Holding On (13 page)

“
Shower Sweetheart, up you
get!”  

He slides out of me and I can feel
what he’s left behind dripping down my thighs.

So damn sexy!  

He grabs my arms and pulls me up into
him, now as we are both standing he wraps his arms around me, as if
it’s sinking in what we have done.  He’s holding me out a bit
from his body, taking mental inventory of me inch by inch always
silently asking if I’m okay.  

“
I’m okay, Shame.
 You didn’t hurt me.”

Instantly his face relaxes and he
leans into me again, pulling me close and whispers in my ear, “I
love your face my baby, thank you for being here.”
 

He lets me go and points toward the
shower.  I walk ahead of him, only to feel a big slap to my
ass.  I turn to him to give my retaliation but I can’t do
anything, I’m staring at that grin.  Jesus Mother Mary he’s a
sight after he’s been sated.  Just fucked hair, beads of sweat
on those temples running down that strong jaw.  All mine.
 Yum.

We are in the shower, and I’m trying
not to ruin a moment but my curiosity is unfortunately looking for
a cat to kill.

“
Shame, what was that?”
 I motion back to the bedroom then between him and
me.

“
No, I’m not asking in the
literal sense, I want to know what we are, you and I?  Am I
still someone’s little sister that you just happened to have
fucked?  Am I something you now would consider a Club kind of
whore?  Is there some type of fuck arrangement we make going
forward?  I don’t like the idea of sharing you but understand
if variety is what you need.  You’re used to having that and
I’m not asking for you to change.”

I’m trying to sound nonchalant but I
hear myself and I actually sound like a scared 16 year old right
after losing her virginity to the football captain and wants to
face the brush off head on.  

Damn.

I’m so lost in my own thoughts of me
and my whiney self I have missed the fact that Shame is rinsing off
at a pace that could break records and he’s fixing to leave the
shower!  What the hell?

“
Shame? Where are you
going?”  I’m puzzled. What in the world just
happened?

“
I’m going to get a
fucking drink, Mace.  I’m going to leave your ass up here to
decide which of those fucking ridiculous choices you want us to be.
 You just told me variety is what I need, maybe you’re right.
 Finish your shower, dammit!  Fuck me Sweetheart; you can
be so damn stupid!  Thank you for ruining this.”

He gestures between us like I just did
a few seconds ago before I put my foot in my mouth.  With that
poof, he slams the bathroom door and I hear muttered curses as I
presume he’s dressing.  Oh well hell!

I’m done with my shower, I’ve cleaned
up the best I can.  The room smells of smoke, sex and Shame.
 His room always smells of this combination and thinking of
this makes me a little nauseous.  Jesus, now I’m wondering how
many fucks he’s had on that bed, in this room, with those same
Goddamn sheets.  I let him take me bare tonight as well.
 I actually didn’t let him do anything; one doesn’t ‘let’
Shame do anything.  Shame wants, Shame takes.

No sense waiting, he’s been gone
nearly an hour and it doesn’t look like he’s coming back anytime
soon.  I pack my purse and head out to the common area; I need
to get out of this room.

I came here to talk to Hem so as I
entered the still populated common party area I look around for
either Sadey or Hem.  Suppose it probably doesn’t matter at
this point who I see first because I need to talk to each of them.
 I want to see Hem first, having my glue back will help me
patch things up with Sadey and Shame. Again though, they are
nowhere to be found.   

I see Ace sitting at the bar.  He
sees me and oh and look at those brown eyes roll.  It is kind
of funny.  Big, bald, tattooed, macho stud giving me an eye
roll.  I must rank pretty high to get one of those!

“
Have you seen Shame?
 I don’t see anyone else around that I umm, would want to umm,
interrupt.”

Party still in full swing and all,
bodies everywhere and moans are the music.  Now that I think
about it, I’m a bit surprised to never have seen Ace with one of
these Club hookers. Not going to give it another thought though,
because I honestly just don’t care enough about him to ask why he
remains alone all the time.  

“
Yep I have.” He grins.
 Fucker wants to play. So he’s still pouting over my fit the
last time I saw him, it’s been three hours buddy, move
on.

