Hollywood Lies (25 page)

With both hands wrapped around my bicep, she gives me a tug. “I’m tired. Want to go to bed?”

Again, I shake my head. “I’ll be in later,” I say. The irony of me being the one who can’t sleep isn’t lost on me.

“I can hang out for a bit. I’m not
that
tired.” Cole presses a kiss on my shoulder, then tickles my back with her hand. “To be honest, I didn’t really want to sleep.”

“More sex?”

She laughs lightly. “No. I just want to be close to you.”

My throat feels like it’s swollen. No words will come. This feeling will pass, but for now, it’s all encompassing.

I hope I feel better about all of this before our big convention next month. I’m not sure I can share my thoughts with her.
How can I even begin to tell her how tonight has made me feel? How can I tell her I’m not so sure about us anymore?
 

I stare out into the New York night as I feel her next to me. I hope my mind will settle soon.
 

Chapter 10

Cole

“Okay, so here’s the thing, remember it’s a show,” I say to the group of actors who bonded throughout the filming of
Tortured Desires
as we wait by the glass doors. It’s midsummer, and this is the convention to end all conventions. The studio has arranged a great promotional opportunity for
Tortured Desires
, but none of these young actors have ever experienced anything like this.

Right outside the doors are hundreds of reporters and fans. We’ve shielded the cast from the madness up until now. Devon has been recognized, but not mauled. As we finished shooting
Reflections
, a few fangirls found out where his apartment was, and they began to camp out. We solved the problem by him making an appearance, posing for pictures, and signing his name to scraps of paper. Easy enough.
 

The trailers for
Tortured Desires
have already been leaked to the Internet—I suspect by the studio, so the interest is huge right now, and these unknowns are about to be launched into stardom today. The studio is sparing no expense in promoting it and with the attractive cast and my name behind it, there is no telling how high this film will go.

“So if you’re going to get through this, just shut everyone out.” I dramatically pull out my MP3 player and place the buds in my ears.
 

I pull them back out when Devon asks, “You don’t care what they’re saying?”

“Nope. We’re going from the hotel to the limo. We’re not getting sidetracked by photos or autographs today. There’ll be another time for that.”

Liliana pipes up. “But what if—”

“You’re a star now. You don’t have time to deal with the what-ifs of photogs and journalists.
You
control the situation, or it’ll control you.” To be honest, I don’t worry about Liliana. I can already tell she loves the limelight. She has been practically bred for it. Liliana already has her charming starlet smile in place. It’s Devon I worry about. He looks a bit sick. The others just look nervous. I push my concern for Devon down and address the cast as a whole. “Are you ready? Just remember,
you
are the stars. Everything you say and do should be aimed at pushing your careers forward.”

I replace the earbuds and push open the door. Walking out into the controlled mob of people, I paste a smile on my face and hold up my hand in a friendly wave. The music almost drowns out the noise. I see my name on the lips of the crowd, but I have a mission: Get to the limo.

I can’t see the cast behind me, but I know Devon and the others are holding their own.

“Jesus, that was exhausting.” It was a long, six hour day of shaking hands, signing posts and shirts, and smiling for pictures.

I smile as I sink down next to Devon and hand him a beer. “Just wait until tomorrow. The panel will wipe you out completely, but you’ve got time to recuperate before the press junket and premier next month.”

“I thought movies took longer to edit and release.”

“They usually do, but the studio has fast-tracked
Tortured Desires
.” I put my fingers in his hair and lightly scratch at his scalp. Like always, his eyes close, but he doesn’t relax.

The pit inside of me where I house all my disappointments and sadness aches again. Ever since Devon and I went to New York after wrapping
Tortured Desires
, the steady drops of anguish have added to the cavernous depths of the pit. Recently, the drops have been transforming into downfalls and gushes of regret and failure.

Devon has changed, and I know I’ve caused it. He seems unhappy with me and our relationship. I don’t know how to fix it, and he won’t tell me.
 

I know the love he has expressed is still there, but it’s hidden and guarded now. Most days he just goes through the motions. I’d love to chalk it up to the ups and downs of impending celebrity, but in my heart, I know it’s deeper than that. It is what kills every loving connection I’ve ever had. It is my inability to give others what they need and want without protecting myself first.

“Why do you look so sad?”

My eyes focus at the sound of his voice, and I rush to pull back the welling tears and shake my head. “I’m not sad.”

“You never tell me anything, Cole. I’m like an open book and you’re some kind of coded tome locked away in the depths of the National Archives.”

“Sorry.” I
am
sorry, but feel powerless to change it.

It’s his turn to shake his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s just you. I know that.”

I’m eager to change the topic. “Did you read the article on Jeremy Locker’s site?” I know he didn’t, so I don’t wait for an answer. “It’s all about you and Liliana. He suspects you both are hiding a love affair, and the stories about you and I were fabricated to keep the press off the real story.”

