Hidden Heart (13 page)

At my look of obvious confusion he continued. “There are…
certain things
you can do to give and receive pleasure that do not trigger the bond. I’m sure there are plenty of, shall we say
lesser
offenses, going on behind closed doors in their mansions. They never clarify in public how far they’ve gone or haven’t gone with their groupies or any of the women they meet and invite home. People assume they’re having orgies or one night stands, and they don’t correct those assumptions.”

“And the pod members themselves can’t set the record straight because they’re glamoured.”

              “Exactly.”

              “So then, these girls
think
they’re having sex with celebrities they’ve never actually slept with?”

              “Maybe. There’s no way they could really know the difference—glamour is like the ultimate roofie—the girls have no reliable memory of what happened the night before. For instance, a girl I bring in here only knows she was with me. Her imagination fills in the blanks. She might assume we’ve had sex and probably couldn’t tell for sure… unless the girl was a virgin
herself.
”             

             
Unless the girl was a virgin herself.
Something about the phrase grabbed my attention and was now bouncing around in my brain.

“Nox—you’re saying
you’re
a… virgin?”

              “Well, I didn’t
say
it…”

              But his eyes were saying it. The vulnerable set of his mouth was saying it. And common sense was saying it.

If the rule for Dark Elves and Light Elves really was the same… then Nox would have been bound to the first girl he’d slept with. And as soon as he’d broken the bond by sleeping with another girl, his hair would have gone pure white overnight. He had to be telling the truth.

              I went back into his suite and stopped in front of the fireplace, pondering the absurdity. The flames danced as if they were laughing at the very idea of it. Nox Knight. High School Hero. Rock God. Virgin.

The possibility had never crossed my mind. Now I couldn’t get it
out
of my mind. What did this mean? What about those times when we had kissed and things had gotten super-hot super-fast?

Unlike Lad, who’d always stopped us just as things were getting good, Nox had never put on the brakes, never even downshifted into less intense making out. As far as I could tell, he’d been pressing the gas pedal to the floor, trying to push things toward can’t-turn-back-now territory with me. But why?

He came up behind me on the furry rug, not touching me, but standing very close. “Can I ask you a question?”

I turned to face him. The reflection of the fireplace in his hazel eyes made him look like the Devil I’d believed he was until a few moments ago. It was hard to shake that impression of him so quickly.

“What?”

“How did you feel when you saw me going off after supper with the blonde the other night? And when you saw me kiss Robin up on stage tonight?” He paused. “Were you jealous?”

The words “of course not” came out of my mouth. Unfortunately, the word
Yes
sprang into my mind loud and clear, and I was with one of only two guys I knew in the world who could hear what I was saying, even when I didn’t say it aloud.

A satisfied grin spread across his face. “You were.”
              “I didn’t say that.”

“Yes you did. You said it in the Elven way. And as we both know, it’s impossible to lie that way.”

Embarrassed and feeling somewhat violated by his mind-reading, I spun away from him again, staring into the flames as if they held the secret to life.

I was jealous, too.

The thought came to me as clearly as if Nox had spoken it aloud. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and took a deep breath. Oh no. What was happening here?

He swept my hair to one side, and his large hands settled on my upper arms. His voice was soft and low as he spoke close to my ear.

“I was. That’s why I jumped off stage and followed you two out of the club. I didn’t realize at the time he’d drugged you—I just couldn’t stand to see you going off with some other guy. At first I thought you’d jumped into a cab with him, and I was about to—I don’t know—steal a car or something and go looking for you. Then I heard your scream from around the side of the building. When I saw him pinning you up against the wall with his filthy mouth on your throat…”

Now Nox brushed my hair to the other side, and I realized he was studying my neck, looking for signs of damage. I knew when he spotted the hickey because his low growl filled my ear. He didn’t say anything about it directly, though. Instead, he lowered his face until his lips barely came into contact with the ugly bruised spot, brushing it with the lightest of pressure.

