Home From Within (41 page)

He continued to send the song Jessica’s way, pouring his heart and sweat into the concert, increasing the pitch as best he could without faltering.

Jessica and Aunt Lodi held hands while he asked Jessica who she wanted:
him or me?
“Because I want you.”

Not caring who was staring at them, Jessica brought herself to stand inches from his body. Every ounce of her felt like she was whole, not because of his love, but in coming full circle in understanding that love and loss were a part of life, but so was love and forgiveness.

He inflated his pitch, adding a few fist pumps and then reaching his arm out toward her to accentuate the last part of the song’s intensity. Jessica, who normally hated this type of attention, braved the onslaught of stares from those around them and continued to set her sights on Matt.

He pushed his body to perform things it had never been asked to do before, and Jessica was so grateful for his performance. Her face shone as he spun around and then launched forward to sing the end as strong and memorable as it could be. This was out of character for him but so admirable. Matt grabbed the microphone with both hands when he screamed the last lines, then fell to his knees as the song ended.

The whoops and hollers from the crowd overtook Jessica, and on instinct she advanced toward Matt, who had quickly risen from the floor. She walked straight into his chest, placing her lips on his with such fervor that it made her heart lurch upward. Matt returned the gesture, and they kissed while the crowd continued to whistle and cheer, Jessica soaking in the heat from the lights above them.

E
pilogue

With Jessica planted on Moses’s back, they walked through the crisp snow, taking deep breaths, letting her mind wander and fall at will. Blowing out air from her lungs, Jessica stared at the path of white it made, focusing her energy on being a worthwhile human being, one that anyone could love, even herself. For the first time in her life, she felt at home from within.

Snow had fallen the night before, leaving a path of pristine whiteness covering the birch, beech, and white pine trees. Deer and small animal tracks could be seen from Jessica’s standpoint, and she tilted her head to the side to admire nature’s beauty. From above she heard the call of the crow and sparrow, and she kept a sharp eye out for the grouse, which on her many rides through the woods had scared her with its explosion of flight from just a few yards away.

Jessica leaned forward and placed the right side of her face on Moses’s warm neck, loving the way muscles and hair felt next to her skin and appreciating the subtle fragrance of sweat and the outdoors with leather from the saddle mixed in. A smell she loved the first time she got a whiff.

Gently, she pulled her head from Moses’s skin and said a prayer, thanking God for bringing her safely to this day.

Their journey would end just past the balsam fir and white spruce, where a slight clearing revealed the top of a hill that overlooked a valley. On a summer day, the valley would be an array of patchwork to indicate which fields were growing which crops. Today it was an expansive field of white, looking regal and wise as it lay out in front of her like a blank canvas.

Jessica had asked to make the journey alone, something that most everyone found alarming, except for Matt. He understood even before she explained that she needed to be with her inner self before stepping in front of him and others on this day.

They picked winter because of the picture of her father and Aunt Lodi, on horseback in the snowy woods, feeling one with the universe. That image made Jessica believe that surely her father would know that today was a day he helped create—one that took a long time for her to appreciate, but one that she wanted to share with his spirit. To be as close to his spirit as she imagined she could be here on earth.

And to also thank Paul, who gave a selfless gift to Paulina and in so doing gave Jessica the freedom to commit to love. She’d written him a thank-you letter and burned it the night before. Watching the smoke billow from the woodpile into the night air, listening to the crackle and hiss from the logs, believing that Paul’s gesture of goodness would be rewarded one day, but probably not by her own hands.

The people on horseback were in sight even before the clearing. Most rode their own horses while a few guests from Chicago rode some of Matt’s that were good followers. Her mother decided to take Matt up on his offer and rode in a sleigh drawn by one of his Belgians along with Aunt Lodi.

Matt’s family, including his mother, Irene, were hedged next to him in a neat array of brown, gold, and amber horses, facing toward the woods. Jessica popped out from the tall trunks of pine and crept to the edge of the clearing along a small trail that had been made by the guests. Moses lifted his head and nodded a few times, letting out rankles of hot breath and appeared to be calling attention to the people who gathered together that they had arrived.

Jessica set her sights on her good friends, Marilee and Jean, who both looked freezing cold but breathtakingly beautiful, and with her eyes and smile said hello. Jessica’s face also acknowledged that without them separately running interference with Matt, this day may not have been possible.

She then turned her sights on Jason, who more and more resembled their father but with the lightheartedness of Aunt Lodi, and strode toward him, pulling up beside and leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. He met her affection by reaching over to give her a hug, one that almost caused her to slip from Moses.

Aunt Lodi and her mother were next in line to receive the life touch that kept them connected as a family. As Jessica unwrapped her arms from her mother, she saw tears trickle down the side of her cheekbone. Her mother quickly wiped them away with her leather glove.

“They are happy ones,” her mother announced.

Jessica giggled from within, watching Aunt Lodi try to tuck her mother into the fold of her arm.

