Hide Away (28 page)

“I'm fine, Caleb.” She tried to take the two lanterns back, then gave it up. “And since when are you acting the pack mule? You didn't help set up at Gaelkar Castle.”

“You weren't climbing up and down hills, and MacDuff was trying to make it as easy as possible on you so that you wouldn't get pissed off and leave the hunt.” He reached in the Land Rover and took out her sketchbook and computer bag and handed it to her. “These aren't too heavy.” He smiled. “So stop wasting time arguing. You'll notice that I waited until everyone else was halfway down to the lake before I stepped in to rescue you. Now no one will think you're shirking.”

“I'll just come back up here and help with the rest of the equipment.”

He shook his head. “You'll make yourself busy setting up tents and helping Eve and Cara. Because you will have done the impossible and convinced me that I should waste my valuable time and energy helping MacDuff and Jock do the rest of the setting up. Everyone will be amazed and applaud you.” He started down the hill. “Come on. It's getting dark, and that will make it more difficult.”

She hesitated, then started down the hill after him. “This is a total waste of your ‘valuable energy.' I'm almost entirely well now.”

“Almost. But when you were climbing this hill with Eve the other day, I noticed you were short of breath when you reached the top, your cheeks were flushed, and your pulse was pounding in your temple. You're not there yet, Jane.”

She couldn't deny it. “You didn't mention it then.”

“It wasn't the time. This is the time.”

“It's my responsibility to take care of myself. I do a pretty good job of it. So go back to being concerned only about Seth Caleb.”

“I'm having a good deal of trouble doing that. It's a matter of great alarm to me.” He glanced down at MacDuff, Jock, Eve, and Cara, who had all reached the bank of the lake. The light was almost gone, but it appeared they were sorting the bedding and equipment. “I'm not like them, Jane. I don't want to be like them. Yet at times, you make me want to do what they would do. I felt like that with Trevor. Very dangerous.”

“Then save yourself, I've no desire to change you. It's not my business.”

“I'm not sure that I can save myself.” He suddenly chuckled. “Unless I find a way to change you. Maybe that's what I've been trying to do all along. Care to walk on the dark side, Jane? I promise I'll make it entertaining.”

“You couldn't do that for—” She glanced at him and suddenly lost track of what she'd been saying. He was framed against the mist, and darkness was all around him. But it wasn't the darkness that held her. Heat. Intensity.

His eyes were …

She couldn't breathe. She could feel her pulse racing.

“Don't do that,” he said thickly. “
Now
it hits you? I've got my hands full of this damn equipment, and all those people down there might see anything I'd do to you. I wouldn't care, but in the end, you'd blame me.” His eyes were suddenly glowing recklessly. “What the hell?” He dropped the lanterns on the ground and took a step closer. “So blame me already.”

His thumbs were on the hollow of her throat, and he was tilting her head back. His mouth was on hers, his tongue playing wildly.

Her pulse was pounding crazily beneath the pressure of his thumbs. Crazy. Crazy. She had to move back.

But she was moving closer, her mouth opening wider, taking more of him.

“We can go back to the car,” he whispered. “Or we can stop. But it has to happen now. Go? Stop?”

How could she say stop? It was too late. She
needed
him.

Needed him enough to act like a bitch in heat? This wasn't the way she behaved. This wasn't—

“You're stiffening,” Caleb said between his teeth. “Second thoughts?” He pushed her back. “Then get away from me. Or I'll be damned if I let you go.” He bent down and picked up the lanterns from the ground where he'd thrown them. “I'm not Trevor or Jock or MacDuff. I've wanted you for a long time, and this time, I almost had you.” His voice was rough as he started back down the hill. “And you
wanted
it. You've wanted me as long as I've wanted you.”

She was gazing at him, trying to get her breath, trying to think. “I didn't mean … I've never denied there's a certain chemistry between—”

“Certain chemistry? It's enough to blow us up if we ever come together. But you're too wary to let that happen, aren't you? Well, it's going to happen. You almost lowered your guard enough tonight. Hell, but it came out of the blue. I wasn't expecting it.”

