Home is Where You Are (9 page)

“I insist,
” he says against my ear. I let go of the sponge and spin around. I suck in a breath when my face is only centimeters from his. Up close his skin is smooth, and I can tell he must have taken the time to shave while he was upstairs. I want to kiss him, curious as to what his lips would feel like against mine.

Instead, I slide myself across the counter until I
’m away from his body. I sit back down at the table and take a sip of my iced tea.

“I still can’t believe you went to Guatemala,” he says over his shoulder.

“It’s actually one of my best memories. Top two for sure.”

“What’s the other?”

“The other what?”

He turns from the sink, his one hand holding the sponge under the faucet. “You said top two. What’s the other
?”

A smile spreads across my face and a giddiness I only ever feel when I think about this moment courses through me. “Meeting Minnie and Mickey,” I say with a little too much gusto.

Dean laughs and the giddiness dissipates, lost to the burn in my cheeks.

“Oh no.”
He turns the water off and dries his hand on a towel. Then leans over to me, brushing a finger across my cheek, following the burn. “I’m not laughing at you.”

“I know that.”

“Really?” His finger trails back down my skin. “Because your cheeks say otherwise.”

“Okay
, fine. Maybe I thought you were making fun of me.”

“I thought you were tougher than that.”

“Me too,” I whisper. “But with you, things are different.”

Our eyes catch
, and I look deeper than the gorgeous copper color. He breaks the hold, running a hand over his smooth chin. Silence spreads between us and I’m desperate to keep the awkwardness away.

“What’s your favorite memory?” I ask.

The white of his teeth peeks out from behind his lips and the corner of his mouth twitches. “When I was seven, I went to the carnival with my parents and my sister. They had that game where you have to throw a ping-pong ball into a fish bowl and you win a fish. I wanted a fish so bad. I wasn’t allowed to get a dog because my sister was allergic to them.

“Five bucks for a bucket of balls and not a single one went in. I was so upset. Then this old man walked over to me. He had a ball in his hand
, said it was his last one, and since he had no luck maybe I’d have better. I basically told him I sucked, but he insisted. So I took the ball and tossed it into the air.

“I was so certain it wouldn’t go in that I started walking away when the guy, my parents and sister started screaming.”

“It went in?” I exclaim.

Pride fills Dean’s face. “It did.
” He runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t remember ever being happier. For a week, every time I looked at that fish it brought me this feeling of accomplishment. Of happiness.”

“Why only a week?”

“Then I was in foster care and my foster
family made me get rid of him.” The pride that was so evident on his face vanishes, and I can almost see the sad boy within.

I want to ask
about his parents. Why he’s on the streets now? But the questions get stuck in my throat. The grandfather clock in the living room sounds. Eight on the dot. It’s getting late. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I ask not sure of what else to say or do. All I know is I don’t want him to leave.

“No. I’m going to get going.
”

My heart sinks, but I refuse to let the disappointment show. “Good idea. It’s getting late.”

He nods. “Thanks for the shower and the food. That was really cool of you.” He slips his arms though his hoodie and steps towards me. “To be honest. I thought you’d be scared of me. I guess you’re more trusting than I gave you credit for.”

“Yeah
, well, don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t.” A
nd by the look of sincerity in his eyes I believe him.

“You sure you want to go
? I mean, you can stay. Like I said my mom won’t be home until tomorrow night.” What am I thinking? I’m not.

However, this not thinking thing,
I’m kind of liking it.
“I really appreciate the offer, but I’m good.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?”
I ask, and as the words settle between us, I fear his answer.

“D
on’t worry about me. I’ve been roughing it long enough. I always have a place to go.”

The fear doesn’t dissipate
, because he’s lying his ass off. He hasn’t said anything that would make me think he can’t take care of himself, but I see the faint bruise along his jaw. The healing split in his lip.

“Do you want a ride then?”
I ask.

“Now
Preppy, don’t go spoiling me. Besides, I like to walk. There’s a lot that can pass you by when you’re in a car.”

“When will I see you again?”
As the words fall out of my mouth, I realize I’ve stepped into the territory of actually caring about this person.

“Soon.”
He zips his hoodie and puts a jacket over it. “We can’t seem to stay away from each other,” he says as he puts his hood on and walks out the front door.

