Hitman's Revenge (a Forbidden Bad Boy Romance) (17 page)

I
tore
off my leather gloves and fished around in my pocket for my cell phone, frowning as an unfamiliar number displayed. “Hello?”

“You’re an asshole, a bastard and everything in between.”

“Hey A,” I grinned, crossing my arms over my chest. It was freezing out, and a thin leather jacket offered no protection against the brutal wind. “What’s got your panties in a wad?”

“I thought you were better than that,” she said, nearly yelling into the phone. “That poor girl has been through some shit, and now you are going to leave her to raise your bastard alone? You’re trash, Steele.”

A cold shiver went through my veins as I processed her words, the cold no longer my major concern.

“Hazel?” I hadn’t said her name in months. I walked out of the hospital the day after I found out that she was going to survive. It didn’t mean that she didn’t cross my mind ever damn second of every day. But I was too ashamed to face her; leaving her was for the best, I told myself. And I’d made provisions for her—though Colt was dead, she was still a link to me, a pawn that could be used, and so I’d made sure A would get her set up with a new identity, the best that money could buy… an identity that not even I could trace.

I’d also methodically tracked down every last one of Colt’s men that was still left alive after Romano had taken over, and dispatched them to the hell they deserved; taking my time and torturing one in particular who’d been the one to end Nixon’s life. It was the least I could do for Nixon and the love of my life, Hazel.

“Yes, you dumb ass. Hazel. I’m sending you her address, and so help me god, if you don’t do the right thing, I will come hunting for you myself.”

She clicked off and I just stared at the phone, a peculiar feeling coming over me. Hazel was having my baby? Why hadn’t she told me sooner? A was the only one who knew how to get in contact with me… so why now?

Of course I was sure she was pissed about me not being there for her, running like a coward away from her to protect her again. I’d left her to deal with her father’s burial, not even managing to stick around for that. I was scum and I knew it. But running away was all I knew. But a baby? Hazel was going to swell with my child? That was a whole other ballgame, another life to consider.

I ran a hand over my face, the wonderment of what Hazel was going through racing through my mind. Was she sick all the time? Could you already see the bump? Dammit, she was probably glowing.

She was having my baby, and I wasn’t there.

The realization struck me full force, and I rubbed the ache in my chest, the ache that had started the day I walked away from the best damn thing in my life.

Even my work that I practically drowned myself in to try and get her out of my head had lost its appeal. It no longer filled that need… she was the only one that could do that for me now.

“Shit,” I said softly, tucking my phone back into the coat and pulling on my gloves.

I had screwed up, but it was as if a light had finally shone onto me. I knew exactly what I needed to do to make everything right, and I only hoped that Hazel would forgive me.

T
he rain hit the window
, and I forced myself to ignore it, rereading the same line for the twentieth time. I was trying to determine the sex of the baby growing inside me, and based on this list, all of my food choices and cravings pointed towards a boy. Well I hoped so. I wanted a dark hair, blue-eyed baby boy so bad I could taste it. A little piece of Jack.

The thunder boomed, and I put down the book, pulling the cover around me tighter as the little bubble of panic started to rise within. I knew I was perfectly safe in the apartment, but there was still that nagging fear of storms that I couldn’t shake. My shoulder started to burn, and I rotated it like the physical therapist had taught me, knowing that the damp weather was going to flare it up from time to time.

It had been three months since I had awakened in that hospital, finding out that I’d been shot. Then a few weeks later another shock rocked my world when the pregnancy test turned positive in my shaking hands. Both incidents had been a shock, to say the least. The sad thing was there was no other person to share the news with, and when Alice showed up a few hours later at my apartment, I’d cried while she held me, screaming and cursing Jack’s name.

Picking up the blanket with me, I pushed out of the chair and walked over to the balcony, watching as the jagged lightning lit up the sky. The pregnancy had been unplanned, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Now I had this life growing inside of me, but there was no way I could tell Jack that he was going to be a father and expect that he would drop everything to be with me. I couldn’t risk more of the badness of Jack’s life to seep into mine or that of my child’s.

And even so, I was convinced a baby was the last thing he wanted, especially if he didn’t even want me, and it was best to keep that information to myself. Only Alice knew, and she was just as mad at Jack as I was… she wasn’t going to spill the beans. Though perhaps deep down I wanted her to. Alice had become a friend of sorts to me, helping me sell my childhood home and the garage after the funeral, and had eventually found me a nice apartment under my new identity too. I hoped I could finally sort out my life.

