Hienama (9 page)

He closed his eyes and threw back his
head. After a while, he peaked again, and laughed aloud, pleased
with himself.

Orphie climbed off me and lay
at my side. I pulled him against me. ‘I saw your pearl,’ he said.
‘It’s a golden sun inside you.’ I think we had both forgotten Ysobi
was there.

He came to us now and lay on my
other side. ‘I want you,’ he said and pressed his mouth against my
own.

It probably did Orphie good,
seeing us taking aruna together like that. For a short time,
Gesaril did not exist, and I gave myself to the har I loved,
completely. Orphie lay beside me, stroking my hair. I turned my
head to him once and he kissed me. ‘You are so beautiful,’ he
said.

I know Ysobi would never have
done anything like that, if it hadn’t been for me. He let Orphie
see the emotional side of aruna as well as the practical, magical
side. He kept telling me he loved me and his release, when it came,
was loud. Naked Ysobi. Few of his students had seen, or ever would
see, that.

I felt a lot more secure after
that day, even to the point of asking how things with Gesaril were
going. Ysobi and I were out in my garden, in the evening time.
Crows yelled at each other in the tall beeches of the sheep field.
It was chill after dark, but I’d put a couple of lanterns on the
old wooden table, so we could sit out there. I liked to smell the
scents of the season; the potential of spring.

‘He’s a problem through and
through,’ Ysobi said. ‘I’ve managed to reach him, to the point
where he actually wants to work on himself, but that’s brought
other dilemmas. He feels vulnerable now, full of thoughts and
feelings he doesn’t understand.’

‘Did he have a bad childhood or
something?’ What I really wanted to say was: I hope he’s hurting to
hell.

Ysobi shrugged. ‘Not as far as
I can tell, but he’s an impenetrable har. His thoughts are always
shielded. I think he just turned out the way he is. He’s like an
incepted har, in many ways. Even though Orphie needs cautious
treatment, he’s not unhinged. I think Gesaril might be.’

‘What do you mean?’ I was
delighted to hear negative things about the har.

Ysobi gestured. ‘Well, for one
thing, he keeps feeling odd, disorientated. It’s got to the point
where I’m wary of leading him into any kind of meditation, since it
affects him so dramatically. He came to me the other day and said
that he’d been walking in the fields, and then a feeling stole over
him. He couldn’t remember where he was, or how he’d got there. He
panicked, and found his way back to town.’

I tried not to sound too
sceptical. ‘Then he remembered where he was?’

Ysobi nodded. ‘Yes. He said it
was like waking up. He has a lot of bad dreams, too. Often, he’s
not sure what’s real and what isn’t. He’s obviously sensitive to
energies beyond normal perception, and part of him wants to shut
that off. I wonder what he’s hiding, or even if there is anything
to hide. He’s a puzzle.’

‘So do you think you’ll be able
to sort him out?’ I asked.

‘I hope so. It seems the more
he learns, the more the world feels like an alien place to him.
I’ve even considered writing to the Academy at Kyme. A second
opinion might be useful.’

I knew Ysobi believed he was
good at his job, and it would take a lot for him to want another
har’s verdict on one of his students. Perhaps Gesaril really was
screwed up, and his behaviour wasn’t just an act to gain
attention.

‘I decided to stall the arunic
training,’ Ysobi said. ‘I think that was contributing to his state
of mind.’

Thank the dehara for
that
. ‘Oh,’ I said nonchalantly. ‘Will there come a point where
you just give up and send him home?’

Ysobi laughed. ‘Come on, Jass.
Do you really think I’d do that?’

Orphie happened to be there when the
pearl arrived. He came to my door one afternoon just before the
equinox, knowing I’d be at home. Some days before, Sinnar had told
me not to come to work again until after it was all over and the
harling had emerged from the pearl. He’d listen to no argument
otherwise. I knew the time was soon, because my insides felt so
peculiar, so I was just taking things easy. I was surprised to see
Orphie though, since this was his training time. I reflected how
much older and more confident he looked now and felt warm inside
because I knew I’d helped him. We had a special connection, but it
wasn’t an unhealthy thing. Orphie was not the obsessive type.

‘Ysobi sent me away,’ Orphie
said as soon as I’d shut the kitchen door behind him.

‘Oh? Why’s that?’ I asked him,
indicating he should sit at the table.

‘Gesaril came,’ Orphie muttered
darkly. He looked genuinely displeased and wouldn’t sit down.

‘What do you mean?’

