Highland Song (51 page)

"Don't worry. I left that job for Ian. He was looking forward to it so much I almost feel sorry for Slade."

"Do you think it will help?" Callie asked.

"I hope so."

~ * ~

Lainie skirted up the rope ladder to the Aphrodite as if she'd grown up on ships. She didn't need the help offered by one of Hawke's men to get over the railing, but she accepted it and thanked the man.

In a daze, Lainie walked the deck of the ship she'd played on when she was younger, watching the velvet darkness contrast with the shimmering stars. She memorized the way the moonlight danced on the waves washing ashore.
    

She looked out over the sea, while she tried to forget the man she had fallen in love with but now had to forget existed. She ran her hands along the railing and flinched. Her hands were better but they had been badly scratched and cut. With every beat of her heart, the pain seemed to grow, not diminish.

Lying treasonous whore
…
                                              

She jerked. And slowly Lainie's hands became fists. Just as slowly, they uncurled. She wrapped her hands around the railing and tightened them so the trembling that came when she remembered Slade's words wouldn't tear her apart.

Closing her eyes and inhaling a long deep breath, Lainie slowly
unwrapped
her hands. Thoughts of standing on the railing, and diving into the cold dark depths of the water swept over her. She wanted to drown her sorrows in the soothing water. But this time of year the water would be far from soothing and peaceful. It was downright frigid.

Lainie walked into her brother's cabin. It was his when he sailed and the captain had given her permission to use it on this journey. The room was beautifully done, with a dark red velvet coverlet and drapes around the bed. The shelves were made from a dark wood found in some exotic spot where Hawke had sailed and traded. Lainie had never really cared enough to find out where her brother's had gone to trade.

She should be sleeping. Dawn was not very far away. Yet sleep eluded her. She was restless and couldn't keep herself from pacing the length of the room again and again. She went to the chest she had packed, unpacked then packed again. She ran her fingertips along the books Hawke kept but found nothing she wanted to read. She tried to sit and close her eyes but every time she shut them she relived the mud and the ooze, and the thundering of the earth as it washed down the mountain.

And she remembered the overwhelming fear that Slade might die.

Outside the ship and seeming to come from the direction of the shore, she heard male voices. Lainie cocked her head to listen but the waves lapping against the rocks and the beach made it impossible for her to distinguish who was talking.

She lay down on the bed, plumping the pillow then staring at the canopy. She looked at her hands, the scratches and the bruises and wondered at the irony of rescuing a man who thought she gave her body for trinkets who was a lying, treasonous whore who had no loyalty to anyone save herself. The longer she was away from Slade the more she missed him.

Why would I miss Aaron Slade?

The ship rocked calmly on the ocean. A cool breeze flitted through the cabin just as Lainie's eyes were starting to close. Surprised, she jerked to a sitting position, her hands behind her back.

Slade stood in the open door, staring at her as he had in the tavern in Ayr, when Lainie had felt her heart trip.

His face was still cut and bruised from the mudslide. But to Lainie he was more handsome than she remembered. And his eyes were a hungry green.

When Slade strode toward Lainie, her breath shivered from her, and her heart thundered in her chest. She had not expected to see Slade again. She tried to get up from the bed, but she was shaking too much. She closed her eyes and gave up. Letting her hands ball in fists in her lap, she waited.

Slade sat down on the bed next to Lainie then he turned to her, taking her hands in his.

"I've something for you," he said huskily.

The words meant little to Lainie. She didn't want Slade here. She needed to have the memories of Slade vanish from her head. But his presence here reinforced all she tried so hard to forget.

One more time Lainie tried to get up and off the bed, but could not. Her arms were too weak and her legs were numb. She looked out the window, and watched the moonbeams dance on the water far in the distance and wished she could find a way to turn back
time
. She couldn't bear looking at him and knowing what he saw when he looked at her.

