Highland Protector (34 page)

“Lies, lies and more lies.”

“I was desperate,” he said, and hurried to securely latch the door when he saw her eyeing it consideringly. “I need ye to speak to me. I would stay here until ye do but I have to return to Lochancorrie soon. The harvest and all, ye ken.” He went back to stand at the side of the bed.

“Simon, I will say that I have acted badly.” She held up her hand when he began to protest. “I have. I cannae say whether I was trying to punish ye or just sulking, but it was unkind and many other wee sins I am sure my mother could enumerate, to just keep ignoring ye.”

“Then why did ye do it?”

“Ye hurt me when ye pushed me away so coldly, so abruptly and completely that day in the dungeons. It also hurt more because I was free, and all we had done to prove who the real traitors were was at an end. I wished to share that success with ye and, aye, even the sad part of it since it was your own blood involved. And then it seemed like ye and I were at an end as weel and it made me feel as if I was naught but another innocent ye work hard to protect.”

He sat down and pulled her into his arms, ignoring the faint hint of tension in her lithe body. “Nay, ye were never just a puzzle to me, something to solve, toss aside, and go on to the next. Never. I had to make the cut quick and sharp for I was weak. I wanted to stay there and hold ye and let ye comfort me o’er the idiocy of my mad brother.”

“But why did ye have to go at all, Simon?” She tried to catch him by the hand when he stood up and began to pace.

“This isnae easy to explain,” he said. “I was a craven coward. I had just watched my eldest brother, my laird, lose his last grip on his sanity. The things he said were still sitting in my head proving his insanity nay matter how I looked at things. It was terrifying to watch that last thread snap and hear him talk of all the killing he had done and why, and who are we to judge. I was reeling with it. It was as if he had somehow tainted me with it.

“All I could think of was how ye deserved better than to become tied to a mon who could turn into what Henry did at the end.”

“But, Simon...”

“Nay, I ken now that I am nay like Henry. Ne’er was; ne’er will be. But it took a while for me to see that. Those bouts of rage I suffered didnae help me see clearly, either, for I was certain they were a sign of something wrong. And they were, but nay what I thought. They were a sign of years of built up anger o’er all the bad things Henry had done to good people.”

“Simon, I told ye that ye werenae like him,” she said. “I told ye that. Why couldnae ye believe me?”

“Because ye were my lover,” he answered as he sat down beside her. “My lover and my confidante and I dared not accept your opinion. I think ye would tell me the truth, but it was always possible ye would lie or soften the truth to spare my feelings.”

“Oh. That makes sense in some ways. But why did ye stay away for two months, Simon? Two months without sight or word. Did ye ne’er think I might do my best to forget ye?”

“That was what I told myself I wanted ye to do–forget me. I wanted ye to find happiness with a mon who didnae have madness and a traitor in his family.”

He lightly kissed her frowning mouth, fighting against the urge to ravish that beautiful mouth until neither of them could breathe right. “And I would think of that and then I would hate the mon ye found who didnae have a problem with such things as madmen, treason, illegitimate children, and three brothers now living with him.”

“Simon, if ye hadnae thrust me away so coldly, if ye had told me that ye needed to think, that ye were worried about the insanity, I would have waited.”

“Would have waited?” He frowned. “Are ye telling me that ye didnae wait for me?”

“Bad choice of words. I would have waited for ye because ye asked, instead of waiting for ye and doing naught but hoping ye would come back, that mayhap I mistook what had happened, and then hating myself for that weakness.”

“Ah, Ilsabeth, I was unkind. Nay. E’en worse, I was so lost in what troubled me I ne’er gave a thought to what it was all doing to ye.” He pulled her into his arms. “I was a confused idiot. I kenned that madness doesnae have to be in the blood, have seen that with my own eyes, but then I would fear that what ailed Henry was one of the ones that can be in the blood.”

He gently pushed her down onto the bed. “I wanted to do what was right for ye and yet I didnae want ye to leave me. I feared the insanity yet kenned that I couldnae have it. I think I drove my brothers to distraction with my own confusion.”

“And when did ye ken that they werenae worried about the madness?”

