Hitman's Captive: A Bad Boy Romance (34 page)

With
her, at least, I had always had a safe haven. Someone to comfort without
judgment, a shelter for the emotional storms that had only rarely rocked
through my life.

I
don’t know how long we sat there like that - it felt like forever, but also
just a momentary wrinkle in time. When I finally recovered enough to look at
her, I felt exhausted - but some of the weight and twisting discomfort within
me had eased. I sighed deeply, still hiccuping a little, and felt myself flush.

“…I’m
sorry…”

Both
for what I’d said, and for this ridiculous outpouring. She just gave me a small
smile and tucked a stray hair back behind my ear.

“You
can hold me next time I’m off my face.”

I gave
her a small grin back and leaned in again, letting her warm arms surround me.
It was sticky with suncream, water droplets and our sun-warmed bodies, but it
didn’t matter as I started breathing easier.

God.

I’d
had no idea that had been bubbling up inside, or just how good it felt to let
it all out.

“Feel
better?”

“Mmm.”

“Good
- more ice cream, I think.”

Without
another word, she disengaged and walked back into the small pantry that I swore
had been built next to the room leading onto this deck purely for this purpose.
I appreciated the brief time to compose myself and work out what the hell was
going on, and then she was back, holding the ice cream tub and two large
spoons.

“Sans
iced coffee this time?”

“Pfff,
figured we’d go straight to the good part.”

I
grinned and grabbed a spoon as she settled back down against me, my smaller
frame leaning against her shoulder as we didn’t quite fight to fit our spoons
into the not-so-large tub.

She didn’t
say anything for a while, and I just looked out at the sea, letting the
summer’s day warm me again as my thoughts drifted.

We’d
done this before - admittedly not that often, but enough that it felt almost
like a familiar routine. When everything was going crazy around me and I didn’t
have any way to deal with it, she was the one person I could let my raw
emotions run rampant with.

I
sighed and shook my head. I wanted to say this whole thing shouldn’t have
affected me like that - but if I was honest with myself, I damn well deserved a
chance to rage at my father’s insensitivity, at the reappearance of the guy
who’d screwed with my emotions for over a year…and the way my life seemed to be
spinning completely out of control.

“I’m
so sick of this, Kay.”

“So do
something about it.”

Her
no-bullshit response made me smile - that was one of the reasons I loved her.
She’d could comfort me when I needed it, but the moment it was over there was
no hint of pity or worry it would change her opinion of me. Kaylee always told
it how it was, and she was one of the few people lucky enough to have the wit -
or money - to get away with it.

“Any
suggestions?”

“Take
some damned ownership of your life for once. Let’s face it - he can bring a
circus into your pretty little manor if he likes, but you don’t have to just
sit here and take it. You have things you want, goals you’ve told me enough
about - why curtail that because he looks askance at you?”

It was
hard to hear, just as it had been when she’d said it earlier. And if I was
honest, part of the reason I’d yelled at her had been because of the echo of
Seth’s words last night.

“Still
chasing Daddy’s approval?”

Kaylee
reached over and bumped my shoulder, bringing me out of those traitorous
thoughts.

Somehow
my resolution to stay far away from my new ‘stepbrother’ didn’t quite manage to
rein in my mind, which insisted on showing reels of unwanted images and
memories.

“You
promised me it would be different this time.”

She
phrased it mildly, but the frustration in her eyes was obvious.

I
didn’t promise you. I promised myself.

Which
was worse, to be honest. At least the emotional catharsis had left me able to
listen - and she was right. I’d been so sure my father would understand and
give what I was saying a chance this time. But everything had happened far too
fast, leaving me unbalanced and unable to explain myself properly.

I’d
been upset about my father’s engagement, how he’d handled it, and the sudden
reappearance of Seth in my life was already driving me crazy, but in the end it
all came down to the same thing. My father had his idea of how life should be,
what was proper and appropriate, and I’d always gone along with it. That had
worked out great for most of my life, but I’d started to think I didn’t want it
to end up dictating my future as well.

He was
just so hard to talk to sometimes, and when he’d shrugged off my plans
yesterday I’d been ready to give up - again.  But I was done with having
my ideas dismissed outright. He deserved respect, not mindless agreement. I wanted
to take this year to discover more about who I was, what I could do - and now
that he’d invited two complete strangers into my life, it was clearly time for
some measure of independence.

