His First Choice (21 page)

“Okay.” Tressa sat back, her head against the seat, watching the traffic in front of them. “I don't deserve you, Jem.”

She didn't have him, either. Not anymore.

“But I'm thankful for you. I want you to know that. You really had my back this week.”

“I know how hard you try to be a good mother to our son.”

“I do, you know.” She turned to look at him. “I love him more than life.”

He nodded, understanding completely.

“You know what bothered me the most?” she mused, looking out the window again.

“What?” He was mildly curious. Mostly he just wanted to drop her off so he could call Lacey.

“The thought that our son would grow up and know that his mother had been thrown in jail for hurting him. I know how that feels, Jem, what it does to a person. You spend your whole life fearing that you're going to be just like them, because, after all, you have their genes.”

Both of her parents had been arrested for abuse. Against each other. On different occasions. Several years apart. They'd each spent a night in jail while the other was at home with the kids. And then been released when the other refused to press charges. They'd never lost custody of their kids.

“I'm going to do all of the counseling, and then some, Jem. I'm going to get this right.” Tressa sat up and turned to face him. “I will not let my mom and dad win this one.”

It was one of the sanest things he'd heard her say in a long time.

And he breathed a sigh of relief.

It had taken the week from hell, the threat of losing her son and possibly going to jail, but Tressa had finally seen the truth. They'd turned the corner.

Maybe, months down the road, after counseling, he'd be able to introduce her to Lacey and they could all be friends.

Today was proof that miracles did happen.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

I
T
HAD
BEEN
one of the hardest weeks of Lacey's life. To finally find someone who really valued her above anyone, and then have him be in the trance of someone else... It was too cruel even for her paranoia to conjure up.

But her most acute pain wasn't even for herself. It was for Jem. A man in a million. A giver. A truly gentle man who had more strength, physically as well as emotionally, than anyone she'd ever met. And the power of abuse was taking advantage of everything good about him.

Some days she didn't ever want him to come face-to-face with the truth. Afraid of how it could change him when he saw how his willingness to do the right thing by Tressa had put him in a position to be manipulated without him even seeing it.

Other days, she prayed for his release. Not for herself, but because he deserved to be honored and respected, not abused. To be loved and cared for, not...used up.

Thank God for Kacey. Her sister had spent the night in Lacey's bed with her one night, sitting up and watching old movies until Lacey had finally fallen asleep. Every night after work, she'd dragged Lacey around to choose furniture for her new room. To dinner at the new Mexican place by the water.

They walked on the beach and stopped at an outdoor pub to have drinks and talk about the good old days. Lacey had been surprised to find out how many of them there really had been. That had been the previous night. They'd stayed to listen to the first set played by the band that had shown up at nine, too. And still, Jem had just been finishing with Tressa when he'd called and found Lacey already in bed.

They'd been preparing for the emergency custodial court hearing that had been set for that morning.

It was after noon and she still hadn't heard how it had gone. It was way too early for anything to be on public record. The judge wouldn't even have had time to give his minutes to the court recorder for filing.

And knowing that she and Sydney couldn't discuss the case, knowing, too, that Sydney knew now that Lacey's personal involvement was more than just casual, she'd steered clear of her colleague by taking herself out of the office to make well-check visits.

She was almost back to the office, planning on having the salad Kacey had packed her for lunch before an afternoon hearing, when her car's speaker bleeped announcing an incoming call. Glancing at her radio dash, she saw Jem's number on the screen and pushed the button on her steering wheel to answer.

“Thank God you answered.” She could hear the adrenaline in his voice. “I was afraid I was going to have to settle for voice mail.”

“I've been watching the clock,” she said. “Waiting to hear.” She hoped to God she didn't sound peevish. She didn't feel it; she just...missed him.

“I've got full custody.” He told her the most important fact first.

“I knew you would, but what a relief to hear that it's done,” she told him, only then realizing that she'd been holding her emotional breath on that one. Regardless of how the world was changing, courts still oftentimes tended to rule in favor of the mother, and Lacey knew how likable and convincing Tressa could be. Hell, she'd found herself thinking she and the woman could almost be friends the first time they'd met.