He kissed the side of her neck and then grinned. “That did take a wee while to sink in to my mind. I needed some time and distance from all Henry was and had done. I think I was shamed by him as weel,” he admitted softly. “Shamed that such a creature shared a family tie with me.”

“That is verra understandable. Despite what he was and all the cruelties he had inflicted upon his own family, ‘tis always difficult to, weel, disown the one doing them.” She slowly began to unlace his shirt.

“And all the while I was sorting through my wee troubles ye were thinking I had tossed ye aside just because I was done with ye?” The ways she blushed was all the answer he needed.

“I cannae apologize enough for that. I hurt ye and I kenned I had when I walked away that day. I have ne’er been able to shake the look on your face from my mind. Each time I saw it I wanted to come and beg your forgiveness.” He unlaced her bodice and kissed the soft swell of one breast. “I also kept hearing Elen’s bellow, hearing the pain beneath the fury. I hurt her, too.”

She placed her hands over his to stop the undoing of her clothing. “Simon, I do need to ken something. I need to ken that ye willnae just walk away from me like that again. It felt as if something broke inside me and I cannae bear to ever feel that again. The fear of feeling that again is one reason I have been so unkind, pushing ye away again and again.”

He framed her face with his hands and looked into her eyes. She had not said the words but he could read them in her eyes, hear them in how she spoke of her pain. Simon touched his mouth to hers in soft apology.

“Never again, Ilsabeth. I cut out my own heart when I walked away. I love ye,” he whispered and, with a soft cry, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him in a way that thrust all other thoughts from his head but the taste of her.

“Simon, I have missed ye so,” she said as they both began to rapidly unlace each other’s clothing, desperate to feel skin against skin.

The moment she bared his chest, Ilsabeth covered the warm expanse with kisses, shifting her body to help him as he pulled at her clothes. He kissed her again and she could sense the desperate hunger in him, one she shared. When they were both finally naked, she moaned with delight as their skin finally touched. She nearly purred as she rubbed her body against his, savoring the difference in the textures and the way the rough tickle of his body hair made her feel.

He began to caress her with his hands and mouth all over her body. He devoured her breasts as he slid his hand between her legs to drive her wild with need. Ilsabeth struggled to return the pleasure stroke for stroke and kiss for kiss but her need to feel him inside her was growing so strong, so swiftly, she knew the time for slow loving would have to come later.

“Now, Simon,” she said as she grasped him by the hips and rubbed herself against him. “I need to feel ye deep inside me right now. I have been empty for too long.”

With a soft growl of need, he gave her what she wanted, plunging deep inside with a single thrust. Ilsabeth cried out from the force of the pleasure that tore through her. She clung to him as he rode her hard, all the while muttering words of love and sweet flattering nonsense against her skin. When her body tightened and the wave of delight crested, she wrapped herself around him as tightly as she could and cried out her love for him. Through the roar of passion in her ears she heard him cry out
mine
and nearly laughed with joy at the rough possessiveness behind the word. When he thrust inside her as deep as he could and spilled his seed inside her, her desire soared to the heights yet again and she nearly wept from the joy of it.

Simon slowly rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him. He did not think he could let her go again for at least a week and then he might go and get them some food. She loved him, he thought, and grinned. She had yelled it out as her body had tightened around him, clenching until she held him tightly inside while he gifted her with his seed.

He felt her move and opened his eyes to catch her looking at him, frowning despite the laughter in her eyes. “Frowning? Did I do it wrong?”

“Nay and weel ye ken it, rogue. Nay, I just thought ye were looking verra smug there for a moment.”

“I probably was.” He kissed her nose. “Ye bellowed out that ye love me.” “Ladies dinnae bellow.”

He laughed and lightly bit her neck. “Ye did and I would wager I could make ye do it again.”

“I told ye, ladies dinnae bellow.”

He rolled her over onto her back and grinned at her. Ilsabeth always made him feel as if he was the most skilled of lovers when he knew full well he did not have the experience to claim that he was. He was going to make her bellow out her love for him again and take full delight in the double pleasure offered. Her passion and her love.