Who
was it who’d said that people treat you how you teach them to? Well, I was
going to finally show him that my plans and ideas weren’t just fantasies and
give him a reason to respect me.

The
thought made me smile suddenly, the idea of it invigorating me as I considered just
how I was going to make this work. Kaylee picked up on my shift in mindset,
raising an eyebrow and looking my way.

“You’re
right, Kay.”

Excitement
was bubbling up inside me again, and I thought of the forensics internships I’d
looked through - the different cities open to me and the pictures I’d had of
myself spending some time living somewhere different, exploring that curiosity.
I abruptly had too much energy, and I grabbed Kaylee’s arm, hauling her up with
me.

“Want
to go down to the beach for a bit - swim in the sea?”

She
righted herself under my grip, arching an eyebrow with a sarcastic tone.

“
That’s
your great plan?”

I just
laughed and pushed her towards where the garden would wander down to the gate
leading to our private beach. I needed some time to think to come up with a
great
plan
but at least now I’d decided to prove to him I did know what the hell
I was doing. And taking control of that somehow made everything feel better,
regardless of the things I couldn’t change.

And
that way, I’ll be out of here before Seth’s cocky attitude can seep too far
under my skin again…

Chapter Six

Seth

“Aaaahhh
- got you!”

The
attack came raging out of the small undergrowth near the fence and I dived to my
left with an exaggerated motion - right into his path. The cool water slashed
across my bare chest, mixing with the dirt I’d picked up to form another streak
of mud there.

“Ughh…ah…urggg...”

The
death-noises had the five-year-old squealing in fits of laughter, the slightly
over-sized water gun tilting to rest on the ground as his other arm pumped the
air. His head spun wildly, finally locating his mother sitting on the deck
overlooking the garden.

“Mama,
Mama—”

I
chose that moment to snatch a hand out and grab his ankle, pulling him off his
feet and landing him on my chest as I grinned wickedly.

“You
should check your prey is dead, kiddo.”

He was
still laughing as I deserted my own gun and attacked with just my hands,
tickling his sides until his ear-piercing screams drowned out the rest of the
noise in the yard.

Shit.
I’d forgotten he could do that.

“Seth
Anderson! Are you trying to kill my son, or the whole street?!”

I
could hear the expletive she’d left out for the sake of the kids, and looked up
with a grin, setting Jamie back on his feet. His little legs wobbled as he
tried to recover from the strain of laughing that hard, and I waited until he
started trying to totter off before letting go.

“My
apologies, ma’am - the enemy caught me off-guard. But it shall not happen
again!”

My
voice rose dramatically as I rolled back to my feet, darting towards the other
boy who had been sneaking towards me from behind. He yelled at the sudden
change of direction, running away as I laughed and made a futile shot towards
his retreating back.

Becky’s
voice was full of fond exasperation as she watched.

“You
let anyone into the SEALs these days, huh?”

“Seems
like it - I’ll bring it up at the next command meeting. Immediate revocation of
all rights for those that get their ass kicked by five-year-old boys.”

Dale’s
gravelly tone made my mouth quirk up at the side, especially as I saw the
satisfied set of his body while he handled the barbecue tongs with as much
consummate skill as he put into his rifle. I affected a shocked expression.

“You
mean we had rights?”

Water
crashed into my back and I whirled to see Ace already gone, darting behind a
tree further down the garden, his wiry, lithe body moving easily and that ‘bad’
leg appearing no impediment to a water gun fight. I crouched and made to go
after him, but when he met my glittering eyes, he nodded to the boy attentively
watching over the barbecue at Dale’s side. I picked up the meaning and reversed
direction, stalking closer in an obvious fashion.

“On
guard! Or those sausages will be mine!”

The
battle-cry raised Tyler’s gaze, looking at me uncertainly - and with a small
frown that was such an indication of childish disapproval I almost laughed.
Instead, I grinned at him, my water gun raised threateningly.