“You smell good,” he whispered against my sensitive skin, his hot breath making me shiver, even though I was warm in the radiant heat of the fireplace. “So sweet. I like your shower gel—is it vanilla?”

I nodded, unable to answer him and unable to move. Unable to breathe. A fire had started in my belly that made the blaze in the fireplace look like a matchstick.
This is bad.
Maybe Nox had the glamour of super-strong persuasion in addition to music? But no, I feared it was something much worse. Lad had mentioned some Elves had sexual glamour.

Wouldn’t that just make the most perfect rock star? A hot Elven guitar player and lead singer with the double-whammy of musical and sexual glamour? He’d be unstoppable. He’d own the world. He’d certainly own any girl he set his mind to having.

And, at the moment, his mind seemed to be set on me.

Again, his lips brushed my neck, this time with more pressure. I shivered, and his large, warm hands coasted up and down my upper arms, soothing away the chill bumps. Nox kissed a path down to my shoulder then back up to the sensitive spot behind my ear.

All the while I stood perfectly still, my chest rising and falling rapidly and my heart pounding wildly, while the rest of me felt incapable of movement.

             
Was
this sexual glamour? Or was it just Nox? Maybe it was a rebound reaction to the news about Lad and Vancia tonight. Maybe it was the natural culmination of weeks of being in each other’s presence in a strange situation full of pressures and unknown threats. Mutual attraction to be sure. Mutual loneliness as well?

Whatever it was, it was filling my belly with warmth, injecting my limbs with the urge to turn around and lift my arms to him, wrap them around his neck and kiss him back.

Perhaps sensing my reaction or growing impatient with my lack of response, Nox dropped his hands to my waist and turned my body, bringing us face-to-face. “Ryann,” he whispered.

I thought he was about to ask permission to kiss me.

He didn’t.

That wasn’t Nox’s style. He brought a hand up to cup my jaw and the side of my neck and pulled me in for his mouth to claim, taking the kiss he wanted. And oh how he kissed. He licked and sucked and pulled at my lips, tilting his head to the side, angled even closer. The scent of his skin filled my nostrils, the soft sound of his urgent breathing sent my pulse into erratic rhythms.

Pulling away slightly, Nox spoke against my mouth. “God, Ryann, you taste so good, you feel so good to me. I want you so much.”

I nodded, wanting him, too. I couldn’t deny it. He was so beautiful, so intoxicating. His touch was maddening, and the way he kissed me made me feel desired, wanted. Lad no longer wanted me, but someone did. And that someone was right here, staring into my eyes.

Nox must have read my nod as some sort of agreement because he scooped me into his arms and carried me toward the bed, which as advertised, was enormous. The out-of-body sense of peace and rightness lifted a fraction, allowing a sliver of rationality to slip in, followed by a thrill of alarm.

What are we doing? This is getting serious.

Nox set me gently in the center of his bed then backed away as if admiring the sight of me there. A dreamy smile spread across his face, and his eyelids went heavy as he took me in with an unmistakable look of hunger.

“Look at you,” he whispered and blew out a long, slow breath. He lifted the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head in one movement, letting it fall to the floor.

Oh help
. His body was amazing. What was I going to do? On one hand, I was right where I wanted to be. My heart was doing cartwheels, cheered on by every hormone in my body. But as he crawled across the bed toward me, the panicky feeling grew.

If he kissed me again and started touching me, I might not have the willpower to stop where it would lead. And if I didn’t, things were going to get
very
permanent between us
very
fast. As in tonight. At least it would be permanent on his end. He was Elven, and if what he’d said was the truth, sex was a one-person-for-life thing, for Light and Dark Elves alike.

“We can’t,” I managed to choke out, just as he reached me.

The hand Nox was sliding around my waist stopped. “Can’t what?” Now the fingers resumed their seductive stroking, gliding over my wispy nightgown to my hip, thigh, down to my knee and pushing underneath so his palm made breathtaking, fire-sparking contact with my skin as he kissed my neck and collarbone and dipped his head lower.

