Hold Me (17 page)

The boys stood behind me in silence and knew nothing they could say would make the sight before me any easier. We needed to leave, get far away from the beacon that my home had become, before it attracted more unwelcome visitors, both alive and undead. But I couldn't bring myself to move. Each time I left my family home I knew it was a place I could return. Even the times I swore to myself I never would. It was the one thing I could always count on. I could always go home.

Until now
.

I'd lost so much over the previous two years, everything that was ever important in my world. I thought that house would be the only thing that ever meant anything, until I met Will. He showed me a whole new world. He showed me that it was okay to get close, to let people in, because even if they did die, I would be better for having them in my life, even if it was only for a brief time.

And he was right.

But that house. It was my family, my childhood, my parents. It was my safe haven from a world gone mad. And it was gone.

The top floor of the house collapsed on itself with a crash. Will took my hand and pulled me back into the road to get me away from the debris. Junk on the front lawn began to catch fire and he was probably afraid for our safety. The fire spread to the house next door and I wondered if the whole neighborhood would be gone, erased, like it never even existed.

"Andi, we need to go." Derek put his hand on my shoulder and tried to be gentle.

I wanted to turn, walk away, stop watching the horror before me, but my feet refused to cooperate. All I could do was stand there and even that was difficult. I was afraid that at any moment, my legs would give out and I'd be on my knees in the street.

"I know this is hard, but it's not safe to stay here." Derek sighed and took my hand to lead me to the truck. I tripped over my own feet as my brain struggled to entertain any thought but the scene in front of me. "Sweetheart, I'm going to carry you." He lifted me into his arms, grabbed my bags, and placed me into the back seat of his jeep.

Will climbed in beside me while Dan and Derek got in up front. We pulled away from the house slowly, just as the first floor of the house started to give way. I took one last look, and buried my face into Will's chest.

***

When I was about six, I sat in the front yard playing with these little plastic pigs that were my most favorite things in the world. My Dad was doing some work on the fence after Mom backed into it with her new car. I was probably the first to notice the smoke coming out of the house across the street. It was an older house, small and not in very good shape, nothing like the other houses in our neighborhood. An old woman lived there alone with about twelve cats. She wasn't very nice and on Halloween she put up a sign that said 'Keep Out'.

I was young, so when I saw the smoke, I wasn't really sure what was going on. It wasn't until I noticed the flames that it occurred to me to say something. I jumped up, leaving my piggies in the grass, and ran to my Dad to tell him what I saw. He immediately dashed into the house and called for help, then went across the street to see if he could get the old lady out. He couldn't. The house burned nearly to the ground before the fire department even arrived.

Later that night, I realized I didn't have my little pigs so I ran outside to get them from the front yard where I'd left them earlier in the day. At first, I didn't realize what had happened. Right where I left them, was a pancake of melted pink plastic. It was the color of my pigs, but it certainly wasn't them. My Dad came outside to see what I was doing out there and got the lucky job of explaining to me that my beloved pigs melted from the heat of the fire across the street.

At first I was sad about my piggies, but then I started to think about the old lady. In my mind I could see her melting into a puddle on the floor, which was quite horrifying for a six year old. When I started to cry and told my Dad why, he explained that wasn't what happened and that she probably just went to sleep from the smoke and never woke up. It was a little better in my mind, but I still had nightmares.

I thought our house was going to catch on fire and we would all melt like my pigs, or go to sleep and never wake up. One day my Dad came home with new pigs, identical to the ones I had. He promised me that I had nothing to worry about, that our house was never going to catch fire and if it did, we would get out and be fine. He let me help him install smoke detectors in every single room of the house and explained how they worked. After that I was fine. He did promise after all. And my Dad always kept his promises.

"Andi, wake up." Will shook my arm and whispered into my ear.

I opened my eyes and looked around. Dan was outside the jeep holding my bags with a sad look on his face. It didn't look like the military base, but my vision was still blurry from sleep. I thought about asking where we were, but in all honesty, I just didn't care.

"We're at Jay and Mira's. We thought you'd rather go there for now." Will lifted me out of the jeep with one arm, and carried me across the street to the cafe where Jay and Mira would be at that hour.

I looped my arm around his neck and rested my face against his shoulder. It was exactly the place I would rather be, but at that moment, I just wanted to be away from the whole world. I didn't want to talk, or explain, or do anything other than close my eyes and forget the previous couple days.

Jay and Mira sat at the table, matching concerned looks on their faces. I guessed that one of the guys went in and explained what was going on before they woke me. Will deposited me into a chair and Mira immediately came over and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to cry and let her comfort me, but the tears wouldn't come.

"I'm so sorry hon. The boys told us about your house. You can stay here for as long as you want. You know you're welcome here like it's your own home." Her smile was warm and genuine, motherly, even though she wasn't anywhere near old enough to be my mother.

I looked at her and sighed. It was all I could manage.

"She's not really saying much yet." Dan put his hand on my shoulder, the warmth of his touch was comfort enough for that moment.

Mira nodded as if she understood. "Well it's probably a good idea to get her cleaned up and let her rest a while. You guys can get yourselves set up in the usual place." She turned to Derek and continued. "Are you going to be staying with us too?"

"Just for the night ma'am. Then I'll be heading back to the base. I have some things to take care of, but I'll be back to check in on them."

