Home: A Novel (14 page)

Justin looked down at his boots and pulled the ball cap tight over his eyes. I knew he wanted me to answer since it was my family. Fine, I could do this. I didn’t need to be embarrassed. I could stand up and sing in front of fifty thousand screaming fans. Granted, I pretended to be a different person when I did that, but still. I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of.

“Yeah, you could say we’ve got a……thing,” I said, trying to hide the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

Justin lifted his head and walked over to me. Sliding his arm around my shoulders, he gave me a small squeeze and leaned down to kiss the top of my hair.

My sisters-in-law all made little “awwww” noises.

“Jesus,” Michael muttered as he got up to get another beer.

“Michael. Mouth.”
 
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e heard come from the opposite side of the kitchen and I burst out laughing. How the woman did that will forever be a mystery to me. She had the ears of a bat.

When it was time to eat we all gathered around the table and said the common table prayer. Sarah looked around at us like we were insane. I grinned at her and shook my head slightly to let her know not to make any comments about this.

Everyone grabbed a plate and went through the food line. Justin, David, Sarah and I stood back so my brothers could get their children fed.
 
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e weren’t in any hurry, especially me. I knew once we were finished with the meal I’d have to share my news and I was not looking forward to it. Not one bit.

We all filled ourselves full to the brim with Mama’s delicious cooking. One thing was for sure, when you were home, you never went hungry.
 
T
he kids ran upstairs to play while the adults sat around having an after dinner drink.

Sarah looked at me and raised her eyebrows. She knew I was stalling as much as possible, but it was now or never.

Shit, here goes nothing.

“So, I need to talk to you all about something,” I started. Everyone turned to look at me while I took a deep cleansing breath. I stole a glance at Justin who looked confused.

“As much as Sarah missed seeing me every day, she also came out here to give me a head’s up. I made sure I was very thorough with my accountant and lawyer to get out of all my impending contracts and deals when I decided to quit singing.
 
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hat was part of the reason it took so long for me to actually get out, because there were a few obligations I had to fulfill first.”

I looked at my family members who were all listening intently to what I was saying. I could tell Dad was worried. “It’s not what you think,” I went on. “No one is suing me. But there is an issue.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I knew to give them the edited version. “When I first moved to Nashville I met a man. Some of you have met him. His name is Colton Jefferson. He is a music executive at RCA which was my record label.
 
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he first night I met him….he took me to a Karaoke bar to hear me sing. Apparently, he thought I was good enough and decided to make me a star.
 
W
e started seeing each other more frequently. He took me to fancy restaurants and bought me expensive gifts. It all happened so fast I didn’t know what to think. A few weeks later, I had a meeting at RCA where they offered me a deal. I was on top of the world.
 
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hings with Colton shifted. He was very much ‘with’ me in the public eye, but not so much any other time. I was a stupid kid and didn’t know any better. For years I actually thought he was my boyfriend.” I laughed at the thought.

“To spare you all the details, after things shifted, Colton used it to his advantage. He basically controlled me the rest of my career. I can’t….” I shook my head at the thought. “….I can’t tell you right now what happened. Maybe someday, but right now I just can’t. Sarah came out here to let me know the past few weeks he’s been trashing my name all over Nashville. At first, I didn’t care because he can no longer hold my career over my head. Sarah did a little undercover work and found out that he’s a little more pissed than expected.” All the heads in the room collectively turned to look at Sarah. “I was his cash cow, and by quitting the business, I basically lost him a lot of income each year. Seeing as I was such an idiot when I signed my deal with RCA, he made sure that he made money on every single thing I did. He had no idea this was coming, and I basically cut him off at the knees when I quit.”

“I called him to confront him.” All the heads came back to look at me. “He knows what I’ve been doing here - everything I’ve been doing, and who I spend time with. He must have someone in town watching me. And over the phone this morning he threatened me. Nothing specific, and I don’t think it’s anything we need to get too concerned about, but he basically told me he would make me pay and that I should watch my back.” I finally glanced at Justin sitting at the table staring at his bottle of beer. “And so should Justin.”

Mama gasped as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth. I noticed she was shaking just a little. My sisters-in-law all sat quietly, knowing their husbands were chewing on this information and would likely blow up any minute now. Dad leaned against the back counter with his arms across his chest.

