Hints of Heloise (3 page)

She treated herself to room service, then drove home in a funk, flipping on WTOP to check traffic, not that it was usually a problem this late. A body had just been discovered in Rock Creek Park, a young woman. Heloise could tell from the flatness of the report that it was a person who didn't matter, a homeless woman or a prostitute. She grieved for the young woman, for she sensed automatically that the death would never be solved. It could have been one of hers. It could have been her. You tried to be careful, but nothing was foolproof. Look at the situation she was in with Bill Carroll. You couldn't prepare for every contingency. That was her mistake, thinking she could control everything.

Bill Carroll.

Once at home, she called her smartest girl, Trini, a George Washington University coed who took her money under the table and didn't ask a lot of questions. Trini learned her part quickly and well, and within an hour she was persuading police that she had seen a blue Mercedes stop in the park and roll the body out of the car. Yes, it was dark, but she had seen the man's face lighted by the car's interior dome and it wasn't a face one would forget, given the circumstances. Trini gave a partial plate—a full one wouldn't have worked, not in the long run—and it took police only a day to track down Bill Carroll and bring him in for questioning. By then, Heloise had Googled him, found a photo on the Internet and e-mailed it to Trini, who subsequently had no problem picking him out of a lineup.

From the first, Bill Carroll insisted that Heloise Lewis would establish his alibi, but he didn't mention that their assignation was anything more than two adults meeting for a romantic encounter. Which it technically was, after all. No money had exchanged hands, at his insistence. Perhaps he thought it would be a bad idea, confessing to a relationship with one prostitute while being investigated in the murder of another. At any rate, Heloise corroborated his version. She told police that they had a date in a local hotel. No, the reservation was in her name. Well, not her name, but the name of “Jane Smith.” She was a single mother, trying to be careful. Didn't Dr. Laura always say that single parents needed to keep their kids at a safe distance from their relationships? True, hers was the only name on the hotel register. He had wanted it that way. No, she wasn't sure why. No, she didn't think anyone on the staff had seen him come and go; she had ordered a cup of tea from room service after he left, which was why she was alone in the room at 11
P.M.
She spoke with many a hesitation and pause, always telling the truth, yet never sounding truthful. That's how good a liar Heloise was. She could make the truth sound like a lie, a lie sound like the truth.

Still, her version was strong enough to keep police from charging him. After all, there was no physical evidence in his car and they had only two letters from the plate. Witnesses did make mistakes, even witnesses as articulate and positive as the wholesome young GW student. That was when Heloise told Bill she was prepared to recant everything, go to the police and confess that she had lied to cover up for a longtime client.

“I'll tell them it was all made up, that I did it as a favor to you, unless you promise to leave me alone from now on.” They were meeting in the Starbucks on Dupont Circle again, but the beautiful girl had the day off. That, or she had moved on.

“But then they'll know you're a whore.”

“A whore who can provide your alibi.”

“I didn't do anything.” His voice was whiny, put-upon. Then again, he was being framed for a crime he didn't commit, so his petulance was earned.

“I heard there's a police witness who picked you out of the lineup, put you at the scene. And once I out myself as a whore—well, then it's an established fact that you traffic in whores. That's not going to play very well for you. In fact, I'll tell the police that you wanted me to do something that I didn't want to do, an act so degrading and hideous I can't even speak of it, and we argued and you went slamming out of the room, angry and frustrated. Maybe that poor dead girl paid the price for your aggression and hostility.”

He very quickly came to see it her way. He muttered and complained, but once he left the Starbucks, she was sure she would never see him again. Not even back in the suburbs, for she had signed Scott up for travel soccer, having ascertained that Bill Carroll's son was not skilled enough to make the more competitive league. It was a lot more time, but then—she had always had time for Scott. She had set up her life so she was always there for her son. If there was a better gig for a single mother, she had yet to figure it out.

Her only regret was the dead girl. Heloise's debts to the dead seemed like bad karma, mounting up in a way that would have to be rectified one day. There had been that boy Val had killed for no crime greater than laughing at his given name—Valery. She had told the boy, a drug dealer, Val's big secret and the boy had let it slip, so Val killed him. Killed him, then driven off in the boy's car, just because it was there and he could, but it was the theft of the car that made it a death penalty crime in Maryland. And even as Heloise had soothed Val and carted shoeboxes of money to various lawyers, skimming as much as she had dared, she was giving Brad the information they needed to lock him up forever. She had used a dead boy to create a new life for herself, and she had never looked back.

