His Darkest Hunger (15 page)

Just thinking about it was painful, and he was vaguely aware of the voices dancing around his mind. The last three years had been a blur of hatred toward a woman he’d blamed for the betrayal of his unit, and the death of his cousin. He could acknowledge now that his hatred had been magnified a hundred times, because deep down he was shattered at her betrayal of
him
. It wouldn’t have hurt so much if he’d had no feelings for Libby, but they were there
all along, he’d just been too damn stubborn to admit to them.

He loved Libby Jamieson.

Had always loved her, in fact. From the first time he’d laid eyes on her at Quantico, he’d been done for.

Jaxon swallowed thickly as the weight of realization hit him in the chest. He’d never once told her that. Never.

He sighed softly and closed his eyes. He’d been willing to put a bullet through her skull because of a betrayal that now seemed to have never happened. It was becoming obvious that she’d been taken away for three years, savagely tortured and beaten, and all because he’d claimed her as his own without even realizing it.

Anguish knifed through his heart, striking deep and hard as he remembered their last conversation. How she’d wanted something more from him than he’d been willing to give. And stupid ass that he was, she’d already had it. He’d just been too blind to see.

And she’d paid for his stupidity tenfold.

Ana’s hands on his arm snapped him back, and Jaxon inhaled roughly. He turned away, his shoulders and neck rotating in an effort to bring some semblance of calm to his body and mind. He needed to focus. He needed to make things right.

“It’s the DaCostas. It’s no coincidence that Alexio attacked Libby here in
my
territory. The arrogant bastard came with only three other jaguars. It was his last mistake.”

Jaxon whirled around, a deadly calm now blanketing his features, the darkness that lived inside of the jaguar out there for all to see. His eyes blazed
with an intensity that would make most mortal men cringe.

And usually did.

He was beyond anger, fury. As of now, he was in the zone, and nothing would stand between him and the DaCostas. He would exact payment for their crimes, and the cost would be heavy. He would methodically destroy each and every one of them.

“I want intel on the whereabouts of every known member of Jakobi’s offspring. I want to know where they sleep, who they sleep with, where they relax, and where they like to torture innocent women.”

Jaxon’s voice was low, but controlled. “I
will
hunt tomorrow, so let’s get our game on and come up with a plan.”

Ana grabbed a folder and quickly flipped through several reports until she found the one she needed.

“In addition to the youngest, Tomas, who we’ve already retired, so to speak, and Alexio, I have five more siblings, four males and a female. All of the men work directly under Jakobi, but the daughter, Jaden, runs two luxury resorts in Mexico. From what I can tell, she has nothing to do with the family business, but that doesn’t mean the resorts aren’t used to launder all their illegal monies.”

Ana grabbed a glass filled to the brim with warm blood and gulped heartily as her eyes ran down the pages before her. “I think we need to focus on Texas and Mexico. They have two large strongholds there, with a lot of property to do whatever the hell they want.” She whipped her head back to Declan. “You think you might be able to get some satellite images?”

“That would be a total waste of time.”

Jaxon froze as Libby’s voice echoed through the cold basement where they were working. His eyes sought hers, but she ignored him and focused on Ana and Declan. His heart began to accelerate and he braced himself as she walked past, wanting to touch her, but afraid of her reaction.

“How the hell did you break through my protection ward?” Declan asked. “You shouldn’t have been able to leave your bedroom!” He was aghast, and his question hung in the air between all of them.

Libby laughed softly at that, but her voice dripped ice, and no warmth fell from her lips when she spoke. “Never stopped me in the past, now did it, Dec? Some things you just don’t forget.”

An uneasy silence followed her statement, broken by Ana. “Why would it be a waste of time, Libby? I know for a fact that two of the brothers are in the United States and at least one was last seen near the family compound in Texas.” She looked back to her notes. “Two days ago, in fact.”

“Well now, Ana, it wouldn’t be a waste of time if those two were in fact the brothers that you want. However, I have
intimate
knowledge as to the whereabouts of Degas and Frank DaCosta.”

The lead ball in Jaxon’s belly flipped over, and his eyes never left the cool blonde who now stood before them. Her eyes met his briefly, and inwardly he was shocked at the coldness that lay there.

“Libby—”

“I’m not done talking, Castille. Don’t interrupt me again.” The words were hissed, and Jaxon was taken aback at the depth of anger in them.

She turned to him, the violet of her eyes shaded
dark and full of emotion. Her breathing had become ragged, but she held her head high and took command as she spoke.