“Tressa was ordered into anger management if she wants a chance to earn back her rights. And she was granted supervised visits.”

“No charges were filed against her for child abuse?”

“It was like you said—there wasn't enough there to prove anything. Because, really, in each incident, an accident was involved.”

And he was justifying. Holding your child underwater to force him to hold his breath, leaving bruises on his torso as you did so, was definitely actionable.

But Jem was right. It would be Tressa's word against that of a four-year-old. One who remembers having a great time playing basketball with his mother in the pool after he learned to swim. And who also remembered misbehaving, almost drowning and having his mother save him.

“So...we're still good for tonight?”

It wasn't until he asked the question that she admitted to herself she'd been half expecting him to cancel. Because Tressa would surely need him, after the trauma of the day's events.

It fit her MO. Unless, maybe Amelia would be around. The real estate attorney had been in LA all week, arguing a case for a brokerage company.

“Of course we're still good,” Lacey told him, and had to add, “I've missed you. A lot.” Because it was so true.

“I've missed you, too, babe. You have no idea how much.”

She had an inkling. Evidence pointed to the fact that she wasn't the only one who'd fallen hard here. She wanted to believe that.

She just wasn't sure how she fought the demon that was threatening to keep them from ever sharing a true partnership.

* * *

J
EM
DID
SOME
double takes over the next couple of weeks, finding it hard to believe that life had finally become what he'd always believed it could be. Kacey was back in Beverly Hills, back at work, but she came to Santa Raquel both weekends. They'd all have dinner together as a family on the Friday nights—both times at Uncle Bob's at Levi's request.

And Saturday nights Kacey spent with Levi—“getting her baby on,” as she put it. She wanted a home and family, and caring for Levi was like Alcoholics Anonymous to her, reminding her that the life of nightly partying that she'd led, no matter how easy and convenient to fill lonely hours, was not the life she wanted.

Saturday nights were for Jem and Lacey. All night long. They'd spent the night at Jem's one night. At Lacey's the other.

Levi thought slumber parties with Kacey were better than going to Grandma's. Not that Jem passed on that little tidbit to his parents.

Tressa was doing well with her anger management counseling. She was attending extra meetings and classes in addition to those required and reading everything she could get her hands on.

Jem had helped her land a job with a window supplier in a neighboring town. While she didn't love the fifteen-minute highway drive, she did love the job and seemed to be settling in well.

She'd had four visits with Levi. Three of them had been supervised by social services, and one had been at her house supervised by Jem, so the boy could swim. Because he had said he wanted to play with his basketball hoop.

And now this, the fifth visit, was under Jem's supervision, as well. It was the Fourth of July. Lacey was in San Diego with Kacey and their parents, spending the weekend at her folks' beach cottage.

He and Levi had been invited to go, but Amelia was visiting her folks in Wisconsin, and when Tressa had told him everyone else had plans, too, he knew he couldn't ask her to give up her visit with Levi.

She'd want to know where they were going, which would have involved more lies than he wanted to tell at this fragile stage of the game. Or risk setting Tressa off before she'd had a chance to get a firm hold on the new, calmer life she was making for herself.

He couldn't risk everything because he had a selfish need to be someplace else.

They were at the park in town, getting ready to watch the fireworks. Tressa had packed a picnic, and while Jem was uncomfortable sitting on the blanket with them, eating sandwiches his ex-wife had prepared, as though they were a happy family holidaying together rather than on a supervised custodial visit, he was also content to know that his son was getting the time with his mother that he needed.

“I wanna slide!” The boy was jumping up and down on the blanket. The bowl of coleslaw Tressa had sitting on a paper plate almost capsized. Jem grabbed the boy just as she grabbed the salad.

“The slide's too crowded,” Tressa told him, her tone sounding irritated but softening by the last word. Jem was impressed. Those classes were really working. “Too many big kids. Someone could go down behind you, ram into you and...”

“Tressa.” Jem said only the one word. She looked at him.

“I'll go over with him. Make sure that no one goes down after him until he's on the ground,” he said.

“The metal will be hot. He could get burned, and then how would I explain that? It could look like I did it, or at the very least, that I should have known better and been able to prevent it.”

