His Secret Past (8 page)

“Whatever we had, died six years ago. Any feelings I had for you were over after spending thirty-six hours in labor.
Alone.
” Her conscience pricked at her, but she needed him to back off.

The vehicle jerked a little to the left, the only sign he’d heard what she said. When he didn’t respond, she leaned her seat back and closed her eyes. Maybe sleep wasn’t such a bad idea. It wasn’t even dark, but after what had happened, the adrenaline rush had worn off and she could feel her brain crashing. And if she was asleep, she could block out the fact that hired assassins were after them and the man who’d broken her heart sat a scant foot away.

Hunter loosened his grip on the steering wheel when he realized Alexis had finally dozed off. He wasn’t sure why he’d been baiting her, especially when he needed to keep his distance. He couldn’t seem to help it. Seeing her cheeks flush and her eyes flare as she got worked up was a special kind of torture. Years ago he’d loved getting her worked up in a much different way. At least her anger was better than her giving him the cold shoulder.

He knew he had no chance of taking a place in her life. He’d given that up years ago. Still, being so close to her dredged up too many unwanted memories. He felt like a kid in a candy store with no money. He could look at her all he wanted but he couldn’t touch.

And forget about being involved in the boy’s life. He planned to financially make up all the lost years to Alexis, but Jonathan would be better off without him. There was no doubt in his mind. Alexis’s fiancé obviously had more to offer, and it wouldn’t be fair or right to inject himself into their lives. He might be a lot of things, but he wasn’t that selfish.

Hunter had grown up in Brooklyn with next to nothing, and no one to look after him. With a heroin addict for a mother, and no clue who his father was, his life could have turned out very differently. Just shy of his fourteenth birthday, his mother had finally killed herself with an overdose. And he hadn’t shed a tear.

Directly after her death, he was put into foster care, and he never could seem to stay in one place too long. By the time he turned sixteen, he’d become a petty thief and was well on his way to a life of crime. Fortunately for him, he was caught trying to break into a church donation box. Not his finest moment. His life was saved that day by Father O’Reilly. Instead of turning him over to the authorities, the Father put him in a home he knew to be safe and non-abusive. Then, about once a week, he would come by and check on him to make sure he was keeping up in school and staying out of trouble. If it hadn’t been for the priest he would most definitely be dead or in jail by now.

Alexis wouldn’t want him in their son’s life either, and even if the knowledge stung, he couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t want someone like himself in his kid’s life either.

Hunter double-checked the address as he pulled into the driveway. What Michael had described as a beach cottage was a three-story house with a deck that extended around the entire dwelling. Green and yellow awnings covered most of the windows, and the entrance was two oversized French doors.

“Cottage, huh?” muttered Hunter.

Alexis sat up and rubbed her eyes. “This is amazing.”

Jonathan was also awake by now, and before Hunter could say anything to Alexis, Jonathan bounded from the truck. “Cool house, Mom!” Gone was the shy boy who hadn’t wanted to shake his hand. He jumped from foot to foot, waiting for Alexis to come around the vehicle. “Can we look for sand dollars tonight?”

They’d made good time and a couple hours of daylight remained. Hunter started to answer yes when Alexis shook her head. “Let’s wait until we unpack, then we’ll make a decision. Why don’t you see if there are some toys on the back deck? Michael said there should be a chest of stuff for you to play with.”

“Okay.” He raced toward the house, up the stairs and ran around the deck.

“He’ll be fine,” she said. “He just needs to burn off some energy.”

Hunter grabbed his bag along with hers, and bounded up the small flight of stairs to the first deck. As he twisted the key in the lock, he looked over his shoulder. “Why don’t you go around back and get him and I’ll unlock the back door?”

Moments later, he opened the back door and Jonathan ran through, holding a small bucket and shovel. “Can we go to the beach
now
?”

Alexis trailed behind him. For the first time he noticed the tired lines around her eyes. “How about you pick your room first, then your mom and I will take you out?”

“Okay.” Without another word, he streaked out of the living room and around the corner.