“That’s great. What the studio wants.”

I don’t know how to bridge this gap, so I fall back on standby tactics of kissing his cheek and running my hand up his thigh. Then I cup his cock in my hand before shifting to sit astride him. Devon downs the last of his beer, and I take the bottle and set it on the coffee table beside us.

His hands are on my hips; his eyes steady on my face.
 

“We haven’t messed around on the guitars in forever,” I say. “Tomorrow night, let’s—”

“I don’t really feel musically inspired, and if tomorrow’s going to be more draining than today, I don’t imagine it’ll be any different.”

I push my hands up under his shirt and move in to lick his neck.

“Besides, I’ve got that dinner with the rest of the cast.”

I pull back. “Dinner?”

“Yeah, the studio arranged it. There are going to be a couple of pictures that will find their way to the press of Lili and me sitting close together. At some point I have to lean and whisper something into her ear.”

After taking a deep breath, I paste another understanding smile on my face. I unzip his pants and take his cock out to stroke it. “And I’m not supposed to be there?”

Devon looks away. “They think Lili and I will have an easier time selling it if you’re not there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Devon shifts down on the sofa, increasing my access to his hardening cock. “They have a point.”

My grip on him tightens, and he grunts. “They do?”

“You’re intimidating, Cole. Lili’s worried you’ll ruin her career if she does something wrong, and—”

“Why? I’ve never done anything to her.”

“Because you have so much power. And it’s not like I’m going to feel comfortable putting even pretend moves on her when you’re sitting right there.”

I don’t stop stroking him as we talk. In fact, I’m a little more aggressive than usual when pumping him. Jerking him off lube-free requires a kinder, gentler approach; one that I’m not using right now. He hisses, but doesn’t make any difference to get me to stop. “You’ll be acting, right? You guys got pretty hot in a few scenes, you know?”

“Not. The. Same.” Devon grunts. His head is thrown back against the back of the couch, his fingers digging into me.
 

He comes, coating my hand and shooting it onto my gray yoga pants. I let go as if his dick is fire. I want to move away, but his hands are still holding me.

When he recovers, he looks me straight in the eyes, and I think I might see some remnant of genuine affection for me in them. “Those scenes were Maya and Jamie connecting. It’s not the same as pretending to be secretly in love. We were selling a scene. With this shit, we have to sell ourselves, and it’s not easy. Lili’s been crying a lot because her boyfriend’s freaking out, and ultimately, she knows they won’t last because of this bullshit.”

The implication of what will happen to us hangs over our heads. Another deluge cascades into the pit within me. There is nothing to say, and he doesn’t want to hear it anyway.
 

Devon holds me close, then switches our position. He’s careful when he tugs down my pants and tosses them behind him. He still makes the same sound of pleasure he always makes when he sees my exposed flesh, but it doesn’t have the same effect on me. It feels like we’re just going through the motion until we achieve the end result.

After I climax, while I’m still on my back, we have sex. It’s nothing earth shattering or amazing, but we both have an orgasm. When we’re done and his head is on my chest, I run my fingers through his slightly damp hair. “I love you,” I murmur. I hate this distance between us, but it seems inevitable.

His automatic response is the same. “I love you, too.”

“I’m not sure I believe you,” I whisper back.

He gets off me, and says, “And I don’t know if I’ve ever believed you love me, so we’re finally on equal footing.”

“What if we just ride together and step out on the red carpet holding hands?”

“That would be beautiful,” I respond as I study this evening’s dress still hanging up on the bathroom door. We have the premier of
Tortured Desires
tonight. It’s been a while since we wrapped the film, but only a few months since the convention. Things haven’t gotten much better between us, but it seems both of us still have a childish hope that things will work out.
 

Well, at times we do. Devon is more hopeful than I am, but he is still in denial of what being a Hollywood star means. It hasn’t hit him yet.

Devon presses his naked body up against mine. “Let’s do it,” he says.
 

“You start filming the sequel in two months.”

“So?”

“So? So you don’t want to lose it. It’ll solidify your career and the money will be—”

“What if I say I want to give it all up so I can be with you? Openly.”

I turn in his hold and run my hands down his strong back. Things have gotten better since that night at the convention, but only because I’ve surrendered to the idea that my time with him is limited. I’ve started being more emotive with him, touching him more, letting myself voice every thought I have about how wonderful he is.
 

“You’re an independent person, and at some point, you’ll be resentful you did that. Let’s just get through this contract and when the third film is released, we’ll shout our love from the mountain tops.” My spirit lightens when I hear him chuckle.
 

Devon lifts me and places me on the edge of the vanity. His lips trail down the line of my jaw, to the hollow of my throat, then back up the other side. “Does this mean we have to pull the old limo swicharoo?”