Home: A Novel (13 page)

“Bright Eyes,” I said as I released the rope from the halter holding my horse and gave him a swat to get into his stall.

She turned around and walked away from me.

I locked the gate and hurried to catch her just as she was almost to the edge of the barn. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her around to face me. She kept her eyes pointed down at the ground.

I lifted her chin with my fingers so she would be forced to look at me. Beneath the tears that threatened to spill over, I saw the pain in her eyes and it looked like her world had just been crushed.

“Lil, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said. I didn’t know what to say next. It seemed like I was just saying the same things over and over to her.

“It’s okay, I get it. I’ve been through this before, Justin. I know when somebody doesn’t want me.”

“That’s what you think?” I asked letting go of her chin.

She instantly looked back down to the ground.

Fix this DeLuca, or you’re going to lose her!

In one swift motion I bent down and picked her up. She gasped at the shock of my motions and quickly wrapped her legs around my waist. I walked her to the back of one of the clean stalls - out of sight of any prying eyes that might come into the barn. I set her feet down on the ground and put my arm up above her head to brace myself, locking her against the wall so she was unable to move. Leaning in, I kissed along her jaw to her sweet lips.

“I do want you,” I said between kisses. Grabbing her leg behind the knee, I hitched it up around my hip to press myself into her center. “More than you’ll ever know, Lil.”

She pulled her lips back from mine, looked into my eyes and said in barely a whisper, “Show me.”

That was all it took. I kissed her again with much more heat and passion. For a moment we were all lips and tongues and teeth. I ran my tongue down her neck as my hands made quick work of the buttons on her shirt. I pushed it apart to reveal the sexiest red lace bra I’d ever set eyes on. Using my finger I pulled down each of the cups to free her. As I ran my tongue over the top swell of the soft tissue, I made quick work of both her pants and mine. In one swift motion, I picked her up by the ass. She wrapped her legs back around my waist and leaned against the wall for support. I continued kissing her while trying to listen if David or Sarah were making their way back to the barn. She arched her back, conveniently pushing her full breasts closer to my face. I leaned in and sucked her nipple deep. She growled low in her throat as I continued to work my tongue over and around the tight peak. Reaching up, I took the other and rolled it between my finger and my thumb. I pulled back slightly, blowing warm air over where my mouth had just been.

“Oh yes, Justin, that feels amazing,” she breathed. Her hands on my shoulders bunched my t-shirt, twisting and turning as she accepted the pleasure.

I slid my hand between us and slowly ran my thumb up and down her folds. I groaned as I slid a finger into her warm opening.

“Oh baby, you’re so ready for me aren’t you?”

“Yes. Please Justin, I need you.”

I braced the two of us against the wall with one arm and brought my other hand down to guide myself into her heat. She moaned as I pushed myself all the way inside.

“God, Lil, you feel so fucking good.” I rested my forehead against hers and relished in the feel of her tightness wrapped around my cock.

“Move, baby.” She demanded.

“My pleasure.”

I rocked into her over and over, all while I continued to kiss her mouth and down her neck. She was so beautiful, all trussed up in her bra as I fucked her against the wall. As much as I wanted to take my time and savor every minute of this, we needed to be quick. Getting caught by David and Sarah would not be a good end to this situation.

“Yes!” she cried.

“You need to get there, babe. I’m gonna come.”

Two more thrusts and I could feel her inner muscles tighten. She called my name as her fingernails dug into my shoulders. Burying my face into her neck, I thrust one last time as I groaned through my own orgasm.

I held her against the back wall as our breathing came back to normal. It was shortly after that I heard footsteps coming in our direction.

“Oh shit, I hear David and Sarah coming this way,” I said as I set her down. Quickly buttoning my pants, I helped her straighten her shirt while she did the same.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I kissed her quickly, suddenly embarrassed of what just happened. “That was not how I pictured our first time. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

She looked up at me with those deep blue eyes and gave me her million dollar megawatt smile.

“Guess you did want me,” she teased.

I leaned down to give her another quick kiss. “I always want you, Lil. I’ve wanted you for so damn long. I just didn’t want to end up fucking you against a wall in the goddamn horse barn. Not the most romantic moment for me, huh?”