Hunter let out a small sigh. He’d talked to the kid and he’d responded. Sure, it was one word, but it was better than a shrug. “Is he always this energetic?” Hunter asked as they followed him up.

She nodded and sighed. “This is nothing.”

The inside of the house was even more impressive than the outside. It had five bedrooms, all with private bathrooms, and a loft, which Jonathan claimed immediately. Alexis chose a room on the second floor, and Hunter made sure his room was next to hers.

“Why don’t you unpack and I’ll take care of Jonathan for a little while?” The words escaped before he realized he’d voiced the question aloud. Hanging out with the kid alone was stupid, but Alexis just looked so damn tired. Like she needed a few minutes to herself. He’d brought so much misery to her doorstep he wanted to relieve her any way he could. And if he was honest with himself he wanted to spend some time with Jonathan. He might not have a future in his life, but he could still take some decent memories with him.

He waited for her answer by the end of her bed where he’d laid her bags. An image of sharing that bed with her flashed in his mind. He imagined her naked, stretched out underneath him, moaning his name like she’d done countless times before. He’d kiss a trail down her jaw to her soft neck. Then he’d—

“Are you sure?” Her question jerked him back to the present. The hesitation in her voice and on her face was obvious, and he didn’t blame her.

He didn’t know anything about kids, but how hard could watching one little boy be? “I’ll be fine.” He took a step forward and started to cup her cheek in an effort to comfort her. Let her know he’d protect her. The action was instinctive even after all these years, but he yanked his hand back instead. What he wouldn’t give to rub his thumb over her soft skin just one more time. When he looked at her like this, he could feel the years melt away and pretend things between them hadn’t changed.

Her pulse point went crazy as he stared at her. He didn’t touch her but he couldn’t seem to walk away either. She could likely read the lust in his eyes. And she wasn’t backing up.

“What are you doing?” Her words came out as a shaky gasp.

Hammering nails in my coffin.
Maybe he really was a masochist. He couldn’t have her so he thought he could caress her cheek as if she were his. As if he had a
right
to touch her. “Nothing,” he muttered, stepping back. What the hell was wrong with him?

Before he had time to think of any sort of response, Jonathan raced into the room. “I’m ready now.”

She squatted down so she was eye level with Jonathan. “Hunter’s going to take you down to the beach, but you have to stay by
this house.
No wandering, do you understand? I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He kissed her on the cheek before looking up expectantly at Hunter.

“I’m ready if you are,” Hunter said. At least he hoped he was. He thought he’d been prepared for anything, but when Alexis had introduced them, he’d felt his heart actually swell with ridiculous pride. Leaving Alexis again was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do, but leaving Jonathan… He closed his mind off to the thought before he let himself imagine a real life with a real family. The kid deserved better than him. What kind of person would he be if he inserted himself into the boy’s life after all the things he’d done?

When Jonathan placed his tiny hand in his own much larger one, there was blatant mistrust in his familiar dark eyes. Not that he blamed the kid.

The room Alexis ended up in had a distinct island feel to it. Different shades of blue and plum accented it, and black-and-white pictures of lighthouses were strategically grouped on the walls. After unpacking a few things, she went in search of Jonathan. No matter how much she trusted Hunter to keep their son alive, she didn’t like him being out of her sight.

The large deck was empty, but she found two pairs of shoes at the end of the walkway leading to the beach. One pair was definitely Jonathan’s, and the other was no doubt Hunter’s, but she couldn’t stop the bile that rose in her throat. She kicked off her shoes and ran to the beach. Along the coast, she saw a few couples strolling along the coastline, probably watching the late sunset. But no Jonathan. She curled her toes into the sand and pressed a hand to her stomach. She’d told them not to leave the area.

Her heart beat an erratic tattoo against her chest. She’d
never
lost track of her son. As she turned back toward the house, she heard familiar laughter. She started back up the wooden walkway when she heard it again. Ducking under the ledge, she strode across the sand and found Hunter and Jonathan crouched down behind a sloping sand dune and a cluster of sea grass. The knowledge that they were only a few feet from the deck did little to soothe the panic curling through her.

