Holding on to Heaven (31 page)

"Well damnation, he isn't just your son, you know. I gave birth to him while you were off fighting."

He cupped her face. "I never knew. I swear to you with all that's holy, if I had the slightest inkling, I wouldn't have left you."

"What are we going to do?" Tears brimmed in her eyes.

A long breath escaped him. "When the time is right, I want you to tell Estelle. Hell, tell everyone."

She laid her hand over his. "Give me some time. They've all been through so much."

"I'm an impatient man, Lauren, but for you, I'll wait until hell freezes over if I have to."

"You won't have to" She kissed him. "I promise."

* * * *

Much to their credit, her sister and Wanapaya said nothing the following morning when Lauren rode in front of Creed on his horse. Her thoughts wandered throughout the day. Her desire to see little Finn and Aunt Estelle became an aching need, even knowing when she arrived home, Uncle Mason would not be there to greet her.

As for the mess she'd created—marrying Brand while carrying Creed's child—there would be plenty of time to haul herself over the coals for that major faux pas.

Creed retreated into the dark, mercurial side of his nature as they plodded along. No doubt lost in his own recriminations over Finn's death and attempting to deal with the other great losses in his life, she didn't push him for conversation.

Lauren put her head back against his hard chest and drifted off. The sun hung low on the horizon when the harsh screech of an animal jolted her awake.

"It's just an owl," Creed said.

"Sorry," she whispered. "Sudden noises make me jumpy."

"I imagine that won't change any time soon," he said, showing genuine care.

"We camp here for the night," Wanapaya said.

Chapter Twenty

Creed felt Lauren's body tremble when they rode into Full Circle. The outbuildings lay in charred ruins and a handful of Mason's herd occupied the paddock. He tightened his arm around her. "Don't think about it, little one, and look, there's the front porch."

A familiar voice called out near the barn. "Lawdy, Miss Lauren! I sure is glad to see ya!" A broad smile lit Biddle's face. "Miss Estelle in the house, along with Miss Polly an'¾"

Creed slid from the mount and lifted her down from the horse. "My mother is here?"

"Yassuh, Master Creed. She done made it to Fort Ridgely, crawlin' part of the way. Picked up by a wagon, an' rode into the fort. She done shot in the hip an' weeble-wobblin' but¾"

He sprinted toward the porch. "Ma! Ma!"

Aided by a cane, Polly emerged from the house. "Creed! Thank the Almighty!" She cupped his face with her palms.

After a lengthy embrace, he helped her to the rocker, sat down beside her and waited for her to regain her composure. "Biddle rode over to the homestead last week, what's left of it."

Creed leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Knowing Pa loved the rustle of the wind, I buried him and Minnie by the walnut stand."

Her eyes shut. "Our little Minnie is at rest now with Pa and Finn."

Why hadn't she mentioned Brand?

He pulled the locket from his pocket. "Ma, open your eyes. I have something for you." He handed her the bauble. "Finn never went into battle without it, called this his four-leaf clover."

She opened the case and stared at the tintype, her gray eyes filled with unspeakable loss. Creed had looked at the picture a hundred times before battle too—his father, mother, and all their children smiling.

Lauren trudged up the porch steps, leaned down and embraced Polly. Neither spoke, but just held one another until both regained their poise.

"The Indian trials begin next week," Polly said. "I'm praying we find out about Brand."

Lauren's mouth moved, but the words died somewhere between her tongue and the air. His feelings ran the gamut between hope and dread.

"The burial detail searched the woods for days." Polly looked off. "Found everyone but him."

"What are you saying, Ma?"

"Harvey claims Brand could have fought his way out." Her eyes took on a wistful look. "I have this silly feeling¾call it mother's intuition¾he's alive, Creed."

"Ma, please listen to me. I know you've lost so much, and you want to believe Brand is alive, but Harvey's wrong."

His mother pinched her lips shut and looked from Lauren to him. The unsettling silence caused Creed to shift in the chair, and Lauren's face had gone whiter than bed sheets.

His mother took a breath and added, "Estelle sent a wagon to the fort for me and another to Mankato to retrieve Jack and the girls."

