Hidden Mortality (26 page)

“I knew about Seth. I accepted what he told me years ago. Most people would have said I was mad. That didn’t matter. He was long-lived, but he was dead in a way. Nothing touched him. He was like a dog that’s lost its owner and had been left to pine. Then you came along and stirred things up.” Janet smiled.

“That was never my intention. I was only just holding it together myself back then.”

“Seth told me about you losing the baby. Lost one myself once. It’s hard.” Janet reached a hand across and touched Cara’s.

Biting her bottom lip, Cara tried hold back the tears. “What do you want, Janet? Otherwise I’m going home. As lonely as that place might be without him, it hurts being here.”

“Cara, he doesn’t know you’re here. He’s like most men, no matter how long they live. They can’t see what’s right in front of them. He loved you.”

“Please don’t say that.” Cara’s tears fell.

“I read your letter.” Janet reached across and lifted Cara’s fringe. “Until the last few weeks I would have said he still couldn’t remember. Now I think there may be a chance for both of you again. I brought you here to see something. When you’ve seen it, then make your decision on whether you give up on him.”

“What decision? I’ve never given up on him but he doesn’t want me.” Cara followed Janet outside, wanting to get this over and done with as soon as possible. “The statues? They’re gone.”

The garden looked just like any cottage garden without them. It was winter and most of the flowers were gone but everything was green and lush from the rain.

“He sold them,” Janet said. “He made a pretty penny too. That’s one of the things his manager is talking to him about today. People are placing orders. Seth never did two the same. He insists he meets with prospective buyers. He said he doesn’t feel that keen on sculpting so it will cost them an exorbitant price. His statues were always different. They called to you and made you feel things.”

Cara was genuinely glad he was being successful. What they had lost in love they were both receiving in wealth and fame. She had worried initially how he would cope with today’s world? He had survived well even though he had no memory of all those years that had passed. Another kick in the teeth, another area he didn’t need her.

Walking towards the forge, Cara remembered the last time she was there. Seth had kissed her and taken her back to the cottage. They had talked about Vincent and the dagger, but she had kept secrets to protect Seth.

It hadn’t helped her in the long run. She had lost him. A deep ache caused her to catch her breath when she remembered the passion of their lovemaking. She had never been able to get enough of him, but he remembered nothing. At least with their lovemaking, she had taken enough of his power to save him.

“He’s started to ride the bike again. Went out there one morning two weeks ago and started it up. Five a.m. it was. If he has to get his memory back about things, couldn’t he do it at a reasonable hour? Gave him hell I did when he got back from his little joy ride.”

Tears stung Cara’s eyes again. If he could remember the bike, why couldn’t he remember her?

Chapter 29

Entering the workshop, the familiar smell of the forge hit her. Smoke, the coals, and that tang of metal she almost tasted on her tongue. His tools all hung neatly on their hooks on the wall. A few blades were on the worktable. It was as if she trespassed on his private space.

“Well, don’t stand at the door, Cara. It’s over by the far window. He keeps it covered with this tarpaulin, so I’m not meant to see it. I’m going to Paris for a month. I wanted to know what it was before I left. He knows I’m nosy, so I don’t know why he bothered.” Janet walked over to the large gray lump.

Cara longed to run. She was nothing to him now. She should give him privacy. Walking away, she heard the swish and rumble of the cover being removed behind her. She stopped. She clenched her hands and closed her eyes.
I can’t do this. It’s not fair to him.

“Seth.” Janet’s voice echoed through the forge.

Cara instantly opened her eyes. There he was, but he wasn’t looking at her. He stared at the place where Janet stood. Cara knew he didn’t love her anymore, but she didn’t want him to think badly of her. When he glanced at her, she struggled to read his face, but his eyes showed nothing. Cara opened her mouth. She couldn’t speak. To see him and not be with him was making her heart feel like it was physically breaking in two.

Janet walked past her and stood in front of Seth with her arms folded. Cara knew she shouldn’t have come. Whatever chance she had with him, was now gone.

Janet unfolded her arms and wagged her finger. “I’m not going to apologize. Don’t bother asking. I’m going to go and pack. If you haven’t sorted yourself out when I return from Paris, you can live on your own. I ordered a taxi for the morning to take me to the airport. Don’t worry about driving me.” Janet slammed the door as she left.