Orphie gestured angrily with
both hands. ‘We were in the middle of things, and then Gesaril just
burst into the room. He didn’t apologise, or even seem to notice I
was there. He was hysterical. I was naked. It was really
embarrassing. Ysobi tried to calm Gesaril down, but he was out of
his mind. Then Ysobi told
me
to leave.’

I swallowed, aware that my
heart-rate had increased, although I strove to keep my voice light.
‘Well, that’s understandable, Orphie. Don’t take it personally. I
think Gesaril’s a bit sick in the head.’

‘I think he’s jealous!’ Orphie
blurted. His face had gone red.

I went cold. ‘Jealous?
Why?’

‘He did it on purpose because
he knew what we were doing. I’m sure of it. He doesn’t like Ysobi
training me. It’s not right. My phyle is paying Jesith just as much
as Gesaril’s parents are for training. I feel like I’m second best,
always!’

I hesitated. ‘Orphie, has
Gesaril interrupted your training sessions more than once?’

Orphie nodded. ‘He often turns
up. Not when we’re doing arunic arts, though, except for today. It
was like he just couldn’t stop himself. Usually, he’ll just come
into the room when we’re meditating or performing majhahn, and lurk
about. I don’t like it. He’s a distraction. He makes me feel
nervous and I can’t concentrate. Ysobi never tells him to go, and I
wish he would.’

I heard in those last words an
unspoken plea for me to speak on his behalf. I was angry with
Ysobi, because he couldn’t see that Orphie was suffering while he
tried so desperately to sort out Gesaril. I couldn’t speak frankly
to one of his students, much as I’d have liked to grill Orphie for
more details, so just said airily: ‘Don’t worry, Orphie. Yz
probably doesn’t realise you can’t work with Gesaril there. I’ll
speak to him for you, then it’ll stop. OK?’

Orphie hugged me. ‘Thank you,
Jass. I knew you would.’ He regarded me steadily. ‘Gesaril has a
thing for Ysobi, but I suppose you know that.’

I laughed, and hoped it didn’t
sound off key. ‘I know that, Orphie. It’s just a crush.’

‘I think it’s more creepy than
that.’

I stared at Orphie, torn
between speaking openly to him and maintaining a professional
distance. We were friends, but because he was one of Ysobi’s
students, I thought it wasn’t right for me to confide in him about
my personal life. In hindsight, I was stupid. I’d once shared an
intensely intimate moment with Orphie, and was shortly about to do
so again, albeit in a different sense. ‘Well,’ I said lightly, ‘if
anything ever creeps you
particularly
, you can come and tell
me about it.’

‘I’m not just being spiteful,’
Orphie said. ‘Don’t think that.’

‘I don’t.’ I smiled in heatless
cheer, and was about to offer Orphie a drink to change the subject,
when suddenly a hurricane of pain blew over me, or rather hit me
like a fist. I staggered backwards against the table, clutching my
stomach.

‘What is it?’ Orphie asked.

I swallowed, took a deep
breath, and when I spoke, it was with difficulty. ‘Take my pony.
Ride to the vineyard. Fetch Sinnar.’

Orphie’s eyes had gone
completely round. ‘Is it the pearl?’

‘Hurry!’ I said.

Orphie ran out of the door,
leaving it open behind him. Moments later, I saw him gallop past,
riding my pony bareback, with only a rope halter to steer him with.
Fortunately, the beast’s most familiar journey was to the vineyard
and back, so a lack of a bridle wouldn’t be a problem for a rider
who didn’t know him. I leaned back against the table. I dared not
move. I was sure I could hear my body creaking and groaning.

I’d already been informed that
a pearl drop can take quite a long time; we’re not so different
from humans in that respect. Sinnar came almost at once – he must
have ridden like a maniac – and got me upstairs. Orphie had come
back with him, and now Sinnar shouted orders at him, telling him
what items he’d need, and so on.

‘Fetch Yz,’ I said to Orphie.
‘Fetch him now.’

Orphie hesitated. I could see
he didn’t want to do it. Then he nodded. ‘OK. I’ll be right
back.’

Sinnar arranged me on the bed.
He put towels beneath my hips and I found myself thinking of that
first time with Ysobi. For some reason, this upset me. ‘I don’t
want this,’ I said. ‘Sinnar, I don’t want any of this.’

‘Hush.’ He stroked my forehead.
‘I’m going to make you an herbal drink, and it’ll make you feel
better. Just keep breathing deeply.’

I took hold of his wrist. ‘You’re our
phylarch. You shouldn’t be doing this. It seems… I don’t know…
wrong.’