"Okay, well you're welcome here any time as well." Mira gave him a smile and disappeared into the back to check on the girls.

My feet were working again, so I followed Will across the street to the old physical therapy offices where the bedrooms were set up. We left our stuff in one of the rooms and went to the bathroom to clean up. We were covered in soot and filth from the fire and my hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in weeks.

There was a large therapy tub in the room and the thought of a long hot bath was appealing, but I was pretty sure the only place in town with hot water was the cafe. And a long cold bath didn't sound anything like pleasant.

Will found us some washcloths and we cleaned up the best we could. His hot pink cast had turned a dull ashen pink, but seeing it still brought a tiny smile to my face.

"Was that a smile?"

I nodded.

He looked down to where my eyes fell and realized it was the cast that had my attention. "Seriously? The pink cast again?" He shrugged and flashed me a crooked smile. "Babe, if it will make you smile right now, I'll put on a frigging pink tutu and ballet slippers."

I knew Dan would want to see that.

He squatted down to my level and took my hands in his. "I'm so sorry about your house, and those guys, and everything that's happened lately. I wish I could just keep you safe."

I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his. Will did everything in his power to protect me and nothing that happened was his fault. I wanted him to know that he did keep me safe, that just being close to him was my equivalent to safe in the world we lived in. He had nothing to feel guilty about, but his face told me that was exactly how he felt.

As I sat there, feeling him breathe against my face, it all became clear. It was just a house. It hurt that it was gone, but the importance I placed on it meant nothing. My parents were already gone. My childhood, my memories, my old life— it was all gone. But I had what mattered, Will, Dan, and a group of people who cared about me so much that they'd risk their lives to be there for me or offer me their home as my own. I had everything that meant anything.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and slid off the chair into his lap on the floor. I was already home, there with Will.

"I love you," I whispered against him. And that was all that mattered.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Hey sleepyhead. I thought you were going to sleep the entire day away. How ya feeling?" Mira wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

The hug was painful, but I needed it more than I needed to physically feel okay. "I guess I was tired."

I sat down at the table in the cafe and she spooned some food into a bowl for me to eat.

"You've been through a lot, so I'm sure your body needs it. I sure hope that doesn't hurt as much as it looks like it does." She looked over my face and scrunched up her nose.

I still hadn't looked at my face, but by the looks her and Jay gave me, I knew it wasn't pretty.

"It's not so bad. The cracked rib is worse. How have you guys been?" I spooned the food into my mouth, suddenly more hungry than I'd been in days.

"We've been good. Settling in with Izzy. She's a real sweet kid. Jenny's been thrilled to have someone her age around."

"I'm really glad it's working out." When we dropped Izzy off with Jay and Mira, I hoped for the best. Trauma left her skittish and not talking, but she really seemed to blossom in the short amount of time.

"The guys haven't said much, but you know you're all welcome to stay. Permanently, I mean." Her face was serious and hopeful at the same time.

"We haven't really talked about it. It's not like I can go home." Sadness nipped at my insides and my eyes fell to the table. I knew that house wasn't what really mattered, but it still hurt to know it was gone for good.

"Okay, well let me rephrase that then. I'd really like it if you guys stayed here." Her eyes fell to the ceramic coffee cup in front of her as she chipped at the crack on the handle with her fingernail. "Don't get me wrong, we do all right here, but this was never the plan. To just have a few of us, I mean. We wanted a community. We're prepared for a group of people to live together. Not a big one, like you're used to at the base, but certainly more than four."

The moment I came upon Jay and Mira, I knew theirs was a place that I could see myself calling home. It wasn't
my
home, like back at the basement, but it was cozy and safe. It felt like a home, like a community.

"I'll talk to the guys about it. I'm sure Derek will go back to the base, but I don't really think Will and Dan have that intention."

"Me and Dan don't have what intention?" Will asked as he walked into the cafe and sat down next to me.

"To go back to the base. Mira wants us to stay here, for good." I tried to stand to take my bowl to the sink, but Mira took it from my hands and motioned for me to sit back down.

"I think it's a good idea and we both know Dan will stay where you are."

Mira brought her hand to her hip and raised an eyebrow. "Are you two still being shit heads? Because If there's any more of that jealousy crap, I'm gonna have Jay kick both your asses."

I had to laugh, despite the pain my broken rib punished me with. "Yeah the last time we were here, they were being total asshats."

"I promise, we're past that." He held up three fingers like some sort of scout honor code. "Nearly dying kind of puts things into perspective."

Mira pressed her lips together and nodded. "Yes it certainly does."

***

It was a tradition at Jay and Mira's, to sit around a fire out behind the cafe in the evenings and decompress from the day. Unless it was raining or bitter cold, each night they sat together to enjoy each other and the world around them.

Derek was the last one to join us and he looked around the group a little confused. Normally, fire was something to be cautious with, especially after dark. It didn't so much get the attention of flesh eaters as it did the living, and as we already knew, it was the living that could be most brutal. At Jay and Mira's place however, the setup of the buildings did a good job of providing cover and Jay's traps set all over the small town made it unlikely that anyone was going to get close enough for it to make a difference.

"What the heck is the name of this town anyway? It gets a little tedious always calling it 'Jay and Mira's place'," I asked as I pushed the wood around in the fire with a long stick.

"Ironically enough, Hopewell." Jay pulled Mira against him and shivered.