His Michaelmas Mistress (3 page)

Dreadfully sinful.

But he couldn’t help it. It would be so easy to close the door to this room, and take her here right here on the floor. She wouldn’t fight him, he knew that. By the way her eyes danced, she wanted him to make love to her. She silently invited him to do so. Willed him to do it.

“You should leave, Julia,” he said huskily, breaking himself out of the fog he’d fallen into. He couldn’t take her. She wasn’t his wife, and now considering what had happened, he doubted she ever would be. He couldn’t take their lovemaking that far, no matter how deliciously wanton she looked at the moment. “You need to go now. I…I only have so much self-control. I can’t…I won’t be responsible for my actions…if I kiss you…I won’t be able to stop. I won’t be able to hold myself back. I am just a man.” He placed her back on her feet, and wobbled a bit. The dreamy look in her eyes sobered.

“I won’t go.” Her eyes took on a defiant gleam, and she placed her hands on her hips. This was the stance that usually told him to give up, and let her have her own way, but not today.

Today, she would not boss him around like the little princess she was. Today, he would have to assert his authority, and right now, right now, she had to leave, or she would have the devil to pay.

“Tare an’ hounds, Julia. You can’t always have what you want. You can’t remain here. Heed my warning well, little lady. If you stay, I shall be a bloody bastard, and I shall have no choice but to ravish you. I shall ruin you, my love. I shall have our wedding night, even if you’re not my lawfully wedded wife. I shall bed you, without wedding you. And…and you don’t deserve that. You’re not a prime article. Do you understand?” he asked softly.

“I do. That’s why I came, Freddie. Don’t you see? Don’t you see how much I need you…how much I want you? I always have done. From that first moment we met…”

“The first time we met I was holding my axe and you looked bloody well frightened half to death, that’s not exactly love’s first blush.”

“Mayhap, I did look a little fearful. But you were not the man who frightened me almost witless. Those blackguards that were attempting to assault Rose and I were the ones that had scared me nearly senseless. I…when I saw you…my heart reached out to you—you became my hero on that wildly stormy day, Freddie. And…don’t you recall what you called me back at Lark Hall? You said I was pretty, and it stirred my heart. It gave me tingles, quite unlike I had ever felt before.”

“You’re aren’t just pretty—you’re bloody beautiful,” he sighed heavily. “Don’t defy me, Julia,” he said hoarsely. “Go now…escape while you can. I am not a man to be trifled with.”

“I don’t want to escape. Why should I want to escape you? I came here willingly, Freddie. I knew full well what I tempted, what I might have to forsake, and I decided to take the risk. If I cannot be your wife—then,” she sucked in a large lungful of air, and he saw her wince, “then, I shall be your mistress.”

Freddie was tempted.

He wasn’t a stranger to sin. He’d been a rake in his day, and had slept with more women than he could possibly count, but those women had all been from a certain class. They had all been trollops. Some had taken payment from him, while others had fallen for his handsome looks, and had thrown themselves at him, and he had eagerly accepted them. No matter what though, those women had one thing in common, they were all Birds of Paradise.

But Julia…well, she wasn’t a little tart, and he didn’t know if he had the nerve—or the heart to make her out to be one. She couldn’t be his mistress no matter how much he wanted her to play that part.

He wanted her as his wife—or he wouldn’t have her at all. He couldn’t stain her honour. He didn’t have it in him to do that to her. It would harm her reputation, and there was no coming back from that.

“No,” he said roughly. “No…you shall not be my mistress, Julia. Not in that way, anyhow. You might be the mistress of my heart, but you are not the sort of woman to be my mistress in bed. You need to depart. You have to leave this place, and not return, unless you are in the presence of chaperones, because even though I’m able to fight temptation now, I might not always be so stoic. I might give in at some point in time, and we all know how that would end for you. You are meant to be my wife—and nothing else.”

“Then…then, why wouldn’t you marry me back at the church, Freddie? You confound me, you really do. And the way you befog me…it pains me deeply.” Hurt filled her voice. She sounded heartbroken, and he’d done that to her. He hated himself with a bloody passion.

“Because I won’t have only part of you. I want all of you. I told you that back at the church. I want to be the only man in your life, Julia, and right now, you are torn between me and Lord Charles.”

“Lord Charles is a stranger to me,” her voice cracked with emotion. “He is!”

“And yet…he is a stranger you want to know again. Don’t deny it,” he said softly.

“I am in absolute shreds about all of this, Freddie. Why are you torturing me in this manner? We had all it all back at the church, and you stomped all over it.”

He closed his eyes. “There is only two solutions to this whole bad business. I either call Lord Charles out to a duel…” She gasped horrifically. “And, I kill him. Thereby removing the obstacle that keeps us apart…or, I play the gentlemen, and spend the next few weeks courting you again. I can’t say that those around here would agree with the duel, so we must go for the second option.”