She had also named herself Glam-Ma, which I had laughed about over coffee just the other day. “Oh honey, I am too young to be a Grandma,” she had stated. “But I can be a Glam-Ma.” I was truly grateful to have someone still in my life who seemed to care about me and knew about all the shit that had gone on. I couldn’t imagine myself bonding with the other mothers at the clinic and revealing all about my sordid affairs and the life-threatening situations I’d been in… they would think I was insane. “Oh, yes, the father of my child is a cold-blooded hitman,” I could hear myself say to them if they asked. Yeah, better that I kept my circle of friends to a minimum, I thought.

Shaking my head, I turned away from the sliding glass doors and started toward the kitchen. A glass of milk would do me some good and calm my nerves.

“Hazel.”

Startled, I stopped in my tracks, the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up. “W-who’s there?” My cell phone was in the bedroom, charging, and there was nothing within reach that I could use as a weapon. The gun that I’d trained with every week since Jack abandoned me was locked away, too.

From my left a shadow walked across the darkened living room, coming into the soft light of the lamp I’d been using to read by. His face was gaunt and tight with strain, his clothing rumpled and not at all like I remembered. He looked like hell, but he was still as gorgeous as ever. Fury and longing co-mingled within my belly, echoing the clashing storm of thunder and lightning outside.

“How did you find me?”

He stopped advancing, studied me and ran a hand through his hair roughly. It had gotten long, almost brushing the back of his leather jacket. “Alice. You sold the house?”

“I couldn’t live in the past anymore,” I said, attempting to keep my voice from wavering. I had shed all the tears I was going to for him and what might have been. I had other things to live for now. My hand instinctively went to my stomach, and his eyes followed it. The swell of a bump was just visible through my tank top. It had come out of nowhere lately. Damn Alice—had she told him?

“W-why didn’t you tell me?”

His voice was full of emotion, and I blinked back the sudden rush of tears. “Jack, you weren’t there. I didn’t know where you were! You vanished, and that told me all I needed to know about how you felt about me, about us. A baby wasn’t going to change that.”

“I did it to protect you,” he said softly. “Dammit Hazel, look what happened to you! I had to leave. Everything I’ve ever done was to protect you.”

“I don’t need protection, Jack. I needed you! When will you understand that?” I asked, seeing the regret in his eyes. “I’m tired of you trying to protect me, Jack. I was wrong to ask that of you. But I needed
you,
and you left me at my most vulnerable.” He swallowed hard and I sighed, my back starting to hurt from standing. “Why are you here?”

“You’re still wearing the pendant. Do you still love me?”

I took a step back then and clutched at the diamond around my throat, his words slamming into me. “What are you doing to me, Jack? Why are you here? Please just go.”

“I’m asking a simple question,” he replied, taking another step toward me. “Do you still love me? You told me once, you know. I was a fool to not act on it then. But I am asking now. Do you love me, Hazel?”

“I haven’t stopped,” I admitted, feeling the emotions starting to well up inside of me. “I tried to, believe me. You have broken my heart twice, and I don’t care to have that happen again. So please leave.”

“I’m not leaving, Hazel. This time I’m not running away. I know I hurt you,” he said simply, taking a final step; he was inches away. “I was an asshole to do so. I was so wrapped up in trying to keep you safe that I didn’t realize why I was doing it till it was too late. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Hazel.” He then dropped the hardened façade, weariness seeping into his expression. “I’m so damn sorry, Hazel. But I’m not leaving.”

I looked at the man who had tortured my soul for decades, the man who I had prayed for every night since he had left, praying that one day he would find happiness himself. I’d resigned myself to the fact that I would always have a piece of him with the child growing inside me, but I would never have him completely. But now, now I wasn’t so sure what he was offering me.

“What are you saying, Jack?” I asked hesitantly.

“I’m saying I want to be here, with you and our child. I want to watch your belly swell and rub your feet at night when you can’t reach them yourself. I want to be here when you bring him into this world.”

He dropped to his knees, looking up at me with a tender expression on his handsome face. “I want to sleep with you every night in my arms. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to protect you from the thunderstorms and give you the damn world. I will even become a fucking accountant if you tell me to. Just please give me one more chance to prove myself to you. Forgive me, please. I need you. I can’t live in this world without you.”

“You’re a Jack-ass,” I said bitterly, my mouth dry and my head buzzing with his promises, the corners of my lips betraying me. But this was the Jack I’d longed for, this was the vulnerable Jack that I could get used to, but he still hadn’t said the words I needed to hear. I could feel them all around me; I just wanted to hear them come out of his mouth like I had always dreamed.

He laid a hand on my stomach, his large hand splaying over the area with a look of wonderment on his face. “I love you, Hazel. I always have. I’m scared shitless here at the thought of loving you too much, of being responsible for this baby growing inside you. And I know you love me, too.”

He’d said the words. I tried to harden my heart, yet the tears spilled freely.

“Are you sure there’s a baby in there?”