As if her words could produce them, Estelle and Creed's siblings rushed onto the porch. Lauren flew into her aunt's arms, mindful of the sling wrapped around Estelle's shoulder.

"Lauren! He promised to bring you back to us," she cried amid the tears falling down Lauren's cheeks. "My Mace is gone, dear. Whatever will we do?"

Lauren pulled back and touched her aunt's face with her fingers. "I know, Aunt Estelle, we'll miss him terribly." She looked toward the corral. "I tried to save his horses, but..."

"Horses!" Estelle said. "Except for Adobe, they're all replaceable, dear."

Creed turned from the women and embraced his siblings, distracted once more when Nelly walked onto the porch with Finn on her hip. The servant wasted no time in joining the embrace between Lauren and Estelle.

Finn had enough of the wet kisses from his mother in short order and squirmed to get down from Nelly's embrace.

"You saved him, Nelly," Lauren said, watching her son waddle around the porch.

Nelly locked her hands together and rocked back on her heels. "Yes ma'am, I did right fine, didn't I?"

A flock of geese in the front yard took flight from the peals of laughter from the porch.

Lauren put a hand to her chest and then motioned to Sage and Wanapaya. "Oh, I've forgotten my manners in all the commotion. We have guests I'd like you to meet."

Estelle extended her hand to him the moment they reached the last step. "You must be the tracker Mace spoke of."

"Pleased to meet you," he said with a smile.

When Estelle turned from him to greet the woman by his side, her jaw dropped. "Sweet Mother of Jesus!" She looked to Lauren and back to Sage.

"I know, Aunt Estelle, this must come as quite a shock." Lauren put her arm around her twin's shoulder. "This is-this is our darling Sage, my sister and your niece."

Estelle turned questioning eyes to Creed.

"Let's go into the house," he said. "Everyone is exhausted and hungry and Lauren will explain while we eat."

Years of social propriety compelled Estelle to recover. "Yes," she said, shooing everyone into the house. "The meal is ready and I think we all need a drink. Perhaps two," she mumbled under her breath.

Platters of wild turkey, fresh yams dripping with melted butter, green beans, and fresh sourdough biscuits made the rounds while the story unfolded.

Ten times¾or maybe twenty¾Estelle glanced at Sage and said, "I can't believe it! I have another niece!" Then she'd shake her head and add, "You're the spitting image of your mother, my dear sister."

"Yes, ma'am," Sage said with a glance to Lauren. "So I've been told."

Estelle babbled on, "We're so glad we found you, or did you find us? Well, no matter, you're here now and we'll never let you go."

"We must leave in the morning. Our children wait for us to return."

Estelle waved a hand in the air. "I won't hear of you leaving."

"But—" Sage began.

"Why not bring them here, dear? We have plenty of room and we'd love to spoil them for a while."

Lauren's head came up. "I can't bear the thought of you leaving, Sage. Aunt Estelle is right; the children must come here for a lengthy visit."

Sage glanced to her husband.

As if resigned to his assignment, he shrugged. "I'll rest for a day first and be on my way."

"What about Peter Pa?" Sage asked.

"He must come too." Estelle clasped her hands together. "The more the merrier." With a smile she said, "Now everything is settled so let's have dessert."

Shortly after the meal, Estelle lit the candle lanterns and escorted her guests to their respective rooms for the night.

* * * *

Creed found Lauren near the corral staring at the moonlight. "What's going through that troubled mind now?"

She straightened her spine and her breathing intensified. "You heard your mother. She believes Brand is alive and that makes me a married woman still." She put a hand to her forehead. "Now I've done adultery and murder."

"I saw five hundred savages attack New Ulm, and Ferd told me about the attack in the woods. Brand, God bless him, couldn't have lived through that."

Her despair was visceral. "What have I become?" Choking on a sob, she whispered. "A killer, a whore."

A blood-numbing coldness closed in on him. "Give it to me straight up."

"This must end between us. Here. Now."

"He's not alive, I tell you!
I
couldn't have fought my way out of that."

"Stop!" She covered her ears with her hands.