“I loved it,” she giggled.
 
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hen she dropped her voice to a whisper. “Every single second.”

“There you guys are!” Sarah exclaimed. She made it sound like she’d been searching for us for hours. I looked down at Lil and rolled my eyes.

We walked out of the stall to see her and David trying desperately to hide their smiles.

Sarah looked like she was about to turn cartwheels, while David looked too uncomfortable for words. I hoped to God they didn’t just hear us. It wasn’t my finest moment, or my longest for that matter. Lyons would give me shit about that for years.

“So, I see everyone is getting along rather nicely,” she went on with a singsong tone in her voice.

Lil shifted her feet nervously next to me. She probably needed a bathroom to clean up.
 
Fuck.
 
I can’t believe I just had sex with her without a condom. I never do that. I needed to get her alone and have a serious talk about this. I hoped to God she was on the pill. Not that it would be the end of the world to have a baby with Lil, but not right now.
 
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he last thing she needed was to deal with a pregnancy on top of everything else in her life.

“Let’s head up to the house,” I suggested. Lil looked up at me with relief in her eyes. “I just need to grab a quick shower and we can all head over to Raftzen’s for supper.”

“Oh good,” Sarah chimed in behind me. “They have a whole different kind of shit smell at their farm.”

Lil giggled.

David rolled his eyes.

I sighed.

This could be an interesting night.

Chapter 13

Lily

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he ride to my parents’ house was surprisingly quiet. Justin seemed to be brooding about something. I knew what, but I didn’t want to think about it. 
T
hinking about it made me wonder if he regretted it, which made me nervous.

Even though I publicized myself as cool and confident, that was not the real me.
 
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hat was Lily Rae. She was like a super hero that could do anything and was afraid of nothing. She oozed pure class and could rub elbows with anyone and not miss a beat. She stood on stage in front of thousands of people and sang her heart out.

The real Lily was terrified of large crowds, terrified of being trampled to the point I would hyperventilate and black out.
 
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he real Lily wondered who was really there for me and who was there to use me to get ahead in their own life. In the past twelve years, Sarah was the only person who didn’t screw me over one way or another. She was the only one I could confide in about anything, knowing she would be in my corner and stand by me whether she agreed with my actions or not.

It was so hard to let go of the fear and let Justin into the deeper parts of my life. Into my soul.
 
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he physical aspect was easy.
 
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hat part was always easier for me. Even though Colton never showed me any type of commitment beyond sex, we still continued our sexual relationship for years. Mostly because he wanted to, but I had to admit a little part of me did it just to hold onto him.
 
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hat, and the fact his temper scared me half to death.
 
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hen, after what went down between us, there were the ‘filler men’ who were close to me already in some form; a roadie, a colleague’s personal assistant, even the occasional bodyguard. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a complete and total slut. I had to be somewhat careful in my choices so they didn’t run and squeal to the tabloids, which is why I chose partners who were familiar with how the celebrity life worked. I kept my list of options short and concise. It was safer that way.

Sex with Justin, however, was indescribable. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced sexually before.
 
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he feelings tied to that one act were more than I had felt in the last twelve years for anyone. I knew he was upset with the way things happened this afternoon. But in that moment I couldn’t think about anything else. I just wanted him. And the boy did not disappoint. I could feel the blush creep into my cheeks just thinking about it.

Riding in the front seat of Justin’s truck, my blush was in full force when he looked over at me and winked. I gave him a small smile and turned to look back out my window. I’m sure he knew what I was thinking about. I just wondered if he was having the same thoughts.

You had sex against a wall in a horse barn you stupid idiot!
 
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ithout a condom, no less. I knew better than that. I had never been with anyone like that before. I hoped to God Justin was in the same boat. Remembering what Missy said during our little spat at the football game crept into my mind. Apparently he was something of a man whore. Hopefully tonight we would be able to have a quiet moment alone to discuss what happened. Of course, after I told everyone what was going on with Colton and his threats, I had a feeling things might take a turn for the worse.

At least I was on the pill, but still.
 