“I have the pictures to prove it,” I said softly, a smile coming across my face. “What about your job, your life, Jack? The danger? This is a full-time, lifetime commitment.” I didn’t want to have him half of the time or have him decide down the road that he wasn’t cut out for this type of quiet, sometimes boring life. I needed to know he was in it for the long haul, or I was better off just cutting it off right now.

“I know that,” Jack said, dropping his hand and pushing himself to a standing position. “I want to be here with both of you. I will do anything. I
will
become a damn accountant as long as I get to have you. I’m going to be one hundred percent committed to you, to this family, Hazel. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I would want anything else.” He reached out and touched my face with his fingers, the touch so light that it brought more tears to my eyes. “God, I knew you would glow. You are so damn gorgeous.”

I burst out into sobs, and he gathered me up in his arms, holding me tightly against him. “I will never ever leave you again, I promise,” he murmured against my forehead. “I love you too damn much.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered against his chest.

He pressed a kiss on my forehead and pulled back, wiping the tears on my cheeks. “Is this crying thing something I am going to have to get used to?” he said, a chuckle escaping his lips.

I nodded and smiled and wrapped my arms around him tighter, making sure that my dreams were actually coming true.

“
D
ammit
!”

The shelf collapsed to the floor, and I fought the urge to kick it, knowing how much Hazel really liked the damn thing. For the last hour I’d been trying to hang it in the baby’s room, but so far, it had refused to go on the wall.

With the impending arrival of William Nixon Steele any day now, Hazel had gone into a frenzy to make sure that everything was perfect in the apartment. She was driving me insane, and I fucking loved every minute of it.

Setting the shelf against the wall, I walked out into the hall in search of my very pregnant wife. Two months ago I had hauled her down to the courthouse and made her legally mine, the small ceremony her idea, with only a few witnesses by our sides as we tied the knot.

Later though, after our son had made his appearance, I planned to hole her up somewhere warm and tropical for a week or two and give her a honeymoon she deserved. The thought of Hazel, naked as a jaybird on a beach somewhere brought a grin to my face. I’d have her every which way on that beach, I knew.

The last six months had been an adjustment for me, not used to having someone around twenty-four seven in my space. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

I thanked someone up above every day that I had come to my senses and that Hazel was willing to take me back even though I’d failed her over and over. Having Hazel here every day, loving someone like me, was something I had never imagined could happen… and yet if I hadn’t been oblivious, I would realized much sooner that she’d loved me since we were young.

I had also gotten used to Alice’s daily visits to the place, so much so that I had bought stock in her new venture, a clothing line for strippers, which so far was making me a killing, allowing me not to have to attempt to be an accountant—thank god. I’d gone into retirement, hung up my killing tools for good, and surprisingly I didn’t miss it like I thought I would.

“Hazel?” I asked as I walked into the bedroom. “What’s wrong, babe?” She was standing on the side of the bed, biting her lip as she looked at the carpet under her feet. “I, um, I think my water just broke.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, the panic starting to rise in my throat. I had tried to mentally prepare for this day, but the suddenness of it sent my mind into a frenzy.

She nodded, and I went into full-fledged panic mode. “Okay, I can do this. I will just call Alice, and we will head to the hospital. This is going to be a piece of cake.”

“Jack.”

“Yeah?” I asked, fumbling with my phone.

“Breathe, honey.”

Where the hell was Alice’s speed dial number? I couldn’t keep the damn thing straight.

“You have the easy job, remember?”

I looked up at my wife and some of the anxiety melted away. She was right, I could do this. She needed me, and I wasn’t going to let her down. She had to bring William into the world, and all I had to do was support her. “I’m sorry,” I blurted out, walking over to her side and pulling her into my arms. “I’m just, hell, I’m scared Hazel. This is really happening. We’re going to be a family.” And I couldn’t have anything happen to her or the baby now, not after my heart was invested so damn much.

“Hey, it will be fine,” she said, patting stroking my cheek. “We’ve got plenty of time yet. Will you get my travel bag? I’ll call Alice.”

I looked down into her eyes and gave her a tender kiss, the emotions welling up inside me at the thought of not only being responsible for her but also this little human that would carry on the family name long after I was gone. I couldn’t fail him. “I love you so damn much.”

“I love you, too,” she smiled, then winced and grabbed her stomach. “Okay, maybe we don’t have that long. Can we go to the hospital now?”

I nodded and grabbed her up in my arms and headed out of the bedroom. I might be a damn good killer and a decent husband, but there was no way I was going to be responsible for delivering my own baby. I had to draw the line somewhere.

“Let’s go meet our son,” I whispered. Hazel had changed my world for the better and made my realize I was in fact worthy of her—though I still doubted it on occasion—but William, my son, I had a whole lot to prove to him. I was going to be the best father I could, and I would never let him down… I would be there every single minute of every day, loving him and protecting him till my very last breath.