“
Well... Where might have
you seen him?”  

“
Not
really a where or with whom, more of a where and
in
whom.”
 

What. The. Fuck.  I wasn’t
expecting that.  I don’t deserve that.  What I said to
Shame was real, made of innocence and fear because I know how the
Club members and woman work and I was just trying to find out where
I fit in, but instead he comes down here for his ‘drink’ and ends
up with some fucking Club piece?  Hell. No.  I don’t even
think he’s washed me off of him yet. That thought then enrages
me.

I look at Ace, he’s still grinning,
fucking smug bastard.  I flip him off in as ladylike manner as
can be done and walk to the door throwing it open and head straight
for my car.  Jesus, how did I get here?  

Giving up on talking to Hem or Sadey
tonight I make my way home.  I need to be alone, I curse
myself because should have never have let Sade talk me into getting
off that couch and out of my pink penguin jammies!  Right now
I am thankful that Sadey has no idea how to do laundry, this means
my faithful little penguins are where I left them in my hamper!
 First break I’ve caught all night, yay for me.

Chapter
Seven
:

“
I'm not unfaithful, darling. I've
plenty of faults but I'm very faithful. You'll be sick of me I'll
be so faithful”
--Ernest Hemingway

The Ride home was unbearable.
 With only my tears to keep me company and promises of my
penguins giving me comfort, I could only replay the night’s events
in my head.  Hem dammit, I need to see Hem.  Get our shit
straight so I can have my glue.  Where the hell could he
be?

When I pull up to our house, I see
Sadey’s car parked outside.  I am relieved to see her car but,
God I really hope I didn’t ruin her entire night.  I thought
she was going inside to the party as I was when she left me after
our fight.  She must have left while I was busy with
Shame.

My stomach turns a bit at
the thought of him.  Wonder what the hell he’s doing or better
yet, who he’s doing now.  I’m mentally running the list of
Club sluts in my head.  Kegs, Cherry, Winnie, Bloom... oh, I
mean Slut, Skank, Snatch, and Whore.  I’m pissed and now
acting like a child. Oh my god, I need to stop!

Walking in, the house is dark.
 No lights are on in the front room or kitchen.  I hear
whispers from the hallway.  This is weird.  I feel
nervous in my own house now.  I turn on every light in the
front room and hallway.  I head down and hear the whispers
again, coming from Sadey’s room.  Oh please do not tell me
that Ace beat me here, cause if that’s the man’s voice I can hear
whispering I will friggin come apart and I don’t care if that is a
good look on me or not!

Rethinking my predicament, and
deciding to mind my own business, because what she said earlier was
probably true.  I have so much shit stirring in my own life, I
don’t have time to meddle in hers.  Also I’m 99% sure it isn’t
Ace I hear, so I’m going to stay out of it.

I pass her room when I hear a man say,
“Come back over here, Sadey Girl.  You’re not leaving this bed
until I’ve told you that you’re leaving this bed and I’m still
hungry for you.”  

I stop in my dead in my tracks.
 I am going to bust someone’s ass!  Not only do I know
that voice, I have been looking for that fucking voice all night
long.  That voice is what led me to Shame and led me also to
the most beautiful yet horrible ending to a night in my
life.

“
HELL NO!  PATRICK
COLLINS GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THAT ROOM, RIGHT MOTHER FUCKING
NOW.”

I am cursing and roaring like a mother
bear and I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything or anyone else
within hearing distance other than that little shit on the other
side of that door!  I pace up and down the hall in front of
Sadey’s room.  It is taking everything in this moment for me
not to just chop the door down and with the adrenaline running
through me right now, due to all the nights events I have no doubt
I could do it.

Then I hear it.  Sadey starts
raving into hysterics.  If I weren’t so fucking pissed off
right now I would be laughing, at least smirking.  I mean the
woman is scrambling.  Scared Sadey is like a normal Sadey on
five energy drinks.  It’s a lethal cocktail and those within
an earshot had better guard their children.  Sadey doesn’t
cuss a lot, only when she’s scared or upset. Right now, she’s
terrified.  I want to laugh so bad right now, but I’m pissed
at Hem.  Hell I’m pissed at them both!