For what seemed like hours, no one said a word. My dad was the first one to break the silence.

“Boys, let’s go outside.
 
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hat means you guys too,” he said, nodding at Justin and David.

“Dad, listen,” was all I got out before he put a hand up to silence me.
 
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hen he did that, he meant business. I knew not to test him. He was seriously upset and needed to come up with a plan.

They all rose up to go outside when I realized Justin still hadn’t looked at me. “Hey,” I said as I reached out to grab his arm. He walked away like I wasn’t even there. I knew he was pissed. He was already so concerned for my safety from crazy fans. But to have one specific person with a giant sized chip on his shoulder and my face in the middle of his target? I knew that would put him over the edge.

After all the boys walked outside and the door closed, I put my head into my hands and groaned. My sisters-in-law still seemed to have their mouths sewn shut. Mama walked over and slid her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t you worry about Justin, honey, he’s just mad at the situation right now,” she said.

Sarah was the one to chime in and bring us out of our stupor. “Well, I think that went rather well. Does anyone need a beer?
 
T
equila?”

The inappropriateness of the moment overwhelmed me and I burst out laughing. Right there is why I loved that girl. Imagine twelve years in an industry that only wanted to cut you down. Sarah could make light of any situation.

I looked out the kitchen window to where Dad and the boys had all gathered around. Alan was already on his cell phone talking to God knows who. James and Michael were nodding at Dad while David stood quietly behind them and out of the way. But it was Justin who made my heart ache. He stood with his hands on his hips, staring daggers into the ground below. I could see his jaw was tight while he listened to whatever Dad was telling him. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I needed him to look at me. I needed to see his eyes, to know that everyone was going to be okay. After a while, I gave up.

I turned to Sarah simply stated, “Tequila.”

Chapter 14

D
ad and the boys stood outside for a long time, while Sarah continued to push beer and tequila on the rest of us girls. I finally took a shot just to calm my nerves. My sisters-in-law, albeit older than me and mothers, sure know how to hold their liquor. I was a little shocked to see them taking tequila shots in between beers.

Michael’s wife, Linda, caught me staring. “This isn’t our first rodeo with the little man pow-wow,” she said to me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, we know what to expect when that door opens and they file back in here.
 
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rust me, you’re gonna want a little alcohol running through your system to help deal with it.”

“What should I expect?”

It was Becky who piped in with the answer. I had to really concentrate on her words because she was starting to slur a little. “Those boys out there are one hundred percent alpha males which, most of the time, is freakin’ phenomenal.” I noticed all three of them smirk.

Gross.

“But when it comes to situations like this?
 
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hat they say….goes.
 
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he Raftzen blood running through their veins starts to boil when something goes down with anyone they love. Shit, when you left for Nashville they had so many meetings like this. Made the three of us here close as any blood sisters could be.
 
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e sat a lot of nights at this very table drinking shots while they hemmed and hawed about what to do about you.”

This was interesting news and it made me see red. Seems my ‘supportive’ family back in Iowa wasn’t all that supportive after all.

Mama caught my hand just as I was going to walk out the door and give them all a piece of my mind. “Baby Girl, it’s not what you think. Those men out there love you, ALL of them, and they were worried.
 
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hey would’ve never dreamed of interfering in your career. I think it made them feel better to sit around like this and decide what they’d do if the time came for any action to be taken.
 
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hey’re your family, sweetie, and you’re their only daughter and sister.”

I nodded, trying to keep my cool, and thought about what Mama said.
 
T
his wasn’t the time or the place to fly off the handle about their macho bullshit. I needed to keep my head together. Justin was pissed, and I knew I’d need to deal with that eventually. I understood that Dad and my brothers were just trying to protect me which wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Finally, the sliding door opened and the men shuffled through. Justin walked over to me, grabbed my hand and hauled me to the stairwell.

“Grab a bag. Pack some shit. Just jeans and whatever’s comfortable,” he said.

“What?
 
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here are we going?”

“You’re stayin’ with me. If this dickhead comes sniffin’ around town I want to make sure you’re protected. I can do that at my house. I can’t do that here.”

I stood there completely frozen. Inside my head I was counting backwards from ten and picturing zebras running through a rainbow forest.