Cara gazed at Seth, willing him to look at her. He just stared at the floor. Her heart beat faster. If she let go of the bench she grasped, her legs would give out. Nothing had changed for her. She wanted him as much now as the first night they made love.

The van was out front. What caused her to be fixed to the spot like superglue? Him. She wanted to be near him for a little while longer, even if he ignored her. This was pointless. I won’t cry she thought as she bit her bottom lip.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” Cara forced her body to step sideways. She just had to get past him, get out of here and get on with her life. Seth grabbed her forearm as she slipped by him. She winced as his fingers dug in.

“Wait,” Seth said, his voice so low it was almost a growl. He released her arm.

Cara hesitated, pulling her arms across her chest. The sensible side of her brain said, keep moving. Her legs didn’t feel like they were going to obey her brain right now so she stood still. There was silence. She couldn’t gaze at the floor any longer. She looked straight at him.

He didn’t see her. He was looking past her at whatever Janet had uncovered. Eventually, he glanced her way with what she thought was uncertainty in his eyes. If he didn’t remember her, she wanted out of here. She took another step to leave.

“Please.” His hand came to her arm, only gently this time.

“Please what, Seth?” Saying his name, she trembled and hoped he couldn’t feel it. He looked so sad. It would be easier to cope with his anger or indifference than his vulnerability.

“Please forgive me for hurting you. I didn’t understand. As things became clearer, I thought it was too late.”

What the hell did that mean?

“Too late for what?”

“For us.”

“For us? The last time we spoke, you didn’t know who I was.” Was he playing with her after all the pain?

“I thought the statue would have shown you.”

“I haven’t seen it. I was leaving before Janet could show me.” Now, she was too scared to turn around. “I felt as if I was intruding. I couldn’t do that to you. You may not remember me, but I like to think I honored what we had.” She took a deep breath.

“Do you trust me, Cara?” Seth said as he held a hand to her cheek.

Nine months. Never so much as a phone call. She had convinced herself she meant nothing to him, that she had never existed as far as he was concerned. It was better than dealing with rejection. No one said her name the way he did. His voice so low and powerful it made her heat up to her very core with need. And now he was asking this.

She couldn’t cope with being hurt again. Everyone said she was strong, but she didn’t want to be anymore. “I trust you more than anyone else I’ve ever known.”

He smiled at her words and her heart began to hope against hope once more.

“Close your eyes.” Seth moved behind her and placed his hands over her eyes.

All these months of saying she was coping without him were gone in an instant. His skin touched hers. It was like electricity, little shocks running over her. He turned her around and gently coaxed her to move forward.

She shivered as his body pressed against her back. She had spent so much time just dreaming about him holding her, caressing her. Then, she would wake up angry with herself for letting those feelings consume her. His breath warmed the back of her neck. She wanted to lean back and let his lips slide over her skin.

“I want you to see what I remembered and why I’ll never let you go again.”

Cara held her breath. It was what she wanted to hear, but for one moment she was afraid. Seth removed his hands and stepped back.

She gasped. It was them. They were making love. He’d captured the moment in pure white marble. They sat naked, entwined with each other. His arms were around her waist while he kissed her throat. Her hands rested on his shoulders. Her head arched back. She knew that expression. He had caused it on her face on more than one occasion.

She moved away from him. She had to, so she could think. She walked around viewing the statue from all angles. It was sensual, erotic and beautiful. Seth’s memory had come back, all the way back, to their first time together.

She wanted to touch the statue, but more so she wanted to touch Seth. Standing on the far side of the sculpture, he leaned against his work bench. His hands gripped the edge so hard his knuckles were white. He kept his eyes on the statue.

He was so big and strong. Sometimes, he appeared like a little lost boy. Walking over, she stood in front of him so he had to look at her. She hoped she wouldn’t regret what she was about to say. Then again, she was lucky to be alive. She was a survivor.

“I love you, Seth. I never stopped loving you.” She leaned forward. She brushed his lips with hers. She hadn’t realized the floodgate of emotion that action would release. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes. The depth of passion she saw was so intense it almost scared her.

“I thought you were a dream for so long,” he said. “I wouldn’t listen to Janet. I just knew that I had been thrust into this world I didn’t want to be in. I wanted Rosie and I felt the guilt of losing Annie. You weren’t real.”

Cara felt the pain of that day when he had stared blankly into her eyes. Seth took her hand in his.