And now there was this anonymous girl, someone not much different from herself, whose death remained unsolved. If it had been Baltimore, Heloise could have leaned on Brad a little, pressed to know what leads the department had. But it was D.C. and she had no connections there, not in law enforcement, and Congress's relationship with the city was notoriously rocky. The Women's Full Employment Network offered a reward for any information leading to an arrest in the case, but nothing came of it.

Finally, there were all those little deaths, as the French called them, all those sighing, depleted men, slumping back against the bed—or the carpet, or the chair, or the bathtub—temporarily sated, briefly safe, for there was no one more harmless than a man who had just orgasmed. Even Val had been safe for a few minutes in the aftermath. How many men had there been now, after eight years with Val and nine years on her own? She did not want to count. She left her work at the office, and when she came home, she stood in her son's doorway and watched him sleep, grateful to have found her one true love.

ONE

T
he third woman in the pickup line at Hamilton Point Elementary School looks, more or less, like every other woman in the line, although a truly discerning eye might notice that she spends just that much more money and time on her appearance. She has chin-length hair, expertly cut and colored. She wears dainty silver-and-sapphire earrings, a crisp blue shirt, and lightweight wool trousers in the latest style—flat front, tapered at the ankles, fitted through the thighs, which means one had better be doing the latest style of exercise, Pilates or yoga or whatever fitness trend has finally drifted down from New York in the past few months. If Pilates, preferably the kind with machines. If yoga, it should be kundalini or Vikram, true Vikram, licensed Vikram. “You can do ashtanga, I suppose,” Connie Katz told Heloise the other day, at the Saturday soccer game, “but, as my kundalini teacher likes to say, ashtanga will work up a sweat, but it won't fix your spine.”

“My spine's fine,” Heloise said with a smile, but Connie was already moving away from her, ostensibly to follow her son's progress down the field. Other women always seem to be moving away from Heloise, putting distance between them, disturbed by her aloofness, her lack of giddy complaints about the lives they lead, their mutual misery. As one of only two single moms with kids in Mrs. Brennan's fourth-grade class, shouldn't Heloise complain more, not less, than the rest of them? But Heloise doesn't have a husband, and husbands are the fodder for the majority of the stories, the endless anecdotes about how much these women put up with, the heroic tales that tend to end: “And it was in his closet”—or the refrigerator, or the garage, or the front-hall powder room, or even the man's own pockets—“the entire time!”

Heloise could live somewhere else. Self-employed, she can live anywhere she chooses. But Turner's Grove is convenient for work, equidistant to Washington and Baltimore and Annapolis, and the schools are excellent, consistently in the state's ninety-ninth percentile on testing. In fact, she has switched Scott from private school to the public one just this year, deciding that a larger student body was safer for them. It's in small groups that curiosity gets excited, that idiosyncrasies are more readily noticed. No, a change of address wouldn't change anything except the name of the street, the school, the soccer team. The same vigilance would have to be maintained, the same careful balancing act of not drawing attention to herself, and especially not drawing attention to the fact that she doesn't want to draw attention. Heloise is constantly adjusting her life to that end. She used to have a full-time babysitter, for example, but that stirred up too much envy, too much speculation, so she calls the new girl, Audrey, her au pair and keeps her out of the public eye as much as possible. Her au pair is from Wilkes-Barre, but as it happens Audrey has a hearing loss that causes her to speak in a slightly stilted way, so neighbors assume she's from some Eastern European country they should know, but don't. Here in Turner's Grove, Scott has a good life, Heloise has an easy one, and that's all she can ever hope for.

“And your family's here,” neighbors observe, and Heloise nods, smiling a tight-lipped Mona Lisa smile. Easy and good natured, she has managed the trick of seeming totally accessible, all the while sharing almost nothing about herself. She wouldn't dream of confiding in anyone, even loyal Audrey, that discovering her half sister lived one development over was far from ideal. Hard to say who was more horrified when they realized they were in the same school district, Heloise or Meghan. Estranged for years and now virtually neighbors.

Checking her makeup in the rearview mirror—is that a bruise? No, her eyeliner just got smeary at her last meeting—she spots her sister several cars back in the line. If she could see her sister's face, it would not be much different than glancing in this mirror. Only smaller, a little sharper and foxier. And frowning, begrudging Heloise her better spot in line, as Meghan begrudges Heloise everything. They are not even six months apart, beyond Irish twins. If they had been boys, the doctor might have thrown in the second circumcision for free. Then again, they probably only do that when Irish twins have the same
mother.
Heloise and Meghan share a father, a not particularly nice one, who left Meghan's mother for Heloise's, then spent the rest of his life making both women miserable.