He saw the fear in her eyes and understood completely. She felt hunted. She was going to lose everything by simply being herself.

“Give it time, Tress,” he said, feeling real compassion for the sweet, loving person trapped inside damaged emotions.

She nodded.

“I'll check the slide. If the metal's hot, he won't go down.”

She nodded again.

“Yeah! Slide!” Levi cried out. He took Jem's hand. And then stopped, turning back to hold out his other. “Let's go, Mom!”

Jem saw Tressa wipe away a tear as she got up to join them.

* * *

L
EVI
SLID
AGAIN
and again, climbing the stairs, yelling for his parents to watch him and then putting his hands in the air as he made the quick trip down.

It was great fun. Until he tried to get fancy and lift his legs up in the air like he'd seen another kid do.

That kid, who was easily twice Levi's age, had lain back, his head on the slide, as he'd gone down.

Levi failed to put his head down and hit it on the end of the slide when he reached the bottom.

Jem had moved in as soon as he'd seen what was happening, but hadn't been in time to prevent the head bump.

Levi took it like a man. He rubbed his head. Stood up. And turned to Jem. “Did you see that, Dad? That was cool!”

Ready to tell his son to keep his feet on the slide if he wanted to go down again, Jem didn't get the chance as Tressa rushed up. “Are you okay?” she asked, feeling the back of the boy's head. “Oh, God, Jem, he has a bump. He has a bump on the back of his head.”

He'd already felt the head himself. There was a tiny welt where Levi's head had hit the metal, but it would be gone in an hour or so. There was no real swelling and no broken skin.

“He's got a bump!” Tressa said, pulling Levi away from the other people. “Feel it!”

Levi's lower lip started to tremble as he looked up at his father. Jem knew he had to defuse the situation immediately.

“He's fine, Tress.”

“I don't even hurt, Mommy,” Levi said, taking Jem's tone.

“He could be concussed,” Tressa hissed. “Oh, God. On my watch. They're going to hang this on me. I just know it...”

The day was going nowhere fast.

“I'll watch him like a hawk,” Jem said. “He's not concussed. He didn't hit his head hard enough to even raise a decent bruise. But even if he was, they'd just have us keep him awake for the next few hours, to watch his behavior.”

“We have to take him in, Jem. My life will be over if something comes of this and we didn't take him in. I'm going to lose my chance to see him at all if one more thing happens with me. If he's hurt one more time. You heard the judge, Jem. That's what he said. But I can't risk Levi's life because I'm afraid of getting in trouble. That's what I already did. You heard it, Jem, you know.”

The storm was brewing. He saw it coming. He couldn't let Levi get caught in it. Never again. He'd made a promise to his son, to himself.

And though she didn't know it, to Lacey, too.

“I know of an Urgent Care in Santa Barbara,” Jem said, herding them back to collect their blanket. “They'll take one look at him, tell you he's fine, and we can be done with this,” he said, coming up with the plan as he went.

It didn't dissipate the sick feeling in his gut.

“An Urgent Care?”

“In Santa Barbara. They'll see two overconcerned parents and one very unhurt little boy. They won't have anything to report. Probably won't even put our name in the system. But if they do, it won't be connected to the hospital here.”

“So no one will know we've been!” Tressa was throwing things in the basket as quick as she could, but stopped to look up at him. She was grinning through her tears. “Thank you, Jem. I knew you'd know what to do to save me. You always do.”

“Aren't we going to watch the firecrackers?” Levi, who'd caught on to the fact that they were leaving, cried out. “I wanna watch the firecrackers.”

Jem wanted to go home, sit at his fish pond and drink a beer.

Maybe call Lacey later. And listen to Levi's even breathing coming over his nursery monitor as he slept.

“If we hurry, we'll make it back in plenty of time to watch the fireworks,” he said, infusing his voice with a joy he didn't feel. “They can't do them until dark, and it's a long time until then.” An hour and a half. At least. If he was lucky.

Feeling duplicitous, running off to the next town to hide a doctor visit, Jem nonetheless prayed that traffic was light. That the Urgent Care wasn't filled with patients who actually needed to be seen. And that someday he'd be free from Tressa-induced stress.