Treasonous whore… No loyalty… no honor…liar…

"I don't know why you're here but I wish you would leave," Lainie said, choking back a sob.

Her voice was thin and flat.

"It took me long enough, but I figured out why I followed you home," Slade said softly. "Guess you'll have to figure it out too."

"Just leave," she said, her voice shaking.

"Not in this lifetime," he said.

Lainie listened in disbelief as Slade spoke. When he finished, she watched him, waiting for something she knew wouldn't happen. Because she no longer believed in miracles.

He picked up her hand and turned it over in his. He traced the lines of her palm and then brought it to his lips and kissed the scratches there. She shuddered and tugged at her hand, wishing he would stop, wishing he'd keep touching her forever. Wishing he could find a way to trust her.

To love her.

"I don't know what ye want from me," her voice trembled and she turned away, unable to bear looking at
Slade,
and knowing how much she wanted him.

"I only want you to love me," Slade said, his own voice shaking. "I'm yours, little darling, for as long as you will have me, any way you'll have me.

He reached into his pocket and brought out a gold ring with a seal on it.

"I'd rather be your husband than your jailor. I've brought you a ring with my family's seal," Slade said in a low voice. "And I give you back the pendant I took from you on that night so long ago. I want nothing in return save your love."

He held the ring and the pendant out to Lainie on his palm, silently asking she accept him. Tears gathered in Lainie's eyes. She put her hands in her lap to lessen the enticement to take the ring and the man.

"Stop. Stop now. I don't know what I've done that ye have to come here to tease and taunt me," she whispered painfully. "Ye dinna want me or trust me. I'm everything ye despise in a woman. And ye dinna love me. I willnae take anything from a man who doesn’t love me."

"I don't like myself much right now. I didn't trust myself. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me," Slade said tightly. "I'd been so stupid when it came to Lady Anna that I made a vow with myself never to give a woman that kind of power over me again. Then I found you."

"I've stolen and I've lied. I'm not an innocent woman, one ye would want to bear your children."

Slade gestured in the air as if that would stop Lainie."

"I've stolen and I've lied. You are the bravest, most courageous woman I've ever met. You were able to give yourself to a jaded man despite all the hardships you've had to endure," he said. "I think we're made for each other."

When Lainie's hands remained in her lap and she said nothing, Slade closed his eyes on a wave of pain and sorrow. Slowly he got up and sat on his heels beside her, putting one hand over her cold fingers.

She looked out the window rather than meet his eyes.

"Lainie, look at me. I know I've been terrible but I want to make amends if you will let me," Slade whispered. "Did my stupidity kill what you felt for me? I want to spend the rest of my life making up for everything bad I’ve done to you."

Lainie inhaled a deep, trembling breath. "I don't know if I can ever be what ye want me to be. I am who I am. Nothing more. Some things are just not attainable."

Slade stood with the stiff motions of an old man. Once his hand moved as though he would touch her hair, she moved slightly so he could have no more hold over her. She turned to him, eyes closed but when the silence drew her to open her eyes. She saw the ring drop to the floor, heard the dull thud when it landed. With the moonlight shining through the window, Lainie saw the fine trembling of his fingers. Slade looked at her as though he had never seen her before.

"I can't change your mind?" he asked weakly. "Your loss will haunt me forever. You should have left me under that tree to die."

Lainie swallowed hard, trying for words that wouldn't come.

He turned away swiftly, striding toward the
door,
his shoulders slumped like she'd never seen him.

"No!" Lainie cried.

Suddenly she was on her feet running to meet him.

Slade turned and caught Lainie up in his arms and buried his face against her neck, holding her as though he expected her to be ripped away. When she felt the scorching stroke of his tears against her flesh, her heart stopped then started beating in a thunderous tone.

"Slade," she breathed. "Don’t
leave,
I know ye believe in passion not love. But I don't care. I love
ye
with all my heart and soul. I don't care if you ever tell me you love me. Just don't leave me. I can’t live without you."