Home is Where You Are (10 page)

“Anna, wait up!”

I don’t.

“Anna, damn it.”
Katie comes running up beside me, grabbing my arm and pulling me around to face her. “I’m just worried. You’re my best friend. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. And regardless if he’s a nice guy and likes to read about ancient civilizations it still does not make him a good guy. You let him into your home. He knows where you live. You could go home and find your house broken into. For all you know he was using you.”

“Why?
Because I’m not beautiful like you? Why would a guy want to pay any attention to me? Right?”

“Anna
, that is not what I meant and you know it.”

“No
, Katie, I don’t,” I yell and storm away.

***

After my blow up at Katie I don’t see her for the rest of the day. Just as well. Having Katie—of all people—lecture me makes me see shades of red I didn’t know possible.

Her choice in guys has never been stellar. Like Bobby
Binklestein who used to ditch her constantly to hang out with his friends. Carl Mathews, who used to get drunk and pass out on her all the time. And my all-time favorite, Marcus Scott, who cheated on her every chance he got. So who is she to tell me who I should and shouldn’t like? As if my judge of guys can be any worse than hers.

“Anna can you get some more forks from the back,” Barney says without taking his
eyes off the table of food he’s arranging.

The time to open the doors is approaching. I’m tempted to peek and see if Dean is there.

When I come back from getting the forks, Barney is outside the door giving his usual speech. My heart thumps in anticipation.

Barney comes back and the people
file in. I don’t want to look desperate so I keep my eyes on the bread and the plates. Once the first person gets to me I hand over a plate and can’t control my desire to look.

My eyes scan the line of people waiting for a free hot meal. I see Lucille. It looks like she got a new coa
t. Thank God. The one she had was filthy and full of holes. It made me wonder if it actually kept her warm at all.

The man I yelled at is behind her.

No Dean.

My heart si
nks. I don’t know what I was expecting. For him to walk in with his hood up, looking all dark and mysterious, for us to lock eyes and have a moment like in the movies, where the camera pans out, only to zoom back in on the two of us looking at each other with pure untainted happiness.

Of course not.

I was just hoping to see him.

“Hey darling, how are you today?”

“Hey, Lucille, I’m good and I see you got yourself a new coat.” Lucille spins, giving me a better look at the long gray coat with a fur-trimmed hood. “Very nice.”

“Isn’t it? The lady at the Salvation Army held it on the side for me. She didn’t even charge me for it.”

“You look beautiful.” From volunteering at the Salvation Army in the past I’m sure it was Michelle who gave her the coat. Michelle’s heart is bigger than anyone I’ve ever known. She probably slipped some money into the register to cover it.

Lucille
shows me the fur on the hood and the inside layer of lined and quilted fleece. People have begun walking around her in order to get to the rest of the food.

“A
nd this is the best feature…” Her words fade as my eyes catch Dean’s. His hood is pulled up like always, but as he makes his way in the door he removes it. His hair is slightly messy, but it only makes him look that much cuter. I smile at him. A smile that says, “Hi” opposed to, “Oh my God I am so happy to see you. My life is now complete.”

When he smiles back I bite my lip to conceal how much of an affect it has on me.

“Honey, did you see how the…oh I see.” Lucille’s eyes travel between Dean and I. “We’ll talk later, dear.” Lucille walks away and Dean moves closer.

I’d be lying if I said
I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Anna. It’s ridiculous to think she feels the same way, but not as ridiculous as to think I could actually
pursue
this.

My situation doesn’t seem like it will be changing anytime soon.
Why would a girl like Anna even think about me let alone want to be with me?

Even if she is interested, what can I give her? I literally have nothing to offer. A girl like her can have her choice of guys
, at least one who has a house to live in and a family.

On my way here I
turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Over and over I kept repeating, “Just let it go. Let her go.”

But t
hen the light breeze picked up, causing the leaves around me to spin into a whirlwind. The sound of them scattering across the street brought me back to Anna’s yard.

Visions of her holding the garbage bag pop
ped into my mind. The cute way her nose wrinkled when I made fun of her shoes and how nervous she looked when we were finished raking. Thoughts of her in the bathroom pressed against the doorway and the feel of her skin against mine when I took the sponge from her.

Those thoughts were
enough to get me to turn around. Now the way her heart shaped lips curve upwards into a smile and the way her cheeks redden when she sees me, I know she’s worth walking that line.

Just seeing her ma
kes me forget about life on the outside of these walls.

“Hi,” I say, walking up to the table
.

“Hi,
” she replies then slides her teeth over her bottom lip.

“How’s your lawn looking?” I ask, so I can stop staring at her mouth.

“Good. I think we got every leaf.”
She toys with the hem of her shirt. Her nerves are adorable.

“Yeah,
” I mumble, searching for something else to say, but my mind is a blank slate.

“Oh! Here’s a plate. We have some bagels on the end. I know h
ow much you like them,” she blurts.

I take the plate and lean towards her. If I don’t get out of here
it’s only going to get more awkward. I can’t think straight . “Thanks.” I offer a smile before walking away like a damn fool.