“Neither was I,” she said unsteadily. “One minute I was annoyed with you, then I—” She shrugged. “I must have gone a little crazy. It's not like me.”

“Or is it? How do you know? Maybe it's exactly how you'll be with me. No analyzing, just feeling.”

Feeling. Oh, yes, every cell of her mind and body had been feeling. She could still feel the throbbing of the pulse in her throat, his thumbs rubbing, pressing. Her breasts were still taut, aching.

Don't think about it.

It had been a moment that was completely wrong and shouldn't be repeated. “It's not how I want to be. And I'll fight not to be that way in the future.” She moistened her lips. “This was my fault. I'd like to blame you, but I can't do it. I don't know why, but I must have been very vulnerable … and it happened. It won't happen again.”

“The hell it won't.” He looked back at her. “And you don't know why you suddenly wanted to screw me? Well, I do, Jane. I could see it, sense it. You're alive again. It's what I've been waiting for, and I'm not going to let the opportunity escape me.” He smiled mockingly. “Would you like to bet how long it will take us to end up in bed?”

“You're totally outrageous.”

“It's my modus operandi.” He looked down at the lake. “They're lighting the lanterns. It was dark enough so that they might not have seen what was going on up here. But you'd better compose yourself by the time we get down there. You're all loose and warm and passionate. I can hardly stand to look at you.”

That's exactly how she felt, but the fact that he had put it into words annoyed her. “And what about you?”

“I'm going to disappear for a while. No hiding what I'm feeling.”

No, and he was giving out sexual vibrations so strong that she was beginning to feel that same stirring just looking at him.

“It's okay.” The anger was suddenly gone from his tone. “You'll work your way through it. Now you know how I feel about 90 percent of the time I'm with you. Being alive has its disadvantages.”

“Staying away from you would also have advantages.”

“But how can you do it? I've suddenly developed a fascination for this lake. I believe I'll have to offer my services to MacDuff at every turn.” He waved at Eve as they neared the campground. “Don't you think that everyone will think I've turned over a new and noble leaf?”

“I think that I'm going to work like hell to get MacDuff what he wants and get out of here.”

“I thought that would be your reaction.” He wasn't looking at her but at the mist that floated ghostlike in the darkness of the far bank. “But it's a strange place, a strange time. I felt it the first time I saw it. I wasn't surprised that you had dreamed about it.” He added softly, “Will you ever be able to get out, Jane?”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

He chuckled. “Don't slap me down when I'm being mystical. Of course you'll get free because I'll be there to pull you out. I wouldn't let that mist take you any more than I would anyone or anything. I've devoted far too much effort to you. But I had you for a minute, didn't I?”

“No, you did not.” It was the mist and the night and the thought of what lay beyond them that had shaken her for that long moment. “But you obviously need something to distract you.” And she had to find a way to get rid of him until her defenses were back in place.

She quickened her pace and passed him as she reached the bank. She called, “Sorry to be so long. Caleb is inclined to dawdle. But he says he's willing to be taught, so maybe you and Jock can do the job, MacDuff. He's bored, and he volunteered to go bring the rest of the equipment down himself.” She gave Caleb a glance over her shoulder. “He said it was the least he could do. Isn't that right, Caleb?”

“I did mention something like that.” He was discarding the bedroll and lanterns, dropping them on the ground. “I'd almost forgotten.” He smiled at MacDuff. “I'm at your disposal. Anything you want, and I'm there for you and the rest of the team.” He didn't look at Jane, but the next words were aimed at her and held a hint of mockery. “It will be interesting for me to work shoulder to shoulder, so to speak.”

*   *   *

When Eve woke the next morning, it was to see Cara sitting cross-legged beside her. She was fully dressed, with a steaming cup in her hand. “Hi.” She smiled. “I went out to the campfire and got a cup of coffee for you.” She carefully handed her the cup as Eve scooted up to a sitting position in her sleeping bag. “Jock is cooking bacon. Doesn't it smell good?”

“Delicious.” She sipped the coffee. “And so is this coffee. Thank you.”

