Hint of Desire (12 page)

The lady
then turned back to Arthur. “You didn’t mention she was pretty. But, knowing you I should have guessed. It does explain things.”

Arthur rose
. “Lady Worthington, my aunt, Lady Smythe-Burke.” He nodded from one to the other.

“I am pleased to make your acquaintance,” Lily said.

“About time too.” The lady said nodding but remaining in her seat. “I don’t know what my nephew was thinking of. If he’d explained in more detail I’d have come sooner. Burberry’s place isn’t far. Pity his wife wasn’t there, visiting her sister or some such person. He’s not doing well. Thought once the daughter was born he’d come around, but even miracles only last so long. Not what I was talking about though.” She addressed Arthur. “Why didn’t you describe the situation more fully? Not like you at all.”

Lady Smythe-Burke turned back to Lily
. “Always did everything just right. Never made a mistake. Boy to make a father proud. Not that his father was ever proud of anything besides himself. Doesn’t make sense that he didn’t observe the proprieties.”

Arthur was silent through the monologue and Lily’s mind had frozen on one statement
. Burberry lived nearby. Could it be the same Admiral Lord Burberry under whom her father had served? The man who’d gone out of his way to promise her mother help? How could she not have known this past year of the possibility of sanctuary? Maybe, there was yet hope.

“. . . pretty face
. But, that’s no excuse.” Lady Smythe-Burke was still speaking. “Hear there’s a child. I always did adore an infant. Granted they belong in the nursery, but they make a nice armful on occasion and there’s no picture as pretty as a mother with babe in arms. Have you considered having a portrait done? No, of course not. Don’t know what I am thinking. Still, you’d make a lovely picture. St. Aubin’s a good looking chap, too. Westlake and I were just discussing the matter. You’ll make an attractive family. Pity about the relationship, a girl like you must appreciate a good looking man. Still, too confusing for the infant – father or uncle, cousin or brother. Such a mess. Still, it’s a pity and there have certainly been stranger relationships. What do you think? I remember Lady Maude James who married three brothers in a row. Never had children, though.”

“I think we’d better
move conversation back to the present. Lady Worthington, let me help you to your seat so that dinner can be served.” Arthur spoke as if nothing his aunt had said held any import, but his scar stood white against his skin.

Lily slipped into her seat
. She let the remaining conversation slip past her, grateful that she need not reply. Her mind was still spinning with thoughts of the magistrates and now there might be a solution other than returning to Marclyffe. Burberry and salvation might be only miles away.

“She appears hardly more than a child.”

Arthur turned to face his aunt
. Lily had retired after dinner and he was left alone with Lady Smythe-Burke. He placed his brandy on the desk and stood.

“She’s not a child.”

“I realize that, but that small delicate appearance might well bring out a man’s protective instincts.”

“I know my duties.”

“But what about your desires?”

He
swallowed, but allowed himself no other response.

Lady Smythe-Burke was not intimidated
by silence. “Not going to answer me? Probably safest that way. Why commit yourself if you don’t have to? It’s of no consequence anyway. You’re obliged to send her home. Only proper thing to do.”

“I know.”

“Do you? She is a young woman of apparent good family. Even given the circumstances, the rumor of how long she was here alone could be her ruin. It is unlike you to make such an error. Let her husband’s brother take care of her. I haven’t heard that many disagreeable things about him. It’s not as if you have any legal responsibility for her – or any desire for such. Well, I must off to bed. A woman of my years needs her rest.”

She turned and left the room as Arthur held his silence
. Only once she had gone did a long sigh escape his lips.

For the next week Lily managed to avoid both of them. She needed to learn more about Admiral Lord Burberry before she could make further plans and until she did she would keep to herself. She could not risk facing further question. Avoiding Arthur had proved easy. His schedule held firm and as long as she breakfasted late and avoided passing his study she was safe. Dinner proved more of a difficulty, but nobody had yet challenged her claims of fatigue and headache. She ate each meal on a tray in her room and plotted her possible escape.

Avoiding
her chaperone was not so easy. Lady Smythe-Burke had a talent for already occupying any room Lily planned to enter. On most occasions Lily could sneak about without indulging in her desire to enjoy her tea in the sunny parlor or browsing along the long shelves of tempting volumes in the library. Lily felt almost as though she were reliving the long-ago game of her childhood, seeing how long she could remain invisible to the others. But, on some occasions – like this one – Lady Smythe-Burke’s pointed gaze would grab her and hold her firm.

“How long d
o you intend to be cool to my nephew?”

Lady Smythe-Burke’s
question caught Lily before she could slip back from the door.

Lily faltered
. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play coy
with me, child. It’s clear you’ve been shunning him to the best of your abilities. I don’t see what possible argument you could have against him. He’s done nothing but care for you far beyond the normal call of his duty. Can’t think why he’d show such attention and care, can you?”

Lily ignored the question and addressed the first part of the statement
. “Of course, you are correct, my lady. He does fulfill his duty. I don’t know why you should assume that I am angry.”

Lady Smythe-Burke turned a silent glare, every bit as eloquent as her nephew’s
. It was the first occasion all week that Lily observed the lady keeping silence.

Lily
finally spoke, “You must mistake my manner. I am merely nervous of returning to Marclyffe.”

“Of what have you to be nervous
? It’s a lovely house. I attended several parties there in my youth. Of course it was such a pity that the main line died out and the title passed to your husband’s father – not top drawer at all. Still I am sure that you were happy enough married to an earl. Not something a girl would complain of, is it?” Lady Smythe-Burke caught her again in that piercing glance that seemed to see through her.