"If Brand came back right now, what would you do, Lauren, huh? Pretend you don't love me, keep the truth about little Finn from everyone?" He grabbed her wrists and pushed her hands down. "Answer me, damn it."

The coldness in her voice sank his heart. "Until I have proof, Brand is alive. Do you hear me? He is alive."

"You don't know how they fight, how skilled they are. Jesus, he's my brother and I love him, but he died back there in the woods and you and my mother have to accept it."

Giving vent to her anger, she screamed, "You have to accept that it's over between us!"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "Tell them little Finn is mine, tell Estelle, my mother, every damn one of them, the boy is mine."

"Are you out of your mind?" She pushed away from him. "Break your mother's heart all over again."

"Your words change nothing. Even if Brand
is
alive and, by God, I hope he is, I'm not going to stand by and allow another man to raise my son, take the woman I love away from me again."

The tone of her voice sounded like physical pain. "You listen to me! Brand married me when I had nowhere else to turn. You left, remember? You never wrote, never cared what happened to me!"

"I had no idea you were with child!"

Her voice hardened. "What do you think happens when-when..."

He looked into her eyes and knew he'd lost the battle. Lost to a dead man. He remembered how she felt in his arms, her body melting beneath his, her arms clinging to him as she cried out his name. He vowed if he found her again, he’d never let her go. What stood between them now had the capability of severing everything they once had.

He took a step back, his voice hard as steel. "Either you tell them, or I will."

She turned her back on him and stormed off, but not before he saw the tears in her eyes.

Chapter Twenty-One

Creed's mother drove the buckboard to town, a small feat compared to the covered wagon she maneuvered from New York. Estelle occupied the seat beside Polly, Lauren rode in back, and Creed trailed behind on his horse.

Creed pulled his hat over his brows to shield the rays from the bright autumn sun. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ridden without having to look over his shoulder. Despite the uncertainty ahead, he intended to enjoy the ride.

He glanced at Lauren from beneath the brim of his hat and tried to imagine what thoughts ran through her mind this morning. Her dilemma, and his, wouldn't be solved today; perhaps it never would.

Lauren kept her promise to stay clear of him since their heated conversation near the corral, but damn if he didn't have a hard time remembering she’d married his brother. He closed his eyes. The very sight of her sent his heart into frantic beats, his cock into a permanent state of rigor mortis.

Although he was Finn's biological father, Lauren made it clear his relationship with
her
ended there. Creed's gaze drifted to his mother and their conversation several weeks ago about Finn's parentage. She’d nodded, that slow kind of nod people often use while breathing through their mouth. She spared him harsh words or looks of disgust. In fact, she'd brought it up once since that day—to tell him she'd shared their discussion with Estelle.

How difficult it must be for the mother of two sons who loved the same woman—one married to her, the other the father of her child. Creed couldn't afford to dwell on the muddled mess, but for his mother's sake, he wanted a resolution. He loved his brother, but that didn't change his love for Lauren and Finn. He felt like a half-dead man, able to put one foot in front of the other, but he lived on the periphery of darkness and light.

Last week, Colonel Sibley and fourteen-hundred soldiers ended the Dakota uprising in southern Minnesota. Little Crow¯the man who amassed over a thousand warriors¾withdrew after suffering heavy losses at the Battle of Wood Lake. The friendly Dakota bands rescued the white captives and turned them over to government troops. Penned in by the military, facing severe hunger and declining morale, the renegades surrendered. Now they awaited their fate in front of a five-member military commission.

When Polly brought the wagon to a halt, Creed assisted the women down and led them up the rickety stairs of a settler's cabin. Survivors and white captives crowded the room, no doubt prepared to give eyewitness accounts of the brutal attacks on their homesteads.

His mother testified first. Wringing her hands, she recounted the massacre in the cornfield and identified several of the attackers. The tribunal called Estelle and Lauren to the stand, but for the most part, an accounting of the gruesome details fell to Lauren.

After testifying, she looped her arm into Estelle's and returned to her chair, her face ashen.

A solemn voice rang out. "The Commission calls Harvey Bates."