Home From Within (11 page)

“What do you and Jason like on your pizza?”

“Just cheese, please.”

Mrs. Ripp smiled and said out loud while writing, “One small cheese pizza, and two large sausage, mushroom, and pepperoni. We eat like pigs over here,” Mrs. Ripp said. “I know you guys don’t eat like this in your house.” Jessica was amused by the Ripps. They were more primitive than her parents. It was a refreshing change.

“Look at Bob,” Mrs. Ripp said as he walked through the kitchen to the dining room. “You would hardly know that man can eat two large pizzas. Now me, I stick with one.”

Jessica was unsure if she was joking, so she gave a small grin, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the hospitality.

After some polite conversation with Mrs. Ripp, Jessica lied and said she had a headache and went upstairs to Marilee’s room. All the Ripp girls shared the attic on the third floor. Warm knotty pine paneling ran the entire length with a window centered on the front and back walls. The pine reminded Jessica of Aunt Lodi’s cabin and gave her an instantly cozy feeling.

The sun, which finally came out after all the gray and rain, was setting to the west, beaming a large ray of light at the foot of Marilee’s bed. Jessica lay down on the unmade bed in a fetal position and started to cry. The loneliness was hard to shake and was reinforced by her mother not saying good-bye or checking on them all day. Shouldn’t that be number one on the priority list? See how the kids handled their dad’s meltdown?

“Are you all right?” Mrs. Ripp’s voice interrupted Jessica’s pain, and she sat up quickly, wiping her eyes.

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

Mrs. Ripp looked unconvinced. “Oh sure, sometimes I feel the same way. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed all day. But then I start to get bored and wonder, what am I missing?” She slowly walked towards Marilee’s bed, picking up random pieces of tossed clothing on the floor.

“Although I don’t ever miss housework.”

Jessica grinned.

“Life can be tiresome. We really don’t understand why people act in certain ways. But know this, you are the decider on how you handle adversity, how you deal with tough situations. Don’t ever let something out of your control decide your path in life.”

Jessica was getting the distinct feeling this was a Ripp pep talk, and she appreciated the effort.

“Thank you. I’ll remember that.”

Once all the Ripp kids got home from various functions, everyone flocked to the dinner table in the kitchen. They did not serve on china or have cloth napkins; it was paper and more paper. And it was loud: “Pass the parmesan. Pass the crushed red peppers. Hey, I wanted that piece.”

“Hey, I need some cheese . . . please.” Jessica watched as Jason chimed in, feeling more comfortable.

Jessica and Jason smiled at each other.

Conversation flowed as all spoke about their day: things that happened, good and bad. Mr. Ripp was not a talker, however. Jessica watched him give a lot of grins and head nods. He would interject every now and then, usually to give advice, and then get back to being silent.

“Eddie, are you going out tonight?” inquired Mrs. Ripp.

“Yeah, I don’t have to work tomorrow until later in the afternoon.”

“Oooh, are you going out with Sonja?” Marilee asked.

“Shut up,” said Barbara. “You’re so immature.”

“You shut up,” Marilee retorted.

“Enough,” Mr. Ripp snorted.

Marilee and Barbara looked at each other with contempt.

“Jessica, you can sleep in my bed tonight. I’m sleeping at Margaret’s house,” Julie said.

“Are you meeting us at church?” Mrs. Ripp asked.

“If I must,” Julie said while getting up and throwing away her paper plate.

After Jessica and Marilee helped clean up and get Jason ready for bed, they went to the basement to listen to the radio and paint each other’s nails. Jessica would have to take the polish off before she got home, but for once she didn’t care.

“I love listening to the radio,” Jessica said. Music was a novelty since she was not allowed to have a radio or tape player in her room.

“Oh my God, I love this song,” Marilee said and turned up the volume. After a few minutes of Marilee singing the song off tune and Jessica trying to memorize the words, Marilee turned the music to a hum and asked Jessica what happened at her house earlier.

“My dad had a meltdown about the past. I was trying to get some information about his parents, but he lost it.”

Jessica shared the details and said that she’ll probably stop asking questions because she didn’t want to cause that type of reaction again. Marilee told her she was sorry about what happened and gave her a big hug, which made Jessica’s heart fill with warmth and even put a few tears in her eyes.

After they pigged out on chips, dip, and Reese’s Pieces, Jessica’s stomach started to hurt. These were not the kinds of foods she was accustomed to. Marilee had her lie down on the couch with a hot water bottle on her stomach as they watched MTV videos, gossiped about people at school, and said which movie stars they thought were cute. Jessica rarely watched TV and only sometimes would go to a movie. Usually Aunt Lodi gifted her with those privileges, but that was only three weeks out of the year.

