Holt's Holding part two (The Holt's Series) (34 page)

“That leaves us two hours?”
 
He smiled.
 
“I’m not trying to
take you to bed Lillian, I’m asking for your time.”
 
He rubbed the side of my jaw lifting my sight
back to his.
 
“I want more than just you
in my bed.”
 
He added.

Slighting his head at me, “So, May I ask how long will you
be away?”

“Indefinitely Wesley.
 
I’m leaving without a plan.
 
No
time frame and no idea where I will end up.”
 
I offered somberly.

“Not what I expected.
 
Does this have anything to do with Charlie?”
 
Pausing, he looked at me seriously, “Or, is
this Martin?
 
Does he still have his hold
on you?”

“This has everything to do with me.
 
Somehow, I feel lost and need to find
something to ground me.
 
To find my
perspective.
 
My life has been a constant
battle of wits, losses, and wins.
 
Being
pulled and manipulated.
 
I’m leaving to
find my balance and the clarity I seem to have lost.
 
I’m doing it all for me.”
 
I hoped he would understand.

“Well, I pray it doesn’t take too long.
 
I’m going to miss you.”
 
He offered and pulled me into his embrace.
“But, if I could offer a little wisdom.
 
Running away is only a temporary mask, for that which you are running
from, will eventually catch up with you.”

“I’m not running Wesley; I’m simply pulling myself out of
the equation.
 
I’m taking myself out of
it, in order to understand it.”
 
I knew I
was being a bit cryptic, but hell, my life and what brought me here was just
that.

“It seems than my first assumption was correct.
 
After spending some time and knowing both the
Vaihn brothers, it’s obvious that there is more going on here, than which
brother wins you.
 
This is definitely
much deeper.”
 
Looking to me he had the
most serious expression as if he was about to heed a warning.
 
“Lillian, you’ll only find the right path
when you got back to the beginning.
 
Look
into the past.
 
And I do mean back in the
past.
 
History has a funny way of
explaining the future.”
 
Breaking from
me, he shook his head.
 
“Had you not lost
your child, Charlie and Sebastian’s lives would have been thrown thru a loop
and a catastrophic one.
 
I’m pretty sure
neither of them has given it any thought for their arrogance has blinded them
to it.”

“Wesley, what do you mean by that?”
 
I looked to him shocked.
 
He knew something just what?

“I’m not completely in the know Lillian, but I do remember
when I was in school and much younger, over hearing a conversation about
keeping a long family secret buried and the fear that in the off chance you and
Charlie were ever to become a couple it would change things disastrously.
 
I also recall that Prescott and your father
had agreed to set you and Sebastian up, kind of like an old fashion betrothal.”
He laughed. “Sebastian use to joke about it, as you were so much younger.
 
Hell, I use to tease him, but here you are,
an amazing grown woman.”
 
He shook his
head.
 
“I suppose you leaving maybe the
smartest thing for you.
 
Get away from
them, before they kill your spirit.”

“Wesley?”
 
I looked
up at him.
 
He knew so much.
 
“You’re an amazing man.
 
I wish I understood the reasons why you
bother with me knowing all that you clearly do.”
 
Taking in a deep breath, I realized there was
no need to explain anything to this man he knew, he always knew the
complications of being involved with me.
 
He not once ever pushed.
 
“Will
you come somewhere with me?”

He looked at me quizzically, “Ok, but I have my car, should
I follow?”

“Yes. If you don’t mind.
 
I don’t have much time and there is some place I need to stop by.
 
I would love your company if it’s not too
morbid for you?”

“I’ll go anywhere if you want me there.”
 
He offered and kissed the tip of my nose.

“Let me say a few good byes.”
 
I smiled.

He waited patiently as I said my goodbye to Sam, Brady,
Julie and Chris.
 
They were the only
people here that I need to or cared to say good-bye to.
 
They were the people I would miss.
 
Looking around the room, I nodded to Sebastian
and couldn’t find Charlie.
 
It was better
that way.

Wesley and I walked out to the parking lot together.
 
I watched him climb into his Audi as I walked
to my Range Rover.

Sure enough, I found Charlie seated in a black Mercedes and
of course Sophia with him.
 
Shaking my
head, I should have guessed.
 
His eyes
caught mine as one tear escaped me.
 
I
climbed into my car and backed out with Wesley following.

The ride wasn’t far.
 
I knew Wesley was probably horrified as to where he just followed
me.
 
Parking my car along the small and
narrow path, I stepped out leaving the lights running.
 
Pulling with me a basket of Freesia, I looked
at him as he stepped out of his car.
 
Nodding his head, he understood what I was doing.
 

Walking a few feet over, I pulled out the flowers and
arranged them on her grave.
 
Seated on
the grass directly in front her tombstone, I sent out my silent prayer.

A moment more, I turned my sight to my child’s grave.
 
However, I had never had the opportunity to
meet my daughter, as she died prior to birth, a grave felt appropriate.
 
I laid down the white lilies.
 
Her death would be one I would probably never
understand.
 