“If you want a chance at the bastards who took a shot at you, then you better put aside any notions you have about Texas and Mexico. They’re not there.”

Libby’s voice softened a notch and she put a hand to her head, as if in pain. “I know where they are, where they’ve been all along.” She looked up at them, but avoided Jaxon’s direct gaze. “We need to leave for Belize.”

Ana moved toward Libby, her voice soft and reassuring. “Libby, we have no intel on Belize, it doesn’t make sense to start there.”

Libby laughed at that, the sound harsh as it echoed against the cold tile walls. “Doesn’t make sense? How the hell would you know what makes sense and what doesn’t? It was
me
they took three years ago. You have no idea what I went through. What they did to me—” Her voice broke and she fought back tears, but it was a losing battle. They sprang from her eyes, and she wiped them away impatiently. “I have marks on my body Ana, scars that were
carved
into my skin, and
burned
into my skin, and all because of
him
.”

She spat as she waved her fingers toward Jaxon.

“So don’t you stand there and tell me I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. It was me out there in the jungle, with those sick bastards.”

She paused, her eyes sweeping the stilled faces that regarded her in silence. Jaxon’s eyes had darkened and his mouth was tense, but he remained silent. When she spoke again, the coolly efficient
woman from the past had stepped right back into her shoes with no effort at all.

“I’m leaving for Belize in the morning. Personally, I don’t give a shit if any of you come, but if you try to stop me…” Her eyes latched onto Jaxon’s, full of a venom that was barely contained in her next words. “I’ll kill you myself and save the DaCosta brothers the trouble.”

S
weat ran down Libby’s neck.

She felt small rivers of moisture slowly drip their way over the sharp ridges of her spine and ribs, before sticking to her clammy skin. She fought the shiver that lay beneath the surface, trying to gather the heat that burned hard in her chest.

It hurt.

To be here with
him
less than a foot away hurt like hell.

A wave of nausea wracked her belly, and she clenched her lips, willing it to go away. She had no time to be weak. She was so over that.

Her shattered memory hadn’t just fallen into place quick and easy. It had blasted through her brain, bringing with it a bone-jarring agony, the likes of which she’d not had in a very long time. And that was saying something, considering most of the past
three years was a blur of nothing but pain, physical and mental.

She’d been through it all.

She kept her eyes focused straight ahead, sensing myriad emotions from Ana and Declan, but more than that, totally aware of the shock that shrouded Jaxon’s shoulders. He was confused and angry. She didn’t have to look at him to know what he was feeling. It was coming off him in waves.

He moved toward her, and she shot him a venomous look. “Don’t.” Her single word stopped him cold, and she continued to glare at him until he stepped back.

She had no time to waste on Jaxon. She needed to find her son. She couldn’t even explain how or why she knew he lived. She just
knew
that he was alive. She felt it as a truth that was carved deep into her heart and soul. It wasn’t just a fanatical wish of a mother. Her little baby was out there.

And she would find him.

He had a name.
Logan.
It slid through her mind quietly, like a secret, and she turned on her heel, leaving stunned faces to stare at her back as she quickly made her way back up the stairs. Her side ached dully, but she isolated and put away the pain, something she was more than used to, and whispered to herself,
“Mommy’s on her way.”

Reaching the bedroom, she slammed the door shut behind her, then leaned back against it and inhaled deep gulps of air.

The cold sweat that lingered on her skin swept the flesh in a sea of goose bumps, and she wrapped her arms around her body, trying to find warmth. Her torso was encased in an overlarge T-shirt, the
only one she could find after washing the stench of Alexio from her skin.

The only one that didn’t hold the scent of Jaxon
.

She couldn’t bear to have his clothes next to her skin. She felt a flush of anger begin to stain her cheeks as memories of the night before crashed into her.

Even now, her nipples ached and hardened as images of his naked body flashed in little picture frames across her brain. She groaned as her once cold and clammy skin began to burn with something other than the heat she sought.

It was a heat of want, need, and craving that fluttered in her belly, and Libby cursed the weakness of her body as she tried to block the memories from her mind.

She
hated
Jaxon Castille.

It made her sick to think that she’d let him make love to her, to know that her damaged, broken mind had allowed her body to betray her. It stuck in her gut like sour milk. She’d practically begged him for sex. And
he’d
been the one to walk away, as if it was the biggest mistake he’d ever made.

Hard anger washed over her, and she flung herself forward, drawn to the quiet night that lay just beyond the window. She opened it slightly, welcoming the soft breeze that wafted up from the lake below.