It’s already too late to get into the lotto for the Y, so I head to the Laundromat. I have some extra cash so I can wash my clothes and towel. The Laundromat is warm, and I can sit there until about eleven when they close.

I could have slept in a warm house and not
had to worry about the wind chill or someone sneaking up and stealing the rest of my shit. I couldn’t though.

First off, I don’t accept charity and
that’s what it would have been. Secondly, I didn’t know how much longer I could be near Anna without trying something.

There’
s something about that girl that gets my blood boiling, but at the same time makes me want to be near her. I’m sure the last thing she wants is some homeless guy making a move on her. I already stupidly tucked her hair behind her ear. What the hell was that?

Thank God I stopped
there because I’m sure my face would have been greeted with her hand.

In the bathroom, with her body pressed
against mine, I could smell cherry blossoms. It reminded me of summers in my backyard. I shake the thought from my mind and step into the Laundromat.

The
Laundromat isn’t crowded. There’s a lady in the one corner folding her clothes and a guy in the other packing his clothes into bags.

I go to fa
rthest open machine, pull out my GED prep book
,
and reach in for my clothes.

T
he GED test is coming up in May. I’ve considered taking it, but after talking to Wanda, I figured what the hell. I turn eighteen in May, and I won’t be a prisoner to the State anymore. They won’t be able to force me back into foster care.

My clothes don’t even fill a small machine
.

“Surprise.
Surprise. Wasn’t expecting to find you here.”

“Hey
, Wanda.”

“
You remember my name,” she says, and I raise my eyebrows at her, but don’t respond. “I didn’t see you at the Y tonight.”

“I got tied up. I’m guessing you didn’t get in.”

“Nope. Figured I’d come in here and warm up before I get kicked out.”

“
I’m actually doing laundry. You can say you’re with me.”

She nods in appreciation.
“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” We sit in silence
. I don’t know if it’s because she’s just enjoying her time in a heated building or we’ve exhausted our small talk and have nothing to say.

I pick my book up and skim through the pages. I can’t exactly
concentrate with Wanda sitting right next to me.

“
That’s a good one,” she says, and I shoot her a curious eye. “The book I mean.”

“I just got it.” 

“It’s helped me a lot. Think I’m ready for that test. I didn’t know you planned on taking it.”

I shrug. “Y
ou sparked my interest.”

“Cool.”

“You think you’ll be able to turn your life around?” I ask. “Because honestly sometimes I think I’m wasting my time.”

“If you want something enough it’ll happen. You just can’t
give up. That’s why I got this.” She points to the butterfly tattoo on her neck.

Thick
black detail with orange accents, but against her olive skin the colors aren’t as vibrant.

“It
symbolizes rebirth. When I got kicked out, I felt it was my opportunity to finally live freely and openly. It was basically my own rebirth. I got rid of the person I pretended to be in order to please my family and became the person I always wanted to be. It kind of sucks right now, but you have to work your way up in life. It helps you appreciate things, you know?”

I nod. The hot shower I had today at Anna’s
was a little piece of heaven. The food which most people consider junk, was the best I’ve had in a long time. Being near Anna, feeling something other than loneliness, just being able to feel anything at all, was nice.

The washing machine stops. I
toss my wet clothes in a dryer the sit back down next to Wanda. It’s kind of comforting to have someone sitting with me, even if we aren’t really talking. I guess Wanda was right after all.

I
’m happy to know someone.

I spent the rest of my weekend daydreaming about Dean
, wondering how he was spending his Sunday and hoping he had a warm place to sleep. Katie called me Saturday night after he left. She was hanging out with Paul, her newest obsession. I have yet to meet him. He’s older, graduated however many years ago, so it’s not like I’ll see him at school.

I’l
l wait and see if she’s still talking about him in a week. She has a tendency to be completely infatuated one minute then the next not even know who I’m talking about.

On my way to school I stop at the bagel store. I’m craving a cinnamon raisin and a vat of green tea. The same man is at the counter. Does he ever take a day off? He’s old. He should be enjoying life. Then again my mother loves her job and she’d rather do
that over anything else, including spending time with me.

“Good morning. What can I get for you today
, young lady?”

He’s always so cheerful too.

“Hi. Can I get a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese?” I say, looking directly at the bagel this time so I know I’m not seeing something that’s actually not there.

“Sure can. Would you like anything else?”

“Just a large cup for tea.”