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he rational adult in me knew we had not been smart. I didn’t need that mess creeping back into my life. Although Justin would probably handle things a little differently than Colton.

“You’re
 
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HAT?! How the fuck did this happen?” he screamed at me from across his desk. I had scheduled a meeting with him to tell him I was pregnant. I had visions of him hugging me, and then opening his office door and shouting the news for everyone in the office to hear.
 
T
his wasn’t quite the reaction I expected. I was such a moron.

We had been ‘together’ now for almost three years, even though we didn’t see each other as much as I would have liked. It was hard being on the road all the time. Colton was only around for public appearances and awards shows. He made sure to be present for every important photo op, that’s for sure.

“Well, from how far along the doctor tells me I am, it happened when we had sex about eight weeks ago,” I answered.

“How is that possible? I’ve always used protection with you.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes these things just happen. Nothing is one hundred percent.”

“And you’re sure it’s mine?”

I felt like he punched me in the gut as all the air left my body. I couldn’t believe he asked me that. Of course it was his.
 
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hat kind of person did he think I was? At that moment it sunk in what he’d said, “With you. I’ve always used protection.
 
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ith you.”
 
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as he not using protection with someone else?

“Yes it’s yours. I haven’t been with anyone else. Have you?” I dared to ask.

“Of course I have,” he snapped at me. “We are not a couple, Lily. Fuck! How could you let this happen?
 
Y
ou need to take care of this, and not just because I don’t want anything to do with it.
 
Y
ou’re still in the early stages of your career.
 
Y
ou had a strong following after the first tour and now you’re a freaking headliner. Record sales are skyrocketing.
 
Y
ou’re being marketed as the girl next fucking door.
 
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he sweet little girl from Iowa who struck it big in Nashville.
 
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hat the fuck are we supposed to do with a pregnancy? And getting knocked up by someone at your label no less? It will ruin you. RUIN BOTH OF US!” he finished on a roar. He stood up from behind his desk and began pacing back and forth.

I was still reeling at the fact that he had been with other people. I tried to fight the hot tears burning the backs of my eyes. I was so stupid to think he was actually
 
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ITH me, that we were together.
 
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he perfect little Nashville power couple. Damn it. He used me. He gave me a taste of the good life and pushed for my career so HE would make more money. A baby would end it all.

I had to make a choice. I stood up and leaned in over his desk. “Don’t worry about it,” I hissed at him. It was the only way I could keep the tears away. I turned on my heel and walked out of his office. Once in the elevator, I pulled my cell phone out and called Sarah. She hadn’t so much as said hello when I broke down and starting sobbing.

“Lil? Oh my God, what’s wrong?” She asked. “Are you hurt?
 
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here are you?”

“R….C….A….” I got out between breaths.

“Stay there. I’m coming. Get in your car and stay put. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

After Sarah arrived, I got in her car and told her everything. She stared at me, completely stunned. I knew she was at a loss of what to do. I didn’t want anyone to be close to me. Not ever again. I would be sure to do everything in my power to keep everyone out. Sarah was my only friend and that’s the way it would be from here on out. I’d put three years of hard work into this business. I was good.
 
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hat bastard helped me get to where I was, but I knew I was good. I won the American Music Award for New Artist my first year out of the gate. Each year I was up for award after award. I’d even just been nominated for a Grammy. In my mind everything was falling perfectly into place. I had the perfect career and the perfect man by my side. And the perfect dream I had in my head was just shattered into a million pieces.

I was so lost in thought I didn’t even realize we had arrived at my parents’ house. It took Sarah all of two seconds to bolt from the truck while Justin shut it off and turned to look at me.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, the softness of his voice and sincere look in his eyes about broke my heart. He thought I was upset about what happened between us today which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I leaned over to him, grabbed both his cheeks between my hands and brought his face directly in front of mine. “I’m perfect. Now stop worrying. And if you ask me again there’s a good chance I will slap you. I’m serious. Stop it.”

A slow smile crept onto his lips. He leaned in and kissed me. As much as I wanted it to turn into a make out session and maybe let him feel me up a little in the truck, I needed to get in the house and get this over with. “Come on, let’s go in,” I said.