The night sky was dark, with few stars blanketing the canopy above.

She inhaled the fresh air. It was cool, and smelled of spring. So very different from where she’d been, from where her child was still.

Libby closed her eyes, picturing the lush jungle that climbed up from the banks of the Macal River,
high into the Maya Mountains. The vibrant greens were painted vividly in her mind, and if she tried hard enough, she could feel the moisture, wet against her skin like a blanket. Sometimes the air was so heavy it hurt to breathe.

The ache in her breast sharpened, and she hissed in an effort to control the deluge of emotion that lingered around the edges of her heart.

She had no time for shit like that.

A soft rap at the door made her jump, and she turned as it opened. Ana walked into the room and paused before closing the door quietly behind her.

She seemed uncomfortable and unsure of herself.

Interesting.

Ana had always been somewhat detached, and Libby had often wondered what Diego had seen in her. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, but she’d always been so aloof. Like a china doll that could kick your ass.

She sighed. Sadly, Diego had paid the price for being a Castille.

Libby cleared her throat and arched an eyebrow as Ana continued to stare at her in silence.

“What? Not happy with my fashion sense? Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t give a shit what your personal preferences are. It’s not like I had much to choose from.”

She watched as surprise flickered deep inside the vampire’s eyes, and feigned indifference as she spoke.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, maybe ask a few questions.” Ana moved toward the bed and sat down. “If that’s all right with you.”

“You can ask all you want. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

The vampire was tight-lipped, and cleared her throat softly.

Ana exhaled, her eyes never leaving Libby’s as she spoke. “I’m sorry for—”

“Save it. You do not get to go there,” Libby exploded, and crossed the room until she was beside the bed, so close to Ana they could touch.

She was filled with such anger, her body began to tremble, and her voice shook as she continued. It had washed over her so quickly, she felt light-headed.

“You do not get to apologize to me.
For anything
. You do not get to feel sorry for me either. I don’t need your pity.” Her eyes flashed and she felt a rush of blood stain her cheeks as the anger deep in her gut continued to boil.

“I waited months for the three of you to come and get me out of that hellhole. Months, of waiting like the pathetic creature I’d become, for you to save me.”

“Libby, you have to understand—”

“I don’t have to understand shit. If Jaxon had wanted to find me, he would have. He’s a
hunter
. It’s in his
blood
…it’s what he does. Do you truthfully expect me to believe that Jaxon Castille, with all the resources available to him, came up with nothing? That he wasn’t able to track down one fucking lead and find me? That’s bullshit! He’s a goddamn jaguar warrior.”

Libby shakily blew out a breath and stepped back from the vampire. Her chest was heaving but she managed to regain some of the control she’d felt earlier in the evening.

“I’m sure he convinced himself that I’d vanished without a trace. It must have made it easier for him to sleep at night.” She snorted and shook her head. “He didn’t want to find me, Ana. He preferred to believe that I was complicit and responsible for Diego’s death. I guess it was much easier than facing the truth. So he left me there, with those animals. For three long years.”

The vampire hissed as the skin on her cheeks flushed pink, anger suffusing her normally alabaster complexion. “You don’t think I went through hell, Libby? Hmm? I’m sorry you were used by the DaCostas in some kind of war against Jaxon, but at the time, I would have killed you myself if I’d gotten anywhere near you. It was
my
lover who was murdered. Mine.”

“
Right
. Diego Castille was a model boyfriend when he wasn’t banging anything in a skirt behind your back.”

“How dare you!” Ana’s fangs began to elongate and her eyes blackened until the whites had disappeared entirely.

“What are you gonna do, Ana? Bite me?”

The vampire hissed, and Libby welcomed the surge of adrenaline that coursed through her veins. She was spoiling for a fight, hoping to alleviate the ache that clung fast to her heart.

“Nothing has changed around here,
nothing,
” she snapped. “The three of you live in your little dream world, feeling superior to everything around you, when in fact you’re all a mess. You think you loved Diego? You don’t know what real love is, Ana. It’s been staring you in the face as long as I’ve been
around and you’re too much of a coward to grab hold of it.”

Libby turned her back on the vampire. “You all make me sick.”

She nodded toward the door. “Tell Jaxon the next time he wants to ask me something, he should grow a set of balls and do it himself. We’re done.”

She waited, tense and on edge until she heard Ana leave. When the door slammed shut, Libby shook her head, suddenly feeling deflated. She’d been awful, absolutely awful. She’d never been close to Ana, and while she knew that Diego’s eyes had wandered several times, it had been cruel to throw that in her face.