At ten,
Tyler was the eldest of Becky’s three children and in a way that would make his
father proud, he took that responsibility seriously. There’d been plenty of fun
and games throughout the day, amid the replacement of some of the drains around
the house and the whitewashing of the outside walls - but throughout it all,
he’d stuck almost doggedly to Dale’s heel, helping out and refusing to get
involved in any of the sillier activities of his brothers.

I
fired a salvo dangerously close to the barbecue grill and jumped back, as if
expecting a return shot. Dale scowled and shook the tongs at me, then turned
and grabbed another gun from where it lay propped up against the large metal
frame. He tossed it to Tyler, who grabbed it automatically before looking up at
him in confusion.

“Go
on, little man. If you want your mother to eat tonight, looks like you’re going
to have to fend them off.”

He
hesitated one moment longer, before the temptation obviously got the better of
him and he ran towards me at a charge. I yelled and ran away, turning back to
fire off shots here and there - letting a few hit the mark as I turned us
towards the thicker part of the garden.

That
was all it took for an all-out battle between two hardened SEALs and three darting,
laughing boys. By the end of it we were all streaked with mud, sweat and water,
the blasts from the guns increasingly welcome as the sun beat down on us.

The
appetizing scent of cooking meat had been pulling us back towards the house
when Dale finally called for plates and the boys took off in that direction,
grinning and laughing. Ace scooped Jamie up as he fell behind the others,
settling him on his shoulders and making him squeal again in excitement.

Becky
had set out the tables with cutlery and plates, adding a couple of salads and
sauces before coming to stand at the top of the stairs to the deck, arms folded
as her sons approached, streaked with dirt and water on half-naked bodies and
grinning up at her.

“Oh no
you don’t - no food until you clean up properly.”

Seven-year-old
Sam protested, but he was already on his way with Tyler to the hose at the side
of the house. Her eyes raked Jamie, Ace and I, expression unyielding.

“All
of you.”

Ace
flicked a wry glance down at himself before grinning and snapping a sharp
salute, and I followed on his heels under Becky’s watchful eye. She moved back
to the table as we wrestled the hose from the two boys and avoided another
hard-won battle, settling into the chair next to Fiona and waiting for Dale to
bring the meat. As soon as we got them all cleaned up, they ran back.

Sam
darted back and forth between the grill and the tables, too eager to sit and
wait, while his brother helped Dale start dishing out the food. Fiona’s
dark-eyed gaze lingered on the kids with a wistful expression, and her hand
rested on the bump that was clearly visible through the loose fitting clothes.
Her husband Ray had a hand casually stroking her shoulder and had barely left
her side all day. He wasn’t one of the guys I knew very well, but Ryan was a
firm friend of his, and it appeared Fiona was in Becky’s support group as well.

Ace
shot him an amused grin as we approached and he handed Jamie back over to
Becky.

“And I
thought you were on high alert when we were down range, bro.”

The
big man’s easy smile couldn’t distract from the gleam of pride in his eyes when
he looked down at his wife and unborn child, or the protective stance that was
almost unconscious.

“Priorities,
mate. Perhaps you’ll have them too one day.”

His
wink had the other man grinning, no doubt thinking of the girl Dale had
mentioned a few days ago. He hadn’t brought her in the end, no doubt deciding
it was a little early for this kind of gathering, and part of me was glad for
it.

Running
around with Ryan’s kids had been every kind of antidote I could have wanted to
the irritation and mixed feelings of the last few days, but even after all
that, every time my eyes caught Ray or Fiona something tightened in my stomach.

Taking
a breath, I dismissed the strange feeling and grabbed a plate of burgers from
the BBQ, helping Dale finish divvying up the food before sitting down and
piling my own plate with a good deal of what remained.

As the
boys regaled their mother with their tales of bravery and danger - paying no
mind to interrupting her conversation with Fiona - and we chipped in with some
flavor of our own, I found myself relaxing again.

When
I’d signed up for the insanity that was becoming a SEAL, I’d done it to prove
myself as the most badass motherfucker around - but I'd found something else
entirely. BUD/S had quickly made it clear that tough one-man-army types had no
chance. The hot-shots dropped out as we realized that SEAL training wasn’t
about who could run the fastest, swim the furthest or do push-ups for hours. No
one had the endurance for what we were put through, and no one was getting
through it on their own.