‘I look on it as part of my
job,’ he said. ‘What should the harish term be for mid-wife, do you
think? Mid-har doesn’t sound right. But anyway, I like doing this,
so let me go.’

Left alone, I felt as if I was
in shock again. It was real now. In hours, perhaps sooner, a pearl
would come out of me. There was life inside me. It seemed so
unlikely. Did I really want a harling? Would I have to take it to
work with me? I’d pushed to the back of my mind any thoughts
concerning how it would affect my life. At Natalia, I’d just been
ensorcelled by the romantic idea, and now I was alone, and in pain,
and Ysobi was somewhere else, comforting Gesaril.

I was weeping by the time
Sinnar came back upstairs. ‘I’m so stupid,’ I said to him. ‘I’m so
fucking stupid.’

‘Drink this,’ he said, holding
out a steaming mug. ‘You’re not stupid.’

I took a sip of the hot murky
liquid, then spat it out. ‘That’s vile! I don’t want it!’

‘Yes you do. Don’t think about
it. Just swallow it. You’ll be grateful afterwards.’

He was right. Whatever Sinnar
had put into that drink, it was a hefty dose. I could observe the
pain, but it was as if it wasn’t me feeling it; very strange.

Orphie came back alone. He
slunk into the room and came to stand beside the bed. He didn’t say
anything at first.

‘Where’s Yz?’ I asked him.

‘He says he’ll be here soon,’
Orphie answered. He looked pained.

‘When?’

Orphie shrugged. ‘Can I help,
tiahaar?’ he asked Sinnar. ‘I know about this. I helped with my
brother’s pearl.’

‘I didn’t know you had a
brother,’ Sinnar said. He said it in a way that implied he thought
Orphie was all alone in the world.

‘Why isn’t Ysobi here?’ I
moaned. ‘Sinnar, why isn’t he here? Will you fetch him for me?’

‘Sssh.’ Sinnar gripped one of
my hands. ‘I can’t leave now.’

‘You can if you want,’ Orphie
said. ‘I know what to do.’ And he said that in a way that implied
he really thought Sinnar should go to the Nayati.

‘He’ll come when he’s ready,’
Sinnar said. He and Orphie stared at one another, and it appeared
that some unspoken dialogue occurred.

‘He’s with that shitsucker,’ I
announced. ‘His welfare is more important than mine.’

Even in my deranged state, it
didn’t escape me that Sinnar knew precisely who I was talking
about, since he didn’t question me about it. ‘Don’t worry about
anything but yourself and the pearl,’ he said. ‘Yz will be here,
Jass. You know he will.’

Orphie looked as if he was
bursting to say something, but held his tongue.

‘Go and watch the water,
Orphie,’ Sinnar said. ‘I put a large pan on the stove. It needs to
be boiled.’

Orphie left the room.

‘Sinnar,’ I said. ‘Speak to me
honestly. Do I have a problem?’

‘It’s all fine,’ Sinnar said.
‘I’ll massage some ointment into your soume-lam. It’ll make things
easier.’

‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘Now’s not the time, Jass.’

‘Yes it is. Answer me. Is there
something I don’t know?’

Sinnar shook his head
vigorously. ‘No, no. You don’t have the problem. Ysobi does. Tibar
really regrets asking him to train Gesaril now. Everyhar can see
he’s screwed up. Ysobi can’t bear to fail, that’s the trouble. We
all think he’s investing too much time and energy into a hopeless
case, and that’s all it is. Gesaril’s no threat to you, Jass. Now,
try to relax. Let’s concentrate on the task in hand.’

I was lucky: the entire
procedure took less than two hours. I was out of my mind on
Sinnar’s herbal concoction, and the first time I saw the pearl I
laughed. ‘It looks like a big nut or a fruit,’ I said. ‘It’s
bizarre.’ I wondered what the harling would look like now, if I cut
open the pearl with a knife. One minute I was laughing
hysterically, the next I was weeping. I was sitting on blood-soaked
towels that were going cold. Sinnar gave me another drink. I was
semi-conscious as he and Orphie dealt with the bed and then put me
into it.

I must have slept. When I woke
up, Orphie was sitting in a chair beside the bed, reading a book by
the dim light of my lamp. It seemed as if many hours had passed.
The room still smelled of blood. ‘Where’s Ysobi?’ I asked.

Orphie looked at me and put
down his book. He came to sit on the bed and took one of my hands.
‘He came, but you were asleep.’

‘You mean he came and
went?’

Orphie nodded. I turned my head
away. Sinnar was a liar.