He punches keys on the register.
“That’ll be two dollars.”

I hold my ten in my hand and glance back at him.
“Did you get the tea?”

“It’s on the house today.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

“Wow. Thank you very much.”

He winks at me then says, “You have a nice day now.”

“You too.”

What a nice way to start my morning.
A cinnamon raisin bagel and a free vat of green tea. Couldn’t ask for anything more.

I pull into the parking lot of school
and check my rearview mirror to make sure my lip-gloss hasn’t ventured outside the lines of my lips. All intact.

Outside I tug my
orange peacoat tight over my chest. A cold front from the north came in overnight. It’s finally boot season. Though, when I slipped into my favorite camel colored slouch boots and tan cardigan, the same thrill wasn’t there. Normally I’d look in the mirror and admire my color coordination skills, but all I saw was how warm I was and how cold Dean must be.

From across the parking lot I hear, “Anna! Hey wait up.
”

I turn to find Susie running towards me. Her hair is pulled back and her backpack is falling off her shoulder. She must have at least five books in her hand and who knows how many are packed into
that bag of hers.

“Hi,
” she says, in between gasps.

“H
ey.” 

She holds her chest and takes one deep breath.
“I didn’t think you heard me so I started running.”

“No
, I heard you,” I say with a laugh. “Do you need help with your books?” I reach for them since she seems seconds away from a book avalanche.

“I got it.
But I do need help with some science homework. I have a lab due today and I’m not sure it’s up to par.” Up to par? Is she fifteen or seventy?

“I’m sure it’s fine, but I’ll look it over if you’d like.”

“That would be wonderful.”

Susie and I get to the classroom and she takes her usual seat in the corner. I take five minutes to say hello to Ms. Kittles and to settle in.

My green tea is still hot, so I blow on it before taking a sip. Susie stares at me, so I take a bite of my bagel then head over to her.

Just as I suspecte
d, there’s nothing wrong with her work. Even her handwriting is perfect. All her I’s are dotted directly above the line and all her L’s are perfectly looped at both the top and bottom.

“A plus,” I say, keeping it short and simple.

Her eyes shoot wide.
“Really, you think so?”

Why is it impossible for her to have a little faith in herself?
“Yes. It’s perfect.”

Nobody
other than Susie shows up in need of a tutor. I spend the rest of the time mapping out the layout for the next edition of the school paper.

First and second period
go by in a daze. Every time I start focusing on the teacher my mind drifts to Dean. I wish Katie would get to school. The one time I need girl-talk and she’s nowhere to be found. Go figure.

I’ve texted her five t
imes, breaking my no texting in class rule. She hasn’t even responded.

It’s
third period though, and she’s always here by now. I’m starting to get more nervous than annoyed and go to text her for the sixth time when I see her dark blonde hair coming towards me. It’s like a shampoo commercial. No one blocking her way and her hair’s beautifully cascading down her shoulders, bouncing with each step she takes.

“Hey bitch,” she calls out as she gets closer.

“Where have you been?” I ask.

“And good morning to you
, too.”

Instead of responding I give her my
I-know-you-are-kidding-with-me look.

“Oh calm down. I had breakfast with
Paul and then he dropped me off.”

“You’re doing breakfast with
Paul yet you can’t text me back?”

She playfully rolls her
gray eyes. “There you go with the ‘mom’ antics again. Besides breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

I poke her in the arm.
“Too bad that breakfast for you is actually an early lunch for most everyone else.”

Katie is still wearing her coat, so she hasn’t stopped at our locker yet.
I head to it and Katie falls into sync beside me.

“So what’s up?” she asks
. We approach our locker and she leans her back against it.

Finally.
My mouth opens, the words on the tip of my tongue, when Katie rolls her eyes again. “Oh God,” Katie mumbles.

“What?”
I ask. I haven’t even said anything yet.

Katie holds her hand up and whispers.
“Your mini-me is on her way over here.”

“Whose mini-me?”

She narrows her eyes.
“Yours.”

“
I don’t have a mini me.”

“
That girl you said goes to that tutoring thing you do in the morning.”

“Susie is not my mini-me,
” I say, obviously offended. I might be a little obsessive over my grades, but she takes it to a whole other level.

“Hate to break it to you
, Anna, but she is.”

“No
, she’s not!” I let it out in an exaggerated whisper since she’s getting closer.

