandro is taking Romanian language classes; he really wants to
learn the language. Can you believe he wants to live here in our
country when everyone else tries to run away from it? And his
accent, oh, his accent is so sexy. I’ll say something and he
responds in Romanian and he is so cute! Then we laugh about it as
he tries again and repeats words after me.” Eva sighed, then
reached for her glass of wine.

“
Eva, I bet he doesn’t say
a word, no one can talk when
you
talk.”

Tessa’s head spun from all
the talking. She loved spending time with Eva, but today she just
kept talking and talking. And everything revolved around
Alessandro. And it hurt—she missed him too much. The more she heard
his name, the more Tessa’s pulse kept escalating and once at home
she indulged in a long cry and even called him, but hung up before
the phone rang. He was never far from her mind; in fact no matter
what she did, she thought of him. Sometimes missing him felt
agonizing, but she knew in her heart she wasn’t good enough for
him.