Libby fell onto the bed and groaned as she caught Jaxon’s scent on the bedsheets. The soft cotton weave held fast to his essence, and she hit the pillow, frustrated and weary. She needed to sleep, and clenched her mouth tightly before uttering a curse that would make a sailor proud. She grabbed a throw blanket that had been tossed onto the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders.

But a few moments later she hopped off the bed, crossed over to the window and threw her body down into the corner, against the wall. She pulled her knees up, rested her chin against them and looked up into the sky.

Eventually her mind slowed and weariness infiltrated her muscles, emanating through her body. She didn’t fight it. She knew she’d need all the strength she could muster, for the next few days would test her like none in recent memory.

And
that
was saying a lot.

Her eyes closed and she felt the tug of slumber calling her. She snuggled deep into the blanket and relaxed, falling under the sandman’s spell less than a minute later.

How long she slept, she couldn’t say. The rumble of a large diesel engine woke her from the dead, and the faint scent of its putrid exhaust filtered in through the open window above her head.

Instantly, her senses roared to life and she listened intently, while her eyes took in the shadowed light of dawn.

Two voices crept through the early gloom, and she recognized the deep, husky tones of Jagger Castille as he conversed with someone else. She snorted softly. So, Jaxon had called in the troops. Since Jagger had left with Cracker the other night, she assumed the second male voice was Cracker’s.

A soft smile fell across her lips at the thought of the older man, and a genuine feeling of anticipation hit her in the chest. He was a real sweetie underneath the muscular bravado he projected to the world. Cracker was someone who’d seen a lot during his tours of duty, and as far as she could tell, had no family to speak of.

Their particular unit had been his family, and he was loyal to a fault. Obviously, he’d not been pulled under the black cloud of hatred the rest had felt for her, and she was grateful for that.

She stretched out her protesting limbs, the muscles tight and stiff. Once she was on her feet, the ache in her side flared, but she pushed it aside. There was much to be done today.

Hope flared deep in her chest, and she felt light-
headed with the enormity of it all. To think that she was on the path to finding her son was incredible. But to know that his father would be there, alongside her, was something she couldn’t wrap her brain around.

He didn’t even know about Logan.

But he suspected
.

The look on his face when he’d seen the long incision low on her belly had spoken volumes.

Two days ago she hadn’t understood what the look of loathing and disdain meant. But as the shattered fragments of her mind had slowly fused together, it hadn’t taken long for her to figure it out.

That he hadn’t asked her outright could be taken two ways: that he didn’t give a shit either way, or that he was afraid of what her answer would be.

Libby shrugged and opened the door. She just wouldn’t think about it.

Voices drifted down the hall toward her. Everyone was up and ready to go. She looked down at the clothes she wore and grimaced. She needed a change of wardrobe. The overlarge T-shirt wasn’t going to cut it.

Determination walked beside her as she entered the great room, hair tousled, sleep vanishing from her eyes and attitude dripping from her pores.

All conversation stopped, and once more she felt like a bug underneath a microscope. Slowly, she scanned the room.

Jaxon and Declan were off to the side, bent over a low-lying table. They were studying what appeared to be a large map, and both men turned toward her as she walked farther in. She took in Declan’s wary
countenance, and felt the heat of Jaxon’s gaze but refused to meet his eyes. She could feel his scowl, and felt a tug of pleasure ripple through her.

Good. Let him stew.

Ana turned away from her and retreated to the kitchen, busying herself with a spot of granite that was apparently dirty, shooting looks of venom her way from half-lowered eyes. A slice of remorse shot through her, but Libby ignored it. She had no time to worry about the vampire.

Cracker and Jagger, however, greeted her with huge smiles, and she was overwhelmed with emotion as the older gentleman swung her into a hug, carefully avoiding the tender area of her ribs.

His voice was rough, and she felt the tickle of his whiskers as he whispered into her ear. “I knew you’d come back to us. I’m sorry to hear about what you went through, but rest assured we will make things right.” He squeezed her shoulders gently before releasing her. “
Everything
will be all right.”

His double meaning wasn’t lost on her, and Libby shook her head sadly. “I don’t think anything will ever be the same again, Cracker. But thank you for your kind words.”

“Hey, old man, you gonna let me say a proper hello to Blondie here?”

Aware of the dark eyes boring a hole into her back, Libby encircled Jagger in a far more intimate embrace then she normally would have, but the devil was licking at her toes and she answered his call recklessly.