Hitchhiker (19 page)

No, not yet dammit. Not till you hear me.

“I don’t understand how it is just over for you. I know you, Dawson. You’ve given me more of you than you’ve given anybody in a long damn time. Why are you so willing to just accept that I’m leaving and that we could possibly never see each other again? Why can’t you fight for me? Tell me to stay. Say the words and I won’t leave. You don’t open up to people, but for whatever reason, you did with me. Don’t shut me out. Please, don’t just throw me away like it’s so easy for you to act like this never happened.”

My crying turned to hysterics. I was shouting at him as if speaking louder would make it sink in. But it was doing nothing. He was emotionless. I turned and ran out of his room and went down the hall. The mudroom that went out to the garage was where I kept my purse and jacket. I needed to get out of here. What was the point in staying and torturing myself even more with a man who obviously didn’t want to break?

“Chandler, stop. Where are you going?” He’d followed me but kept his distance.

“I have to get out of here. This is too much.”

“I’m not going to chase you. You walk out that door, and it’s done. I don’t chase people… ever.” How he said it was so final.

I paused in the midst of putting on my coat. Sniffling, I stared at him with tear soaked eyes and cheeks. “You don’t chase, and I don’t beg. I hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for.”

Dawson gritted his teeth, his jaw squaring up. We were done. His eyes were a fortress and that was my cue to leave and get as far away from him as possible. Standing there seeing him like this, I couldn’t breathe. I yanked my purse off the hanger and flung open the door. The Rover was sitting there, and I jumped in like my feet were on fire. Starting it up, I put it in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I had looked up at the door before it was no longer in my sight, just to see if he was coming after me. Who knew my heart could break even more. No sign of him. He really meant what he said, he wouldn’t chase. He was letting me go.

A loud guttural sob tore from my throat. I violently wiped at my eyes, trying to clear them enough to see the road. The snow was coming down at a rapid pace, making it even harder to see. I knew I was going faster than necessary, but I couldn’t help it. Every little inch that I drove further away from him, I was cracking a little more. I knew that I was never going to be the same again. I belonged to him; there was no denying that. But he didn’t want me. I’d been in several relationships where the other person did everything they could to keep me. Dawson didn’t even try. In fact, I wasn’t even sure he knew how to, but that was moot at this point. I couldn’t go back, and I didn’t want to. I’d never get the results I craved. He’d never open that door and have his arms ready to catch me. That was enough to push me forward and keep driving.

I was still making my way down the winding hill when the back end of my vehicle started slipping. I fishtailed but corrected it with the wheel before I spun. Trying to dry my eyes, I needed to collect myself before I got into a wreck. I could almost hear my dad right now, yelling at me for driving so upset. Well sorry, Dad, I didn’t have much choice. I rounded a corner and slowed down. Dawson was still in my house, and I wondered what he was doing. Did he think ‘good, I finally got her off my back’ or maybe ‘Chandler was crazier than I thought’ and he’s relieved I left? A new wave of tears pushed past my eyes. Fuck, I couldn’t see the road again.

Reaching into my center console, I took out some napkins and clenched them in my hands. For a brief moment, I had glanced down to put back some of the things I’d pushed out of the way, and close it. That was all it took. When my eyes went back to the road, I had no time to react. A deer came out of nowhere, and I did my best to swerve. My foot slammed on the brakes, and I skidded on a patch of ice. Instead of my vehicle curving around, it continued to head straight. I knew the moment I went over the edge of the hill that the only way I’d be stopping was if I hit a tree or made it to the bottom. Both would likely kill me. I screamed, as the front end of the Rover tipped forward and made its first roll. I hit hard. My hands were still gripping the steering wheel but the first impact ripped them off. My head flew forward and hit something, but I wasn’t sure what. All I could hear was the crunching of metal and shattering of glass. I had no clue how many times I rolled, but it happened very quickly. I came to an abrupt halt and I was hanging upside down, still strapped in my seatbelt.

“Ehhhh.” I groaned.

A crushing sensation was in my chest, and I couldn’t move my legs. Opening my eyes, I couldn’t see anything really. There was snow in the vehicle, but I didn’t feel cold. It was pitch black outside, and only one headlight was still shining in front of the car. I was finding it difficult to breathe and my arm felt broken. I tried to scream, but all that came out was a gurgled moan.
Oh my God, I was going to die here.
Nobody knew where I was, and unless they followed the tire tracks, I’d never be found.

Closing my eyes, I tried to conserve my energy, but I was just too tired. I wanted to go to sleep. Warm liquid was seeping over my forehead, and I wasn’t sure if it was tears or blood. Didn’t matter. I didn’t even have the energy to feel scared. Exhaling, my chest struggled to expand with oxygen. I attempted to open my eyes again, but I couldn’t even tell if they were or not. I could see nothing. I felt blinded. It was funny how in your last moments on this Earth, you think about the things that you never really focused on as a big deal, but now they meant everything.

I thought about Dawson’s smile. How beautiful his face was when he’d let me see it light up. I remembered him sweetly holding my hand in the car, even for a few moments, and his fingers would stroke my skin. I remembered the sparkle in his brown eyes as he would get playful and feisty. And how he would look at me like he could see my soul. Sadness wasn’t overtaking me anymore. I wasn’t thinking about the fight we’d just had. Or the times he’d made me feel like I was crazy.