Do not lose your shit, Lil. Hold it together
. I knew if I blew up at him now he wouldn’t have the restraint to let my fire burn out. He’d yell back, and my family didn’t need to hear us fight. Mostly because my brothers would think it’s an open invitation to interject their opinion which would just piss me off further.

I clenched my teeth and turned to go up to my room. “Fine.”

Justin stood on the stairs and waited until I came back down with my packed bag. Still not looking at me, he reached up to take my bag from my shoulder. Being the mature adult that I am, I jerked my arm away and made sure to slam my shoulder into him as I walked into the kitchen. I had no clue what to say to my family, but apparently this was one of the decisions they made outside because nobody even flinched that I was leaving with Justin.

“Thanks for supper, Mama,” I said as I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. I walked over to Dad and did the same.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “He’s not mad at you honey. He’s just worried. Go easy on him, okay?”

I nodded once and moved toward the door. “Bye, guys,” I said to everyone else. T
he kids were all in the living room watching television. I knew they’d be mad I left without saying goodbye, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with them all right now.

Sarah was standing just outside the front door with David.
 
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hey seemed to be deep in conversation about something. “Hey, I’m heading to Justin’s tonight,” I said to her.

“Ok, I’ll be fine here.”

“When do you have to head back?” I asked.

“Tomorrow. But I’m planning to fly back this weekend for your big show at the Festival thingy.”

“You don’t have to come back just for that.”

Her cheeks reddened. “I know. I want to.”

I gave her a hug. “Thanks.”
 
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e held each other for a bit before I whispered in her ear, “You can’t fool me. I know why you’re coming back.”

She released me and gracefully scratched her chin with her middle finger. I stuck my tongue out at her as I walked over to the truck.

“Night, guys,” Lyons called from behind us.

“Night.”

“See ya later, Lyons.”

We got in the truck and I started my plan to commence Operation Silent
 
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reatment. If he wanted to ignore me and not make eye contact for the past hour – fine.
 
T
wo could play this game. He had no reason to be mad at me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
 
Y
et here he was acting like a bratty teenager.

Justin turned the key but didn’t pull the shifter into reverse. Instead he looked over at me and said, “Please tell me this asshole is full of empty threats and we have nothing to worry about.”

I looked down at my lap but said nothing.

“Answer me, Lillian.”

I pretended I didn’t hear him and looked out the window. I closed my eyes to keep the tears from spilling down my cheeks. I wasn’t ready to tell Justin everything. I couldn’t. He was so mad right now, I was afraid what he would do.

“God fucking damn it!” he yelled and threw the truck in reverse to back out. He stepped on the gas a little too hard and I fell forward into the dashboard. “Put your seatbelt on.”

I quickly did as I was told.

“So you’re listening to me but not going to respond?” he snapped.

I glared at him and gave him my best ‘I’m totally disgusted with you’ scowl.

“Fine….Lil….you wanna be fucking pissed at me?
 
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hat’s great, because I am so mad right now I’m holding my shit together by a fucking thread. So you go right ahead and sit there ignoring me. Perfect end to a perfect motherfucking day.”

And there it was.
 
T
he twist in the knife already wedged deep into my gut.
 
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he thing was, I DID have a perfect day riding horses with him and our little romp in the horse barn. No, it wasn’t sweet and loving and romantic like he wanted it to be, but it was spontaneous and passionate. At that moment we were two people unable to keep their hands off each other. It was real, and for someone who hadn’t had much real in their life the past twelve years, that meant something to me. And he just destroyed it.

I held on to the little bit of anger I felt inside, using it to push away the hurt that was spreading through my body. How could he think this? Suddenly, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I didn’t want him to know that he’d hurt me more than Colton ever did. And Colton hurt me pretty fucking bad.

Three days had passed since I delivered Colton the news about the baby. I told him in his office that I’d take care of it, but I couldn’t follow through. It didn’t matter that this baby was so obviously conceived out of something other than love. And I know Colton said this would ruin my career, but nobody had to know who the father was.
 
T
here was no ‘celebrity law’ that said I needed to divulge that bit of information. Let the tabloids speculate all they wanted. As long as we both kept our mouths shut, everything would be fine.

I was just settling in for the night when I heard a knock at my door.
 
T
here were only two possibilities of who it could be, because only two people in the world had my gate code. If it was anyone else they would have to ring the buzzer to even enter the property. I looked through the peephole to see Colton.