Ohgodohgodohgod
I knew I had to say it fast, or it was never going to be said. Pressing my palms against the mattress beneath me, I scooted myself away from him.

“We can’t make love,” my mouth said as my body ached to do exactly that. I could already tell how incredible it would feel to be under his big body, his weight and hard muscles over me.

The lust-soaked haze cleared a little from Nox’s face. “Why not?”

“Because… we can’t. We’re not thinking straight. We can’t get distracted. There are consequences. There are other people involved here.”

I was referring to Emmy and our mission to rescue her from the other fan pod, but based on Nox’s reaction, his mind had gone to an entirely different place.

He stopped trying to touch me and raised up onto his knees, the muscles in his chest and arms contracting tightly as his hands fisted. “It’s Lad, isn’t it? It’s always
him
. You’re still hung up on him.” He rolled off the bed and stalked away a few feet.

“No, that’s not it,” I said to his back. “I realize… it’s over between Lad and me. We won’t ever be together.”

Nox spun back around to face me. “But you
wish
you could be with him.” His face was a canvas of barely controlled pain. “Even when you’re kissing me and responding to my touch, you’re still thinking of him.” He balled his fists, blinking rapidly. 

My heart lurched toward him. It killed me to see him hurting like this. I slid off the edge of the mattress and went to him, reaching out. He took a step back in a halfhearted attempt to evade me, but I kept going and placed my hands against the hot skin of his abdomen.

Looking up into his face, I told him honestly. “That’s not true. I wasn’t thinking of him when we kissed. Or when we were in the bed. But I can’t
not
think of Emmy. We
have
to think of her. We’re not here on vacation. And even though what I said was true—Lad and I are over—I’m also not sure I’m ready to move on yet.”

“Because you’re still in love with him?”

“Well… no… I don’t know. You can’t really be ‘in love’ alone, I guess. And feeling that way only hurts me when he doesn’t feel the same. I don’t
want
to love him anymore. I mean—he doesn’t even know where I am or what’s happening to me—maybe he doesn’t even care. So I shouldn’t care. But he
was
my first love, and I’ll probably always feel something for him—you know how it is.”

He stared at me. I stared back.

“Haven’t you ever been in love?”

He held my gaze, flags of color rising in his face. “Hmmm.” He laughed uncomfortably and then looked away, rubbing his forehead.

Suddenly, I was way more interested in the answer than I had been before. I could tell by his body language there had indeed been someone, and now my curiosity burned. Who was she? This girl who’d captured the heart of the guy everyone wanted?

“You have, haven’t you?” I took a step toward him. “Nox, come on. I’m spilling my guts out here. Tell me you know what I’m talking about. Or am I the only idiot in the room?”

His eyes came back to me. “No. I’m
definitely
an idiot.”

I leaned toward him and bumped him gently with my shoulder. “So… give it up. Who was she?” 

Nox looked down into my face. Instead of answering, he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me tighter against him. “I don’t want to talk about that,” he whispered, and then his mouth was on mine.

The kiss was deep, probing, more emotional than any other kiss we’d shared. As our tongues moved together, it was if he was pulling at my soul, trying to convince me of some truth yet unspoken.

After a minute I started to break the contact, but his grip on me tightened and the sensuous assault kicked into a higher gear. And Nox began humming deep in his throat, calling on the maddening musical glamour I was powerless to resist.

I felt myself teetering at the edge of a cliff. Scrambling for a desperate toehold, I slapped hard at his bare arm.

He lifted his head, looking mesmerized himself. “What was that for?”

“I’ve told you not to do that to me—no singing.”

“I’m sorry—it just starts happening when I’m happy. And I wanted you to enjoy—”

“I
know
what you wanted. But Nox, even if I believed it was a good idea for us, we
can’t.
Use your head. You have to think about what
that
…” I pointed to his rumpled bed. “…would mean for you and your future. You weren’t handing me a line with the virginity thing, were you?”