Lily did not answer.

“Well,” Lady Smythe-Burke continued, “If you have no complaints then I’d have thought you’d be happier about returning to your home, and returning your son to his lands. To be sure, if you didn’t want to go back or had problems you needed help with, no doubt you’d be cleverer about it than to antagonize Westlake. Surely, even a young thing like you would know her way around a man better than to avoid him for a week.

“Now run back to the nursery or wher
ever it is you disappear to. I can see you’re ready to scamper off again. I do expect you to bring the young lad down later in the afternoon. He’s a delightful armful. I was afraid he’d keep me up half the night with his screaming, but somebody always seems to comfort him on the first yell. Never thought I’d see Westlake walking the halls with a baby at his shoulder. You know your son has your mother’s eyes. Now, she was of good stock.”

Lily
paused for a minute at those words and then turned and fled, her mind racing up the stairs ahead of her. How could Lady Smythe-Burke know about her mother? She was so tired of tracking secrets and trying to understand who knew what.

Lily suppressed the urge to pace
. Every day seemed to bring a new worry. First, the fear of returning to Marclyffe, then the magistrate’s man, and now Lady Smythe-Burke knew something. Lily didn’t know why it was so important that Arthur not make the connection between the quiet, brave girl she’d been all those years ago, and the tentative woman she had become, but the fear of that revelation sliced into her soul.

Lily stared at the additional vase of ruby blossoms
. Why did that blasted man keep sending her flowers? Despite Lady Smythe-Burke’s words, Lily wanted to ignore him. She had to plot her escape if the magistrate came, to decide if she could bring Simon back to Maryclyffe, to decide if she dared trust Burberry. She knew her mother had, but men could turn so quickly. She’d been tempted to trust Arthur to be her hero, but he was not the sweet prince she remembered.

She glanced at the flowers again.

But how did one ignore a man who had warm milk and sweets brought to you at midnight when Simon awoke? And after Lady Smythe-Burke’s comments Lily had crept out of her own room late at night to catch Arthur holding her son and bouncing across the room with a surprising dignity. She’d slipped back to her room and pretended not to see. Arthur would turn cold and tell her she should have Nanny take the baby upstairs, but then, when he thought nobody watched, he’d be the first to arrive when Simon started to fuss. He was impossible to understand.

And the
flowers. She’d enjoyed the first simple bouquet, but from the moment she expressed her pleasure they started to appear in profusion everywhere. Any room she entered instantly filled up with blooms. The sunny morning room had become a hot house, so heady was the scent of flowers.

She took a
bloom in her palm, breaking the flower from the stem, crushing it between her fingers, the heavy attar rising to perfume the room. Bringing the crushed petals to her nose she sat back, stiffening her spine so that even in relaxation it didn’t quite recline against the back of the chair. Catching herself, she twisted her lips.

It was hard to forget her mother’s lessons
, so long ago, on ladylike deportment. She’d struggled so hard to learn those lessons, first from her mother, and then from the succession of nannies her uncle had produced.

“Does something amuse you?
” Arthur leaned in the doorway, one boot crossed over the other.

“I was just remembering my girlhood lessons.”

“And they were humorous? I don’t believe my lessons from boyhood ever were.”

“No, I was remembering
how hard I tried to please my mother. I thought that knowing the proper way to sit would make her love me more. That’s what I find amusing.”

A previously hidden dimple marked his
stiff cheek as he considered. “I thought learning to recite the
Aeneid
in Latin would win my father’s blessing. I can’t think why, now. He never cared for classical literature, even in English.”

“Children have the strangest ideas
. Now that I have Simon and know what a mother’s love truly is, I find it hard to believe I ever needed reassurance.”

“Your mother loved you, then?
” He said the words with little modulation.

“Yes, without question
. She loved the world as well as me and seldom had the time I desired, but yes.”

“It must be wonderful to know that.”

“Yes, it is. I wish I’d had more faith in it as a child. I was always hoping that something I could do would make her love me more, or show it more. I think sometimes I caused mischief just to gain her attention. Only now do I understand more why she acted as she did. Well, it doesn’t really matter now.” She let the crushed petals fall from her hand onto the table beside her.

Much to her surprise, Arthur came and squatted beside her
. He took a crushed petal in his hand and smoothed it flat. “No, tell me more.”

Lily lowered her eyes, unable to meet the intensity of his blue gaze
. “I’d rather not. It’s rather private, you see. Can we just leave it? As a child, I strove and strove for what I never realized I already had.”

“At least you had it.”

“What?” She lifted her eyes to meet his.

“Your mother’s love
. I don’t believe I was more than an accomplishment to my own mother. She’d produced the heir; therefore, she could rest. I am not sure she even tried for the spare.”

“Surely, you don’t think . . .”

“It’s not a matter of thinking. I know. It was not necessary for her to care for me. Duty and responsibility were of importance, not useless emotion. My father took pleasure in letting me know this on every possible occasion.”

“And you believed him?
” Now that she had held her own child in her arms, she could not fathom a mother not loving her child.

“My father did not lie.
” Arthur again spoke in that cool, emotionless tone.

Lily took the petal from between his fingers, her mind running in circles
. She well remembered the duke, Arthur’s father, and imagined that Arthur spoke the truth. That man would have found it beneath him to tell an untruth.

“But did he know
what your mother felt? How can one person ever know what lies in the soul of another?”