“
Fuck fuck fuck, it’s
Mace, she’s home.  She’s here Hem, and she’s pissed the hell
off.  Fuck fuckity fuck fuck!  Have you seen that woman
when she’s livid?  It is bad Hem, always bad, something to
never witness.  Fuck fuck fuck!  Why are you fucking just
lying there smiling?  Dammit you heifer get up and dressed.
 That woman has no problem coming in here and chopping your
damn dick off and then offering it to you for breakfast!  You
know how she is, come on!”

“
Hem, hurry the fuck up!”
 I’m growing tired of waiting and now I hear that little prick
is smiling?  I have a lot on my mind and the sooner I get a
load off it the better!  Finally he arrives at the bedroom
door as I stand there in the hall waiting.

“
The fuck is your problem,
Mace?”

Oh and doesn’t he look
just well fucked.  He’s wearing only jeans, his chest is
completely covered in tattoos and it’s a rare thing for me to see
him in this condition and I mentally chastise myself for picturing
what lead him to me without his clothes or cut on.  Although,
as pissed as I am I must confess that if he wasn’t my brother I
would say that the sex of Sadey Lyons agrees with him.
  Wait that means... she...Oh god... Hem... FUCK!
 Sadey senses what I am thinking, and steps in front of Hem,
meaning to protect him from my fury.  If I wanted at him, she
couldn’t stop me.

“
You did not just... tell
me Sadey Lyons….you didn’t... Fuckin A... you and him... you did
not just give him your V card?” I’m screeching!

I’m scared for her response, but I
don’t have to wait because she’s smirking at me now and here it
comes.

“
Yep, I sure did. I am no
longer a cherry lovin’ woman.”  No, don’t put it like that.
Gag.  

“
C'mon Mace, his name has
been the only one on that card for as long as I can remember.
 You know it, he knew it, and everyone knew it.  I think
even my mother and Gerald at the damn post office knew it!
“

She looks back to find his face behind
her, she smiles and I see an odd look on his face.  It isn’t a
look I’m familiar with in regards to Hem.  He’s actually
fucking smiling.  Holy Shit.  My badass brother and the
President of Peril, is fucking standing in front of me right now
and he’s GIDDY like a damn schoolboy.  The man has had
countless women, sometimes even sharing at the same time with
Shame.  I’m talking male whores can’t compare to my brother.
 

Now, I laugh! Out loud, hysterics,
belly laugh.

“
Mace, what the fuck is
wrong with you woman?”  

Hem looks a little pissed.  I try
to regroup but hell, I can’t.  I’m doubled over now, trying to
get away from them and heading to the living room.  I’m about
to pee my pants, stomach cramps are now starting.  

Sadey comes after me now in a slow
walk.  Maybe I will bite her for good measure, keep her on her
toes.  This makes me laugh harder but I am serious in my
attempts to regain composure.

Finally catching my breath
I start to educate them on what is making me laugh, “My best friend
and my brother finally, FINALLY get their shit together and are
standing in front of me, both half-dressed mind you, after you have
taken her into womanhood and you are smiling, both of you.
 I’m sorry, it’s just ironic, because Shame and I did the
EXACT same thing, minus the whole ‘V card’, sorry honey but it’s
true, and our night ended with him leaving me in the shower to go
let some Club whore to suck me off his cock.  So please
understand that this laugh is the only thing holding my shit
together since my brother Hem, took my glue!” I point at Hem
directly for added effect.  

Okay so my rant may have been a little
over the top.  They are both looking at me like I have lost my
mind.  Hem steps in front of Sadey and now stands between her
and me in the living room.  

“
Sister, shut your fucking
maniac mouth and let me think for a damn for a second.
 Brother got a whole lotta fucked up information to process
just now.  Give a guy a minute.  All you Goddamn women
are insane.”

He runs his hands through his hair in
exasperation.  Good buddy, I’m glad. Now you got a taste of
how women see men!