“I love you, Freddie. I shall love you until my dying day,” she fervently proclaimed.

“Aye…you loved Lord Charles once too. So…I have to know that I have you without you wondering if you’d done the right thing. I want you to have no regrets, Julia. I wasn’t in a rush to marry, until I met you. I was actually resigned to being a bachelor. The sort of woman I wanted was beyond my reach…and mayhap, mayhap, she still is.”

“Do you think I settled for you, Freddie?” Her beautiful blue eyes widened, and brimmed with tears. “Do you think so little of me? Why…why,” she sucked back a sob. “Why would I promise to marry you when I had put off marriage for such a long time? Answer that for me.”

“I warrant it’s because you finally grew weary of your mother nagging you every minute, and every hour of the day.”

“Bollocks,” she said angrily. “I love you, Freddie, but sometimes, sometimes God help me, you are not an easy man to love.”

He raised an eyebrow at her strong language. “Julia…”

“Don’t even start, Freddie. I didn’t marry you as a last resort. You were not the only man that had asked for my hand, you know. I could have had most of the men in the ton. I could have had the Duke of Stoneleigh.”

“And you probably should have taken him. You say you could have had any man in the ton…that’s just it…I’m not any man of the ton. I’m a stranger in a strange land. I am not amongst my own people, and I feel like…I feel like I won’t ever be accepted, and that will reflect upon you.”

“Oh, blast it. Is that what we are going to haggle over now? You think you are a little Cinder boy who is in a fairy tale world, is that it?”

“You could say that. As a child I worked for a Master Chimney Sweep for a time. I became what they call a climbing boy. I started that dangerous work when I was five years old, right after my mother died, but I couldn’t keep it up for too long as I got too big,” he laughed ruefully. “To this day, I do not like closely confined spaces, nor do I like getting my arse too close to the fire. I haven’t had an easy life, Julia. After that, I found employment for a short time, working with a Dustman and then, I moved on to find employment as an errand boy, which was a fairly good job for me considering, but I wanted off the streets. I remember the woman who took care of us errand boys.

“Her name was Mrs. Robinson, and she was one tough old bird. She even had the guts to put my bitch of a stepmother in her place, when she came and started boxing me ears. Mrs. Robinson stepped in and struck her so hard, her lip bled. My stepmother never touched me after that day. As long as Mrs. Robinson was alive, I was safe, as my father was scared of her as well.

“After Mrs. Robinson died, I enlisted in the army to take the King’s shilling for a contracted amount of time. Fortunately, I wasn’t like some of the poor buggers who got duped and enlisted for their lives, most of which were bitterly short. I lost a lot of good mates during those hard long years. And then, Colonel Elliot came along and pulled us from our respective regiments, threw us into his King’s Royal Couriers, nicknamed, The Angels of Death, and we found that all kinds of things were expected of us during those years.

“We were a covert group of skirmishers, and became the stuff of nightmares for the frogs. Tiny and me worked closely with Lucky, and there was never a better Royal Engineer than Lucky. Me and Tiny forged an instant bond, it took a little longer for some of the others to warm up to me. And…now…look at how far I’ve come…I am rolling in the blunt. I have good friends, an easy life, and I had you. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and then, I look at some of the women at the balls I now attend, and they look at me like I am still a street rat. Those lady toffs look at me as if I am beneath their touch, and I have to say, it does sting sometimes.”

Tears slipped from her beautiful eyes, and he resisted the urge to wipe them away. He hated the fact that he was causing her pain.

How could this day have gone so terribly wrong?

“And mayhap that is what you secretly think of me. You think I am a lady toff, don’t you? I have lived the life of ease. I’ve never had to work for anything. I barely know how to dress myself. Is that what you think?” her voice broke with her emotion.

“You wouldn’t need to know how to dress yourself with me around,” he said cheekily. “I would be more than happy to help you out of your frocks, your nightgowns, your stays...”

“Oh, Freddie,” she sighed, and pushed away from him. “I could probably say it till I was blue in the face, but you wouldn’t really believe me. I don’t care where you came from, I fell in love with the man you are now. I couldn’t give a tinker’s damn that you…”

“I am common, Julia,” he said bluntly. “I was a street urchin, a dirty little brat. After my mother died, and my bastard of a father married a bitch who hated me, I had no choice but to live on my own wits.”

“Whatever you want to think. I obviously can’t change your mind. I begged you to marry me back at the church, and you still walked out on me. No one in this world can make you do something you don’t want to do—not even me. You paint a rather grim picture of yourself, Freddie. You are a smart man, and even if you weren’t educated before you entered the Army, you are now. You are more intelligent than some of the lords I have met, and you are certainly one of the best looking men I have ever met.”

He chuckled. “Then, maybe you haven’t met enough men. You can engage me in civil whiskers all night, but I ain’t going to seduce you, Julia. You need to leave now.”