By the
end, it came down to those who could handle the failure and exhaustion, and
understood that the only way to win was to refuse to give up…the guys who came
out of that weren’t the ones you bet on in the beginning - they were those who
had a solid core, an inner certainty and strength that could be sensed, but not
seen. And those that would sooner die than let their teammates down. For a guy
who’d never had anyone to watch his back in his life, that idea was alien - but
it had intoxicated me. I’d spent so long fighting and railing alone against the
world that I almost failed before I let myself rely on the men around me.

The
moment I got it, though - everything clicked into place. Those darkest, coldest
nights of my life gave me people I could trust, who were going to get me
through it no matter what, simply because we were a team - and during the worst
moments, that ended up being the only thing left that was worth fighting for.

When I
came out of it, that same unshakable bond was waiting for me with every SEAL
I’ve served with since. BUD/S and my first tour showed me that I wasn’t alone
anymore - and unexpectedly, I discovered that I liked it that way.

To my
surprise, that had extended to their families as well, forming a close-knit
group that gave each of us the reassurance that those we loved would always be
taken care of, whatever happened. I hadn't really understood just how important
that was until Ryan invited me round the first time and I'd seen what he had in
Becky and the kids. The way her eyes followed him - the fierce pride and quiet
acceptance of who he was - had challenged my idea of what a family life was.

Most
of us never expected to get something like that, of course - there was a reason
SEAL divorce rates were so damned high - so we all respected the special kind
of woman who could deal with the craziness we inflicted on those around us, and
we did what we could to support those that tried for it.

Ray
and Fiona gave off the same vibe, their eyes never far from each other even as
they laughed with different groups of people. It was the sort of thing that I
usually had a unique appreciation for, but tonight my mood was shifting all
over the place, and it was drawing me out of the casual banter with an
uncomfortable bitter-sweetness. Which was ridiculous, but the distraction of
Becky’s kids hadn't quite managed to take the edge off my last few days around
Bella - or, rather, days spent avoiding her.

I’d
managed to mostly stick to that resolution, but thanks to my mother’s coercion,
I was still heading there for dinner - which was turning out to be some of the
more awkward experiences of my life, as Bella and I ignored each other and our
parents tried to make small talk, mostly about the upcoming wedding. Something
neither of us had any interest in, though Bella was doing better than me at
showing some enthusiasm. Apparently they were slating it for the end of summer
- and I found myself selfishly hoping I was deployed again by then, mostly so I
wouldn’t have to be around when Bella becomes my step-sister in truth. The
familiar irritation at that thought flared again, made worse as my gaze
lingered on Ray casually kissing his wife's temple before moving off to get
something from the kitchen.

“Drives
me crazy sometimes, you know.”

I
looked up as Becky swung her leg over the picnic bench beside me, sliding
another beer along to me and taking a sip of her own.

“Huh?”

She nodded
again towards Fiona.

“I
love them to bits of course, but god...makes me miss Ryan something fierce.”

It
took me a moment to work out what she was talking about. Becky didn’t usually
talk that way and her observation was uncomfortably in line with my own
thoughts. I took a swig from the bottle with a shrug, glancing over to Fiona as
I spoke without thinking.

“He’s
lucky to have her.”

“Pfff,
you're all lucky that anyone can put up with your exasperating male
egos.” 

“Hah,
you know how irresistible that masculine charm is to you ladies.”

Her
eyes sparked as she met my gaze, grinning and clinking her beer against mine in
acquiescence.

“Can't
deny it...so you still wrecking the local bars these days?”

My
mind skipped to those familiar haunts; picturing the way I usually blew off
steam after a hard time in some desolate barren with the kind of girls who were
only too eager to throw themselves after those charms. Tonight the idea of that
felt somehow empty and I shrugged, not liking where this was leading.

“Not
so much, Becks - caught up at my stepfather-to-be’s mansion up on the coast
lately.”

“Ah
yes, Dale mentioned. Your mother alright?”

Her
tone was casual, but I couldn’t miss the way her eyes sharpened. She’d never
say a word - none of these guys would - but Becky had very firm ideas on what
being a mother meant. It wasn’t her fault that most of the world didn’t seem to
share them, but my stomach tightened further anyway and I downed a good quarter
of the beer to take the edge off.