Hiding in Plain Sight (24 page)

“At Bar in Heaven again,” says Ulrika, “the friendliest bar in all of Nairobi. The best bar on the entire continent, except perhaps for a couple of bars in De Waterkant in Cape Town.”

Do not mention Cape Town again, please, prays Padmini to herself. But to Ulrika she says, “And when?”

“Tonight, why not?”

“Just a second, please,” says Padmini. “I need to consult with Valerie.” She knocks on the bathroom door.

“Go ahead,” says Ulrika. “I will wait.”

“What's happening?” says Valerie, heavy-tongued, emerging from the bathroom with toothpaste on her chin and her hair carelessly brushed.

“An invite is happening,” says Padmini.

Valerie says, “Tell me more!”

Padmini tells her. “What say you?”

“I say let's go! Let's drink and be merry.”

Padmini hesitates, her hand over the phone, taking in Valerie's condition. Then she tells Valerie that she will accept, on condition that Valerie rests up and refrains from drinking until they get to the bar. Into the phone, she says, “What time do we meet there?”

“Ten o'clock.”

“See you at ten.”

Padmini calls room service and orders a club sandwich for them to
share and a glass of milk for Valerie instead of her usual sundowner. Then they sleep until just past nine.

They rise and shower in turn, and then Valerie calls the concierge to order a taxi for ten-fifteen. “Let's get there half an hour late,” she says to Padmini by way of explanation. “We don't wish to appear too eager, right?”

“Okay by me,” says Padmini. But she can see that Valerie is wide-eyed with anticipation.

“We're going to enjoy ourselves, you'll see.”

Padmini is not so sure about that. But she is glad for an excuse to get out of their stifling, expensive room.

“This calls for a celebration, I'd say.” Valerie brings out a bottle of chilled champagne, and Padmini, conceding defeat, gets two glasses. Valerie opens the bottle and Padmini puts out some French cheese, her favorite, on a low table, along with a baguette wrapped in the front page of
The Independent
and a stash of white and dark chocolates.

As they eat and drink, Padmini reads a news story to Valerie from the front page of
The Independent
, which is a week old. The article cites a letter from an eight-year-old English girl to a British MP who was quoted as saying that gay couples are not fit to raise children. In her letter, the girl describes herself as the happy daughter of a lesbian couple and tells the MP that she is “perfectly fine . . . a real child with two mothers, who are real people with real feelings.” The girl closes by writing, “You can be brought up well by anyone who loves and cares for you and who makes sure that you are happy.”

The paper has withheld the identity of the girl and her parents. Padmini and Val now debate the merits of this. Padmini questions whether it's right to withhold the name of the girl while publishing the MP's. Valerie retorts that no newspaper in Britain would dare publish the name of a minor without the approval of a parent or guardian. “She
could be bullied at school or worse. And maybe it's out of deference to the mothers' feelings.”

Padmini asks, “Do you think they care what others might say about them?”

“Their situation is unlike ours.”

“How so?”

“We are in Africa.”

“And your children are not only half African but also Somali and Muslim,” says Padmini. “Somalis are bigots, every single one of them. They would delight in burning us at the stake. They see us as deviants, worse than devil worshippers, and they believe we deserve commensurate punishments.”

“And you think the West is so much better?”

“There is no depth to the commitment, despite the laws on the books. But at least we can go to sleep at night confident that we won't be arrested just because we are gay.”

Valerie says, “You know, Pad, Aar came to accept our relationship in the fullness of time, and so did my mother, especially after knowing what my father did to me. But not your parents.”

Padmini says, “And Bella?”

“Neither she nor Aar is your typical Somali or typical African,” Valerie says. “I think it's because their mother was ahead of her time.”

Carried away by the prevailing positive mood, Valerie wonders aloud, “I wonder whether we can persuade Salif and Dahaba to throw in their lot with ours.”

“You mean, come with us to India?”

“Why not?”

“Who knows?” says Padmini. “The idea might excite them. The subcontinent is a much bigger world than either of them has known. Don't they say, ‘See the elephant; see the world'?”

“And if living in India doesn't much take their fancy, we should be open to the idea of moving to Britain. You wouldn't mind if we did that?” Valerie asks.