“Hunter James Cassidy. What are you doing?” Alexis heard the tremor in her voice, but couldn’t control her anger. Or fear.

“Uh-oh, I think you made her mad. She used your
whole
name.” Jonathan tried to speak in hushed tones as he stood, but Alexis heard him.

“Yeah, I believe you’re right.” Hunter grimaced and took the red bucket from Jonathan.

“Just kiss her. That’s what I do when I’m sorry. She never stays mad then,” Jonathan said in an authoritative voice.

Her hands balled into fists at her side. She knew she was being irrational. It was hard to care, though. “Jonathan, why don’t you go upstairs and get ready for your bath?”

“Okay, Mom, but don’t be too mad at him. He was showing me cool bugs,” he said as he ran up the walk.

“I thought you left!” She didn’t know why she was shouting. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, her heart raced wildly and it was all she could do not to break down.

“Whatever opinion you have of me is probably justified, but just know that no matter what happens, I would
never
take Jonathan away from you. I’ve done a lot of shit, but that…” It was imperceptible, but he shuddered slightly. “I swear to you, I’d never take our son from you.” The quiet declaration held conviction, and it caused a strange flutter deep inside her.

His words sucked all the steam out of her. Even if she wanted to feign being mad at him, she couldn’t. Not when he looked so dejected. “Just don’t wander off anywhere in the future without telling me first,” she muttered.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. I was hoping you might stay mad a little longer.” Closing the divide between them, he stepped closer.

“What? Why?” Her throat clenched and she took a step back only to make contact with the railing along the walkway. She recognized the look in his eyes and knew what he planned to do.

“Jonathan told me all I had to do was kiss you and you’d forgive me. I wonder what would happen if I kissed you now. What would it take for you to forgive me for doing that?” His deep voice rolled over her in sensuous waves.

When he half-smiled, revealing an elusive dimple, her traitorous body reacted. Underneath her sweater, her nipples hardened painfully. She hated that he still managed to get her heart rate up with a simple smile. No one had ever done that to her before or since him. The first time he’d smiled at her, a warning bell had gone off in her brain. She’d known he was a man with a capital
M
. Not like the boys she’d been used to dating before. They’d been introduced at a friend’s party by Gwen’s nephew. When Hunter had set his sights on her, it hadn’t been long until they were tangled between the sheets talking about the future. A future that had never happened.

“Hunter, you need to…” She wanted to say stop. It was on the tip of her tongue. The stupid word wouldn’t come out, though. “This is a bad idea,” she muttered instead.

An annoying heat built inside her, spreading from her lower abdomen and pushing out to all her nerve endings. She tried to duck out of his way, but he braced his hands on the ledge next to her. His stature of five foot eleven compared to her five foot three normally wouldn’t bother her, but for some reason Hunter seemed to tower over everyone regardless of height—herself included.

“I think it’s a very good idea,” he murmured as he leaned closer. An involuntary shiver ran down her spine as he pulled her to him with a fierceness she remembered all too well.

One arm wrapped around her waist, and she was strangely thankful for the support. Despite the almost palpable tension humming through him, and his firm grip on her, the way he stared at her held nothing but gentleness and raw need. As their bodies meshed together, she tried to catch her breath but found it impossible.

“I swore I wouldn’t touch you but…I’ve missed you, Alexis. For years this is all I’ve thought about. Having you in front of me after so long is too much.” His voice was rough and strangled.

She’d forgotten how he could take her from zero to hot-and-ready-to-go in milliseconds. And when he said her name in that intoxicating, toe-curling voice, everything else around her ceased to exist.

Which was exactly how she’d ended up pregnant and alone. Like a bucket of ice water being thrown in her face, her thoughts instantly cooled.

As if he read her mind, he dropped his embrace and stepped away. He rubbed a hand over his face and let out a string of colorful curses. Finally he looked her in the eye and she was surprised at the shame she saw there. “I know it’s wrong, but I see you and I want to touch you. You’re like a drug. I… It won’t happen again.” He brushed past her and ducked under the railing.