Hidden Heart (34 page)

“
Okay, sister. Back up a
little here so I understand you. Does he have a name?”

“
Of course he does; his
name is Cristian, he owns a gym and teaches some of the classes,”
Tessa said, like one talks to a child, speaking each word slow and
clear.

“
So, you two hang out now
and work on planning an event?”

“
Chiara, you’re either
falling asleep or you
are
already asleep and your mind doesn’t work. Why is
it so hard for you to understand? I’m speaking the same language as
you do,” Tessa said.

“
Since when?”

“
Since when what?” Tessa
said, losing her patience.

“
Since when do you two hang
out together, silly!”

“
We don’t
hang out
. We
work
together; it’s
different. Sometimes we have lunch together, sometimes dinner; it’s
really a lot of work to put together such an event, you know,
especially when it has never been done before. And quit asking all
these crazy questions. There are other more important things I want
to talk to you about.”

“
So, how long?”

Tessa sighed and rummaged
through her brain, trying to remember when she first went out with
Cristian.

“
About five weeks
ago.”

“
How often do you see
him?”

“
Chiara, I’m going to hang
up on you. What are you trying to find out? There is nothing else,
but two people that have something in common with the same goal.
Quit drilling!”

“
I’ll call back, so you
might as well answer anyway. Now stop getting mad, and answer my
last question; how often?”

Tessa sighed again and
shook her head. Too bad Chiara wasn’t in the same room with her;
she’d glue her mouth to make her stop talking.

“
Almost every day…depending
on what we’re working on. The days we don’t see each other, we
speak a few times on the phone.”

“
Is he cute?”

Tessa thought for a second
and said, “Yeah, I guess.”

“
You just guess, you’re not
sure?”

“
What’s your
point?”

Tessa heard a teapot
whistling in the background, a cup placed on a saucer and the sound
of liquid pouring into a cup. The noises came so clear through the
phone line, she got up and walked mechanically to the kitchen to
start a cup of green tea for herself, still waiting for Chiara to
respond to her question. She heard Chiara blowing in her tea,
taking a sip and then burning her tongue if her “Gottverdammt!” was
any indication.

“
Wow, nice language,” Tessa
said, laughing.

“
Oh, sorry, I forgot you
understand German,” Chiara laughed, too. “Going back to our
discussion. The reason I asked all those questions is because when
the construction crew came to work on your house for the first
time, you freaked out. Remember, you called me from your bathroom,
after you locked yourself in and I tried for how long to convince
you that no one would harm you?”

“
Uh-huh…”

“
Now, four months later you
are actually able to be in the same room
with
a man
,
without feeling threatened, and
talk with him and behave normally. You’ve found something you’re
passionate about, maybe not as rewarding financially as you were
used to, but it gives you a new goal and perspective on what really
matters to
you
. My
point is that you might not see it, but you’ve made progress. You
renovated your house, and at the same time, you’ve also healed.
Maybe not completely, but you’re on your way to a full
recovery.”

“
Do you think?”

The clock showed three
o’clock in the morning when Tessa finished the conversation with
Chiara. She felt exhausted from all the hard work she’d done
starting earlier the day before, from loads of laundry, to ironing
curtains, to installing nightstand lamps, to hanging photos and
paintings. She barely ate an apple for lunch and a bowl of instant
soup for dinner, only to return to work until she finished and
called her sister. Her body felt sore from climbing up and down the
ladder, bending, carrying and moving heavy stuff around.

But her brain had a will of
its own, with thoughts popping in her head like lights in a lamp
store and keeping her awake in the wee hours of the morning.
Chiara’s words struck her like a thunderbolt. True, she spent a lot
of time with Cristian. They worked closely, sometimes their hands
touched as they reached for the same piece of paper; sometimes they
even bumped shoulders. But she didn’t feel the panic she used to
months ago. He became this person she counted on without her even
realizing.

I’m not attracted to him,
am I?

***

“
That was a good movie; I
haven’t laughed so much in a long time,” Tessa said, walking slowly
towards the cinema’s exit.

“
Me too; I’m glad I
convinced you to come. When you said you like Sarah Jessica Parker,
I knew you’d like the movie,” Cristian said, holding the door open
for her.

“
Not just that, but a movie
with her
and
Matthew McConaughey tops my list. Thanks for taking me; I
haven’t been to a cinema in ages.”

“
The pleasure is mine.
Movies, comedies in general, are my favorite thing to watch. You
should see my DVD collection at home.”

They walked to the parking
area near the mall, the place swarming with people. It seemed
everyone was out and all the parking spots were taken. The air
vibrated with honking, and cars zoomed in and out of the parking
lot, almost too fast, some too close to the pedestrians.

“
I know it’s the weekend,
but this place is totally crazy,” Tessa said, raising her voice for
Cristian to hear her.

With the space between the
car rows too narrow for them to walk side by side, she walked in
front of him, looking over her shoulder to talk to him. Screeching
tires and an intense honking made Tessa jerk and turn her head
back, while Cristian grabbed and dragged her between two cars. The
move made her stumble a few feet, and she came to a halt, colliding
with Cristian’s chest.

He turned her to face him
and, holding her upper arms, he said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to
scare you. I just saw him with the corner of my eye and I had to
act fast, otherwise he would’ve hit us both. Are you
okay?”

“
Oh my God, was he insane
or drunk?” Tessa said, looking after the car, then back at
Cristian. “I’m okay, thanks. Too bad idiots like him have a
driver’s license.”

