Home Bound

Home Bound

The Protectors: Book Four

Noelle Adams and Samantha Chase

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 by Noelle Adams and Samantha Chase. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means.

Title Page

Copyright Page

Prologue

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Epilogue

Excerpt from Duty Bound

About Noelle Adams

About Samantha Chase

Cole

I
can’t do this.

I’d never been one to say no to a challenge, but right now as I stared up at the massive structure in front of me, it was all I could think of. No one would even know. I could just back the car out of this spot and drive away, and no one would be the wiser.

I don’t want to do this.

There are things you have control over, and those you don’t. I should have been a pro at spotting the difference between the two. My life had been nothing but a never-ending list of shit I didn’t want to do. Granted, I ended up doing most of them, but this? This was avoidable.

Utterly and completely avoidable.

I looked at the building and then at my keys and back again. No one knew I was here. Sure, it was pretty much expected, but then again, most people knew better than to expect anything from me. I played by my own rules now. For far too long, I’d been forced to live by everyone else’s rules, expectations, and demands. This was my time now.

The pep talk normally did it for me, and under any other circumstances, I might have already been a couple of miles away by now without giving it a second thought. But for some reason, I couldn’t seem to make myself move.

You owe it to them.

Shit. Yes. No. Maybe. I shouldn’t feel the need to owe anything to anybody. Not ever again. But there was that voice inside of me telling me otherwise. I didn’t like thinking about it—owing anyone—but in this instance, there was a pretty damn good chance that I did. It was the least I could do.

You owe it to
me.

And that was it in a nutshell. It wasn’t even my voice right now talking to me. It was his. Gavin’s. Hell, I’d give everything I had to actually have him here beside me, talking to me, telling me to stop being a pussy and get my ass out of the car. He’d laugh at me and I’d bitch about it, but in the end, I’d get up and go.

I slammed my head back against the headrest. All this time, and it still got me by the throat. Suddenly my heart was racing, and I was breaking out in a sweat. PTSD. I thought it was a load of BS when I first heard about it, but now that I’d experienced it—hell, I was experiencing a fucking panic attack right now!—I knew it was real.

Deep breaths. In. Out. Repeat.

You can do this.

I had to get myself together. There was no other choice. I was not going to sit here in my damn car and let my anxiety—or anything else for that matter—get the better of me. I was stronger than that. I was getting better. Maybe if I said it enough, I’d actually start to believe it.

You can do this—for
me.

“Dammit, Gavin,” I muttered.

And that was all it took. Saying his name out loud was my own way of facing my demons. It was like a blast of cold water in the face. He wasn’t there. He was never going to be there again.

Because of me.

I’d only cried once in my life. And it was that day. When I knew Gavin was gone and I was the reason for it, I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I cried until my body ached. It was already bloodied and torn up from the explosion, but I didn’t feel any of those injuries. No. What I felt, I felt in my heart as it tore in two.

I’d killed my best friend.

A loud knock on my window had me nearly jumping out of my skin. Quickly turning my head, it took a minute for me to get myself back in the present. As things came into focus, I saw Declan standing next to my car.

“Yo, are you ever getting out of the damn car?” he said with a chuckle. “I’ve been standing here for five minutes.”

Well...shit. Totally missed that. “Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled. “Keep your panties on.” With no other choice, I grabbed my keys and climbed out.

It was hard to get anything by Declan, and I guess I was pretty transparent at the moment. “You okay?” he asked. “You look a little...off.”

I swiped a hand over my face. “What? Yeah, no, I’m fine.”

He stared at me for a minute and then turned and looked over his shoulder to the building behind us. “I hate going in there.”

“Me too.”

“I mean, we’re here for a good thing, but...you know. Still.”

I guess that was the good thing about being friends with people who had gone through what I had. Sometimes there wasn’t a need for words. We just knew.

“I’ve been sitting out here for a while now,” I finally said. “It’s just a building, I know that. But sometimes it’s just a sound...or a smell...”

“I know,” Declan said somberly. “I pretty much talked to myself the whole way here so that I was in the right frame of mind.”

“Did it work?”

“It did until I got a look at you,” he said. “Now I’m ready to turn tail and run.”

“No one’s allowed to run,” a voice said from behind us.

“Sebastian,” I said, holding out my hand to his. “I thought you were tied up at home getting ready for Ali’s graduation.”

“Are you kidding me? And miss this?” he said with a big grin on his face.

“You’re actually excited about it?” I asked and then thought—it figured. Leave it to Sebastian to find some sort of fucking silver lining when the rest of us knew the reality.

“What’s not to be excited about? This is huge! Come on. Levi’s probably waiting on us.” Sebastian shook Declan’s hand and then took the lead on the walk across the parking lot.

“Freak,” I mumbled under my breath as I finally convinced my legs to move and followed.

If I thought I was freaking out in the car before, it was nothing to how I felt ten minutes later. The smells. The sights. It was my own personal hell on earth at the moment. I was on the verge of getting pulled under when suddenly a hand on my back and the sound of my name brought me back.

“Cole! Thanks for coming, man. Seriously. I’m really glad you’re here!”

And there was Levi. Standing there in a set of scrubs, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week and wearing the goofiest grin on his face I had ever seen.

“Congratulations,” I finally said and shook his hand.