I felt so robbed. Looking
between the two graves both my Alley’s laid at my feet.
 
I hadn’t realized that I was drowning in my
own tears when Wesley reached over and helped me to my feet.

Wiping my tears from my cheeks, his touch wanted, possibly
needed.

“Let’s take a walk,” He offered.
 
Walking back to the cars, he turned mine off
pocketing the keys.

Walking up the hill, I hadn’t realized the view that it
held of the rolling valleys.
 
The moon
high in the night air, cast a serene glow.

“What do you see?” he asked

“Life” I offered.

“Yes, Life, Still and pristine.
 
Much like you, this valley is still.”

“Like me in the dark.” I added

“No, not in the dark Lilly, just asleep.” He looked down at
me. “When you come back be sure to come back to this spot and look again.
 
I promise you will see it in a whole new
light.”
 
He laughed.

“I didn’t realize how deep you are,” I offered teasingly.

“I have my moments,” he laughed.
 
“I love your smile; you should do it more
often.” He pulled me in tight and quick.
 
His kiss I now expected.
 
This
would be the first kiss I truly allowed myself to feel from him.
 
This man did love me and I felt it in his
kiss.

I was quick to lose myself in it.
 
Before it went any further, he pulled away
leaving me wanting more.
 

“We can’t do this Lillian.
 
Trust me, I want to.
 
But when I
do, it will be because you’re ready and your heart is free.” He once more kissed
me; though this time it was different, this one was good-bye.
 
“I want all of you, not part of you.
 
Patience is a virtue I’ve learned to value.
 
If you and I are meant to be, we will
be.
 
You have a plane to catch.
 
Let’s make sure you make it.”
 
He smiled.

My heart seemed lighter with his words.
 
He did love me, and he knew I wasn’t free,
not right now.
 

Walking back down, he escorted me to my car, and we parted
ways.

I wished he could be the one.
 
But as life as proved, nothing is that
simple.
 
With a broken heart, I was
leaving it all behind.
 
This was the one
thing that did make sense to me.
 
Some
may consider it running away, I simple look at it as freeing myself of all that
weighed me down.
 
I see it as finding my
freedom.
 

It was long overdue.

I was running away.
 
Wesley’s words haunted me.
 
“Look
to the past to seek the answers in your future.”

Perhaps he was right.
 
In many respects, I had fallen into the same trappings of my past, this
time with Charlie.
 
No matter what I
changed, the path he and I walked was destined to intertwine and had on
multiply occasions.
 
To say he was my
only love wouldn’t be true, Charlie was and is my true love, that fact I would
never be able to change.
 
My first love,
Lucian Xavier Martin, the man that made me, once held the key to my heart.
 
Part of me believes he always would.
 
My history with him was just as complicated
as the one I had with Charlie.

Remember, I had to remember, what brought me to this.
 
The answers were in that past, but who’s?

Looking to Leny, he was a constant.
 
I’ve known him since I was eighteen.
 
Like Brady, Leny knew all my secrets and over
the years, he proved his loyalties without a shadow of a doubt.
 

“I have a surprise for you in Peru.”
 
Leny smiled.

“Do Tell!”

“My sister and Alex are visiting family in Venezuela, I
thought I would have them cross our path.”
 
He grinned.

The tears filled my eyes, “Thank you Leny.”

“You need him and he needs his mother.
 
Don’t worry, I’ve taken precautions just in
case.
 
No one will know.”

To say I had secrets, would be sadly understated.
 
My son was the biggest and most important
secret I held.

However, to understand why, you have to understand the
past.

Flying to Peru, I hoped that time and space would afford me
the ability to unlock the future.
 
I need
a clear perspective and I need to step outside of the circus, which my life
seems to be a star in, to see how it all connects.

******

My lungs burned and my body was heavy.
 
Oh shit, I opened my eyes to the heat that
now covered me like a familiar blanket.

Sucking in a deep breath, I gasped from the pain.

Rising up from the lying position, I opened my eyes.
 
The sounds of the drums all around me;

Beating to a steady rhythm.

Oh, fuck me.
 

That was one of the most fucked up dreams to date.
 
Looking over, Leny was kneeled before me
smiling.

“What the fuck did I smoke?” I shook my head in disbelief.

“They say that one’s dreams are a telling of the future
Lilly.”

“Well, I didn’t dream of the future.
 
It was the past.”

“What did the past show you?” Leny asked almost amused with
my expression.
 

“Things I didn’t remember, I don’t even know if there’s any
truth in it but Leny?”

“You have that look?”
 
He laughed.

“I don’t know.”
 
Shaking my head.
 
“I need to go
home.
 
I need my grandfather’s will,
there’s a link between the Vaihn’s and my family that goes way back.
 
My grandmother once mentioned something about
my mother’s past.”

“Lil, I know you well enough to know there’s more running
through that head of yours.”

“Yeah, there is but I’m not sure yet, I have my work cut
out for me and I need to get home.”

“Then let’s get you home”
 
Leny smiled offering his hand.