I simply. Remembered.
Him.

And then my world went black.

“I LOVE YOU,”
he whispered in my ear. “I love you, okay?”

“Mmm,” I moaned. Or was it a groan?

“Jesus Christ, why did you leave? This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t left.” I heard something tearing but hadn’t the slightest clue what it was.

Why are you yelling at me?

“I swear to God, Chandler, don’t you fucking leave me. I’m here. I came for you goddammit.”

I was being held tightly; so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.

Dawson.
Did I say his name out loud or was I just thinking it?

“Fuck!” he growled. My body jerked, and then blinding pain seared through me. I screamed. “That’s it, stay with me. I know it hurts but keeping holding on. Focus on that pain. Pain means you’re alive.”

Well, of course, I’m alive. What in the hell are you talking about?

“I’ve got to get you to the top of the hill. It’s going to hurt but just hold on.”

That blinding pain turned into one that sucked all the oxygen from my system. I’d never felt anything like this. Not a single inch of me felt like it wasn’t being decimated by pain.

Stop, Dawson, whatever you’re doing, stop!
Why wasn’t he hearing me?

“Almost there, love.” He was breathing hard.

I couldn’t see anything and I was disoriented. I could tell he was holding me, but why? Some of the pain I’d been feeling had subsided and it was being replaced with the cold. Teeth chattering cold, and yet, not even my mouth would move.

“Over here!” Dawson yelled.

My whole body felt heavy. Like a bag of bricks was holding down each one of my limbs. My eyelids refused to open no matter how much I willed them to. I heard someone moving around me, but they weren’t speaking. Papers shifted, but I lay there completely helpless and confused. Where was I? The last thing I could remember was Dawson and I at the cabin. Beeping on a nearby machine picked up in speed.
What was that?
Trying my best to calm down, I sucked in a breath through my nose and blew it back out.
Ouch!
That hurt.

Dawson and I had been talking. No, I take that back. I was yelling at him. He was shut down. He said he wouldn’t chase me, and I left. Oh my God, I left the cabin. Where in the hell was I? I listened even harder trying to establish if I could recognize anything that seemed familiar. The smells were stale and slightly like light chemicals floating in the air.

A noise off to my left caught my attention. A clicking sound then someone spoke.

“She waking up? The monitor was showing increased heart rhythm.” The voice was a female and she was speaking to whoever else was in here with me.

“Not sure. I was charting when it picked up, but it may have been a dream. She’s still sleeping though.”

The hell I was. I was very much awake. Why couldn’t I move? I attempted to make some sound. A small moan came from my chest.

“Doctor Blythe, I think the sedative may be wearing off.”

Doctor? Was I in a hospital?

Something touched my wrist, and I felt something cool touching my ribs. “Chandler, can you hear me? Chandler, can you try and open your eyes?”

What in the hell, buddy, don’t you think I would have by now if I could?

I tried prying them open again. “Miss Owen, if you can say something or maybe squeeze my fingers to let me know you’re awake, that would be great.”

I focused all of my energy on trying to grip the fingers that slid into my hand. My pinky and ring finger moved, but not with any force.

“Good girl. I know you can hear me. Miss Owen, you were in a car accident. We’ve been keeping you sedated because you hit your head pretty hard and we needed to make sure any swelling had a chance to go down. I’ll tell you more when you are more alert. Please, get some rest for now, and I’ll be back in a bit to check on you.”

I heard the doctor speaking to the other person in the room, and then a door closed. Where was he going? Just because I wasn’t moving didn’t mean I wasn’t alert. Okay, maybe not that alert. I felt like I could sleep for a week, but I needed to know what was going on. A car accident? I tried to think back even harder in my foggy memory. How did I get here? I remember the arguing before I left the cabin, and after that, there was nothing. If my eyes could produce tears right now, I’d be crying out of sheer frustration. Feeling all energy pulled from me, I did my best to do what the doctor asked of me. Maybe if I sleep some more, I would wake up and be able to move, and possibly speak. I needed to know where Dawson was. I needed answers.

I had no concept of how much time had passed by. I slept off and on, and still nobody came back into my room. At one point, I was finally able to lift my lids just high enough to catch a glimpse of the room I was in before they’d shut again. When was I going to be able to keep them open? Another length of time passed, when I was finally able to open my eyes and keep them open for longer than a couple of seconds at a time. Well, my right eye at least. For whatever reason, my left one wouldn’t lift as high as the other.

My room door swung open and a tall bald man came in holding a sheet of paper, and he was wearing blue scrubs. Glasses sat low on his nose and he gave me a smile when he saw that I was awake.

“Hello Chandler, I’m Doctor Blythe. I was in here earlier when you started stirring, do you remember that?”

I had yet to try to speak. I nodded.

“Good.” He looked at the paper. “Do you know where you are?”

I opened my mouth, and my lips were cracked and dry. “Hospital.” It came out breathy and quiet.

“Well, yes, you are at a hospital, but we have been keeping you in our psychiatric ward for observation. Miss Owen, can you remember what happened the night of the wreck?”

I am in the psychiatric ward? What am I in here for? Where are Dawson, my parents, Seth, or Sydney? Has anybody even told them where I am?

The heart monitor was picking up on my distress and the doctor came over and placed an oxygen mask over my nose. “Take a couple deep breathes. Let’s try not to get upset. We are just trying to get a better understanding of some things.”