“Not if it is the only option open to us,” says Padmini. Her straying hand touches Valerie's cheek, and before long, they are making love in a way they haven't for a long time. Then they go down to the waiting taxi and head off into the night to join Ulrika.

—

From the outside, the nightclub looks uninviting. The building is composed of a ground floor constructed along utilitarian lines that can accommodate any use: workshop, fitness center, or a place of worship. Inside, however, a lick of paint and a raised ceiling have transformed it. At one end of the floor, there is a bandstand where a group of women is playing. At the other is a long bar with stools and tables and chairs, for which there is an extra charge. Tonight all the tables are taken, and the dance floor is full.

As soon as Padmini spots Ulrika sitting in her own special corner, a little away from the other tables and farthest from the music, she recognizes her as the big-boned but well-honed woman she remembers. She also remembers her suddenly as the woman who made a pass at her the other night and had the gall to call her the “brown beauty.” But she lets Valerie lead her by the hand through the melee of drinkers and dancers and busy waitresses. When they get to Ulrika's table, she welcomes them with a hug and kiss, and then introduces them to two African women who are sitting with her. What a promiscuous woman you are, Ulrika, thinks Padmini.

Ulrika explains that the owner of the club is a Kenyan, a former lover of hers, and Ulrika was one of the first investors in the venture, which
has been a roaring success. The special table is her perch. She turns to Valerie. “Dammit, I forgot to bring the two books I promised you.”

Valerie looks as if she can't for the life of her remember anything about any books, but she says, “No worries. Maybe next time.” But Padmini says, “What books?”

“Jeanette Winterson's
Why Be Happy When You
Could Be Normal?
and Jackie Kay's most recent novel, which is set in part in Nigeria, where her birth father hails from.” Ulrika flags down a waitress and asks what they want to drink. “You are my guests,” she says, with the same Teutonic certitude Padmini heard on the phone. “The first round is on me.”

“What is a giant German woman doing in Kenya?” Valerie asks. “I am curious.”

Ulrika tells them that she makes her living as a masseuse. Well over six feet tall, with a laugh to match, she also has a larger-than-life generosity of spirit that leaves her open to new ideas and new ways of having fun. Her business is booming too. It's adjacent to her home, in several thatched huts, each with its own Jacuzzi. There's also a swimming pool of Olympic proportions, a bar, and a small gym. At the extreme end of these structures is the well-appointed apartment where she lives, often alone.

“How do you mean, often alone?” Valerie asks.

“Sometimes I have guests, family, friends. And at other times, I entertain my lovers.”

She is close to her parents, she says; they helped her to establish her business.

“How often do they visit?”

“Twice a year,” Ulrika answers. “They spend the whole European winter here.”

“And who helps you run it?”

Ulrika tells them she employs two young men, one from Cape Town and the other from Sydney, along with several African women, for the running of the business, plus a couple more that she has trained as masseuses. She adds, “I grew up in South Africa, where my father was West Germany's consul.” She explains that her father always insisted on sending her to the same schools as the locals and not, say, to the German school in Cape Town, so Ulrika has always felt more comfortable in the company of Africans.

“And whom do you cater to?” asks Valerie.

Padmini can see that the idea of Ulrika's working on her body turns Valerie on, and, sure enough, Valerie says, “Can I book a session?”

The band launches into a cover of a popular song by a Congolese group, and the two Africans sitting next to Ulrika invite Padmini to dance with them. By the time they return to the table, Ulrika and Valerie are deep in conversation.

“I've always dreaded what would become of my body,” Ulrika is saying, and Padmini guesses they are talking about pregnancy. Ulrika tells one story after another, and Padmini has just about fallen asleep when she hears Valerie ask, “An indiscreet question, if I may?”

“Go ahead and ask,” Ulrika tells her.

“Do African women do it too—woman to woman?”

“Of course,” Ulrika answers.

“Who did you have your first experience with?”

“An African girl who was several years older than I—I was nine, she fifteen, and from that day on, I've never looked at a boy. In Africa, because no one suspects women to be interested sexually in other women, people leave you alone. The idea of two women doing it is basically alien to African men. But they abhor the idea of men doing it with other men. You can see their disgust in their expressions. And yet I know many African gay men.”