“You're welcome. If you want to wash up and brush your teeth, I'll go get you some bottled water.”

“I believe I can do that for myself.”

“But you shouldn't have to do it when I can do it for you. I should be taking care of you.”

Eve gazed at her warily. “Has Jane been talking to you?”

Cara looked bewildered. “What?”

“Just a thought.” She should have known that Jane wouldn't tell Cara about the baby. It would have just worried the child. “Don't tell me you dreamed about Jenny again.”

“No. But I promised I'd take care of you, and I haven't been keeping my promise. I played the violin the other night when I shouldn't, and I've been spending too much time with Jock. I should have been doing stuff for you.”

“No, you should not. You would have driven me crazy if you insisted on fetching and carrying for me. We discussed the playing and came to an agreement. And Jock would have sent you packing if you'd gotten into his way.”

“I'm not sure he would,” she said gravely. “He … likes me. He wouldn't want to hurt me. So I have to watch out to make sure that I don't do anything that would be bad for him.”

“So you're carrying the whole responsibility on your shoulders?” She shook her head. “For heaven's sake, Cara, be a kid for a change. Let yourself enjoy every minute you can. There's sure not many of those. Anything I do for you, I want to do. You don't owe me.”

“Yes, I do.” She suddenly smiled. “But I won't fetch and carry if you don't want me to do it. But was it all right that I brought you coffee?”

“Extremely all right.” She took another sip of coffee and sighed blissfully. “As long as you let me do something for you in return.”

“But that wouldn't be—” She stopped. “There is something that—” She stopped again.

“You want to play your violin? I never meant to keep you from doing that, Cara.”

“I know.” She moistened her lips. “It's not that, I was just thinking I'd like to—I couldn't sleep, so I opened the door and sat there for a while looking out at the lake.” She added quickly, “I didn't go outside. I just sat there. I was just wondering if I could—”

“Cara.”

“You said not to go beyond the mists on that north bank without you,” she said in a rush. “I really would like to go there, Eve.”

“I don't see why that wouldn't be possible. It's probably going to be fairly safe once MacDuff gets those lights he ordered.”

Cara was shaking her head. “I want to go now. MacDuff and Jock were talking about the shipment of lights while Jock was cooking, and they should be here later in the day. Could we go before they get here?”

“You're that impatient?” Eve asked, puzzled.

She shook her head. “I started getting scared last night while I was looking at it. First, I was sitting there, and I felt … good. It was beautiful, like I said when I first saw it. And I thought whatever was behind that mist must be beautiful, too. But then I began to think of the forest, where Jenny died. That was beautiful, too, but it hid ugly things.”

“That didn't change the beauty,” Eve said gently. “Sometimes ugliness exists side by side with beauty. Jenny gave her life for you in that forest and that was beautiful, too.”

“I know,” she whispered. “But it still hurts me to think of it. I remember how scared I was when she ran away from Elena and me. I began to get scared again last night when I was thinking of it. It sort of got mixed up in my head with the mist.” She shook her head. “I can't be scared any longer, Eve. All my life I've been afraid, and I can't live like—” She reached out and touched Eve's hand. “I have to face it, Eve. I can't hide away from it. Will you help me?”

Help her? Eve felt a melting inside her as she gazed at this child who had lived a life of fear and death since she was a toddler. She wanted to take away that fear, shoulder the pain of those memories. But that wasn't what Cara was asking of her. She was asking her to show her how to handle the fear without flinching. And that would be a much harder task. “I'll help you. Of course I'll help you.”

“Thank you.” Cara suddenly launched herself at Eve and her arms closed tightly around her. “Thank you.”

Eve froze in shock. Cara was not given to physical demonstrations, and Eve had told herself that it might be a long time before she was comfortable with any kind of affectionate gestures.

Don't question.

Accept.

She carefully put her coffee down and held Cara close. She was aware of the slightest stiffening but ignored it. Cara had made the first move. “You're welcome.” She brushed a kiss on her temple. “I consider it a family obligation. But you'll have to let me know what I have to do. I'm a little confused about what you need from me.”