“Anna, come on. She’s practically the exact replica of you in tenth grade.” Katie apparently doesn’t care if Susie hears her. 

“Hi Anna,” Susie shyly waves as she approaches.

“Oh
, hey Susie.”

Katie
gives her the evil eye. She doesn’t always play well with others. At the risk of one of Katie’s snarky comments I purposely don’t introduce them.

“I was just wondering if maybe you could put in a good word for me down at the soup kitchen.” Katie is behind her
now nodding away with an arrogant grin on her face.

“I need to start doing community service. I know colleges look at
that type of stuff. I mean, I can’t let a college overlook me just because I don’t volunteer enough.”

Her words hit me like a ton of meteorites.
Everything I do is fueled by my dream of making it to Ivy League. Susie might be perfect to the point of annoying and she might be insecure and unaware of how smart she really is, but holy crap…she
is
my mini-me

“I’ll talk to Barney, but he’s inundated with volunteers right now. The worst time to start volunteering is around the holidays. Everyone has the same idea.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”

If Katie’s e
yes widen any more I swear they’re going to fall out of their sockets. I for one will not pick them up. I don’t care if she’s my best friend right now. She’s acting like an ass.

“Thanks
, Anna. I’ll see you around.” Susie bounces away and Katie stands there with an I-told-you-so look on her face.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”
She holds her hands up and spins away.

“You don’t have to. I know what you’re thinking.” Kati
e nods then starts talking about how amazing Paul is. I lean against the row of lockers and watch everyone walk by.

John
Stevenson, the biggest jock in school, is at his locker surrounded by his posse. On the other side of the hallway Keith Donahue, the biggest stoner in school, is playing with his hacky sack while Megan Hall, the girl who has been the lead in every school play since middle school, hurries by.

If Dean was a part of my world and I met him here at school, I wonder who his friends would be. Where exactly he would fit in and if he’d still bother to talk to me once he really knew who I was
.

I’d like to think he would. In reality though, I don’t think so. Guys don’t exactly go out of their way to talk to me like they do for Katie. I don’t have a reputation. I more or less just blend into the background while everyone else fights for center stage.

“Hello, earth to Anna?” Katie pushes on my shoulder and thoughts of Dean talking to me against the locker fades.

“Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Okay, spill.” She slams the locker shut and leans her shoulder against it.

“Huh?”

“Obviously you have something on your mind. Not to mention you texted me during class. I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up, but you haven’t.”

I couldn’t wait to tell Katie, but as I open my mouth t
he words freeze on my tongue. I don’t want to curse whatever it is I have going on with Dean. If there even is anything going on between us. He did get super close to me in the bathroom though and not to mention that whole sink hand touching thing and the hair tuck.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I kind of met a guy,” I say, then bite my lip as if I can take the words back.
Katie smacks a hand on the locker. “Shut the fuck up!” She grabs my arm. “I want details. Is he hot? I bet he’s hot. Where’d you meet him?”

Not only is he hot, but he has an amazing body.
That information, though, I will keep to myself. The last thing I need is for her to want to meet him. One look at her and Dean will never look my way again.

“At the soup kitchen.”

“
Aww, a match made in volunteer nerd heaven. Does he volunteer anywhere else? Or is he a one-time volunteer kind of guy?”

I fidget with my hands.
“He doesn’t volunteer there.”

“Then what was he doing there? Delivering food?”
She continues when I shake my head. “Then what? Oh hell no!”

“What?”

“You like a homeless guy.” I don’t think her words could possibly drip with anymore disgust.

Annoyance and anger course through my veins.
“Well when you put it that way it sounds awful, and it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like Anna?
‘Cause honestly there aren’t many variations for homeless.”

“He’s our age and he’s really nice.”
When he’s not picking on me
. “He goes to the library and reads about ancient civilizations and after I cooked, he did the dishes. I didn’t even have to ask.”

“Wait a minute.
Dishes? You let him in your house? Are you fucking stupid?”

Is she kidding me right now? Of all the
idiotic things she does on a regular basis and she has the audacity to call
me
stupid? I have a 4.0 GPA for crying out loud. She can’t even pass a simple math test.

“You know what
? Just forget it. I listen to you talk on and on about all these guys you’re lusting after, and I’m finally the one that has something to talk about and you obviously can’t be bothered.” I push by her.