Ilsabeth gritted her teeth as he licked and sucked at her nipples and knew he was going to win the wager. He kissed his way down her body and she was panting with anticipation and desire before he even kissed the inside of her thighs. The moment his tongue touched the heated skin between her thighs she lost what little control she had. He brought her to completion twice before he joined their bodies and took them both to the heights, together, one more time. Ilsabeth knew she had bellowed out her love for him more than once, but such rich pleasure deserved such a reward.

“If ye gloat or say ye won, when I have the strength again, I will have to hit ye,” she said as she lay sprawled across his chest, both of them breathing as heavily as if they had run for miles. She smiled when he laughed and she bounced up and down on his chest.

“Marry me, Ilsabeth,” he said, and kissed the top of her head because it was the only place he could reach and he was still too weak to even reach down and tilt her chin up.

It was a struggle, but Ilsabeth lifted her head and looked into his eyes. He spoke calmly and the hand he idly smoothed up and down her back was steady, but there in his eyes she saw that touch of vulnerability. Despite the way she bellowed out her love when passion conquered her, Simon was still not sure she would take him to her side for life. She brushed a kiss over his mouth.

“Aye, Simon, I will marry ye.” She laughed softly when he hugged her so hard she grunted a little. “When do ye want to get married?”

“As soon as possible but I ken that women like to have their celebrations. We could wait a few weeks if ye want to have one.”

The tone of his voice when he spoke of waiting held all the joy of a man saying he wanted a tooth pulled. “Nay, Simon, we can marry as soon as ye wish. There are so many of my family here now and more to come in the next few days that we can have quite a large celebration without much planning. The only thing that needs to be sorted out is the priest and what he may ask.”

“I will see to that.”

She sat up, straddling his hips, and studied him for a moment. It was time to tell him about the baby and yet she was suddenly nervous. That made no sense for they had both declared their love and they had certainly consummated those vows with vigor. When his eyes narrowed and his hands tightened slightly on her hips she knew he had sensed her unease.

“What is wrong, Ilsabeth?” he asked, and brushed a lock of hair back over her shoulder.

“Ye do realize we will be starting this marriage with three children, aye?”

“Aye. Elen, Reid, and Marion. Ye arenae saying that troubles ye, are ye?”

“Nay. I just wondered how ye would feel if we started the marriage with four.” She grimaced even as the words left her mouth for it was a poor way to tell the man the news.

Simon stared at her, watching the blush rise up from the tops of her breasts and into her cheeks. Ittook a full moment for his pleasure-soaked mind to grasp what she was saying. He looked down at her belly, even though he knew it was too soon for her to show, but her long hair was covering it.

“Ye are carrying my child?” he asked, not surprised to hear a faint tremble in his voice for the emotions tearing through him at the thought of her giving him a child were too strong to control. “When did ye ken it?”

“Weel, if ye dinnae count the time I was sure but denying it until my eyes crossed, a few weeks.” She slowly stroked his chest, aware of the strength of his emotions through the faint tremor in his body and the pounding of his heart.

“Were ye going to tell me if I hadnae come to ye?”

“Simon, that is a verra hard question to answer. The way I felt until a wee while ago, I cannae say what I would do. I was still so angry and hurt. Yet, everything in me cried out that ye are the father and whate’er was wrong with us, ye would be a good father. If ye had decided nay to come back to me, I believe I would have told ye eventually, simply because I could ne’er keep a child from his father if that father was as good as ye would be.”

He held her close and slipped his hand down between them until his palm rested over her womb. “Thank ye for that.”

“Weel, is that too much? Three children already and now another to come?”

“Nay, ye can fill my keep with children. Lost ones like Reid and Elen or our own. I will take as many as ye can give me and consider each the greatest of blessings.”

“There is one wee thing that ye ought ken about this bairn.” Ilsabeth felt him tense and decided she should have spoken with more care.

“Do ye think something is wrong already?”

“Nay. Not a thing. I was referring to the conception of this child. I am almost certain this bairn was conceived in the dungeons.” She narrowed her eyes at him when his mouth started to twitch into a smile. “Ye think that is funny?”