“Maybe it is like the Muslims and drinking.”

“How do you mean?”

Valerie says, “When they come to functions at European embassies where the drinks are flowing, they ask to have their wine and other
haram
drinks put in coffee mugs so no one can see what they are drinking.”

“But since Allah sees all, why bother?”

“It is for show.”

“You mean saying that we have no gays is for show?”

“That's what I think.”

“Maybe you are right.”

“Maybe I am.”

Now it is time for Ulrika and Valerie to go to the dance floor. At first Ulrika pulls Valerie close, her hands wandering all over Valerie's body. But Valerie disengages, and they dance a meter apart. For once, she is doing her best not to upset Padmini.

Something goes wrong with the alarm, which insofar as anyone can tell has gone off for no reason, since no one set it when they turned in for the night. Bella is the first to emerge from her room. Then Salif comes out into the hallway too. “What the hell?” he says. They stand there, Salif in his pajamas, Bella in her robe thrown over a gown she suddenly realizes is missing the top button, listening to the alarm without talking and without the slightest sign of panic. Then, just as mysteriously as it started, it goes off.

Bella says, “What was all that about?”

Salif waits a beat, as if to be sure the alarm is really off, and then he gives a “Search me” shrug of his shoulders.

“Well, what do we do now?” says Bella.

“You want me to go downstairs and check?” Salif looks furtively around and cranes his neck over the top of the banister. “See if there is someone else in the house apart from us?”

Bella says, “Of course there is someone else besides us in this house. There is Dahaba.”

“Nothing wakes her,” says Salif. He picks up the phone and calls out
to the cubicle to the right of the gate outside, where the watchmen jabber away in the daytime and sleep at night even though they are supposed to be awake and on guard. When no one answers, Salif says, “I always wonder if there is any point in hiring night guards. They never answer the phone because they are too busy snoring.”

However, as if to prove him wrong, down the stairway they see the moving shadow of a man in uniform outside the front door, and before either of them speaks, they see him waving up to them and then hear his loud banging on the door. Salif goes halfway down the staircase to ascertain that it is one of the night guards, even though he has no intention of opening the door and letting him in. He knows the man by face and name, and they wave to each other. Relieved, Salif rejoins Bella, who tells him, “Go now, check your sister's room, please, and see if she is asleep, despite so much seismic racket.”

He pushes open the door and vanishes for a few seconds, then reemerges to say, “Why don't you believe me, Auntie? She is asleep, her head under her pillow.”

“I was hard to awaken too when I was young.”

“She reads till very late. That's why she can't wake up.”

“Maybe she finds it difficult to sleep, as I did. I used to read or draw figurines, faces of humans, or animals. I fought with our mum when she came in and turned the lights off.”

Salif stares away in the distance, as if in discomfort. Maybe he doesn't like her to compare her younger self to Dahaba, Bella thinks.

It's the sudden silence of the house once the alarm is off that wakes Dahaba, who, rubbing her eyes red, joins them, asking what has happened. Bella and Salif look amused, and Bella says, “Not to worry.” Dahaba and Salif are thirsty and want water to drink, and Bella wants to have tea, so they gather in the kitchen.

Bella asks them about their conversations with their mother the
previous day, and Salif tells her about Valerie's plans to found a trust. Bella knows that Valerie hasn't the wherewithal to fund a trust, or even to set one up, without Bella's tacit approval and backing, but knowing that Valerie's ploy is no real threat, she is sorry that it has backfired on her. How, Bella wonders, can she give the children and their mother a chance to arrive at a rapprochement?

Instantly it comes to her: How about inviting Valerie and Padmini along on an outing to Lake Naivasha today? They'll stop to have a picnic by the lake, and if there is time, they'll venture farther up the Rift Valley. Even better if the children are the ones who invite them.

Dahaba is enthused about the plan, but she insists that Salif make the call, not her. After all, it's Salif who was so rude to Valerie when she called him at their friends'.

“I will do it with pleasure, Auntie,” says Salif, “first thing in the morning.”

It is after three in the morning when they retreat upstairs, and still later when Bella leaves two presents wrapped in pretty paper outside of their bedroom doors. Then she too goes back to bed.

