HIM—A Stepbrother Romance: With BONUS NOVELLA: PERSONAL (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-five

Kate

“So what? Maybe I am afraid of being hurt. I am! Is it so bad to admit that?” The tears stung and I hated the lump in my throat. This was why I protected myself and hid myself in books. But even as I said that and I looked at his face, I knew a part of me wanted to risk everything if it meant we could be together. But a part of me was definitely afraid. Definitely.

“Well, you don’t have to be with me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I told you. I love you. There’s no other woman for me. I want you by my side.”

“So just like that, huh? You’re so sure just like that?”

I envied his sureness.

“Look, I understand what it’s like to put up walls so you don’t feel. Walls to keep you safe. Because if you don’t love, then you can’t be hurt, right?”

My bottom lip quivered as the tears stung my eyes and my throat constricted tight. It burned, and the heaps felt so tight along my esophagus that it felt like a hornet’s nest ready to burst, ready to sting, ready to fly out of control.

I was right there. I was wound up so tight and so protected that if I gave an inch, I was afraid of the aftermath and ramifications.

“Look at me, babe,” he said, his finger lightly touching my lower lip, the softness of his thumb pad along my lip. “I can promise you, as you’ve already noticed thus far, life with me will be fun. Exciting. It will not be dull for one moment. There’s going to be a lot of talking because that’s what happens to people who are doing important things.” His fingers slid through mine and I closed my eyes for a moment, letting his warmth wrap me like a blanket.

“I don’t want anyone else by my side. And I know this is going to be hard for you to step out and be seen in the world in such a public way, but don’t let that fear dictate you away from a life with me. From us. From a beautiful life. I mean, look around. Look at us.” His hand motioned for me to scan the yacht and the stormy waves outside the rain-covered windows.

“Look, life isn’t always sunny. As you can see, it’s stormy. But who do you want to bear those waves with?”

I sat frozen. Whenever too much came my way, I didn’t know how to process everything. I didn’t know what to say. I froze up like a mute.

I just knew the entire world knew of our affair, and I’d just lost what I worked so hard for.

“We’re heading back to the airport. Looks like waves are pretty high on more fronts than one. Do…do you want to come with me to India?” His fingers trailed on my arm. I knew what I wanted to do inside. I really did. I wanted him. I wanted us. I didn’t want to be Bradley Rainshaw and Kate Meadows. I just wanted to be in love separate from this entire circus. I knew what I wanted. Hell did I know. My entire body knew. My entire being responded to him in such strong ways like a magnet.

Like a movie reel, the last two days and our erotic affairs tumbled across the screen in my memory. Chills soared over my body and electricity surged even down to the tips of my pinkie toes. My nipples hardened thinking about being blind folded and how it felt to have my body explored by him. Heat flushed my cheeks at the thought of his touch between my legs with the shower head.

It was delicious in every sense.

His warm hand cusped my wrist and I loved the touch of his hands anywhere on my body.

That was the problem.

His touch.

When he touched me, my reasoning left me and all senses flew out the window like a crazed caged bird in search for a tree branch.

I took a step back, his grip falling from my wrist. Hurt covered his face as I rejected him.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear being away from him. But I had to. I had to protect myself. But because the way I was wired since we left Texas, I built up iron pillars around my heart. I had to put my head above my heart.

One Long Day Later

Paris

The jet ride to Paris was a lonely one. I had previously agreed to met my mom there and we already had reservations in the books. Besides, I had to explain to her everything. My anxiety surged knowing she probably saw the pictures.

“Hi darling.” My mom stopped me in my tracks. She was that glamorous.

She looked like a glamorous starlet with her Audrey Hepburn sunglasses and her couture clothing.

And just like that, I began to cry like a little girl.

“I’m not accepted anymore. They’re…they’re not letting me study privately. All my hard work. It’s all I had left of me. It’s all I’m good at it.”

“Baby, listen to me. You have so much more to you if you open yourself up to it.”

Trying to regain composure, I took a deep breath. Something about this visit was weighty; her face had this look on it indicating that this meeting was going to get deep, quickly.

“Well, I’m sorry about Rick. I really am.”

“Well, he was the love of my life. Time is short. That it is.” She wiped at a fallen tear. “I know you never really got a chance to know him. And the age difference probably confused you, but he made me very happy.”

I didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, mother was a talker.

“I know your father is unhappy with the yacht photos.”

“He e-mailed me.”

