Hold Me (19 page)

I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not, if she was pregnant. After losing her children to the outbreak, maybe it would be too painful to have more. Or maybe she wanted more, but was afraid of losing them too. I couldn't even imagine being pregnant at that time. Sure I wanted that someday, but in my head, it was after the world got to be a better place, at least somewhat.

I ran over to the stove to shut off the burners so I didn't completely destroy the meal, then sat down next to Mira while she let the pregnancy idea sink in.

"Maybe it's nothing. I mean, you're getting older, right? Cycles change and—"

"Andi, I'm not
that
old." She glared at me a moment, then dropped her head into her hands.

"I'm sorry. Well we need to get a test. You don't happen to have any do you?"

There was an old pharmacy in the part of town we called home, but most of its contents had been cleared out in the early days of the outbreak. Jay told us about the looters who came through the first week before his group secured the town. Maybe they had no need for pregnancy tests.

"It's possible. I'm not really sure what's left in there. One of the women who was here with us sorted a lot of it out and fixed what the looters did. I don't really go in there much. We've been very lucky in the health department." She knocked on the wood table a few times. "I've still got the same bottle of aspirin that I had when the outbreak started."

"Okay, well we should just check. No sense worrying about it for nothing." I got up to go check, but she grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving.

"Andi?"

"Yeah?"

Fear filled her eyes and she suddenly looked like a scared child, not at all in character for her.

"I don't know. I… What if I am?"

I gave her my best comforting smile and rubbed my hand over her shoulder. "Hey now, whatever happens, we'll deal with it. Let's just find you a test so we can know if there's even anything to worry about. You just relax and I'll go see what I can find."

She released my wrist and nodded.

***

The small pharmacy was on the far end of town, which really wasn't too far. It was a small town, well, the part we used was. The rest of Hopewell extended through some wooded area and across the interstate where the residential area was. For our purposes though, the town was about a quarter mile long, small enough to easily manage security, and big enough to have what we needed.

The cafe was where we ate and generally hung out. The physical therapy office was across the street, and was where we slept. There were some various stores, a pool hall, and the town square, where I liked to go when I needed some quiet time away to think, or just enjoy the last days of sunshine we had before we had to start worrying about snow and freezing cold.

I made my way past Jay's traps and slipped into the pharmacy. The shelves were nearly bare, but there were items here and there. I walked up and down the aisles and checked each box or package I found. There were plenty of adult diapers and personal lubricant. I guessed those weren't big looter items. I'd nearly given up hope when I found a section with a few boxes of pms pills and two pregnancy tests. I grabbed both boxes and the lone roll of Life Savers I found hidden behind some empty protein bar boxes, and hurried back to Mira.

When I walked back into the cafe, she shot me an alarmed look and shook her head behind Jay. He was going on about the hunt and not paying attention to her. I figured she didn't want him to see the pregnancy test just yet, so I slipped it into the pocket on my hoodie and slid into one of the chairs at the table.

"I thought you were helping out with cooking? Mira is supposed to be taking it easy." He shot me an annoyed look and went back to cleaning his most recent kill.

"Sorry, I had to take care of something."

"Yeah, Mira. You were supposed to be here taking care of her."

"Jay, I'm sorry. I was only gone a few minutes. I'll finish dinner when you're done there."

He raised an eyebrow and peered into the pot on the stove. "Yeah about that, maybe we should let Dan finish up."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, before looking over at Dan. He shrugged and tried to force a small smile. "Oh, whatever." I huffed and got up from the table. "Mira, why don't I walk over with you so you can take a nap. Didn't you say you were getting tired?"

She stood up slow, looking a bit dizzy again, and paused so she didn't get any attention. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

Dan noticed something was up right away and shot me a confused look, but luckily didn't say anything. Jay continued on with the meat, as we hurried out of the cafe and over to the physical therapy office.

"Thanks. I don't want to say anything to Jay until I know one way or the other."

"Do you want more kids?"

Mira thought for a minute, then took a deep breath before answering. "I do. Losing my kids was the hardest thing I could even imagine. The idea of bringing more into this screwed up world only to risk losing them again… I don't know. It scares me."

I could understand that. I wasn't ready to start having kids, but when the time came, I'd probably have the same concerns. Not that I shouldn't have been considering the possibilities anyway. Accidents happen, clearly, and there was always a possibility that I could end up pregnant long before I was ready to be.

I handed Mira one of the pregnancy tests and she disappeared into the bathroom. I sat down on the floor outside the door to wait for news.

"Does Jay want more kids?" I called through the thin door.

After a minute of silence, she pulled the door open and joined me on the floor to wait. "Uh, we've never really talked about it. Jay has a really difficult time talking about the kids. I'm not sure he could survive losing another child. I seriously think it would break him. Permanently."

She held the plastic stick out for me to take and clasped her hands over her eyes.

"How long did it say to wait?"

She shrugged. "I didn't even look. I'm too anxious. You check it."

Nervous flutters invaded my stomach and my heart jumped wildly against my chest. I could only imagine how Mira felt if I was that nervous for her. Not sure how long the test needed, I held it firmly in my hand a few moments before peering down at it. I wasn't sure what the right result would be, but I hoped that whatever it was, it would work out for the best.