We walked in the house to find Mama in full on hostess mode. She had pans and pans of steaks set out ready for the grill, sprinkled with all sorts of seasonings. A large pot boiled on the stove, full to the brim with what she would later turn into mashed potatoes.
 
T
wo large bowls sat on the table piled high with lettuce salad. Mama had arranged a variety of crisp vegetables on top (likely from her garden) so it looked like a work of art more than a side dish.

I reached into one of the coolers on the floor to grab a beer for myself and Justin. Mama always did this when her refrigerator was full of food. She said beer took lowest priority and could be covered in ice. I looked up to see Sarah holding a beer in each hand. She had already changed out of her horse riding clothes and looked so out of place dressed in a fancy outfit. I assumed heavy drinking was her plan tonight to ease some of the discomfort of knowing David wasn’t far behind us.

“You guys need any help?” I offered.

“Oh no, Baby Girl, you just relax. Your brothers and their families will be here soon.”

I already made the rounds since coming home to see all my nieces and nephews.
 
T
he oldest, Alaina, was ten years old and thought I walked on water. I’m pretty sure she invited all the girls in her class over the day I went to see them. Her dad, my brother Alan, plugged his ears the entire visit because no matter what I said or did the girls screamed hysterically. I guarantee Alaina was the most popular girl at school for a good week because of that shit. Her two younger brothers, Alex and Adam, spent the entire time running through the girls, waving their hands in the air and screaming frantically.
 
T
hey thought it was hilarious.

None of the other kids really cared too much that I was ‘Lily Rae.’ James’ boys, Derek and Bobby, were nine and seven and more interested in full contact sports than famous singers. Although, when I told them I sang the National Anthem before the
 
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ennessee
 
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itans game a few times they showed a little interest. Of course, the fact that I didn’t actually know any of the football players made me lame once again.

And finally, the baby girls. Michael’s twins.
 
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echnically they were two already and could no longer be classified as babies, but they were the babies of the family. Olivia and Ellie were quite possibly the most adorable little girls I’d ever seen in my life.
 
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hey had deep blue eyes like me, but against their bright blond hair the blue really stood out.

Once everybody started arriving, the house turned into pure chaos. I realized their capability for loudness when I visited each of them at home, but having them all together at once was like nothing I ever imagined.

Mama and Dad attempted to get the food ready while kids ran in and out the sliding glass door like it didn’t even exist. My brothers and their wives instantly went for the coolers to grab a beer.
 
T
hey knew the drill. Being here meant taking advantage of the few minutes of relaxation where the kids could play with each other, giving the adults a little break.

I looked over to see Sarah’s mouth hanging open, taking it all in. She was an only child and spent very little time with her parents.
 
T
his whole family dynamic was a new concept to her. I could tell she was a little shell shocked by all the commotion.
 
T
hankfully, Sarah knew most of my family from when they came to visit me on the road, but she’d never been around all the kids. I picked up another beer and handed it to her.

“Here, drink up. It’ll help dull the realization that people actually live like this.” I knew Sarah all too well, and that was exactly what she was thinking. At least she was in the house so she couldn’t complain about the shit smell.

As I turned around, I saw David’s truck pull in. He slowed down when he approached the house, likely because of all the kids running around. My heart melted a little at his consideration. I peeked at Sarah out of the corner of my eye and noted that she saw the same thing. A small smile tugged on her lips as she moved toward the front door. I wouldn’t think that kind of a thing would have any effect on her, but maybe she was softer than I gave her credit for.

“What’s Lyons doing here?” Michael asked.

Justin started laughing. “Uh, I’m not a hundred percent sure, but him and Lil’s assistant, Sarah, seemed to have a…..” he trailed off. I don’t think he knew what to call it either.

“…..a thing.” I finished for him. It was the only way I could describe it.

I looked at Justin and shrugged my shoulders. He grinned back at me and winked.

“And you two?” my sister-in-law Becky asked. She was only a year ahead of us in high school. Her and James were high school sweethearts and had gotten married only a few years after she graduated. “Do you have a….thing, too?”