She blew out air and her brown eyes softened. “I’d like you to know something about your father. I know his opinion of you greatly matters. And he has conveyed to you his thoughts of this family. But you have to understand a few things about him. As a military man. He…well, I’ll have you know Rick was my answer to my prayers. There were dark edges you don’t know of your father that I sheltered you from. War changes even the softest of boys. It makes them hard. It darkens their soul. And without having to say further, I wanted you to know that. I never once spoke ill about your father out of protecting you and your image of your father. But now that he’s making his opinions known of your love choice—”

“Love?”

“I know you’re in love. After all, I know what it’s like to be under the love spell of a Rainshaw.”

“And that’s not…like, weird?”

“Of course not, darling. I want the world for you. I want you to be loved like no other.”

“But those business practices.”

“Well, like I said. War changes a man. So does the war of money. But I still love and loved Rick greatly.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of her sparkling water.

“Your father isn’t as innocent in this whole familial pattern as he paints it. And I wasn’t the damsel in distress waiting for a rich billionaire to come in. That’s been a fallacy created by the media. But what was I going to do? Bring shame to the Meadows name by airing your father’s dirty laundry? I’d rather be shamed than those good people.”

I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to ask. But I think I understood it all. I remember loud nights when he came home. All he wanted to do was be back over there. In the war. Fighting. So, he brought that ambience in the home. It was a war zone; I remember it now as the hidden forgotten childhood memories surfaced.

I swallowed a lump down my throat.

“You have to trust life’s current with your father. He’ll come around. Just don’t let him guilt you into or out of something.”

“Why do I feel like everything in my life right now is falling apart?”

“It’s falling together. You just don’t know it yet.” She winked at me. “Does he make you feel feelings all over?”

I nodded.

“Does he challenge you to be a better person?”

I nodded.

“Does he push your limits?”

“He does. He showed me to not hide anymore. To not be afraid of the world’s judgments.”

Her gentle hand rested along my arm.

“Then darling, let this love be.”

I sighed and blew the bangs out of my eyes.

“I’m not like you, Mom. This public life…I….”

“Hi!” Claire’s high pitched voice sang.

The truth is though, I knew she was here before I even heard or saw her; I smelled her heavy French perfume.

Her arms flung around my neck. “Oh, I just knew we were always meant to be sisters. Now you can’t run away anymore.”

“Wha…what?”

She helped herself down and poured herself a glass of Rose, before even a server could do so.

“Honey, my brother loves you.”

“Doesn’t he take everyone out on a yacht?”

“Not like that. Not like this. No more running away now. Okay?”

“You’re really okay with this? You’re not Woody Allen’d out by this whole thing?” It was the only thing I could keep saying, I had no other way to phrase it even if I did overuse it.

“Who cares? Do you know how gorgeous my future niece or nephew is going to be with your genes in the mix?”

If ever I felt like one of those real life stories on a reality show, now was the time. Discussing future babies with the brother of your former stepsister.

“It’s true,” my mother chimed in.

That was way too far to think about: babies, marriage. But I knew I felt real feelings for him. Feelings where all I could think about was being by his side. Being held by him. Making him smile. Making him…feel
other
things. Other more passionate things.

My insides clenched in desperate need at the thought of us together enthralled in hot passion. Unaware of my daydream, I hadn’t realized I had dozed off and went to another world in fantasy land.

“You are a woman in love. I know that look.”

“I’m also a woman in career ruin.” I was snapped back into reality.

“Um, no you’re not. The world is your oyster now. The world knows your name. That little quiet life you tried to create, well that’s long gone. Now the world will read whatever you want them to read.”

I had honestly never for a second thought of that approach. It was like being an indie musician or artist happily trailing around cute towns singing for people who sincerely enjoy your music. Pop star status was never my intention with writing.

“I hate to sound bitchy or snobby, but our last name comes with a lot of perks. You’ll see. Screw those uptight professors. You don’t want to be boring, Kate.”

“Academia is not boring.”

“Uh, yes it is.” She winked at me.

“What is it with everyone thinking that?”

“Well, it kind of is,” my mother lightly teased.

“But, how do I…how do I handle this whole publicity thing? I…I just can’t do it. I can’t handle it. It’s not natural. I don’t do the paparazzi shots and the blogging and the instagram photo every day.” My chest was tightening again.

“Sweetie, you own it.” My mom encouraged me.

“Don’t give up on your dreams. Use your pain. Write again.”

“What would I write?”

“Whatever you like? What’s fun to write?”

I immediately thought about that book I couldn’t put down in the hospital. That hot, trashy, but incredibly satisfying read. Maybe I could write something like that. Maybe that would be something light and fun to do. Lost in my thoughts, my mom snapped me out of my euphoric moment.  “Oh, and if anyone can turn things around, he can. Look at him. Look at what he’s done. Be by his side tomorrow night.”

