Hitchhiker (16 page)

Rising up on my knees, I came back down hard and fast, feeling every inch of his cock as it rocked against that spot I needed it the most. I did this over and over again. Water splashed around us, and both of us were breathing heavily. I’d never had sex in a bathtub before. The wetness of the water mixed with the wetness from me, creating a friction I’d never felt before. It allowed me to feel more, and I loved it.

I pulled up again, and pulled him out of me came out of me. Teasing the head of his cock on my clit, I let my head fall back. I felt his mouth latch onto one of my nipples and it felt like a direct link to my pussy. That was all it took to send me over the edge. I eased him back inside me and rocked back and forth, prolonging the orgasm that was rippling through me.

“Oh, my God. More.”

A hum of approval came out of him. “Greedy.”

I looked down at him with lust-filled eyes. “When it comes to this, hell yes, I am.”

Dawson couldn’t take my being in control any longer. Grasping my hips, he lifted me slightly in the air so I was hovering just above him. He pushed forward and tilted in a direction I’d not felt before. Okay, the climax I’d just had was nothing compared to the one I was about to have. The rhythm of his pelvis pounding into mine was an aphrodisiac all on its own. I loved the sound. You could hear the slapping of wet skin below the surface of the water.

“Chandler, I can’t hold out any longer.”

I nodded into his neck. My legs were already shaking from the exertion. “Okay,” I whispered.

A couple more thrusts and I felt him shaking. I was completely and utterly spent. Between not sleeping much and the lack of food, to now being well and thoroughly fucked, I was done. I was going to have to physically remove me from him and carry me to the bed. I had nothing left.

As he slid out of me, little aftershocks tore through me and I jerked. He chuckled and I slapped his arm. “Shut up, or I’ll make you do it again.”

“You wouldn’t last if I did it again. You can’t even stand up right now.”

“Ugh, you’re right.”

He climbed out of the tub, naked glistening skin and all, and grabbed a towel. Dawson wrapped it around his hips, and it hung low in the most glorious way.
God, did he even know he did that?
Handing me a towel, he helped me up and stood me before him. I let him pat me dry and guide me to our bed so I could crash. I was never a girl who slept naked, but tonight I’d make an exception. I couldn’t be bothered with anything besides shutting my eyes and passing out.

The next morning, I woke up with a very naked Dawson curled up behind me. I had my head laying on the inside of his bicep like it was a perfect little pillow. I’d never felt more safe and secure than I did right now in his arms. I reveled in it. He consumed me in every way.

I felt his breathing change, and I knew he was awake.

“Morning,” he said, kissing my shoulder.

“Morning.”

“I need food. Go cook, woman.” He slapped my ass.

I sucked in air. That stung. “Ouch! You go make the damn breakfast. I’m tired.”

He nipped at the same spot that he kissed. “What do I keep you around for if you’re not going to cook for me?”

I laughed. “Uh, I kind of remember it being my generosity that brought you here.”

“No, you brought me here because you thought I was sexy.”

I pushed back against him, feeling his cock aroused and ready. “Yeah, I suppose I did. But I think I felt sorry for you.”

He flipped me over and laid on top of me. His eyes still looked sleepy, and his brown hair was spiky from having his face buried under a pillow. It was very endearing.

“I’ll do what you asked.”

I looked at him confused. “What did I ask?”

“The other girls. I want you to know that they are nothing. I keep them around for one reason or another, but they don’t have to be there anymore. So, I’ll do what you want me to do. I’ll stop seeing them. But I want you to know that I’m putting my faith in you. I don’t just trust people, but I’m choosing to trust you.”

Wow, well that came out of the blue, and yet, I felt skeptical. “Seriously? You mean that?”

“Yes, I’ll try. I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect. But I care about you. You do know I’ve let you in more than I’ve allowed anybody in a very long time, right?”

“I assumed so, yes.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “I had a really rough start in life, Chandler.”

“I know you did.”

He laid back and I followed him, getting myself situated in my little nook of his arm.

“Yeah, you know the bare bones of my story, but you don’t know the details. My dad died when I was a young kid. I didn’t cope with it very well. For a long time, I was in denial. That had lasted for about three years before all of that pent-up emotion came pouring out, and I became a very angry and aggressive teenager. I was fighting at school and getting into trouble all the time. Someone I met at a gym taught me a new way to channel all that anger. I found different ways of release, instead of using my fists. You asked about the others, but really, they are just a way to get some of that aggression out. Besides that, I work out, and I take on jobs that are physically demanding.”

I felt more confused than before we started this conversation. “Okay, but I’m here. I don’t get why you wouldn’t just tell me when you needed something.”

I got the sense that he wasn’t good with words when it came to explaining this particular subject. “It’s not like that. You are a good girl, and I’m not good for you. I’m going to end up breaking you. It always happens.”

“Only I give the power to break me. If I don’t place that kind of power in your hands, you wouldn’t be able to.” I had to lie.

His fingers rubbed up my spine and back down again. “Did you forget that I’m good at reading people? You’re probably one of the easiest to read. You keep your emotions written all over your face. I could break you, Chandler. If I really wanted to, my words would leave you on the floor.”

“Why would you want to do something like that?”

“I don’t. I’m just saying I know that I could.”

I didn’t like that he could know this about me so easily. I also didn’t like that he knew or thought about the words that he could say that would damage me. What kind of person was I dealing with? A masochist? No. I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that he would do something like that. Although, deep down, I knew that he might have a small part of him that enjoyed knowing he could control me like that. Use my own emotion and feelings toward him to dictate how I proceeded with him. It was completely unfair. I had nothing over him. He held it all.