"I can't take it, Andi! Just tell me what it says."Mira reached her hand down and gripped the bottom of my hoodie so tight that it pulled the neck down tight against my throat.

There were two small wells with markings, the first had a minus sign and the other a plus.

What the hell did that mean
?

"Um, okay, I think it's ready, but—"

"Tell me!"

"I, uh, don't really know what this means. I think it's confused."

"Huh?" Mira opened her eyes and pulled the stick from me.

"It's got a plus and minus, so maybe it didn't work or something."

She dropped the stick to the floor and her face drained of color. "It worked."

I picked up the stick and expected to see something different, but it still had the same two contradictory markings. "How do you know?"

She sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. "The first one is a control, kid. It's positive."

***

I sat with Mira on the hall floor for a long time before she agreed to get up and actually go take a nap. I wasn't sure she would get any sleep, but it was cold on the floor and my leg was starting to cramp up from sitting there.

Dan caught up with me just outside the physical therapy office and gave me a curious look. "You've been gone a long time. Mira get settled okay?"

"Yeah we were just talking. You manage to salvage the dinner?"

Dan shook his head and looked at the ground to hide his smile. "Andi, you really need to learn some cooking skills. How can you be
that
bad?"

"I'm not that bad." I had to hold back my own smile, because I knew that I was.

"Yeah you are." Dan and I both burst into laughter at the same time.

"Okay, yeah I am." I pushed against him with my shoulder. "Maybe I just need more experience."

Dan opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again and smiled.

"What?"

"Nope. I'm going to just stay quiet."

We walked over to the middle of the town square. There was an old flagpole and a giant rock that held a plaque with names of townspeople who died in some forgotten battle. I climbed up on the rock to sit like many before me probably had.

"What was going on back in the cafe?" Dan settled against the rock with his back to me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on now, love. I know when you are acting weird. Something was going on with you and Mira, then you both disappeared for like an hour. Spill it."

"I can't."

He turned to look at me with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean, you can't?"

Dan was the easiest person to talk to that I'd ever met. We often shared anything and everything during our several hour long talks, learning things about each other that no one else knew. But this wasn't mine to share.

"Exactly what I said. It's just girl stuff. I'm sure you will find out at some point."

He looked over me and thought for a moment. "Is it something I need to know?"

"I promise, it has nothing to do with either of us. Hey where's Will? I haven't seen him in hours."

"Right now he's with Jay. And don't think I didn't notice that you changed the subject on purpose."

"I should probably go find him."

I hopped off the rock and Dan grabbed my wrist. "Andi?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can still talk to me, right?" His eyes were sad, scared almost.

I smiled and reached up to stroke his cheek. "Of course I do. You'll always be my best friend, dork."

CHAPTER TWENTY

Mira slept, or at least stayed in her room, for the rest of the day. Jay took a plate of food to her after we finished dinner and it was the last we saw of him too. My guess was, she was telling him the news. They emerged for the evening fire ritual looking like their usual love-bird selves, hand in hand. I shot her a questioning look and she smiled, so I assumed he knew, but I wasn't going to say anything until she confirmed it.

We gathered around the fire behind the cafe, bundled up for the cold, and discussed the day. I took my usual spot with Will and leaned back against his warm chest. I hadn't gotten to spend enough time with him and I wanted to soak in every bit of him I could.

Will and Jay gave everyone the details of the new traps and stressed to the two girls how important it was to make sure they paid close attention so no one got hurt. We also found out that there was probably some outsiders nearby. While Jay and Dan were out hunting they noticed some tracks and a couple traps were set off. The traps were nothing unusual, animals managed to get into them all the time, but this time was different. They found a shred of denim in one with some blood. It wasn't enough to do much damage, more of a warning to keep out, but it let us know humans had been by.

The guys didn't seem overly concerned with it, but something in the pit of my stomach told me it might not be so harmless. Ever since those three psychos invaded the basement, I haven't felt like anything or anywhere, was safe. It was probably a better way to view the world anyway. My basement was this magical, untouchable place that was safe from the rest of the world. No matter how bad it was on the outside, inside nothing could hurt me. Or at least that was how I looked at it back then.

While the group went on about an old story about a guy who used to live with them, I looked up at Will and whispered. "You sure that's not something we should be worried about?"

"I hope not. I think Jay just doesn't want to worry everyone, but he actually seemed more concerned about it when he told me earlier. He wants to set up an extra level of security around the perimeter, so he's not taking it lightly. Just be careful, okay?" He waited for me to nod, then flashed me a small smile.

Mira sat in between Jay's legs and he wrapped his arms around her. They usually sat close, touching in some way, but that night they were different. Even Jenny was giving them funny looks.

"What's up with you two tonight?" Jenny asked and passed around a jar filled with homemade marshmallows to roast in the fire. "You're being extra gross."

Jay laughed and kissed the top of Mira's head. She looked up at him and smiled, her face filled with love. No longer in a state of panic, a calmness flowed over her and I couldn't help but smile for them.

"So I guess we have some news that we should share." Mira sat up a little straighter and beamed at the group. She had everyone's attention, but she paused a moment, as if she were savoring the news a little longer before she shared it with the world. "You guys know I haven't been feeling well all week. I thought it was just a stomach bug or something, but after talking with Andi today, well…"