But while Heloise has their father's long-legged frame, Meghan favors her little sparrow of a mother, growing smaller and tighter with the years, her bones feeding off her skin. She doesn't have an ounce of fat left on her body, and there are unhealthy hollows beneath her eyes. Heloise wonders if her sister still gets her period. Knowing Meghan, she probably willed it to go away after having four children in five years. Her husband refused to get a vasectomy on the grounds that it wasn't
natural.
Heloise tries to figure out the chicken-or-egg implications. Did Meghan become borderline anorexic to punish her husband, to make herself less desirable to him, or did she stay that way because she welcomed the side effects? There has always, always, been a tightness about Meghan, a kind of controlled fury. You can see it even in baby pictures, her long, skinny body propped up on a sofa, her face pinched with resentment. The youngest child by a bit in Hector Lewis's first family, Meghan believes she was short-changed on everything in childhood: allowance money, new clothes, extra helpings, her father's attention. She has been making up for lost time ever since she landed Brian a year out of college. She keeps score by stuff, and her primary anxiety about having Heloise close seems to be that Heloise is in the top-tier development in Turner's Grove, while Meghan is in Phase II. Larger, but with fewer custom details. Meghan lives for custom details.

Come to notice—Meghan is driving a new SUV today, although her previous car couldn't have been more than three years old. She has moved up to a Lexus, the hybrid. The last time she and Heloise spoke—if one can call their chance encounters conversations—she was torn between the Navigator, by far the largest of the SUVs on the market, and the Range Rover. “The Rover makes a better statement,” she told Heloise, “but Brian vetoed it.”

“Statement about what?” Heloise was genuinely confused, but Meghan rolled her eyes as if Heloise were trying to provoke her. Disapproving of Heloise makes Meghan feels so good that Heloise almost—almost—doesn't resent it. If Meghan ever comes to resent her too much, it will be bad, very bad indeed.

The final bell rings and the school seems to inhale before expelling the children in one big breath. Scott used to be one of the first out the door, but he's infinitely cooler now that he's nine and it's a minute or two before he saunters out with his two best friends, Luke and Addison. But he is still young enough to light up when he sees Heloise, to remember, at least for a moment, that no one loves him more than his mother. He doesn't let himself run to the car, but he picks up the pace, walking faster and faster until he bursts into the backseat, bringing noise and light and that wonderfully grubby little-boy smell, all dirt and glue and school supplies.

“Good day?” Heloise asks.

“Pretty good. We talked about genes in science.”

“Blue jeans?” she asks, setting him up to correct her.

“The genes that make you what you are. Did you know that two brown-eyed people can have a blue-eyed child, but two blue-eyed people can't have a brown-eyed one? Not without mu-mu—” She lets him struggle for it. “Mutation.”

“Really?”

“Yes. So my dad must have had brown eyes, right?”

“Right.” She waits a second, then prompts: “And?” She doesn't want him to grow up incurious like so many men, programmed only for their own outgoing messages.

“Oh.” He stops and thinks about what he's supposed to say. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good.” Wednesday is one of her busiest days. She had two lunch appointments back-to-back.

“Washington, Baltimore, or Annapolis?”

“Washington. I had lunch at Red Sage. Tamales.”

“Luc-
ky
.”

She worries for a moment that she has trained him too well, that he might have follow-up questions, and then she'll really have to gild the burrito, pile on more details about the lunch she didn't actually eat, because she seldom eats the expensive meals purchased by her clients. Luckily, Scott launches into a complicated story about that day's science class, and she knows she is safe. For now. But it is only a matter of time before Scott thinks to ask one day, “What does a lobbyist do exactly, Mommy?” Only a matter of time before she will have to muster an explanation boring enough to discourage him from asking still more questions. Sometimes, Heloise wishes she had settled for pretending to be, say, an importer-exporter, but then she would have been forced to do even more research to make her lies plausible. She may not be a real lobbyist, but her work has always centered on politicians and the kind of businessmen who court them, and she has absorbed quite a bit—more than she wants to, actually—about various state and federal issues. She has to watch herself sometimes, when a neighbor says something ignorant about Iraq or the Middle East and she's tempted to contradict. Easier to stay silent than explain how she happens to know more about foreign policy than some fat-ass neighbor, that she actually does have sources in the State Department. And the CIA, come to think of it.