There were so many things I could have said.
I totally blew it. I might as well have been talking about the freaking weather.

All the shit
I’ve been through and I can’t talk to a girl.

Though, Anna just isn’t any girl. She’s smart.
Beautiful. And doesn’t take my shit.

I put
my hood back on. When my hood is on, I feel like I’m in my own world. Though, it didn’t work with Anna. She forced her way in, and now despite all of my reservations, I want her to stay a part of it. 

Once I finish my food
, I’ll go up to her. Hopefully I’ll be able to talk about something other than leaves.

“Is this seat taken?” I look up and Anna’s porcelain face shyly looks back at me, and my uncertainty disappears.

“It depends,
” I say, biting back a smile.

She cocks an eyebrow.
“On what?”

“If we’re going to spend the whole time talking about leaves
, because honestly, I couldn’t care less.”

Her mouth drops open in the cutest way.
“You’re the one who started rambling about the leaves not me.”

“Considering you
’re still talking about them, I guess you don’t want to sit with me after all.”

“You’re an ass,” she says, but sits anyway. “So how’s the food?”

“That’s up there with leaves.” Not that I would have been able to start the conversation any better. I just like to pick on her. She’s adorable when she’s angry.

“Well then
, what do you want to talk about?”

I take my hood off and lean back in the chair.
“You.”

“Me?” T
he shocked look on her face makes me laugh. 

“Yeah you.
” I like listening to her talk about her community service. It shows me she’s not the spoiled brat I perceived her to be.

“We’ve already talked about me.
Let’s talk about you.”

I shrug.
“Not much to talk about.”

“I find
that hard to believe. What about your tattoo?”

“So you
were
checking me out in the bathroom,” I say jokingly, but really I just want the subject off of me. The last thing I want is to talk about my tattoo.

Red creeps up her neck and into her cheeks, but she recovers quickly.
“I was not! Besides, there wasn’t much to look at anyway.”

“Is that so?” I raise my eyebrows, waiting for her response.

“Yes
, and stop trying to change the subject. I have a 4.0 and I can see right through your bull.”

“4.0, now
that’s impressive. How’d you manage that?”

“A lot of hard work.
I study a lot so I don’t really have time to do much of anything else.”

I start laughing.

“What are you laughing at? Is it because I’m a loser and don’t have an active social life? Or that I spend my time reading books instead of getting drunk at parties?”

“Neither. I’m laughing because you just told me you have a 4.0 and because of
that I can’t get you to go off topic, but you just went off topic.
Completely
off topic. But please don’t let me stop you. Keep going.” I lean back in the chair and rest my hands behind my head.

“Are you always this
obnoxious?”

“Only around you.”

Her lips begin
to form a thin line and if I keep it up I’ll be walking on thin ice. It’s tempting.

“I got the tattoo two years ago
,” I say.

“
Wait…how old are you?” she asks, tilting her head slightly.

“
Seventeen.”

“But, how?”

“I knew a guy
, and he was just starting out. If you let him practice on you, he wouldn’t charge you. Lucky for me he was getting pretty damn good by the time I went to him. He did it in the basement of his house.” I chuckle as her eyes widen. “He used clean needles. I watched him take them out of the bag. He disinfected everything, and now he has his own shop.”

“Did it hurt?”

“No, Preppy. It didn’t hurt.” A little. It was more uncomfortable than anything else. “Kind of felt like something scratching at me. No big deal though.”

“I don’t think I could do it. My threshold for pain is
low. I cry if I stub my toe.”
“Just as well because you wouldn’t be able to pull one off.”

“And why not?”
Her eyes narrow. She folds her arms across her chest and I swear if she was standing she would stomp her foot.

I wasn’t expecting her to get so mad. I meant it in a good way. “Just because I’m not a badass like you doesn’t mean I couldn’t pull one off.”

I think of Wanda and her butterfly tattoo and try to picture Anna with something marking up her
perfect skin.

“It’s not
that you couldn’t pull it off, because actually you probably could, but why would you want to? You’re perfect the way you are.” I say the words before I have the chance to stop myself from letting her know what I truly think about her.

Her cheeks redden
, and she tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“Shouldn’t you be serving people?” This is my sad attempt at trying to do damage control. The line I was scared to walk, the line I knew I shouldn’t be walking, well, because of my comment
, is now a tight rope. 

“Oh, um, Barney has it under control.”

I’m assuming Barney is the one with the purple button-up shirt. He looks like a Barney.

“
Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Well
that came out of left field.

“Can’t.
I have to be somewhere.” It’s not like I’m lying, completely. I do have to try and get into the Y. It’s fucking cold out there, and I don’t want to get stuck sleeping outside. 

“Oh.
” I hate the disappointed look in her eyes. I feel this overwhelming urge to make it go away.

“But I’ll be back here Wednesday
,” I say, and her face lights up.

“Me too.”

“Okay
, I’ll see you then.” I take my plate and stand. “It’s a date.”

A
nd when she smiles, I take that as my cue to leave.