Around ten o’clock, Mr. Ripp came downstairs and told the girls they needed to go to bed. He was holding a big bowl of vanilla ice cream with sliced bananas and chocolate syrup. Mrs. Ripp was making her way down the stairs with a bowl of her own.

“There they are,” she said, making a beeline to the Reese’s Pieces on the table. “I love these on top of my ice cream.”

Jessica picked up their mess as Marilee proceeded to kiss her parents good night. The Ripps had settled into the plush orange couch for a night of TV watching.

“Good night, Jessica,” Mrs. Ripp said with a heavy tongue. “Wow, this ice cream is cold.”

“Good night,” she said and then hesitated before following Marilee up the basement stairs. “Thank you for taking good care of me and Jason.”

“Anytime. You know we love having you.”

“Sleep well,” Mr. Ripp said with an ice-cream grin.

Marilee briefed Jessica on the Sunday morning ritual. Breakfast was at eight o’clock sharp because they had to be at ten o’clock Mass. Mr. Ripp did the cooking on Sundays: eggs, bacon, waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice upon request. Mrs. Ripp was not very coordinated in the kitchen according to Marilee. Jessica could not envision her father in the kitchen cooking anything since that was her mother’s job. After breakfast, all the kids cleaned up while the parents got ready for church. Marilee said it would be best if they got ready before breakfast, to avoid much arguing for bathroom time, and set her alarm clock for seven o’clock.

“We’ll be the only ones up that early, so we’ll get all the hot water in the shower.”

The night and day that Jessica spent with the Ripps was the most love she had felt since Aunt Lodi left. This realization made her feel like a deserted island, but it also confirmed how necessary it was for her to be with Paul. Her decision to change their schedules was now all she could think about. It was out of her character to do so. In fact, she did not even tell Marilee, but desperation called for a bold plan. And all she wanted was to feel and be told she was loved.

The sun was setting when her parents drove over to pick up Jessica and Jason. Mr. Ripp and her father spoke alone in the basement, while her mother was being held hostage listening to Mrs. Ripp talk about her new money-saving obsession: coupon clipping. Marilee helped Jessica gather up her belongings in the bedroom attic.

“I’m so sad to see you go.”

“Me too,” Jessica said with a frown.

“Oh, you two are pathetic,” Barbara said from her bed, not taking her eyes off a book she was reading.

“Come on, I’ll walk you out,” Marilee said as she gave Barbara a dirty look. As they walked down the steps, Marilee grabbed Jessica’s arm and told her that if she ever felt scared at her home again, she was to call immediately. “My dad or Eddie will bring you and Jason back here.”

Jessica gave her a hug. “You really are the best friend I could ever have.”

In the car, Jessica’s parents said they were glad to see them. Jessica felt guilty because she didn’t feel the same way. And she saw what she thought was the same feeling on Jason’s face too.

Upon entering the home, a strong odor of bleach with a mixture of lemon met them at the door. Her mother looked at Jessica and Jason for a minute. “I hope you behaved yourselves at Bob and Sue’s.”

“Mom, we did great. We ate pizza and played games, and watched TV and . . .” Jason was allowed to emote for over ten seconds before he was interrupted.

“Well, that sounds like a fun time. I want you to get ready for bed and we’ll be up in a minute to say good night.”

When Jessica pulled her covers over before climbing into bed, her parents came into her room.

“We are sorry about the event that took place yesterday, and it will not happen again,” her mother said in a low tone. “But you need to stop digging around in the past; the here and now is where everyone belongs.”

Her father stood in the doorway and, for the first time that she could remember, looked apologetic. “I’m going on a business trip next week so I would like you to put this behind us.”

Feeling pressured, Jessica nodded with agreement, but inside she could not keep out the inquisitive voices. Who were Ermaline and Walker? And if they were not in a nursing home, where were they? What about them made her father turn into a raging beast?

Both parents gave her a peck on the head and before exiting the room her, father turned around with an earnest look on his face. A twinge of sorrow rang in her belly, but she pushed it away. Tougher was how she needed to be in order to survive the Turner home.

Later in the night, Jessica tiptoed to her window and looked out at the sky. It was impossible to see stars because of the lights of the city, so it was hard to wish on one. She decided to wish on the moon, with its crescent shape illuminating the area that hung around it. However, after a thoughtful discussion in her head, she changed her mind about the wishing, feeling that it was not powerful enough, and said a prayer to God. She folded her hands, like she did at Mass in the morning, and once again prayed for her parents to change, for love to wash over her family, and for forgiveness for the lies she planned on telling in the future so she could be with Paul.

C
hapter
11

“I know it’s not mittens, but it’s the next best thing.”

Jessica was all smiles as they walked hand in hand away from the tree, to the surprise of Marilee.