“No.” He sighed and ran a hand through the top of his hair in a frustrated gesture. “It’s unfortunately very, very true.”

“So then you have to be really careful. You can’t just go bonding yourself to some random human girl because you’re… horny.”

Now he let out a shocked laugh. “I can’t believe you said the word ‘horny.’ And you’re
not
some random human. Besides, you’re part Elven, remember.”

“Yes, but only a quarter, and there’s no guarantee I’ll have a lifespan any longer than a regular human. You’re immortal. If you were to get carried away and bond yourself to me, and then we went our separate ways or I died, you’d carry the mark forever.”

“Ryann, you’re acting like I haven’t considered any of this. I’m not a fourteen year old following his junk around wherever it leads. I’m fully aware of the potential consequences every time we’re alone together.”

“Oh. So… why do you even start making out with me then?”

Nox dropped his chin and leveled me with the universal expression for
Really?

Well, of course I understood
that
motivation. But was he so sure of his ability to stop? Then it occurred to me—maybe he never intended to go
all
the way.

“Is it what you were talking about earlier? What the other Dark Elves do? You want to do the
other things
you referred to that don’t bond you to someone for life?”

My face heated at the visions rushing through my imagination—acts that would bring pleasure but not result in a permanent bond. My mental repertoire was small, no doubt, compared to the vast array of things a man and woman could do together, but it was still blush-inducing.

Nox grinned now, apparently amused by my naiveté. “Of course, I wouldn’t
mind
doing those
other things
… with you. But I’m not afraid of bonding with you. You should know that by now.”

“I don’t understand you.” I shook my head at him in wonder.

“No. You don’t. But since you’ve already informed me we
won’t
be making love, then there’s no need for me to get into all my reasons for wanting to.”

“Oh.” And now I was feeling strangely let down. “So… I guess this is where we play Xbox?” I gave a nervous giggle.

“If you want.” Nox took my hand and led me to the white sectional sofa in front of the fireplace. He pulled me down to sit beside him. “Or… we could talk about what I called you here to tell you in the first place. I’ve got a lead on Emmy.”

“What?” I bounced up off the sofa again. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”

“Well there was a beautiful girl in my room in a semi-transparent nightgown, and my memory was temporarily impaired.”

Glancing down at my chest, I crossed my arms in front of it and sat back down. “So what’s the lead?”

“Vallon Foster was at the Viper Room last night—did you see him?”

“No. I guess I should’ve been studying Emmy’s magazines. Some of the girls were saying there were several actors and musicians there, but it was dark, and I didn’t really recognize anyone famous.”

“Well, he was there, sitting in Booth Four with the booking manager. I had my people invite him to the show. We spoke afterward.” He raised one eyebrow. “We’ve been invited to a party.”

I sat even straighter. “We?”

“Me and my fan pod. It’s this weekend at his compound on Carbon Beach.”

“Oh my God! This is amazing, Nox. This is our chance to find Emmy. She’ll be there, right? If he told you to bring your fan pod, he’ll bring his, right?”

“I’m pretty sure. That seems to be how it works. It’s… how should I put this… part of the entertainment?”

I stilled. “What do you mean?” We wouldn’t be expected to put on some sort of sordid floor show for our “masters” would we?

“Don’t worry—I’ll make sure you’re not a part of it. It’s sort of a game, like… like trading cards… only with girls.” He glanced up at me from under his brows as if expecting a slap.

My stomach bottomed out and went cold. “You mean the Dark Elves
trade
girls from fan pod to fan pod?”

“Apparently. At least that’s what Alfred hinted at. I’m sure I’ll get a great education by spending some time with Vallon. He’s got the largest fan pod and has been at it the longest.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet
him
,” I said, sarcasm coloring the words.

“I don’t
want
you to meet him. But it is our best chance of finding Emmy.”