“Please don’t. I know you say you can read me, but you don’t know the extent of the things I’ve dealt with in my own life, and I just want something, just
one thing
to go right. To make me happy.”

He sounded stern. “Chandler, I told you that I’m not your happily ever after. I can’t give that to you. I’m too damaged.”

“Do you know how unfair and selfish that sounds?”

Dawson shrugged. “It’s the truth.”

“So, basically you’re setting all of this up to fail before it even gets a chance to see if it’s any good?”

“Like I said, I can’t be that person you want me to be.”

I closed my eyes and tried to fight off the cracking of my already fragile heart. Here was a man telling me that he’d give me ‘here and now’ to the best of his ability but not a promise of even a semi-long term attempt. I could move forward the only way I knew how. With my whole heart and feet first.

“It’s okay. I’ll take you how I can get you. You’re worth it, you know. If I didn’t see something in you that wasn’t worth all the risk, I wouldn’t be here.”

He kissed the top of my head. “That means a lot.”

“Good.” I sighed. All of this deep emotional talk made me hungry and wanting to get up and move about my day. “You want pancakes?”

The sly little smirk he gave made my heart pitter-patter. “And coffee, with ice.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

SETH WAS GETTING IN HIS
car and leaving. “Where are you going? We aren’t done here.”

He paused by the driver’s side door looking over the hood. “Yes, we are. I can’t keep dealing with an emotionally unavailable woman. Seriously, Chandler. What happened to that bright, vibrant, and vivacious girl I knew in college?”

She fucking left that was where she went. You sucked the life of her. “I don’t know. But please, don’t go.” It made me feel lower than low that I was even begging. But it was what I did with him every single time we fought.

“You’ve said that before. What’s going to change this time?”

“I don’t know, Seth. But I don’t think you should be driving while you’re this worked up. Just come back in the house, and we can talk about it.” Everything he said was true. I was emotionally unavailable.

“I can’t. Too many empty promises. I love you, Chandler, but not enough to keep doing this to myself. Why don’t you call me when you decide what it is that you want.”

I watched him as he got into his Porsche and skidded out of the driveway. Walking back into my large and way too quiet house, I wondered how long was long enough to wait to call him or if I should give it a day or two before I went crawling back, kissing his ass. Why did I do this? I wasn’t happy. But I always bent to his will and his needs. It was never about what I wanted. It was what Seth wanted and needed. Unavailable….I let that word simmer.

That was the last fight I’d had with Seth. I called him later that night and apologized. I promised that I’d be better. I’d give him sex when he wanted it, and I wouldn’t push him away. I told him I’d try my best to go to all his work functions and be the doting fiancée. I knew what he wanted and needed. I also knew that I wouldn’t ever be able to fulfill my ‘duties’ as Seth Owen’s wife. It was like being a prisoner.

I’d not spoken to Seth since being out here. I knew it was at the point that my dad could no longer hold him off, and Sydney was no longer responding to any text messages that I’d sent her. She was giving up on me as I had her. I should have been more sad about my lifelong friend being so disconnected from me, but I had enough feelings to sort through without throwing hers in the mix. I’d deal with it later. Well, it was now or never. I needed to speak with Seth. Standing out on the deck, I dialed his number.

He answered on the third ring. “Chandler?”

“Hi, Seth.”

“You finally decided to call.” He always sounded so business-like with me.

I didn’t really know what to say. “How are you doing?”

“How am I doing?” He was being condescending. “Well, seeing as how my fiancée suddenly disappeared and didn’t tell anyone where she was going, but somehow found time to call her friend and her father but couldn’t call me, I’d say I’m pretty fucking peachy.”

Okay, I deserved that. “I’m sorry, Seth. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

He laughed. “Ha! Oh, I worried all right. Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?”

“I’ll explain everything if you’re willing to listen and stop yelling at me.”

I heard him take a few deep breathes. “Okay.”

The only place to start was to dive right in. “Seth, I have been lost for the last two years. I’ve been in our house, doing everything I could to make sure that I was making you happy, and somehow I lost sight of
my
happy. I’m not saying it’s your fault because I let it happen. But I had to get out; I needed room to breathe to figure out what I was doing with my life.”

“If you needed a breather, Chandler, all you had to do was tell me and you could have avoided all of this. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through? I had called the police to file a missing person’s report.”

I gasped. “Why would you do that? Sydney told you that I was okay; she just didn’t know where I was.”

“Because no matter what you told Sydney, you didn’t tell
me,
your fiancé. That’s the sort of information that I should have been privy to, but you chose to be selfish and put your own needs above everyone else’s.”

This right here, this was why I was leaving. The way he always found a way to talk down to me. I felt like I was more his child than his partner. I wasn’t his equal and I never was. I didn’t even realize till now that I’d formed a hate for Seth.

“Well, sorry for not putting everyone else
first
instead of myself. You’re absolutely right. I should have put aside my needs and been what you needed,” I nearly growled.

“Don’t act like an adolescent, Chandler.”

“Don’t treat me like one, Seth.”

The dead air went through the phone.
You know what; screw this
. I was sick of the way he spoke to me. I didn’t owe him anything or any respect. Considering the way that he was being toward me right now, I was done. No waiting. I was ending it.

“Seth, I don’t think you and I will work out.”

He half coughed, half laughed. “Is this you telling me that you are ending the engagement?”

“Yes, it is.”

“And you didn’t think you could have waited to talk to me about this when you got home?”

“No. Why wait? It’s been coming for far too long. I haven’t felt the same way for you in longer than I can remember. I’d rather let this go now instead of dragging it out.” He was being formal with me; well, I’d be formal with him.