“It was as if they had just died. It was fresh, as if I had never grieved. Then there was you. I didn’t understand where you fitted in. I was angry that a stranger intruded on my grief. I should’ve been dead. Rosie, Annie and other memories were the past. I couldn’t get back to them.”

“I never wanted to cause you any pain.”

“No one ever did, Cara. Don’t you see I was the lucky one?” Seth laughed as he gazed at her. “I just left agony in my wake, including you.”

Silence descended again. He was right. He had caused her pain. All those months of sadness after Vincent’s death were there. Could she just let it go?

“You read my letter?”

He nodded. “It meant nothing at first, and then a few weeks ago memories started to return. Come with me.” He took her hand.

They walked back to the cottage in silence. The kitchen was empty and they headed upstairs. Cara heard a chuckle come from the room at the end of the corridor as she entered Seth’s bedroom. Janet must be chatting with Henri. If they had lasted this long, Janet might be moving to France permanently.

Cara thought about her life two years ago, post Tony. If anyone had told her about the future with Seth then, she would have said they were insane, especially if they had mentioned his past. He still held her hand as they sat down on the edge of his bed. She never wanted him to let it go.

The night they had first made love, she had been content if it had been just great sex. Now, she didn’t know how she could cope if this all fell apart again.

Seth went over to his dressing table. He removed something from one of the drawers. “These are my past.”

He placed two pictures in brass oval frames in her hands. One photograph was Rosie. The other was a young dark-haired woman. Cara held the photos wondering what was expected of her. These were women he loved, and they had loved him.

Seth had made her care after a long time of not feeling anything. She had fought Vincent and won. Then, she had lived the last nine months as if that hadn’t happened. Now, Seth showed her these women. She was confused.

“I remember everything, Cara, everything about them and you.” Seth took the pictures and placed them face down on his bedside table.

“You didn’t call or come see me.”

He pulled a chair across and sat in front of her. Taking her hands in his, his eyes locked with hers. “Up until two weeks ago I couldn’t remember you. The night it came back I was going to go to you. I got on the bike and drove to your apartment. I couldn’t go in. I had hurt you and you had a new life. I thought the right thing was to let you go. I have worked on the statue day and night since then. You have to believe me when I say I was going to ask you to take me back.”

“All I’ve wanted was for you to remember me.” She was trembling again.

“I no longer have the luxury of trying again in the future to get things right.” Seth’s hand came up and cupped her face. “You wrote that Rosie didn’t know how long we would have together. I’m afraid I’ll fail again.”

Cara remembered the rough texture of his hands mixed with the gentle touch of a man who worked metal. He leaned forward towards her, his lips slightly parted.

She wanted those lips. When they touched hers, it was like a shock rang through her body. She wanted more. Thrusting her tongue into his mouth she matched his passion. He picked up on her need and pulled her to her feet.

As they kissed, their hands gently roamed over each other’s bodies, remembering the feel of each curve. She relished the hardness of his arousal pressing against her. When they broke apart, she found she was breathing hard. She wanted him so much. That hot aching sensation was building in her. He smiled down at her as he scooped her up and laid her on the bed.

Nine months of pent up passion was released as he lay beside her and started to remove her clothes. Her hands fought with his. She needed him naked. She wanted him in her. To be joined with him again, to know that their love had survived everything.

With their clothes gone he stopped for a moment as he lay beside her and stared at her new scars with sadness as his eyes watered. His hand traced her wounds as she touched his. So much had been shared but now they could be together.

She reached up and brought his head down to her so their lips touched. She wanted more as her tongue entered his mouth to get closer. He lay on her and the feel of his body naked against hers made her want to cry with joy. As their kisses became more passionate he entered her and caused her to gasp. She had never thought she would feel this again. The feeling as he moved in her was intoxicating as their bodies joined. She thought the sensations could not get any stronger but they kept building more and more. Her whole body tingled with the power running through them both. Then they both screamed out in release.

As they lay there in each other’s arms their bodies still connected she heard him chuckle.

“What is it?” she asked.

Seth raised himself up onto his elbows and smiled down at her. “I was wondering if what I remembered when I was sculpting was in fact true. Now I realize it wasn’t. This is more, Cara, so much more. I never want to lose you again. I want you to be my wife.”

“I have no intention of ever leaving and I most definitely accept your offer.” She slipped her arms around his neck, smiling up at him. At last they were together and they would be for the rest of their lives.