“Thanks.” His grin seemed to get even bigger. Looking around the waiting room, Levi was larger than life as he took in the three of us. “I have to tell you, I thought I was a strong man, but after watching Harper go through what she just did, I realize we don’t have anything on her. She was amazing!”

“Speak for yourself,” I said with a laugh. “Her body is designed to do that. What’s the big deal?”

His smile didn’t even falter. “Trust me. I know what we all went through in our training and in the field but...” He stopped and shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was just incredible. I’m humbled. Seriously. I always knew Harper was strong, but after this? I have a whole new respect for her.”

“As well you should,” Declan said. “You’re the reason she had to go through that.”

We all laughed. “Yeah, well, I’m told that someday she’ll look back on this and won’t remember the pain. But while it was going on, she was one tiny pissed off woman.”

“You would be too if you were trying to get another human being out of your body,” Seb joked. We all quieted down then and just sat in amicable silence for a moment. “So when can we see her?”

“Actually, Harper’s sleeping right now. She’s exhausted. We sent the baby down to the nursery just so Harper could catch a couple of hours of sleep. I thought we could walk down the hall, and you can at least see him.”

“Him?” I asked.
Crap
. I hadn’t even asked what the baby was. Hadn’t really wanted to know. When Sebastian had called earlier, Harper was still in labor.

We all stood, and Levi’s big grin was back. “Uh-huh. A boy.”

There was more back slapping and handshakes and shouts of congratulations as we walked down the hall toward the nursery. The guys are all talking, but all I could hear was a loud buzzing in my head.

It’s a boy.

It’s a boy.

It’s a boy.

We all already knew what was coming, and yet it didn’t make it any easier.

Stopping in front of the window of the nursery, Levi motioned to one of the nurses, and she smiled as she complied. A minute later, she was standing on the other side of the glass with a tiny baby swaddled in blue.

“Guys, I’d like to introduce you to my son, Gavin,” Levi said quietly.

I couldn’t speak. Hell, the words almost seemed to come out strangled from Levi. It wasn’t about how much time had gone by. He was still a part of us. And now, thanks to the birth of the baby we were all staring at, he was going to continue to be a part of all of us in a new way.

I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

Levi shared the baby’s weight and length and all the other stuff new dads boast and brag about. I was only half-listening. I was studying the kid. He didn’t look like much. Tiny. Red. Wrinkly. I didn’t see a family resemblance in either direction, but I suppose that would come with time.

I could only pray that he didn’t resemble Gavin—our Gavin—too much. That would just be weird. Plus, it could be hard on Harper and her parents. What would they be feeling right now? If I was still struggling with this shit, it must be ten-times harder for them. Would they see this baby as an extension of their son? Would they be able to differentiate between the two? Crap, I couldn’t even imagine.

Strange as it sounds, I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off the kid. He looked like he was sleeping, and he was pretty much wrapped up like a burrito and had a small knit hat on, but he was oddly hypnotic to watch. Hard to imagine that just a couple of hours ago, that baby was still inside Harper.
Yikes
. Not an image I needed to have. A full shudder wracked my body when suddenly it felt like everyone was staring at me.

“What?” I asked, looking at the three expectant faces staring at me. “What’d I do?”

“Have you been listening at all?” Levi asked.

“Uh...” Declan and Sebastian each turned away and snickered, and suddenly I was suspicious. How much could they have said? I wasn’t staring at the kid that long, was I?

Levi motioned for Seb and Declan to turn around, and then they were all facing me again. “Look,” Levi began, “we needed to talk to you about something, and it was agreed upon that this was the perfect setting because you aren’t allowed to freak out here.”

“Says who?” I snapped. As soon as my voice rose, it seemed like there were a dozen people shushing me from every direction.

Declan chuckled. “Seriously, you need to hear us out and keep yourself in control and remember where we are.”

Now I was more than suspicious—I was pissed. I was being set up for something, and by the sound of it, I was not going to like it. Straightening, I took a deep breath and then ground my molars until I was sure they were going to crack. “Fine.”

“Obviously, I’m not taking any cases for a while. Harper and I discussed it, and I want to be home with her and the baby for at least the first month. Seb has Ali’s graduation and then he has vacation time coming to him. And Dec...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I huffed. “I get it. New case. It’s mine. Whatever. Spit it out, Levi. What’s the situation?”

Now it was his turn to sigh as if bracing himself, and if I wasn’t mistaken, Sebastian and Declan moved closer to him—as if they were presenting a united front against me.
Shit
.

“Hollywood actress...”

“No,” I interrupted. “No way. Uh-uh. Get one of the new guys. I’m not babysitting some spoiled diva, sprinkling her with glitter and carrying her tiara and shit.”

“Dude, do you even think before you let the words come out?” Declan asked. “Tiara? For real?”

“What? It’s a thing.”

“Yeah, the only difference is she’s not a Disney princess. Get serious.”

“Fine. Whatever. Why am I the one who has to do this, rather than one of the new guys?”

“Because it’s an important case,” Levi said seriously. “Yes, she’s a Hollywood actress, but she’s also a childhood friend of Sebastian’s.”

“So why can’t he do it?” I demanded. “I mean, I already know about Ali’s graduation and their vacation, but seriously? Shouldn’t he be the one to do it?”

“Conflict of interest,” Sebastian interjected. “There’s no way I could do this objectively. You know that.”