—

The alarm goes off again a couple of hours later, coinciding with the muezzin's call to prayer. As before, Bella is the first to come out of her bedroom, and once again she is joined by Salif, who, cursing, comes to her aid and turns it off.

Bella says, “We need to have the alarm serviced.”

“I'll see to that, Auntie.”

“Don't alarms put the fear of the Almighty into you?”

“No, because I know how to disarm ours.”

“Clever boy,” she says, and she asks if he wants to join her for breakfast. He accepts, and she goes downstairs to get the meal started while
he takes a shower and dresses. When he walks into the kitchen after his shower, Salif is carrying the wrapped present. She pretends not to notice it until he sits at the table and unwraps it and exclaims in delight. He walks over to the stove and gives her a hug and a kiss. “How could I have missed this?” he asks. He is effusive in his thanks, although he struggles to find the words with which to express his gratitude.

“You weren't expecting it.”

“I must've been exhausted too.”

“Glad you like it.”

“Am I ready to roll?”

“You are.”

“Is there film in it?”

“Of course.”

“Is it color?”

“There is a roll of color film in it, but I also bought one that is black and white from Nakumatt when I went there for last night's shop,” Bella says. “I prefer the traditional in most things, and the memory of holding my first camera, putting a roll of film in it, taking photos, and then developing them is indelible. There is something hauntingly beautiful about the process itself: the feel of the photo paper, the smell of the chemicals, the anticipation of the details that will be revealed. There is none of that with the immediacy of digital photography.”

Salif has already aimed the camera at her and begun to take his own pictures of her during this soliloquy, capturing the eyes she narrows as though she were focusing on an unreachably distant image. She is remembering a couple of lines from a Rilke poem—Rilke, who began to mean something to her when she visited the Castello di Duino near Trieste, where she spent three months after Hurdo's burial in Toronto. Afterward, she'd learned sufficient German that, with the help of an Italian translation, she could read the master's elegies to that beautiful
place. In the poem titled “Turning-Point,” Rilke alludes to the fact that even looking has a boundary and that the world that is looked at so deeply wants to flourish in love, yearns to “do heart-work / on all the images imprisoned within you.”

Bella shakes herself out of her reverie. “You'd best call your mother now to see if she and Padmini will be able to join us today.”

Salif dials her, looking apprehensive, but from the change in his face it is obvious to Bella that her plan has worked. Salif has woken Valerie, but once she understands why he is calling, she accepts eagerly. She says they will be at the house as soon as they can dress and shower and arrange a taxi.

“Excellent,” says Bella. “Now what would you like for breakfast?”

“What are the choices?”

“I did a big shop,” she says. “Come, open the fridge.”

“Bacon, with bread and two eggs sunny side up if that is no problem,” he says, taking out the ketchup and closing the fridge.

“Why do you say, ‘If it is no problem'?”

“I thought you might disapprove, seeing that you were brought up in a Muslim household.”

“I got it for you and Dahaba,” she says.

“But you don't eat it yourself?”

“Not because of religious reasons.”

“Why then?”

“Too salty and too fatty.”

“You know what Dad used to say?”

“Remind me.”

“He found the idea of eating pork abhorrent.”

“But not for religious reasons, right?”

“Same as you on that score.”

She places the bacon in the pan, overlapping the slices, and then puts some porridge for herself to simmer. She breaks the eggs into the pan and asks Salif to put the bread in the toaster. She doesn't turn the eggs but leaves the yolks golden and runny, just as he'd asked. She stirs her porridge and turns the bacon with a practiced hand, making her meal and his almost at the same moment so they can eat together.
“Bismillah,”
she says, and he wishes her
“Bon appétit!”

Barely has either of them taken a mouthful when Dahaba appears in the doorway, groggily focusing on the camera next to Salif's plate.

“Why did you give it to him, Auntie?” she asks.

“Give what to whom?”

“The beautiful camera.”

Bella looks at Salif in a manner that makes it clear that she does not want him to rise to Dahaba's provocation. Then she says to Dahaba, “First a good morning greeting, my darling.”

“Good morning, Auntie.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“I did, only I thought I heard a loud noise going off, and some people speaking in the landing above the staircase. But I was too exhausted to get up to see if any of it was real. Now it is the smell of frying bacon that has woken me. Can you make some for me, Auntie?”