She slid her cell phone over for me to read an article:

Bradley Rainshaw is a man of his word. Days after his press conference, after jetsetting in the Maldives with his former stepsister, a scandal indeed, Rainshaw Jr. has shut down the sweatshops in India and has not only purchased the building to resell and oversee to make sure it’s not made into another sweatshop, he has paid every worker’s education and created a new Rainshaw Foundation to ensure weekly food is delivered to the former workers and children.

“My grandfather’s vision of artisan craft was one of integrity and vision. But it fell in the hands of greedy men looking to expand wide and lower overhead costs to make Americans rich. In retrospect, it caused other lives around the world to be in great harm and created a bad example for other companies. It is not something I will stand for. And it is not something I believe, no, I know, my grandfather would not stand for.” Rainshaw shed a heartfelt tear when delivering his message to the poverty-stricken community where the sweatshops were located.

“Education is the key to developing a better tomorrow,” says Rainshaw. “I look forward to continuing to work with this community and personally invest my time in seeing these wrongs made right.”

My heart swelled with pride at his bravery.

“He reminds me so much of Grandpa,” Claire admitted, wiping at a tear. “I’m so proud of him.” She let out a long, nostalgic sigh and reached for my hand. “Listen, sweetie. No more hiding, okay? Actually, I’m officially banning you as my future sister-in-law from South Africa.”

“Sister-in-law?”

“You know it’s in the cards. I’ll send my assistant to pack everything up for you. Emily can come visit you at the manor if you two miss each other. Hell, she can live there if you want her to. Or if she wants to. She’s a model, right? I could use her for my line and help her get connected in the city if you are in
that
need of a bestie! But look, I’m right here now and I want us to have a closer friendship. I’m not letting you go this time, and I don’t think your mom is, and Bradley especially isn’t.”

She spoke with the speed of a busy hummingbird who had three espressos for breakfast; she had places to go, places to be, people to see!

Of course this tenacity and ferocious direction is what made her clothing line and boutique a huge success, but I was not one of “those people” that took orders.

Claire covered my hand in comfort and my mom covered Claire’s. The warmth gave me the safe feeling to confess my further feelings of doubt. The feeling felt awful at the pit of my stomach.

“Well…Bradley….I mean, I don’t think we are going to work out. He’s pretty hurt about it. I can tell. I retreated. Told him I wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle. I mean, I can’t…can’t…handle…the….” And then the tears poured down my face and all of my fears surfaced back.

“Of course it’s going to work out, darling. Love is a risk. Ask yourself, would you regret for the rest of your life if you didn’t try things out with him? And aside from that dear, I hate to sound like I’m throwing you in the deep end to swim in the sharks, but sweetie, you already are in that life style. A fair amount of people already knew who you were because of the show. We are family. You can’t divorce us. But now, well, from your recent trip….” she said delicately and with the kindest tone she could muster. “Well, there really is no turning back now. You are a house hold name now.”

The lump coiled in my throat and I tried to swallow it down and away. But I couldn’t. As much as I hated hearing the facts, I knew this was the truth. Now what. Did I want to carry on again without him?

I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I ran away again.

From him.

“Bradley isn’t going to let you just get away like that. I know my brother.”

“That was great. That was perfect! We got the shot!” a voice behind me yelled out.

“Wh…what? What shot? Was this recorded?” Chills of nerves bundled at the base of my beck traveled down my spine.

“I’m not wearing a mic, I don’t think it is.” My mom looked confused.

“But I am! And you, my sweet sister, are going to join the cast with me next season!” Claire beamed.

“Wait. What?”

“Yes! This is a way to control the rumors, to control the media. You dive in head first.”

“I….” My head was swimming. But the look on my family’s faces said it all. They were glowing at the possibility.

“Honey, in a reality show or not, the world is still going to know your name. People will love you.”

This was all happening way too fast. I reached for my glass of Rose and drank it in big gulps. I couldn’t just be snapped into this reality show.

I reached for her hand with gentle care. “Claire, I love you. I want us to have a closer relationship more than anything. For so long I’ve neglected this.” I made a triangle in the air with my finger between the three of us. Mostly out of fear, and of unfair judgment on my part.”

Claire just stared at me with a glazed look on her face as if I were speaking a different language and not in English. She smiled and nodded, but the information completely passed over her. Bless her heart; she was one of a kind. I could have said I’m jumping off the Empire State building as an experiment to test gravity. In her mind, I was already doing the show, moving home, marry Bradley and having her a nephew or niece she could play dress up with a new line of clothing just for children.

I couldn’t help but to laugh.
Oh rich people.

“You two both know the show has to have written consent and signed legal paper work signed by me for the scene to be aired on the show, right?”

“Of course we do, darling. There is no pressure.” Mom gentled cooed.