He held onto her arms like
that for long seconds, and looked at her lips with such intensity,
Tessa thought he’d kiss her at any moment. Instead, he began
walking in between cars, holding her hand and dodging side mirrors.
They arrived at his car without another incident, got in and took
off immediately.

He drove to his office,
where she’d left her car before the movie. He parked and walked her
back to her car, took the key from her hand and unlocked the door,
then held it open for her.

“
I had fun. We should do
this again sometime soon. I can get used to this,” Cristian said,
placing the car key back in her palm. He placed his palms on his
waist, then dropped them only to repeat the action once more. He
seemed nervous all of a sudden.

“
It was fun. Thanks again,”
Tessa said, smiled and put one foot inside the car, preparing to
step in.

“
Tessa, wait,” Cristian
said and before she could react, he pressed his lips on
hers.

Shocked by his gesture,
Tessa just stood there. She didn’t participate; she didn’t feel
repulsion, but most importantly, she didn’t panic. Her heartbeat
didn’t skyrocket; her head didn’t spin. Her body didn’t shiver—just
nothing.

“
Sorry,” he said, his voice
husky, when he stopped kissing her. He looked at her, dropped his
palms and then averted his eyes. When he looked again at her, he
said, “Look, Tessa, I really like you, I do, and I just couldn’t
resist anymore. I don’t mean to rush you or make you feel
uncomfortable, but I think it’s time you know where I stand. Time
passes so quickly when I’m with you, and each day I find myself
thinking of when I’m going to see you next. The more time we spend
together, the more I want
more.
”

Tessa’s heart sank. She
liked him too, but now that he kissed her, she knew she wasn’t
attracted to him.

“
And what if I’m not
interested; is this going to be a deal breaker for the event we’re
planning?”

He shook his head and said,
“No, not at all. Please don’t let this destroy what we’ve worked
on. I’m a patient person, I can wait.” He sighed and rested a hand
on the car’s door, looking sadly at her.

“
Cristian, you are a great
guy. But right now, I’d like to keep things as simple as possible.
If seeing me again means working together, a lunch now and then,
that’s fine, but I have nothing else to offer.”

“
Not even later?” A spark
of hope seemed to light up his face.

She shook her head with
disappointment. “Don’t waste your time waiting for something to
change; it won’t, trust me.” She stepped in her car and looked up
at him. “See you Monday,” she said, closed the car door and took
off.

Why does it have to be
more?
Tessa arrived home and prepared to go
to bed. Cristian’s kiss haunted her. She tried to find somewhere in
her mind a single sign she maybe had given him that he had the
green-light to move to the next level, but she couldn’t find
anything. She liked him; she’d been relaxed around him—he made her
feel that way—but she had never indicated she’d wanted more. Human
touch didn’t seem to give her the chills anymore—his kiss, his
holding her hand or even holding her upper arms—there was no real
chemistry between them.

And Cristian’s kiss
reminded her of Alessandro. Just thinking of him made her heart
race, her stomach tremble.
God, how I miss
him! Where are you, Alessandro?
She
frantically picked up her phone and dialed Alessandro’s number,
then hung up before it rang. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed
the phone against her forehead.
Move on,
Tessa; he has already done that. Alessandro has a girlfriend
now.

Chapter 19

Two
weeks had passed by since Cristian had kissed Tessa and when
they first saw each other afterwards, they both seemed
self-conscious; she almost turned around and bolted out of his
office. He asked her to at least try to be in the same room with
him and hurried to show her emails from a singer, a football player
and a model agreeing to attend the fundraiser, as well as a
voicemail from a reporter saying he’d be interested in interviewing
both of them. She was so happy with the new development, she threw
herself into work and forgot about the discomfort. Although she was
aware of his longing glances, his lingering fingers on things he
handed her, she avoided discussing anything except the
event.

Several days later, when
Tessa went to buy a birthday present for one of the boys in Dina’s
shelter, she saw Alessandro walking out of the toy store with a
little girl, holding her tight. Whatever he said to her, she
giggled and threw her head back, then flung her arms around his
neck and gave him a long smacking kiss on his cheek. The tall
gorgeous Italian woman she saw him with at the furniture store
walked right behind him, sunglasses on, a big smile on her face and
holding onto a tiny pink backpack and a doll.

Since then, Tessa had been
through hell and back. Her hope that by some miracle they’d get
back together some day disappeared. And his last words to her,
“I’ll be here waiting for you” replayed in her head so much, she
was just sick of it.
Yeah, sure you
will!

She returned home from
Dina’s shelter with a throbbing headache and tried to take a nap in
the early afternoon, but as soon as she lay down, her thoughts
jumbled in her head as if someone turned on multiple radio
stations. She lay awake, tossing and turning.

“
Fine then, I’m not going
to fall asleep,” Tessa said out loud, throwing the covers aside.
“I’m alone in bed, yet I have two men in my head, driving me
crazy.”

She got up and marched into
her office. She had two boxes with unopened mail, documents and
various other papers to sort—the last reminiscence of her old
apartment. Hopefully by the time she finished, her headache would
be gone. She made piles of receipts, bank statements, bills, and
letters.

When she opened the second
box, a big brown envelope, almost at the bottom of the box caught
her attention. She ripped it open and pulled out of it what seemed
to be a medical report with her name on it and a bunch of
large-sized photos. She read the report and only a few words
registered with her as if her brain blocked the rest of them—broken
ribs, dislocated jaw, internal bleeding, rape. She then looked at
the photos and a small yelp escaped her lips.
This can’t me
. She looked at the
report.
Anastassia Cosma, female, single,
thirty years old.
She looked again at the
pictures, one by one spreading them on top of her desk.