Finally, Jessica found Matt. His face was tender and soft with pink tinges from the cold gathered around the tip of his nose and cheeks. He sat tall in his saddle and, with his black wool coat, looked like a cowboy waiting for his girl.

Small smiles crept up their faces, finally becoming huge ones.

Pastor Erickson was standing in the middle of the semicircle, Bible in hand, and asked if they were ready to commence.

Paulina got off her horse and walked over to Moses, holding onto his reins as Jessica carefully dismounted, not wanting to rip any part of her wedding dress. Paulina handed her a bouquet of red roses tied together with a piece of the wedding dress Jessica’s mother wore many years ago. Before leaving her side, Jessica embraced Paulina and kissed her on the lips. Their hands remained clasped, eyes reflecting their bond of a shared childhood, before Jessica set her free and glided over toward Matt.

Jessica smoothed her hand around the arm that Matt was holding out for her, and they strode a few steps together before stopping in front of the pastor. Jessica looked up at Matt and grinned, pulling up her ivory and lace skirt, revealing her pearl-colored cowgirl boots.

“I match,” she whispered, showing him her ensemble.

“Me too,” he whispered back, showing off his black tux and matching shiny cowboy boots.

After the ceremony, people gathered at their home for a reception. They had close to seventy-five people, including Mr. and Mrs. Ripp and Eddie and his family.

Jessica’s mother helped coordinate the reception, hiring caterers, flowers, and a photographer. She’d come a week earlier to help Jessica decorate the house and the heated outbuilding that would serve as the dance floor.

Paulina was in charge of music and had a playlist of songs that Marilee had requested. Paulina sneaked a few choices of her own and danced away the night with Jake at her side.

Well into the evening, with the party getting louder, Jessica and Matt found themselves in the barn, kissing on a pile of hay.

“Do you think anyone knows we’re gone?” Jessica laughed, pulling away. “What kind of bride and groom are we?”

“The kind that likes to kiss,” Matt said and met her lips again with his.

After many minutes, they took deep breaths and Matt told her he had something for her.

Jessica looked stunned. “But we said no presents.”

“I know,” he said, as he made his way to a dark part of the barn. “But I thought it would be important for you to have this.”

Jessica made herself more comfortable on the hay pile while listening to the faint sounds of music and laughter from the house.

“I hope your brother doesn’t go and shoot off his gun again. My mother nearly hit the ceiling when he did that yesterday.”

Jessica could hear Matt’s laughter from the back of the barn and could not keep her eyes off him as he walked back into the soft light with a wrapped package the size of a shoebox in hand.

“What is this?” Jessica asked slyly as he slid down next to her and placed it in her lap. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and told her to open it and find out.

Jessica attended to it as if it were fragile, admiring the pink gift wrap that had small hearts with lace attached. She removed the tape then gently pulled the box out of its paper cave.

Jessica ran her hand over the white leather and traced with her manicured fingertips the engraved gold lettering “Childhood Memories.” Jessica looked at Matt, puzzled, but at his prodding pulled off the top of the box. Inside were neatly stacked black-and-white pictures, and under those, some color pictures that had faded with time.

“What is this?” Jessica asked slowly, but before Matt could answer she knew. These were the only pictures of her father’s history.

Matt had spent two months gathering photos from Aunt Lodi and her mother. Having some restored and labeled so that Jessica could have a more complete past with her father.

“Look at this one,” Matt said, riffling through and grabbing hold of a black-and-white shot of a toddler riding a sheep. “That was your dad at a state fair. He won first prize for staying on the longest.”

Overwhelmed by feelings of gratitude, Jessica placed the box between her legs and cupped her hands around Matt’s face. “Thank you,” she said and kissed him passionately. After the heated moment, she pulled away. “I feel terrible. I have no gift for you.”

“Your gift was marrying me,” Matt said.

Jessica sat for a few seconds until the thought that was rolling in her head finally came into focus.

“Actually I would like to give you a gift,” she said with a shy smile.

Matt looked at her and grinned. “Oh yeah? What might that be?”

Jessica met his gaze. “A boy. Someday soon.”

Matt blinked and lay back in the hay. After a few seconds, he yelled, “Well, what are we waiting for?” and rolled on top of Jessica as she shrieked in delight.

•
End
•

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Acknowledgements

Thank you to Sarah Skarda at myshortpockets.com for book cover design. It looks awesome doesn’t it?!?! Sarah captured the heart of this story with just a few tries!

And of course, to the editors, proofreaders and eBook formatter: Jennifer McCartney, Michele Moore, JW Manus & Lisanne Kaufmann for their valuable time and effort in making this story the very BEST it can be. I know that sounds like an Army commercial but that’s the truth.

And to my daughter, Angelica, who loved the story before it had a chance to blossom into what you just read. Thank you for reading it first and sharing with me the “awesome” parts and the parts that “made me cry.”