Shit.

Shit, Shit, Shit!

He looked like hell. I had never seen him with as much as one hair out of place in the three years I knew him. Now, it looked like he’d been running his hands through it for hours. Or someone was. His clothes were completely disheveled and even looked a bit dirty.
 
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his was not the Colton Jefferson I knew.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay?” I asked as I opened the door.

He looked down to my belly and my breath caught in my lungs. A small smile crept onto his lips as his eyes travelled back up my body. I couldn’t hold in my smile either. Maybe he had a change of heart. Maybe he came here to tell me he loved me and wants to be a family. Maybe he decided he was happy about the baby.

“Hey, beautiful.” My smile quickly faded as my nostrils burned with the stench of whiskey.

“Are you drunk?” I asked.

“Nah, just feeling good.” I noticed his words were slurred. Shit. “Aren’t you going to invite me in, Lily?”

Against my better judgment, I stepped back and allowed him to enter my home.
 
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e walked through the foyer and into the spacious kitchen.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“No. I came here to talk to you.”

“Okay, talk.”

He sighed and looked straight into my eyes. “Are you still pregnant?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“I want you to make this go away.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I can’t, Colton. I can’t do that. No one has to know it was you, okay? I promise. I swear on my LIFE that I will never tell a soul that you’re the father. Just please, I’m begging you from the bottom of my heart. Please don’t ask me to get rid of this baby.”

His face was completely expressionless. He stood there a long time looking down at his shoes. I didn’t know what to expect out of him next so I stayed completely still, listening to the sound of my rapidly beating heart. I was hoping he would turn around and leave. Instead, he walked over to where I was standing on the other side of the island. He reached his hand up, and just when I thought he would run his fingers down my face, he hauled his arm forward and hit me. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to move before his strong hand connected with the entire side of my face. I brought my own hand up to caress my cheek.
 
T
he sting on my skin made it feel like it was on fire.

“What the fuck, Colton!” I screamed at him, but from there it only got worse. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled my neck back violently. My legs gave out and I fell hard to the ground.

“You bitch!” he yelled as he kicked me in the ribs over and over. “Get up!” He grabbed my wrist and dragged me to my feet. Pain shot all the way up my left arm as he pushed me away from him. I fell back into my kitchen table and chairs, scrambling to get out of his way. He was stalking toward me again with determination. It was a sick feeling to know he wasn’t done beating on me.

“Please, Colton. Stop!” I yelled. He struck me again, hitting my nose and mouth this time. I immediately tasted the tang of blood. He grabbed me around the throat and gave me another shove to the end of the table. I crashed into the buffet and slid to the ground as dishes shattered all around me. I tried to get up but was too weak. Resting my head on my arm, I watched as the mixture of blood and tears streamed down, dripping silently into a tiny pool on the floor.

He was going to kill me.

“Please,” I whispered one more time. I didn’t have the energy to yell. He gripped my hair one last time, raising my head to sneer in my face.

“I fucking own you, bitch.
 
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ou make records, you go on tour, and you are an A-list celebrity making a shit load of money all because of me. I will not give up my payday because you have some sort of moral fucking obligation to keep this baby. I will not lose everything I’ve worked for because of you.
 
Y
ou get rid of this fucking problem and get back to work. And if you tell anyone about this, I swear to God, I’ll make you pay. I will take everything you’ve worked to build away from you. And I’ll make that bitch Sarah wish she had never met you before I kill her.”

With that, he gave me one last departing kick, right to the stomach.

We pulled into Justin’s place and I had my door open before he was barely to a complete stop. I shouldn’t have let myself go back to that memory in the truck. All it did was upset me, which was exactly why I never thought about it. Ever.

I was just inside the front door when Justin grabbed my arm. Another reason I never let myself think about Colton’s attack, it made me jumpy. I screamed as I whirled around, smacking Justin in the hip with my bag.

“Jesus, Lil, just relax. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I let my bag drop and sat on the bench in his entryway to calm my heavy breathing.

“Listen, I’m not mad AT you, I’m just….mad,” he said as he crouched down in front of me. Pausing only for a moment, he went on, “I need you to tell me what happened with this guy.”

I shook my head back and forth, trying to pull together the courage to speak. “I can’t,” I said in barely a whisper.