Heloise would have been a great CIA agent. Heloise could have been anything she wanted to be, according to the only man who ever really loved her, which is to say, the only man who never raised a hand against her. “But I am,” she tried to convince him. “I am exactly who I want to be.” He could never accept that, which is why they're not together. Well, it's one reason they're not together. The unfortunate truth is that Heloise didn't love him back, although she wanted to, and even tried for a while. But a cop, especially an honest one like Brad, couldn't begin to provide for Scott and her as well she does. Economic inequity. It's a problem in relationships.

For someone keen to avoid exposure, Heloise has a strange fantasy: She likes to imagine being invited to Career Day at Scott's school. She sees herself in an elegant black suit. (Which is, in fact, what she wears to work—tailored suits, silk blouses, and beautiful shoes.) She would sit on the teacher's desk, crossing what everyone agrees are a pair of exceptionally well-kept forty-year-old legs, kundalini or no, and make eye contact with the one girl she knows she will find about two thirds back, in the row closest to the windows. A girl like her, hiding behind too-long bangs and a book, pretending she's not interested in anything. A girl who daydreams during Career Day because she has yet to hear anything that sounds remotely plausible, much less interesting.

Heloise would clear her throat, once, twice, then say: “I work for myself, at a company licensed with the state of Maryland as the Women's Full Employment Network. I make $200 to $1,000 an hour, depending on the services I provide. I wear beautiful clothes and set my own hours. I have been in the finest hotels in the Baltimore-Washington metropolitan area, even in New York, eaten sumptuous meals, gone to gorgeous parties and Kennedy Center galas. There is so much demand for my services that I can pick and choose as I desire, taking only the clients I find acceptable. I work perhaps fifteen hours a week and employ four to eight other women, providing them base salaries and health insurance in return for commissions on the jobs I book them.

“I am, of course, a whore and a madam. And I am here to tell you what no one wants you to know—it's one of the best jobs a woman can have, if you can do it the way I do it.” Heloise has done it the other way, too, on the street with a pimp and scant money to show for all her work. Talk about economic inequity in relationships…

But Scott is suddenly in a panic in the backseat, and Heloise abandons her daydream. It's music lesson day, and he has left his exercise book in his locker at school. Fearfully, anxiously—although Heloise is always gentle with his mistakes—he asks if they can go back.

“Of course,” she says, making a smooth U-turn in her car, a Volvo sedan that the other mothers pretend to envy. But their envy is a kind of condescension—
Oh, if only I could get by with a car that small, but there are five of us in our household. You're just the two.
On Old Orchard Road, she passes her sister Meghan, her narrow face so tight that it has lost the heart-shaped curve it once had and become a triangle. Heloise knows that Meghan still has several more trips—dropping one child at swimming practice, another at soccer, then trying to entertain the youngest two at a Starbucks as there's not enough time to go home before it's time to pick up the one at swimming and the one at soccer. Funny—Meghan, so determined to flee her mother's way of life, has ended up replicating it, albeit with a lot more money and a husband who will never abandon her. Of all Brian's traits, his steadfastness is second only to his income potential. Still, Meghan is her mother all over again, endlessly exasperated, chauffeuring four children around, with no help, except part-time housecleaning, because that's the one thing Brian is stingy about, hiring help. Brian, who hates his job, can't stand the idea that all the money he makes might allow Meghan to enjoy herself. At least, that's what Meghan told Heloise one night last December, when she dropped by to get homework that her youngest son needed, then stayed for a glass of wine, then two, then three. “He says, ‘You're free all day.' He says, ‘We eat macaroni out of a box and Chinese takeout three days out of five. What more help do you need?' And when I point out that you have an au pair, he says: ‘Well, Heloise has a job.' As if I don't! As if four kids is as easy as one!”

Heloise had a few glasses of wine that night, too, and her heart went out to her sister, half though she may be. Meghan never got over the loss of her father, although Heloise thinks she should consider it a blessing. Hector Lewis was a violent, brutal man, who so resented the trap he created by knocking up his girlfriend that he spent most of his time at home beating Heloise's mother and, eventually, Heloise. But he always made his child support payments to his old family and even went so far as to pay for Meghan's college education. Her degree led to a good job in D.C., which brought her into Brian's orbit. Still, Meghan seems to regard Heloise the winner in this nongame because Heloise has managed to create a life of ease and serenity, while Meghan has to bully, cajole, and beg for every dollar she gets out of her husband.