“Leave this house? This beautiful mansion that I put so much work into? You must be dreaming.”

“It’s not a house or a mansion. It is a palatial home, Julia. I thought that Lark Hall was too fancy for me to sit or even rub against the walls in, and now, now, I own a house that almost matches it in finery, and you know, I don’t even know if I want to sit on any of the furniture that isn’t in the manly rooms.”

“The manly rooms?” she asked, with a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth.

“Aye,” he said. “The Billiards Room, is one of them. This place is fit for a bloke like me, and I won’t have to worry that I will break the chairs in here. Now, the Ante Library, that’s pretty manly too, and that Saloon that you draped in crimson wall hangings, ain’t too delicate either.”

“So, you like the Ruby Saloon?” she asked softly.

“Is that what you’re calling it?” he asked. “Aye, I like it. Red is a favourite colour of mine.”

“I wonder why,” she smiled.

“And there you stop, my lady. You’re quite the gabster, and though you have enchanted me thus far, I must end it now, lest it bring me back into falling for your womanly charms.”

“Freddie, if anyone is a gabster here, it is you. You have been doing most of the talking.” She smiled serenely at him.

“Have I?” he grumbled. “Probably because I need to do something to take my mind off that delicious frock you’re wearing. You are rather exposed in it, and I’m trying damn hard not to make you more exposed.”

“That is the point, my love,” she said, smiling sensually at him.

His insides clenched. God, he wanted to take her. He wanted to carry her up the stairs to their bedchamber and lay her down on their bed…but it wasn’t their bedchamber, and it wasn’t their bed. Not anymore it wasn’t. Now…now it was all his, and he didn’t bloody want it without her by his side!

“I think…you have to leave, now,” he said gruffly, taking and ushering her toward the door. He had his hand on the small of her back, as he urged her forward. She tried to stand her ground and almost took a header because her strength was really no match for his. He reached out and steadied her. “There is no use in fighting. You ain’t going to change my mind, my lady.”

“I ain’t?” she asked unbelievably.

“That’s not how a lady of your finery is supposed to talk,” he said.

“Oh, indeed it is. It has become quite fashionable within the ton to use, ain’t, Freddie.”

“Fashionable or not, it don’t sound right coming out of your fine mouth.”

“You used to like this mouth, a lot,” she teased, turning around so her back was flat against the shut door, and he was close enough to lean down and kiss her again. He would have to lift her off her feet to do it as she was so tiny compared to him. Having her sit in his lap worked a lot better when they wanted to be intimate. Oh, God, his resolve was crumbling. She was getting her way, as she always did with him.

“I think,” Julia said breathlessly, batting her long dark eyelashes. “I think you have me cornered, sir. Pray, don’t forget to disarm me first,” she drawled out, lifting her dress so he could see the dagger holster strapped to her thigh. Her beautiful, shapely thigh. He licked his lips. She might think he had her cornered, but he rather thought it to be the other way around. Julia had him cornered, and the little minx had done it on purpose! “Don’t you want to take it off me, Freddie?” she asked coyly, batting her long dark eyelashes at him.

Damnation.

She didn’t know what kind of an animal she played with. If he let the beast inside of him loose, she’d be a ruined woman. She’d love every minute of it, but she’d be his in every sense of the word. He dropped his hand to her thigh, and almost did what she wanted him to do. His palm against her bare thigh made her shiver. He wanted to continue. He wanted to take the dagger holster off her leg, and throw it aside. He wanted to kiss every single inch of her, and he wasn’t picky, he’d start with her legs first. 

She was trying her damnable best to seduce him, and he was fighting tooth and nail to keep from falling for it. After today, he’d need to be rewarded for the ability to stay away from temptation, because she was bloody well leading him into it!

“Oh, Julia. You are pushing me to my limits. I… Oh, hell, I ain’t no saint, why I am pretending to be one? I am a bloody scamp. I am a churl, a blackguard, a bastard, I am…and I make no bones about it,” he sighed, and scooped her up into his arms.

“No, Freddie. You are the best man I know.” She let out a delighted little sigh, and wound her arms around his big brawny neck. She felt like a cloud in his arms, as she weighed nothing.

He was about to open the door while balancing her with one arm, when the door was opened by a footman, who looked rather shocked at the scene he and Julia made together. The person he was admitting to the room, looked absolutely livid.

“Uh, oh…looks like we’ve been caught, Mouse,” she giggled. “We are trapped, and we didn’t even have to use cheese.”

He groaned. Standing before him was one woman who actually scared him a little.

“Why, Mama, you look a little peeved,” Julia said, talking as if she was a trifle disguised. It took precious little to put Julia into a foxed state.

“Did you drink some of my whisky?” he hissed. She might have done while he was attempting to fight his want for her, and talking his bloody head off.