“Of course, my darling,” says Bella, and she gets up and gives her niece a hug and a loving kiss.

Salif speaks up. “Why don't you eat your porridge while it's nice and hot, Auntie, and I'll offer my bacon to Dahaba. I don't mind waiting a few more minutes for my own.”

“Thanks, darling, but I'll make her own,” Bella says. “What else would you like with your bacon?”

“Same as Salif's, except I don't like the yolks liquid. In the
meantime, I'll pop a slice of bread in the toaster if there is some to be had.” Dahaba makes as if she will do as she says, but she moves half-heartedly, as if hoping that someone else will beat her to it. She looks tired.

Salif makes a point of not looking in her direction as he dip slices of his bacon in ketchup and yolk. His habit of eating his bacon this way is part of family lore. Wendy could never abide it and thought it unrefined. “What are knives and forks for if not to be used, and why would anyone bother to place them on your table if you are going to end up behaving like some savage from Africa?” Bella can hear her saying.

Dahaba looks as if she can hardly bear the thought of waiting for her own breakfast, but in a little while it is ready, though Bella's porridge is now cold. She puts a lump of butter in it and microwaves it until it is hot again, then eats it. When Bella gets up to make herself a
macchiato
, Dahaba asks, “What is your answer, Auntie? Do you have another camera like the one you've given to Salif or not?”

Salif can't restrain himself anymore. With a touch of sarcasm, he says, “Yours is right outside your bedroom door, wrapped in the most beautiful wrapping paper.”

Dahaba abandons her breakfast and darts up and down the stairs with remarkable alacrity. Yet she unwraps the present with surprising delicacy, like someone removing a Band-Aid. Salif, impatient, offers to do the dishes before Valerie and Padmini arrive.

Bella says, “I'll give you both a brief demo of the art of nondigital photography. I hope you will appreciate the cameras and look after them with great care. My hope is to train you to do your own printing here in this house, where there is plenty of space to set up a darkroom.”

Dahaba's concentration falters as she fingers the knobs on the camera. This is the first time she has held such a camera, and it frustrates her that it doesn't react to her touch the way the digital camera
did. “What is the difference between digital and nondigital cameras, Auntie?” she says at last.

“Good question,” says Bella, pleased. This is as good a place to start as any. And she begins to speak, picking her way through a minefield of data and information that she knows won't make much sense to novices such as Dahaba and Salif.

“Nondigital cameras differ from their analog predecessors in that they do not have film inside them, is that right, Auntie?” says Salif.

“What are analog predecessors?” Dahaba cries. “I have no idea what you two are talking about.” She pleads with them to use words she can make sense of. “Analog predecessors? I know what ‘predecessor' is, but not what ‘analog' means. Please.”

While Bella is thinking of a way to explain these concepts, Salif adds to Dahaba's confusion. “In place of having black-and-white or color films in them, digital cameras save the images they capture on a digital memory card or cards, in addition to some form of internal chemical storage.”

Dahaba screams, “Stop showing off, you fool.”

Bella falls sadly silent, knowing that in this, as in so much else with these children, it is not going to be easy to negotiate the obstacles. She will need time to work out a course of action that will allow Salif and Dahaba to grow into who they wish to be—not into what she wants them to be.

—

Valerie and Padmini's taxi drops them at the gate more than half an hour early. They are waiting to be let in. Bella suggests Dahaba put away the cameras while Salif goes and welcomes their guests. Dahaba seems to be torn between greeting her mother and partner and going
upstairs to shower and get ready. Bella encourages her to do the latter, saying, “We don't want to get a late start.”

Padmini enters, and she and Bella hug and exchange kisses on their cheeks. Bella observes that Padmini is a touch warmer than before. In fact, it occurs to her that the two of them have never been alone in a room before—and therefore have never had the pleasure (or displeasure) of exchanging their views on matters of common concern, namely Valerie and the children. Maybe the time has come to cultivate Padmini.

“How are things?” asks Bella. “It's lovely to have you here. You and Valerie should come and spend more time with us. Chill out, play cards, watch movies together, and get to know one another. We would all enjoy it, especially the children.”